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ToU-22: An OT Story

Theokhoth · 2009-09-28 07:09:20

Yes, this is a blatant rip-off of Catch-22, which I've been reading for the past couple of weeks; here's an example of a Catch-22. Depictions and references of users are purely in a satirical manner and are not meant to be taken offensively or insultingly -- unless it's Deity_Slapper. It's all in the name of teh giggles -- unless it's Deity_Slapper. You know I love you guys -- unless it's Deity_slapper.The mods were confused by Theo's sudden bout of near-rule-breaking. If he broke the rules, they could suspend him; if he didn't break the rules, they could send him back to posting; but this strange near-rule-breaking left them wondering what to do, so he was confined to his blog.Users confined to blogs only had to write one blog post every day, but the monotonous blog-writing got boring very quickly, and topics ran out fast. Theo wrote PM's to his loved ones saying that he was in his blog, but he never really mentioned why. Then he had a better idea. He deleted all his PM's and replaced them with 'I'm going to post something very dangerous and I may get suspended or even banned, but somebody has to do it. I'll write you as soon as I get back.'He never wrote to anyone since.Blog-writing got old very fast, and after the first day Theo had invented a game for himself: 'Death to all modifiers!' he would say, and out would go every adverb and adjective. His creativity spiked the next day when he blacked out everything but 'a,' 'an,' and 'the.' To keep himself out of trouble he would sign 'Deity_Slapper' to all of his posts; when that got old, he switched it to 'Slapper_Deity' to keep himself entertained.Theo could have kept this routine up for years, if only the for the Teenaged.Everybody loved the Teenaged. He had a nice, artsy, chiseled 'T' for an avatar that was universally complimented. He was a fan of Lord of the Rings, and was liked even more for it, and he always had something nice to say to everyone, especially Theo, whom he especially liked. Theo hated the bastard. When the Teenaged was around, it was nearly impossible to near-break the rules because he always put everyone in such a good mood, and when everyone was in a good mood, the mods were lenient, and when the mods were lenient Theo had to post more. The Teenaged was the best guy Theo had ever met, one of few that wasn't a jackass, and Theo hated him for it. It wasn't long before Theo was out of his blog and back to posting.Sure enough, it wasn't long before Theo was modded for disruptive posting. Apparently he had said 'yes' in a 'yes or no' topic, and that was banned. So Theo took his complaint to Ask the Mods.'You think you have a problem?' said Mod GabuEx, 'What about me? What about my troubles? I had a house, a wife, a job, and then GameSpot came around and took all that away. I was gonna be a doctor, man, but then I became a mod and got addicted and now here I am. So you're one to complain.''I'm sorry,' Theo said, 'but what does that have to do with my moderation?''There you go again! 'Me, me, me!' What about MY problems?!''Look, I just want to be a Mod.''Sure. All you have to do is ask.''I just did.''No you didn't. You made a statement. You have to ask.''Can I be a Mod?''No.''What? But you said I just had to ask.''You do.''Then why can't I be a Mod?''Because you asked.''I don't get it.''It's ToU-22. To be a Mod, all a user has to do is ask to be a Mod. But since a user has to post in order to ask, the act of posting proves that the user still wants to be a member of the general GameSpot community, and so is ineligible to be a Mod.'Theo had to admire the simplicity of the rule.'You could also meet your post quota.''What is it?''20,000 posts.'This was great news. Theo met his post quote weeks ago.'But the limit was raised, so now it's 30,000. Mod Duxup can raise the limit whenever he wants, and he raises the limit every time a user gets nearer to the goal.''So why have a limit?''Don't be an ass. Everything needs a limit or nothing will ever exceed the limit. Limits are the only ways we can look good compared to other websites.''But if you raise the limit every time someone gets near it, the limit can't be exceeded.''Yes, that's why we keep the limit, so everybody can exceed it. Now I have to lock this topic. I hope you're happy, giving me more problems.'When Theo went back to posting he ran into a Funky Llama. This particular llama was no ordinary llama, as evidenced by the fact that he could read, write, play music and live in Britain. To see him was rare as he worked tirelessly to have his posts deleted by the Mods; he was the honorable type who believed everyone had a job in the world and must do it to the best of his ability. His job was having his posts deleted by the mods, and he took his job very seriously.'Hey, Llama,' Theo called.'Hello, Theo. Shouldn't you be posting?''Yeah, but I don't want to.''Why not? You should.''There are dozens of mods out there all trying to ban me.''What? They aren't trying to ban you, for God's sake!''Yes they are.''How do you know they're trying to ban you?''They delete my posts.''They delete everybody's posts!''And what difference does that make?'The Llama spluttered before regaining his dignified posture.'We all have our jobs, Theo. My job is to have the Mods delete my posts. Your job is to post. I'm damn grateful for my job. Dawn to dusk, I'm out here, making posts for the Mods to delete, and then I'll go to bed with the knowledge that I'll have to ...

UnamedThing

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#51 UnamedThing

Member since 2008 • 1761 Posts

This was great but I still prefer the OT resistance. Timeless classic that sits on my shelf between J.R.R. Tolkien and Shakespear.

15 years ago

Theokhoth

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#52 Theokhoth

Member since 2008 • 36799 Posts

This was great but I still prefer the OT resistance. Timeless classic that sits on my shelf between J.R.R. Tolkien and Shakespear.UnamedThing

I must admit, it's kinda uncomfortable being between Tolkien and Shakespear, though I've always been curious about the experience.

15 years ago

Funky_Llama

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#53 Funky_Llama

Member since 2006 • 18428 Posts

[QUOTE="UnamedThing"]This was great but I still prefer the OT resistance. Timeless classic that sits on my shelf between J.R.R. Tolkien and Shakespear.Theokhoth

I must admit, it's kinda uncomfortable being between Tolkien and Shakespear, though I've always been curious about the experience.

Do I have to do that look of disapproval again :x

15 years ago

ZookGuy

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#54 ZookGuy

Member since 2008 • 2340 Posts

That is the greatest I've ever read, Fitzgerald, Hemingway, Dickens, and Wells wold give there typewriters away just to write a story as amazing as this one.

15 years ago

0Tyler0

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#55 0Tyler0

Member since 2008 • 2602 Posts

This "Theo" guy in your story sounds like quite the character

15 years ago

Theokhoth

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#56 Theokhoth

Member since 2008 • 36799 Posts

[QUOTE="Theokhoth"]
[QUOTE="UnamedThing"]This was great but I still prefer the OT resistance. Timeless classic that sits on my shelf between J.R.R. Tolkien and Shakespear.Funky_Llama

I must admit, it's kinda uncomfortable being between Tolkien and Shakespear, though I've always been curious about the experience.

Do I have to do that look of disapproval again :x

Yes. :(

15 years ago

Funky_Llama

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#57 Funky_Llama

Member since 2006 • 18428 Posts

[QUOTE="Funky_Llama"]
[QUOTE="Theokhoth"]
I must admit, it's kinda uncomfortable being between Tolkien and Shakespear, though I've always been curious about the experience.
Theokhoth

Do I have to do that look of disapproval again :x

Yes. :(

*sigh* you leave me no choice, sir.

15 years ago

Theokhoth

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#58 Theokhoth

Member since 2008 • 36799 Posts

[QUOTE="Theokhoth"]
[QUOTE="Funky_Llama"]Do I have to do that look of disapproval again :x
Funky_Llama

Yes. :(

*sigh* you leave me no choice, sir.

:cry: I couldn't help it! It was just such a good opportunity! :cry:

15 years ago

-eddy-

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#59 -eddy-

Member since 2006 • 11443 Posts

I actually (almost) read all of that. Respect breda

15 years ago

krazy-blazer

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#60 krazy-blazer

Member since 2009 • 1759 Posts

I am proud to be the first to post this:
Head_of_games

LOL Me neither i didn't get crap

15 years ago

carrot-cake

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#61 carrot-cake

Member since 2008 • 6880 Posts

[QUOTE="the-wayward"]
[QUOTE="Theokhoth"]
As someone else pointed out, it only looks long because of dialogue. It isn't that long at all, and I've written much longer.
Funky_Llama

well......

my eyes burns everytime I see a DIALOGUE":roll:" that long.....;)

I know right, that would take a whole five to ten minutes or so to read, which is the kind of long-term emotional investment that many people just aren't prepared for.

Its more like a commitment, as there isn't too much return on it.

15 years ago

ToU-22: An OT Story

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