Yes, this is a blatant rip-off of Catch-22, which I've been reading for the past couple of weeks; here's an example of a Catch-22. Depictions and references of users are purely in a satirical manner and are not meant to be taken offensively or insultingly -- unless it's Deity_Slapper. It's all in the name of teh giggles -- unless it's Deity_Slapper. You know I love you guys -- unless it's Deity_slapper.
The mods were confused by Theo's sudden bout of near-rule-breaking. If he broke the rules, they could suspend him; if he didn't break the rules, they could send him back to posting; but this strange near-rule-breaking left them wondering what to do, so he was confined to his blog.
Users confined to blogs only had to write one blog post every day, but the monotonous blog-writing got boring very quickly, and topics ran out fast. Theo wrote PM's to his loved ones saying that he was in his blog, but he never really mentioned why. Then he had a better idea. He deleted all his PM's and replaced them with "I'm going to post something very dangerous and I may get suspended or even banned, but somebody has to do it. I'll write you as soon as I get back."
He never wrote to anyone since.
Blog-writing got old very fast, and after the first day Theo had invented a game for himself: "Death to all modifiers!" he would say, and out would go every adverb and adjective. His creativity spiked the next day when he blacked out everything but "a," "an," and "the." To keep himself out of trouble he would sign "Deity_Slapper" to all of his posts; when that got old, he switched it to "Slapper_Deity" to keep himself entertained.
Theo could have kept this routine up for years, if only the for the Teenaged.
Everybody loved the Teenaged. He had a nice, artsy, chiseled "T" for an avatar that was universally complimented. He was a fan of Lord of the Rings, and was liked even more for it, and he always had something nice to say to everyone, especially Theo, whom he especially liked. Theo hated the bastard. When the Teenaged was around, it was nearly impossible to near-break the rules because he always put everyone in such a good mood, and when everyone was in a good mood, the mods were lenient, and when the mods were lenient Theo had to post more. The Teenaged was the best guy Theo had ever met, one of few that wasn't a jackass, and Theo hated him for it. It wasn't long before Theo was out of his blog and back to posting.
Sure enough, it wasn't long before Theo was modded for disruptive posting. Apparently he had said "yes" in a "yes or no" topic, and that was banned. So Theo took his complaint to Ask the Mods.
"You think you have a problem?" said Mod GabuEx, "What about me? What about my troubles? I had a house, a wife, a job, and then GameSpot came around and took all that away. I was gonna be a doctor, man, but then I became a mod and got addicted and now here I am. So you're one to complain."
"I'm sorry," Theo said, "but what does that have to do with my moderation?"
"There you go again! 'Me, me, me!' What about MY problems?!"
"Look, I just want to be a Mod."
"Sure. All you have to do is ask."
"I just did."
"No you didn't. You made a statement. You have to ask."
"Can I be a Mod?"
"No."
"What? But you said I just had to ask."
"You do."
"Then why can't I be a Mod?"
"Because you asked."
"I don't get it."
"It's ToU-22. To be a Mod, all a user has to do is ask to be a Mod. But since a user has to post in order to ask, the act of posting proves that the user still wants to be a member of the general GameSpot community, and so is ineligible to be a Mod."
Theo had to admire the simplicity of the rule.
"You could also meet your post quota."
"What is it?"
"20,000 posts."
This was great news. Theo met his post quote weeks ago.
"But the limit was raised, so now it's 30,000. Mod Duxup can raise the limit whenever he wants, and he raises the limit every time a user gets nearer to the goal."
"So why have a limit?"
"Don't be an ass. Everything needs a limit or nothing will ever exceed the limit. Limits are the only ways we can look good compared to other websites."
"But if you raise the limit every time someone gets near it, the limit can't be exceeded."
"Yes, that's why we keep the limit, so everybody can exceed it. Now I have to lock this topic. I hope you're happy, giving me more problems."
When Theo went back to posting he ran into a Funky Llama. This particular llama was no ordinary llama, as evidenced by the fact that he could read, write, play music and live in Britain. To see him was rare as he worked tirelessly to have his posts deleted by the Mods; he was the honorable type who believed everyone had a job in the world and must do it to the best of his ability. His job was having his posts deleted by the mods, and he took his job very seriously.
"Hey, Llama," Theo called.
"Hello, Theo. Shouldn't you be posting?"
"Yeah, but I don't want to."
"Why not? You should."
"There are dozens of mods out there all trying to ban me."
"What? They aren't trying to ban you, for God's sake!"
"Yes they are."
"How do you know they're trying to ban you?"
"They delete my posts."
"They delete everybody's posts!"
"And what difference does that make?"
The Llama spluttered before regaining his dignified posture.
"We all have our jobs, Theo. My job is to have the Mods delete my posts. Your job is to post. I'm damn grateful for my job. Dawn to dusk, I'm out here, making posts for the Mods to delete, and then I'll go to bed with the knowledge that I'll have to make more posts for deletion tomorrow."
"We aren't all as noble as you, Llama."
"Pah." Llama resumed posting posts for deletion without another word to Theo.
They had to mass-troll a foreign ground soon. When the date came for them to move out, however, there was a 404 Error, so the date was moved back. This made the entire website very depressed and anxious. None of them wanted to move out, and every time the date to move out came closer, they got more depressed and prayed for a 404 Error, and every time there was a 404 Error and the date got moved back, the group got more depressed.
One night Omni-Slash dreamed that Jandurin's pet cat, Skittles, was sleeping on his face, and he shrieked in terror in his sleep until he woke up and found that Jandurin's pet cat, Skittles, was sleeping on his face. He fired his gun at Jandurin's pet cat, Skittles, for sleeping on his face until the whole group came running to see what the fuss was about.
"Jandurin's pet cat, Skittles, was sleeping on my face!"
"Why was Jandurin's pet cat, Skittles, sleeping on your face?"
"How should I know the reasons behind Jandurin's pet cat, Skittles, sleeping on my face? Why don't you ask Jandurin's pet cat, Skittles, before I kill him for sleeping on my face?"
The matter was settled and everyone went back to bed, and Omni-Slash was heard screaming during the nightmares he had of Jandurin's pet cat, Skittles, sleeping on his face.
Theo managed to escape on the day of the invasion when there wasn't a 404 Error. He told Mod MAILER that he was going for a walk and he told Nocoolname Mod that he was going to get a cup of coffee. It was perfect; if either of them talked to eachother they'd both assume that Theo had gone to walk off his coffee.
Theo boarded a boat by Domatron heading for the land of Youtube. Theo just stayed on the boat. He didn't want to go to Youtube but he didn't want to go back to Gamespot either. This confused Domatron. If Theo wanted to go to Youtube, Domatron could kick him out of the boat. If he wanted to go to GameSpot, he could kick out of the boat without pay. But this staying on the boat perplexed him.
"I think I want to leave the boat," Domatron said one day. "I'm getting seasick."
"Sure," Theo said, "all you have to do is ask."
"I just did."
"No, that was a statement. You have to ASK."
"Can I leave the boat?"
"No."
"What?"
"What what?"
"Why can't I leave the boat?"
"Because you asked."
"But you said I had to ask in order to leave."
"You do."
"So why can't I leave the boat?"
"I told you: because you asked."
"I don't understand."
"To leave the boat, you have to ask. However, the act of asking proves that I am in charge of the boat, and as the man in charge I cannot allow someone to leave who is sick, and asking to leave proves you are sick. So you cannot leave."
When Theo saw understanding light up in Domatron's eyes, he leaned back and took a nap.
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