Relationship advice...

I need your help OT heard you guys were experts :P

Well the reason why I say bad advice is because any other person would say move on find better etc etc. I know what I'm about to ask is something that I shoudnt want and makes me look stupid. But I'm stupidly in love. So just to get that out the way.

Me and my girlfriend well ex now we broke up yesterday. It was really bad how we did. I ended up finding out she was seeing another guy since 1/29/09. And well i found out yesterday. So i took all of her stuff to her house and that was that. Lets just say we ended up giving each other the bird and sped off.

Were both young and have alot of growing up to do. And like i said I know I sound stupid to anyone else that reads this. Well through out our whole relationship ( 2 years) Whenever there was a serious fight or we take a break I've always been there or always made the 1st call to her. I'm pretty much like the nice guy and a door mat for girls and that's something im going to be working on as I have know this new status of being single.

The girl is very dependent on others and this past january she just been really depressed and dealing with alot of issues. I mean alot of different issues and I'm not saying what she did was right or giving her a excuse. So what im saying is she doesnt know how to be a girlfriend because she's never been in a serious relationship other then me. I was her longest and most serious relationship. She even used to live with me. And i could tell she was unexperienced on how a "real" relationship should be. I'm saying ive been perfect guy but I definitely didnt do anything like this.

I'm sure right now, I'ts only been the next day she is miserable as like I am now. I;m sure she's thinking well i still have him, he will come texting me sooner or later. And its going to be a huge shock that I'm not going to be texting her or seeing her at all. I gave all her stuff back to her so there wouldnt be any excuses why we need to see each other.

Anyways here's the "bad" advice that I need. Well I'll start off with telling you what I'm going to do. Well first I'm not going to make any communication with her. If she contacts me well then idk it depends on how long it's been and I'm sure if she does contact me it will be through a txt and I wouldnt even know what to say to be honest. I know the relationship she's in has been fine because she's had me there and been able to have this new thing and still have old faithful. Trust me during this time I will be working on getting over her and try to get things situated in my life.

So i guess what I'm asking is how do I get her back in my life.... well get her back to where she wants to be with me and work through things. I know it will have to be no contact and stuff like that but just I dont know how long it should be or if I should let her suffer ( if she txts) and yea I really dont have much experience with this.

So please I would likeonlyadvice on what I asked I know I should move on I know there are better girls out there. Regardless of loving her or not if i dont see her of course my feeling are going to slowly fade away. I just would like to know how i should go along with this to get her wanting me back.. And what are the chances that she is going to contact me?

Well to be honest with you TC, you have pretty much answered yourself on this one. You already said that you know your both young and have alot of growing up to do, so do it. Don't let relationships keep you from enjoying your youth. Im not saying relationships are bad, im just saying if its not working the way you want all you have to do is really sit back and think for a bit ( could i really marry this person, live with them, wake up and see them everyday and deal with whatever comes) and the answers you need will come to you. Its different for each person out there, if it was me, i'd leave this girl alone after she cheated on me because she obviously isnt mature or honest enough to tell me she wanted different things. We wouldnt be friends either cause i need to be able to trust my friends as well.

Ultimately you need to make the choice that is going to make you the happiest and no one here can make that choice but you. Good luck and i hope this helps.

I'm guessing that you issued the ultimatum to her when you found out, so maybe. It depends though. I'd look at it this way: If she feels guilty/misses you and wants you back, she'll make contact with you. If she doesn't then she won't. And if she doesn't, don't try and contact her, it'll overcomplicate things. [spoiler] Disclaimer: all that is IMO [/spoiler] KOTORkicker

Well to be honest with you TC, you have pretty much answered yourself on this one. You already said that you know your both young and have alot of growing up to do, so do it. Don't let relationships keep you from enjoying your youth. Im not saying relationships are bad, im just saying if its not working the way you want all you have to do is really sit back and think for a bit ( could i really marry this person, live with them, wake up and see them everyday and deal with whatever comes) and the answers you need will come to you. Its different for each person out there, if it was me, i'd leave this girl alone after she cheated on me because she obviously isnt mature or honest enough to tell me she wanted different things. We wouldnt be friends either cause i need to be able to trust my friends as well.

Ultimately you need to make the choice that is going to make you the happiest and no one here can make that choice but you. Good luck and i hope this helps.

elfimis

[QUOTE="elfimis"]

Well to be honest with you TC, you have pretty much answered yourself on this one. You already said that you know your both young and have alot of growing up to do, so do it. Don't let relationships keep you from enjoying your youth. Im not saying relationships are bad, im just saying if its not working the way you want all you have to do is really sit back and think for a bit ( could i really marry this person, live with them, wake up and see them everyday and deal with whatever comes) and the answers you need will come to you. Its different for each person out there, if it was me, i'd leave this girl alone after she cheated on me because she obviously isnt mature or honest enough to tell me she wanted different things. We wouldnt be friends either cause i need to be able to trust my friends as well.

Ultimately you need to make the choice that is going to make you the happiest and no one here can make that choice but you. Good luck and i hope this helps.

Dunkonya

It will take some time to get over im sure, 2 years is a long time and you really need to just take sometime to yourself again. You seem to be a level-headed and sensible individual, your obviously a clear thinker as well and when you do not know things, you seek advice from your peers. Im sure you wouldnt have any trouble gettting back into the dating scene if you wanted to.

[QUOTE="Dunkonya"][QUOTE="elfimis"]

Well to be honest with you TC, you have pretty much answered yourself on this one. You already said that you know your both young and have alot of growing up to do, so do it. Don't let relationships keep you from enjoying your youth. Im not saying relationships are bad, im just saying if its not working the way you want all you have to do is really sit back and think for a bit ( could i really marry this person, live with them, wake up and see them everyday and deal with whatever comes) and the answers you need will come to you. Its different for each person out there, if it was me, i'd leave this girl alone after she cheated on me because she obviously isnt mature or honest enough to tell me she wanted different things. We wouldnt be friends either cause i need to be able to trust my friends as well.

Ultimately you need to make the choice that is going to make you the happiest and no one here can make that choice but you. Good luck and i hope this helps.

elfimis

It will take some time to get over im sure, 2 years is a long time and you really need to just take sometime to yourself again. You seem to be a level-headed and sensible individual, your obviously a clear thinker as well and when you do not know things, you seek advice from your peers. Im sure you wouldnt have any trouble gettting back into the dating scene if you wanted to.

This person speaks truth. However, if I were you, I wouldn't bother with her anymore, because the same thing can happen again in the future should you two get back together. Might not really happen, but I know IMO that's a risk I wouldn't be willing to take.

[QUOTE="Dunkonya"][QUOTE="elfimis"]

Well to be honest with you TC, you have pretty much answered yourself on this one. You already said that you know your both young and have alot of growing up to do, so do it. Don't let relationships keep you from enjoying your youth. Im not saying relationships are bad, im just saying if its not working the way you want all you have to do is really sit back and think for a bit ( could i really marry this person, live with them, wake up and see them everyday and deal with whatever comes) and the answers you need will come to you. Its different for each person out there, if it was me, i'd leave this girl alone after she cheated on me because she obviously isnt mature or honest enough to tell me she wanted different things. We wouldnt be friends either cause i need to be able to trust my friends as well.

Ultimately you need to make the choice that is going to make you the happiest and no one here can make that choice but you. Good luck and i hope this helps.

elfimis

It will take some time to get over im sure, 2 years is a long time and you really need to just take sometime to yourself again. You seem to be a level-headed and sensible individual, your obviously a clear thinker as well and when you do not know things, you seek advice from your peers. Im sure you wouldnt have any trouble gettting back into the dating scene if you wanted to.

I have a Ph. D. in love. 8)

My advice to you would be to think about how she made you feel around her. Did she seem receptive and responsive?

Do you both get along or does it seem like you fight a lot? Is it a physically mutual relationship? I.e. do you both have the same ideas on sexuality and physical contact?

Do you both have a similar set of morals and principles evident in the way you treat one another and others around you?

Lastly, but certainly not least, do you both communicate with each other effectively? Not coming across clear in some way always leads towards a negative path if you can't clear up what you say with the other person.

The final question you need to ask yourself is if you want to be around this person for an extended period of time, or do you feel that a change of pace would benefit both parties?

Asking these questions to myself has always given me the kind of judgement call that I need to move on in my life. Think about forming a similar or better line of questioning to resort to yourself when you're thinking about how you want to move ahead with another person.

I have a Ph. D. in love. 8)

My advice to you would be to think about how she made you feel around her. Did she seem receptive and responsive?

Do you both get along or does it seem like you fight a lot? Is it a physically mutual relationship? I.e. do you both have the same ideas on sexuality and physical contact?

Do you both have a similar set of morals and principles evident in the way you treat one another and others around you?

Lastly, but certainly not least, do you both communicate with each other effectively? Not coming across clear in some way always leads towards a negative path if you can't clear up what you say with the other person.

The final question you need to ask yourself is if you want to be around this person for an extended period of time, or do you feel that a change of pace would benefit both parties?

Asking these questions to myself has always given me the kind of judgement call that I need to move on in my life. Think about forming a similar or better line of questioning to resort to yourself when you're thinking about how you want to move ahead with another person.

starfox15

Did she seem receptive and responsive? 95% of our relationship yes, but this past month no. And i know why.

Do you both get along or does it seem like you fight a lot? We get along just have been dealig with alot of stress not related to our relationship. Which is the cause for the fighting that we were going through.

Is it a physically mutual relationship? I.e. do you both have the same ideas on sexuality and physical contact?Yes we do, she's been with others and so have I. but ive been the only one who's been able to umm how can i put this make her climax (sorry mods if thats not allowed). She was well let me say her father molested her and so she is not a very sexual girl but with me she was able to relax and so on.

Do you both have a similar set of morals and principles evident in the way you treat one another and others around you?Well how can I answer this, She's the type to hold stuff in untill the point she's fed up with it and just gets tired of it so when she gets liek that then of course she is a diffrent person. Other then those times yes we treat each other like king and queen. I do feel as when we are going through those rough times i let her get away with it.

Lastly, but certainly not least, do you both communicate with each other effectively?haha no when it comes to problems she likes to hold in and just deal with it that way. She doesnt know how to communicate and that's somthing if we were to get back together would be somthing that as a couple she would need to learn how to. She doesnt really have anyone to look up to besides her mom and she is NOT the best example of how to have a relationship.

The final question you need to ask yourself is if you want to be around this person for an extended period of time, or do you feel that a change of pace would benefit both parties? Yes if we were to get back together a change of pace would be the best. Our relationship wasnt the healthiest one. We were always around each other like everyday and not hanging out with friends and just yea so i can understand where we both want to have our own freedom of space and that.

You want to be with her? She cheated on you (obviously more than once). Doesn't that tear you heart to pieces?

You definitely need to move on... at least, unless you can actually trust her again... which I don't see being the case given how you ended the relationship based on finding this information out. Don't expect her to call you and don't regret your decision. She was dishonest and got involved with someone else behind your back, you made the right decision. You can't beat yourself up about it, because if she is able to cheat once, she can cheat again. Do you want to always be asking yourself when you are with her, "is she going to cheat on my today, or I am safe?"

I personally would never speak to her again and never expect or even want her to contact me. She totally violated my trust and destroyed the monogamous nature of our relationship. She doesn't deserve forgiveness.

Dunno what the chances are she'll contact you, but if I were you, I would not contact her first. I mean, after a month if she still hasn't contacted you, and you want to contact her, fine. But, I think that her not having messaged you in a month would be pretty telling. Shouldn't you find out if she even cares?Jandurin

She may not contact you....she has someone else doesn't she? Anyway, go on with your life. Down the road who knows what the future holds....well I do but I'm not telling.....for now just leave things alone and see how they play out. One word of caution though is that a cheater....is a cheater and making excuses for the act isn't going to change the pattern. Good luck.

Don't reach out to her... let her if she really wants to.If not, work on getting over it and move on.You'll be the happier for it.

Me and my girlfriend well ex now we broke up yesterday. It was really bad how we did. I ended up finding out she was seeing another guy since 1/29/09. And well i found out yesterday. So i took all of her stuff to her house and that was that. Lets just say we ended up giving each other the bird and sped off.

Dunkonya

Me and my girlfriend well ex now we broke up yesterday. It was really bad how we did.

Dunkonya

My girlfriend and I.

[QUOTE="Dunkonya"]

Me and my girlfriend well ex now we broke up yesterday. It was really bad how we did.

awssk8er716

My girlfriend and I.

Do you think his poor grammar skills led to the imminent downfall of his relationship?:shock: