Ultimate joke-telling thread of joke-telling awesomeness

Here's a math problem for you. A train leaves Chicago and is traveling to Seattle. If the train is averaging at 100mph, than When will it arrive? Answer: Check the arrival times, idiot.

LOL I made that one up on the spot.:P

Knock Knock!!

Who's there?

Boo!!!

Boo who?!

BOO RADLY!!!!!!

chuck norris once lost to mr. T in a card game. As revenge he invented racism.

How many amish people does it take to screw in a light bulb? Thats deep

Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.

MicWazowski

Damnit I was gonna say that one.

A lot of these jokes are chuck norris ones:Psmokingsbad

-There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris's computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.

-Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

-Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents every time he listens to a song.

I would use the typical joke I hear on XBL, which is just:

Women's Rights

But that's probably not considered funny here, and I can see why.

-TheSecondSign-

well heres one that was posted on OT last week. i thought it was funny...

how many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?

trick question, feminists cant change anything!

A Bit of Religious joke I guess.

A Rabbi, a Monk, and a lawyer are riding down the road when their car breaks down in the middle of nowhere.

Spotting a farmhouse they walk over and tell the farmer they need a place to stay the night while they wait for a tow.

"I've got room in the house for two of you but someones gonna have to sleep in the barn." says the farmer.

The Rabbi say's, "I've no problem with that, I'll go." He leaves.

Five minutes later theres a knock on the door. The farmer opens the door and the Rabbi is there.

He says, "Sir there is a pig in that barn; in my religion pigs are unclean, I cannot sleep under the same roof with a pig."

The Monk speaks up and says, "I have no problem with pigs I'll go sleep in the barn." He leaves.

Five minutes later theres a knock on the door. The farmer opens the door and the Monk is there.

"Sir there is a cow in that barn; in my religion cows are sacred, I cannot sleep under the same roof with a cow.

The lawyer responds, "I'll go sleep in the barn, I've got no religion." He leaves.

Five minutes later theres a knock on the door. The farmer opens the door and the pig and the cow are standing there.

So this guy walks into a bar, ouch.

Why does a chicken coup only have two doors?

cause then it would be a chicken sedan...:D

Why was the bycicle on its side?

because it was two tired

and did you know that chuck norris's tears can cure cancer......too bad he doesnt cry

So this guy walks into a bar, ouch.

tman93

I was about to posts a mean reply until I got the joke :lol:

Women's rights?!!!!

Get it it :p

chuck norris can divide by zero

chuck norris doesnt sleep he waits

chuck norris doesnt have a chin he just has a third fist underneath his beard

So a commoner is driving down an old farm road and as he's driving, he sees a man having sex with a sheep.

The man says to himself "Good lord, what kind of man would do such a thing and still have any dignity left what so ever?"

He continues to drive and soon feels as if he needs to do something about this and turns back.

With disgust in his mouth, he knocks on the door and finds a little 7 year old boy whom answers it.

His darkness passes and he asks "Um.... Is your dad home?

The boy SHEEPISHLY responds, "Yeah, one second," he turns and yells "DAAAA-AA-AAAAAAA-AAAAD! "

Guy 1: Man I totally did your mam last night

Guy 2: Dude thats not cool

Guy 1: What can I say, I 'm into milfs

Guy 2: Oh yeah well I totally did your mom last night

Guy 1: Dude thats not cool

Guy 2: Hey what can I say, I'm into nechrophilia

So theres a priest, surfer, and soldier on a plane.

The pilot tells them they have to throw their most valuable posession out of the plane so they do not crash.

The priest throws his bible, the surfer his surfboard, and the soldier threw a grenade.

They land safely and at the airport the priest sees a kid crying and asks why he is crying. He says that his mom got hit in the head with a Bible.

The surfer also sees a kid crying and when he asks why, he is told that the kid's mom got hit in the head with a surfboard.

The soldier sees a kid laughing hystrically. When he asks why, the kid tells him that his dad farted and blew up their house.

Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.

MicWazowski

Our usernames are similar. I'm sorry ive got nothing else to add to this thread.

What do you call 2 Mexicans playing basketball?

Juan on Juan

What do you call it when a blonde dyes her hair brown?

Artificial Intelligence.

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says "Why the long face?"

The horse says "Iv'e got AIDS"ferron321

ROFL

I heard that at a pub quiz, it made me laugh for so long.

A Bit of Religious joke I guess.

A Rabbi, a Monk, and a lawyer are riding down the road when their car breaks down in the middle of nowhere.

Spotting a farmhouse they walk over and tell the farmer they need a place to stay the night while they wait for a tow.

"I've got room in the house for two of you but someones gonna have to sleep in the barn." says the farmer.

The Rabbi say's, "I've no problem with that, I'll go." He leaves.

Five minutes later theres a knock on the door. The farmer opens the door and the Rabbi is there.

He says, "Sir there is a pig in that barn; in my religion pigs are unclean, I cannot sleep under the same roof with a pig."

The Monk speaks up and says, "I have no problem with pigs I'll go sleep in the barn." He leaves.

Five minutes later theres a knock on the door. The farmer opens the door and the Monk is there.

"Sir there is a cow in that barn; in my religion cows are sacred, I cannot sleep under the same roof with a cow.

The lawyer responds, "I'll go sleep in the barn, I've got no religion." He leaves.

Five minutes later theres a knock on the door. The farmer opens the door and the pig and the cow are standing there.

DarknessLion

Boo, that was rubbish!

Women's rights.

/thread

kerrman

That's just not funny... I'm sorry. ;(

What happens when you give a lawyer Viagra?

He gets taller.

Women's rights?!!!!

Get it it :p

MrShocky

sadly i dont. Someone tell me and dont make fun of me

[QUOTE="MrShocky"]

Women's rights?!!!!

Get it it :p

C-Lee

sadly i dont. Someone tell me and dont make fun of me

They're suggesting that women shouldn't have rights. In my opinion, it's not that funny.

[QUOTE="C-Lee"][QUOTE="MrShocky"]

Women's rights?!!!!

Get it it :p

Genetic_Code

sadly i dont. Someone tell me and dont make fun of me

They're suggesting that women shouldn't have rights. In my opinion, it's not that funny.

thanks. I also agree. not that funny

What happens when you give a lawyer Viagra?

He gets taller.

DJCUEBALL

haha

What do Sigfreid and the tiger have in common?

They both know what Roy tastes like.

the green turtle liked to eat purple. purple was a yummy baconator fresh off the lot and he was ready for some juicy action. he wanted to prove to the dude that the garden gnome lived inside of frank sinatra's ear but he plucked away and behold, garden gnomes. he entered the magical beandrop only to find toast bombarding the buttery milkiy. MMMMMMMMMM IM KOOKOO FOR COCO PUFFS!!!!!! then the big weenie came and had a talk with the dirty mountain barley, and he vomited the beans.ligerz76

Are those Bob Dylan lyrics?

Last sentence is especially... interesting.

Hmmmm.

womens rights

intelligent democrat

HAHA GET IT!!! ITS FUNNY CAUSE THERES NO SUCH THING AS EITHER OF THEM!!!!

Im chinese so these jokes are taking the micky out of the chinese :P

1) What do you call a Retarded chinese baby?

Som Ting Wong

A women brings a black man into her room and says, "Show me if it's true what they say about black men." So he slapped her, took her purse, and ran.MasterKingMP

LMFAO

i know some really really nasty ones...im not writing because ill be modded...