So...should I even try to get a girlfriend?

So, like, most of the people who I know think that I'm too uptight and that I either need to get a girlfriend or to get laid.

Hell, even my parents tell me this all the time. "Son, I wish you'd make more friends and get a girlfriend or something."

Which, if you ask me, is a pure load of horse****.

Yeah, my parents and peers try to tell me that it'd be a great influence on me if i were to get close to a good woman. And on that point, I agree. It'd be damn nice if I could find someone who I could love and support, who also loved and supported me. You know, so that the both of us could enter into a symbiotic yet mutualistic relationship in which each of us feeds on the other's positive energy.

That would be nice. The problem is that I am wretched, and yet somehow manage to have standards of quality.

To elaborate on that...I am wretched. I'm in a bad stage in my life, have been for at least the last 13 or so years, and am not going to get better in all likelihood. A good woman would certainly be a benefit in my case, but the problem is that my chances of finding a GOOD woman are pretty ****ing slim. Because I have Jack **** to give to her in a relationship, I probably won't even like her. If I do like her, it probably won't take her long at all to realize that she's too good for me, at which point I'm back to square one.

Alternatively, I manage to meet a woman who's a wretch just like me. We hit it off, but then our NEGATIVE energies feed off of each other, and we mutually end up driving the other to ruin. And that's assuming that we actually care about each other. But we're obviously each hoping to get SOMETHING out of the relationship. Whatever she's hoping to get, it damn sure ain't love, because I don't give away that ****. Particularly when I've got Jack **** to offer in the relationship. It might be better if I was in a position in which I was able to financially and emotionally avoid being taken advantage of. But I'm not.

Anyway...bottom line. Who do you think is on the right track? Me? Or everyone else? In all reality, I'm emotionally distant and mostly dirty and incompetent. I'm also definitely not a good man. If I get involved with a woman who is worth a damn, that **** can't last because she ought to have enough sense to do better. And I refuse to get involved with someone worse off than me, because **** that ****. I'm not in any position to help take care of a loser of a woman. I don't even seem to be doing a particularly good job taking care of MYSELF.

So...what's your advice? Should I start getting more involved in the "relationship" thing? Is it better for me to do that, even if the only woman I can get is a piece of trash who isn't worth a damn? Or am I on the right track? Is it the case that I should just stick to myself until I become a better person?

Eh, you seem socially awkward, which may lead to you being "uptight". Maybe a woman could help you. I don't know.

How old are you? That would help me give you an answer

I know it sounds stupid but you'll never know unless you try. You may like having a girlfriend, you might not.

From the sounds of it I doubt a woman would, or even could fix your problems. Best to keep looking for that something that sets you on track to thinking positively. You can't keep going on how you are man.Dylan_11

Yeah, you seem to have "anger and hostility" as your natural mindset.

Well I am going to reply to you in such a way that Albert Ellis would be proud of me.

You say you are wretched, and have nothing to offer the opposite sex. What proof do you have that allows you to state such a irrational and ridiculous statement about yourself. You need to rebuild your constructs because they are based on illogical and irrational concepts of experience and perception.

My best guess would be for you to pursue some relationships with a girl you think you can become emotionally involved with.Or get some friends (if you dont already have any) hit the bar and consume some alcohol. That will definitely loosen you up and good times will ensue lol.gamefan67

Even if she's straight-up ghetto, an obvious loser, and probably not worth a damn?

Dude, I'm drunk right now. I've been drunk with people before, and I fail to see what getting drunk has to do with anything. Furthermore, I think we have a MAJOR breakdown of communication here. Because "good times" (by which I assume you mean "fun") are about the LAST thing on my mind. I'm nearly a middle-aged man, and that drinking/****ing "hookup" scene is about as ridiculous at my age as the fact that I haven't done a single worthwhile thing with my life. What the hell kind of good would it do me to hang around in bars and get drunk in order to have good times? That might have been a good idea when I was 17, but that was a LOOONG time ago.

Getting a gf wont make you a better person or your life for that matter. Set a goal, finding something you like and strive to achieve greatness.

Ohh and the answer to your question is 42.

You can't look at having a relationship as what the other person can do for you. You need to think to yourself what you have to offer in a relationship. The whole point behind a relationship is that both people benefit from one another. One of them should not be completely taking care of the other. If you think you have something to offer to a female in a relationship than go for it. If not, you need to think things over and attempt to change yourself, especially if your not happy with yourself

You might as well try. Doesn't seem like you have much to lose. =]

[QUOTE="gamefan67"]My best guess would be for you to pursue some relationships with a girl you think you can become emotionally involved with.Or get some friends (if you dont already have any) hit the bar and consume some alcohol. That will definitely loosen you up and good times will ensue lol.MrGeezer

Even if she's straight-up ghetto, an obvious loser, and probably not worth a damn?

Dude, I'm drunk right now. I've been drunk with people before, and I fail to see what getting drunk has to do with anything. Furthermore, I think we have a MAJOR breakdown of communication here. Because "good times" (by which I assume you mean "fun") are about the LAST thing on my mind. I'm nearly a middle-aged man, and that drinking/****ing "hookup" scene is about as ridiculous at my age as the fact that I haven't done a single worthwhile thing with my life. What the hell kind of good would it do me to hang around in bars and get drunk in order to have good times? That might have been a good idea when I was 17, but that was a LOOONG time ago.

1) Yea, if you think you can become emotionally involved with them. I mean if you love her then you shouldnt really care and it wouldnt be a problem to you.

2) Good grief......(you should put your age in the op)>.> lol and the bar scene was more of a joke:P There is a certain lack of info in your op for people to accurately give halfway decent advice, but I'm under the impression that girls and whatnot are not your real problem. It seems like you are just disappointed with yaself (have not accomplished) and carry a low opinion of yourself because of it. I dont really want to try and pry into your personal life to get that information though.

You can't look at having a relationship as what the other person can do for you. You need to think to yourself what you have to offer in a relationship.

BPoole96

You're damn right that I can look at a relationship as what the other person has to offer. You're also damn right in that I need to think about what I can offer.

Well, I've thought about it, and what I'm selling isn't what most people are looking to buy. Not unless that's a step up for them and they're hoping to profit. In which case **** that.

I am not in a position to give. I won't be offering a ****ing thing. Anyone having a LONG-TERM interest in that is going to be so below my expectations that I'd might as well marry a random bag-lady sleeping in thwe gutter.

[QUOTE="BPoole96"]

You can't look at having a relationship as what the other person can do for you. You need to think to yourself what you have to offer in a relationship.

MrGeezer

You're damn right that I can look at a relationship as what the other person has to offer. You're also damn right in that I need to think about what I can offer.

Well, I've thought about it, and what I'm selling isn't what most people are looking to buy. Not unless that's a step up for them and they're hoping to profit. In which case **** that.

I am not in a position to give. I won't be offering a ****ing thing. Anyone having a LONG-TERM interest in that is going to be so below my expectations that I'd might as well marry a random bag-lady sleeping in thwe gutter.

I think before you tackle this issue with finding a significant other you need to sort things out with your life and put yourself into a position where a relationship would be mutually beneficial for both of you.

Maybe consider reforming some things in your life to benefit yourself and raise you confidence up. You seem to have a pretty negative outlook on things. Assuming you're in your late 20s-early 30s, you still have plenty of time to better yourself. You're not even halfway through your life yet. You may as well attempt to make a change for the better.

I hate to get cliche, but you only live once. When your much older and only have a short time to go do you want to look back on your life and be happy with what you did or do you want to live a life filled with regrets and untapped potential?

I think before you tackle this issue with finding a significant other you need to sort things out with your life and put yourself into a position where a relationship would be mutually beneficial for both of you.

BPoole96

That's exactly what I've been saying.

Why drag people into my ****, or settle for people who ARE ****, when I haven't resolved my personal ****?

But somehow, everyone's answer seems to be..."The hell with that. You can't resolve that **** on your own, that's why you need a life partner."

Which sounds like bull****, since it's a PARTNERSHIP, not winning the lottery and magically finding someone who's going to resolve my problems. It's give-and-take. I ain't in a position to give a ****ing thing, so the people telling me to find a good woman are essentially merely saying that I find a gullible woman that I can dupe for as long as possible without giving anything in return. And honestly...**** that.

[QUOTE="BPoole96"]

I think before you tackle this issue with finding a significant other you need to sort things out with your life and put yourself into a position where a relationship would be mutually beneficial for both of you.

MrGeezer

That's exactly what I've been saying.

Why drag people into my ****, or settle for people who ARE ****, when I haven't resolved my personal ****?

But somehow, everyone's answer seems to be..."The hell with that. You can't resolve that **** on your own, that's why you need a life partner."

Which sounds like bull****, since it's a PARTNERSHIP, not winning the lottery and magically finding someone who's going to resolve my problems. It's give-and-take. I ain't in a position to give a ****ing thing, so the people telling me to find a good woman are essentially merely saying that I find a gullible woman that I can dupe for as long as possible without giving anything in return. And honestly...**** that.

Have you considered joining the military or something? I had some friends who seemed to be in a similar position as you (I'm assuming that since I don't know you personally). But they did a few years in there and that really set them in a good direction

I personally think you should make a date with a therapist to sort out some of your deeper issues that are preventing you from bringing yourself out of what looks like a 13 year swirling cycle of BS. It sounds like you have some problems that need to be worked on before you can fully be ready to go into a relationship with anyone, friendship or otherwise. So at this point, I would say no, don't try and get a girlfriend. I'd say take some time to really think about how your life came to create so much suffering for you. Look at the people, events, and your reactions to them. Think of the things you would want to change and write them down. Then I'd say see a therapist who can help you work through these issues and find a better place of inner peace.

Also, studying some spiritual practices and meditating on a regular basis can greatly help keep you centered in a place of inner peace, regardless of what's going on in your external world. Hope this helps.

I personally think you should make a date with a therapist to sort out some of your deeper issues that are preventing you from bringing yourself out of what looks like a 13 year swirling cycle of BS. It sounds like you have some problems that need to be worked on before you can fully be ready to go into a relationship with anyone, friendship or otherwise. So at this point, I would say no, don't try and get a girlfriend. I'd say take some time to really think about how your life came to create so much suffering for you. Look at the people, events, and your reactions to them. Think of the things you would want to change and write them down. Then I'd say see a therapist who can help you work through these issues and find a better place of inner peace.

Also, studying some spiritual practices and meditating on a regular basis can greatly help keep you centered in a place of inner peace, regardless of what's going on in your external world. Hope this helps.

MystikFollower

I can't afford to throw money away on a therapist. Why do you think I'm bringing this up here in the first place?

[QUOTE="MystikFollower"]

I personally think you should make a date with a therapist to sort out some of your deeper issues that are preventing you from bringing yourself out of what looks like a 13 year swirling cycle of BS. It sounds like you have some problems that need to be worked on before you can fully be ready to go into a relationship with anyone, friendship or otherwise. So at this point, I would say no, don't try and get a girlfriend. I'd say take some time to really think about how your life came to create so much suffering for you. Look at the people, events, and your reactions to them. Think of the things you would want to change and write them down. Then I'd say see a therapist who can help you work through these issues and find a better place of inner peace.

Also, studying some spiritual practices and meditating on a regular basis can greatly help keep you centered in a place of inner peace, regardless of what's going on in your external world. Hope this helps.

MrGeezer

I can't afford to throw money away on a therapist. Why do you think I'm bringing this up here in the first place?

Good point, but there's resources you can find that cost nothing or next to nothing. I'm just telling you where you'd be able to get a lot of this easily worked out. If you had a good friend you can easily trust and be vulnerable with, I'd say talk to them. Otherwise, all I can tell you is that nothing is static in this Universe, so however you are feeling now and whatever your situation is Now, it is impermanent and will eventually change. But until you're looking at getting into relationship without attachment and without the mindset "what can I get out of this", then all relationships are doomed to fail for you.

If your friends and family tell you to get a girlfriend and get laid yet you don't want to, you can tell them to shove it.

That's what I did in high school. They were telling me to get a gf yet they don't even have one themselves. Hypocrites.

I wish I could help you Mr Geezer. I'm pretty much in the same boat. I wouldn't say try to get a girlfriend. But I would say try to socialize with people that share the same interests. Go with the flow of things. Right now I'm 30 years old and single. I know women are attracted to me. But I tell you what. Sometimes it's just not worth it. I'm not ready to be screwed over or jerked around again. So right now I'm just taking life as it goes and am not actively pursuing the opposite sex. Maybe you should do the same. A little medicinal marijuana doesn't hurt either.

Can you at least see the patterns of this vicious cycle you got into? Can you think of a loophole to which you can get out of it?

Do you know what actions should be taken and are you willing to do them?

It sounds like you have serious issues. It sounds like you're trying too hard to act like you hate everyone and are socially inept. It sounds like you actually enjoy being pathetic. Maybe you should attempt to DO something about your situation and emotional disposition, rather than assuming you will never change. If you made an effort to resist your selfish urges and think a little more positively, maybe you would actually start to go in a positive direction. Also, what the hell are you talking about when you say you "have nothing to give to the relationship"? You give YOURSELF to the relationship. That's what a relationship IS. If you find a girl you think is "too good for you," WHO CARES WHAT YOU THINK. If she's genuine, then she likes you for YOU, and that's why she is choosing to remain in your life. Instead of being this jackass who acts like he's some abomination to humanity and hopelessly lost, SHUT UP AND QUIT CRYING. Appreciate the fact that you DO have her, treat her in an appreciative manner, and before long you WILL be the kind of guy she deserves. Quit making excuses for your mediocre life; it's mediocre because you seem to want it to be mediocre no matter what anyone else tries to tell you. You INSIST that it's mediocre. WAKE UP and MAN UP. Take some responsibility for your situation, quit acting so repulsive, and start attempting to better yourself and your life.

That's your solution. It's your choice: either grow some balls, or keep being lonely and acting socially illiterate.

I'm only speaking so candidly to you, Mr. Geezer, because I've seen you post, and I know that you'd rather have someone tell it to you like it is than patronize you or beat around the bush. So there you go.

I think you underestimate the power of love. I reckon if you don't be so closed off and put yourself out there i.e. make some female friends, one of them is bound to like you or hook you up. Me, what do I have? I got jack ****. No money, no education, no job, no prospects, but people seem to like me. The thing is you have something to offer, you just don't know it. It's cliche, but "you just have to find the right one" (not that that's easy). You just have to put yourself out there and find that one girl who is into you. She doesn't have to be a bag lady in the gutter, she could be some pretty girl that finds your pathetic demeanour cute, or she might be charmed by the fact that you're not a loud and obnoxious **** looking for a quick **** like every other guy. And with that said... what the **** does it matter if she IS a bag lady in the gutter? If - IF - you feel something for a girl, IF she feels something for you - you who has nothing to offer - then you WILL look past all that **** if you're in love.

Of course, that's if you actually want a girl and you're not just out there looking for a hole because your parents want grand children or something.

My whole point is that if you want to meet a girl and fall in love then you will. You won't a choice in the matter. It will happen.

(As a side note I use the word pathetic above to describe the way you talk about yourself, not my thoughts of you)

It sounds like you have serious issues. It sounds like you're trying too hard to act like you hate everyone and are socially inept. It sounds like you actually enjoy being pathetic. Maybe you should attempt to DO something about your situation and emotional disposition, rather than assuming you will never change. If you made an effort to resist your selfish urges and think a little more positively, maybe you would actually start to go in a positive direction. Also, what the hell are you talking about when you say you "have nothing to give to the relationship"? You give YOURSELF to the relationship. That's what a relationship IS. If you find a girl you think is "too good for you," WHO CARES WHAT YOU THINK. If she's genuine, then she likes you for YOU, and that's why she is choosing to remain in your life. Instead of being this jackass who acts like he's some abomination to humanity and hopelessly lost, SHUT UP AND QUIT CRYING. Appreciate the fact that you DO have her, treat her in an appreciative manner, and before long you WILL be the kind of guy she deserves. Quit making excuses for your mediocre life; it's mediocre because you seem to want it to be mediocre no matter what anyone else tries to tell you. You INSIST that it's mediocre. WAKE UP and MAN UP. Take some responsibility for your situation, quit acting so repulsive, and start attempting to better yourself and your life.

That's your solution. It's your choice: either grow some balls, or keep being lonely and acting socially illiterate.

I'm only speaking so candidly to you, Mr. Geezer, because I've seen you post, and I know that you'd rather have someone tell it to you like it is than patronize you or beat around the bush. So there you go.

Communistik

I think you underestimate the power of love. I reckon if you don't be so closed off and put yourself out there i.e. make some female friends, one of them is bound to like you or hook you up. Me, what do I have? I got jack ****. No money, no education, no job, no prospects, but people seem to like me. The thing is you have something to offer, you just don't know it. It's cliche, but "you just have to find the right one" (not that that's easy). You just have to put yourself out there and find that one girl who is into you. She doesn't have to be a bag lady in the gutter, she could be some pretty girl that finds your pathetic demeanour cute, or she might be charmed by the fact that you're not a loud and obnoxious **** looking for a quick **** like every other guy. And with that said... what the **** does it matter if she IS a bag lady in the gutter? If - IF - you feel something for a girl, IF she feels something for you - you who has nothing to offer - then you WILL look past all that **** if you're in love.

Of course, that's if you actually want a girl and you're not just out there looking for a hole because your parents want grand children or something.

My whole point is that if you want to meet a girl and fall in love then you will. You won't a choice in the matter. It will happen.

(As a side note I use the word pathetic above to describe the way you talk about yourself, not my thoughts of you)

DigitalExile

*Sings*"That's the power of... Love!".

Get a girlfriend, and it isn't hard if you g outside and talk to girls in bars and places like that.

"Son, I wish you'd make more friends and get a girlfriend or something."

MrGeezer

[QUOTE="MrGeezer"]

"Son, I wish you'd make more friends and get a girlfriend or something."

Teenaged

[QUOTE="Teenaged"]

[QUOTE="MrGeezer"]

"Son, I wish you'd make more friends and get a girlfriend or something."

BiancaDK

I really have an issue with my "designated" social position. Can be a strain. Not that I am not to blame as well for making it feel like a strain; I mean as much as it has been.

EDIT: But lets not highjack Geezers thread. Sorry Geezer.

i'd give it a try, I mean with love you only need to offer yourself, I have nothing to offer, I'm a poor person with no job (still looking) and I don't have much to give but I still found someone who loves me for who i'am and shes a really good person who probably deserves alot better, although she thinks i'm the one who deserves better sometimes but i'm not going anywhere.

Don't even bother, they only going to break your heart in the end, just go find one night stand.K0PaSk4

This if the women are really that lousy in your area lol..

Don't even bother, they only going to break your heart in the end, just go find one night stand.K0PaSk4

:P