Psychological Issues Hampering my relationship

Hey guys. It's been a while since I've gone on gamespot, or off-topic.  I've gone to other sites like 4 chan to get help for this problem and they've been somewhat helpful but I felt like I might get better advice here.

I'm 16 years old, and I've been dating this girl for about 7 months. She's my first real girlfriend and we lost our virgnities to each other in april. We've probably had sex a dozen times since then, (I only see her on weekends) but here's the problem: Sometimes I'll have trouble getting hard because I'll almost expect myself to perform badly, like I'll expect myself to not be able to keep an erection and as a result sometimes I'll go soft randomly.  I used to think the problem was physical but I'm convinced it's only psychological now because whenever we do stuff spontaneously like where it isn't planned out, like if we take a train and meet up somewhere and start making out, completely unplanned, then I'll get hard with no problem, and really hard. Same with sex, if it's really spontaneous I tend to not think about it as much and I'm totally fine, but sometimes I guess when it's more "planned" out I start thinking about my performance too much and it kills my erection. I want to overcome that negativity somehow though.

Any advice?

Dude dont think of it as a psychological issue, thats a mighty big label to put against a small problem. Its probably just something that happened once or twice and then you have psyched yourself up about it. Your right in the sense that the problem is all in your head and isnt a physical problem. The only way to combat it is to try and relax and realise that you dont have a problem.

My advice would be to not concentrate on what your body is doing. Im going to assume you find this girl attractive, if so concentrate on what her body is doing, concentrate on giving her pleasure and forget about yourself. Work out what turns her on and forget about your own body. 

I find with my girlfriend the more aroused she becomes the more aroused I become naturally. Also if your fairly new to the whole sex thing and your first  girlfriend was anything like mine, she might be a bit shy about pleasuring you. I would honestly talk about it with her, just say you think it might well be nerves, chances are she might have the same nerves and worries you do.

Dude dont think of it as a psychological issue, thats a mighty big label to put against a small problem. Its probably just something that happened once or twice and then you have psyched yourself up about it. Your right in the sense that the problem is all in your head and isnt a physical problem. The only way to combat it is to try and relax and realise that you dont have a problem.

My advice would be to not concentrate on what your body is doing. Im going to assume you find this girl attractive, if so concentrate on what her body is doing, concentrate on giving her pleasure and forget about yourself. Work out what turns her on and forget about your own body. 

I find with my girlfriend the more aroused she becomes the more aroused I become naturally. Also if your fairly new to the whole sex thing and your first  girlfriend was anything like mine, she might be a bit shy about pleasuring you. I would honestly talk about it with her, just say you think it might well be nerves, chances are she might have the same nerves and worries you do.

always_explicit

Thanks man. I'll try that. And yeah, I do find her really attractive and it's usally the moments where I'm only focusing on her that I can really get off. She isn't shy about pleasuring me though, she's actually obsessed with it and always wants to please me. I just get anxious sometimes and I'll totally space out just thinking bad thoughts and what not. When I don't do this and my head is in the game and I'm just thinking about her or looking at her I'm fine.

Yeah, the fact that you CAN get hard and perform properly sometimes is a pretty clear indication that it is most likely a psychological issue. These things can be tricky to sort out but not impossible. If you don't think you can do it yourself, you might want to seek professional help/see a therapist. I personally would first try to work through it myself with the support and cooperation of my girlfriend. megagene

I was thinking about doing that also but I don't really want my parents to know about that, and I'm pretty sure they wouldn't pay for a therapist unless I told them what was up.

Haha well your a lucky man if she says she;s obsessed with it, all the more reason to talk it through with her dude, sounds like she is more than willing to help you out lol.

Haha well your a lucky man if she says she;s obsessed with it, all the more reason to talk it through with her dude, sounds like she is more than willing to help you out lol.

always_explicit

Yeah and she tries to but I just get into these spirals of anxious thought that are hard to come out of sometime. Do you know any good techniques for clearing your mind or something?

I dealt with something similar, and it's part because I'm an axious person to begin with. The first think you need to do is be open with your girlfriend about it. Talking about the problem openly can be a very big step to putting it behind you. As long as your girlfriend is understanding, it can actually help make the relationship and the intimacy stronger.

If you can take your thoughts and focus and place them on making you girlfriend happy, and forget about yourself for awhile, you may prevent yourself from getting in your own head. You may still have the issue from time to time. Stress has always brought the issue back up with me. Just remember that you can perform. That's a big deal.