Based on the impending cultural movements that we see in progress even today, and upon a vigorous reading of teh Scriptures, I have concluded that the Bible, or at least the Book of Genesis, was written by time travelers from approximately the year 2100.
To support my conclusion, let's take a look at the passages of Genesis.
Now the LORD God had planted a garden in the east, in Eden; and there he put the man he had formed. And the LORD God made all kinds of trees grow out of the ground—trees that were pleasing to the eye and good for food. In the middle of the garden were the tree of life and the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. Genesis 2:8-9.
"God" is a corporate merge of Google (God the Father), Microsoft (God the Son), and Sony (God the Holy Spirit) (God in three forms = merge of three supergiant companies), who has successfully transformed the Earth into a paradise of technology. The ability to rapidly grow vegetation has solved energy crises, world hunger, and desert landscapes. The "tree of life" is the technology that allows people to reverse their cellular degeneration, effectively ending the process of aging. The "tree of knowledge of good and evil" is a database containing all of the world's knowledge, whether it be of a moral or scientific nature.
The LORD God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and take care of it. And the LORD God commanded the man, "You are free to eat from any tree in the garden; but you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat of it you will surely die." Genesis 2:15-17.
Mankind has access to all the food and luxuries he should ever want or need. However, since the tree (or server, as I have deduced) of knowledge of good and evil contains highly sensitive information (including information that could undo the entire paradise), nobody is allowed access to this server. It will shut down the tree (or server) of life, and people will die again.
The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.Genesis 2:25
This passage clearly refers to the anonymity of the Internet, where one can be "naked" in their expressions but feel no shame because they feel they won't be caught.
The woman said to the serpent, "We may eat fruit from the trees in the garden, but God did say, 'You must not eat fruit from the tree that is in the middle of the garden, and you must not touch it, or you will die.' "
"You will not surely die," the serpent said to the woman. "For God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil." When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it. She also gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it. Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they realized they were naked; so they sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves.Genesis 3:2-7.
Humanity has been deceived by a Goocrony competitor. The "serpent," or the head of this competitor, has offered the fruit of the tree of knowledge of good and evil to humanity; in other words, he has taken the data of the server and put it onto a chip, which can be installed anywhere in the world. What company could this be? Well, the fruit gives us a pretty nice clue:
Using this information, the only rational conclusion is that Steve Jobs is Satan. In order to bring down his top competitor, he has deceived humanity; the chip of knowledge (possibly some form of iPod) has eliminated privacy over the Internet and now people are exposed and humiliated.
And the LORD God said, "The man has now become like one of us, knowing good and evil. He must not be allowed to reach out his hand and take also from the tree of life and eat, and live forever." Genesis 3:22
Now that the rest of humanity poses a threat to the security of Goocrony, the server of life is deactivated and death returns to the world, where Steve Jobs (Satan) is the ruler until Goocrony can bring down the Apple Corporation and restore the world to its former glory. To warn humanity of the coming crisis, Goocrony has developed a time machine and sent people back to ancient times to write the most widely read document in history: the Bible. Moses, Elijah, David, Solomon, The Apostles, and other miracle workers were all time travelers from the 22nd century. For more information, read this genius article.
In conclusion, we must stop the Apple Corporation from taking over the world for Satan, AKA Steve Jobs.
Discuss.
Log in to comment