Very low self-esteem - What are good books to help myself?

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allsystemsphai

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#1 allsystemsphai
Member since 2009 • 142 Posts

Firstly, if you met me, youd think that im confident, easy-going and generally nice to be around and i guess i am. The problem is, my self-esteem is very low. As a result, i am constantly worrying about what i need to say next to keep a conversation going. I instead end up asking too many questions, or killing it off, again because i feel that im not almost worthy enough to hold somebody elses attention.

On its own its bad, but what makes it worse is that it has made making friends for me VERY difficult. In fact i know many people at my university but again, very few that i can call friends, i would never call them on their phones let alone have chat with them on Facebook.

So yeah, i want to get over this issue badly, because its affecting me in many ways, what are some good books to help myself?

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cd_rom

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#2 cd_rom
Member since 2003 • 13951 Posts
Exercise, lose weight, join a sport, get good at something. Train for a 5K, then a 10K, then a mini-marathon. Try to do your first pull-up. Then do 10 pull-ups. Then bench-press 250. It does wonders for people.
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theone86

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#3 theone86
Member since 2003 • 22669 Posts

Catcher in the Rye. It will help you go from awkward but gentile wallflower to angsty, self-hating misanthrope, and then everyone will like you.

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barny0111

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#4 barny0111
Member since 2007 • 255 Posts

In my opinion, the only real way forward is to get to know yourself properly. The more you know your limits (limiting beliefs), the more you can work at moving past them and naturally be more confident. This will show off to the people around you.

How to do this? Maybe take a public speaking course. That helped me.

Also therapy is totally underated. No mumbo jumbo, its simply a forum for you to express your fears, without being judged.

The idea is that somewhere, somehow you created a fear of expressing yourself properly. maybe one experiance made you feel bad, maybe alot of small experianced did it. The point is that unless you find some place to release this,it will behard to be your natural confident self.

A good book to read might be, "Feel the fear and do it anyway". I have a more of spiritual approach. "Converstaions with God" worked for me if you can get past the title, its got very little to with religion. Otherwise just go to the self help section and pick a book that feels right to you. And don't give up till you get the answer your after.

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Serial-No_3404

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#5 Serial-No_3404
Member since 2007 • 2876 Posts
Just stop being sad and be awesome instead
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musicalmac

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#6 musicalmac  Moderator
Member since 2006 • 25101 Posts
Volunteer in your community. Help underpriviladged children or keep elderly folks in retirement homes active. Your problem is that you're too selfish.
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ultimameteora

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#7 ultimameteora
Member since 2003 • 2573 Posts
The Hidden Words
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Palantas

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#8 Palantas
Member since 2002 • 15329 Posts

I'm supposed to recomment a book, I guess. Read the following book by cd_rom:

Exercise, lose weight, join a sport, get good at something. Train for a 5K, then a 10K, then a mini-marathon. Try to do your first pull-up. Then do 10 pull-ups. Then bench-press 250. It does wonders for people.cd_rom

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Fightingfan

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#9 Fightingfan
Member since 2010 • 38011 Posts

bench-press 250. cd_rom
Recommend this, I bench 128kg and I love seeing people from when I was in high school who got "ugly".

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Darthkaiser

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#10 Darthkaiser
Member since 2006 • 12447 Posts
I have low self esteem and I like it
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freek666

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#11 freek666
Member since 2007 • 22312 Posts

Anything by Dostoyevsky

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CoolSkAGuy

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#12 CoolSkAGuy
Member since 2006 • 9665 Posts

Idk but I'm in your same position buddy lol.... heh :(. I'm reading Influence the Psychology of Persuasion.

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dpeter45

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#13 dpeter45
Member since 2011 • 156 Posts

Self help books are a scam.

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mattisgod01

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#14 mattisgod01
Member since 2005 • 3476 Posts

Low self-esteem could just be a symptom of a deeper issue, I suffer from Chronic Anxiety which low self esteem was just a symptom of. It got alot worse when i hit my 20's and it manifested itself into physical issues. My advice is that if you think its a serious issue that is effecting your life then getting professional help is worth while. The sooner the better.

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sonofsmeagle

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#15 sonofsmeagle
Member since 2010 • 4317 Posts
Exercise, lose weight, join a sport, get good at something. Train for a 5K, then a 10K, then a mini-marathon. Try to do your first pull-up. Then do 10 pull-ups. Then bench-press 250. It does wonders for people.cd_rom
THIS THIS THIS!!! seriously bro make some sort of physical goal like CD here said and once you achieve it you will feel great, just anything like being able to run 2 miles or being able to bench press your own weight is something that made me feel great.
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markop2003

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#16 markop2003
Member since 2005 • 29917 Posts

[QUOTE="cd_rom"]bench-press 250. Fightingfan

Recommend this, I bench 128kg and I love seeing people from when I was in high school who got "ugly".

There's nothing like that to help your self confidence, one of the jocks from my HS seems to have doubled in weight since HS
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tenaka2

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#17 tenaka2
Member since 2004 • 17958 Posts

Firstly, if you met me, youd think that im confident, easy-going and generally nice to be around and i guess i am. The problem is, my self-esteem is very low. As a result, i am constantly worrying about what i need to say next to keep a conversation going. I instead end up asking too many questions, or killing it off, again because i feel that im not almost worthy enough to hold somebody elses attention.

On its own its bad, but what makes it worse is that it has made making friends for me VERY difficult. In fact i know many people at my university but again, very few that i can call friends, i would never call them on their phones let alone have chat with them on Facebook.

So yeah, i want to get over this issue badly, because its affecting me in many ways, what are some good books to help myself?

allsystemsphai

The Art of War and the buybull.

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jonathant5

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#18 jonathant5
Member since 2010 • 873 Posts

[QUOTE="cd_rom"]bench-press 250. Fightingfan

Recommend this, I bench 128kg and I love seeing people from when I was in high school who got "ugly".

This is def. something you should do, for some personal image is the reason why they lack self esteem. Go to the gym and work out, and that will be one of the many concrete steps you can take to try and became more confident. The other one is really to try and get out of your comfort zone and do new things and meet new people. As you learn how to meet people and keep a conversation going with them, you will learn, through experience and certainly making mistakes, the right way to communicate with others. The other things you can do (I might get flak from the ther members for recommending this) is to go out and just hook up with girls at your University. That will certainly increase your self esteem and make you more confident. Of course its easier said than done, but again through experience and mistakes, you will get good at it.
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Palantas

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#19 Palantas
Member since 2002 • 15329 Posts

[QUOTE="Fightingfan"]

[QUOTE="cd_rom"]bench-press 250. markop2003

Recommend this, I bench 128kg and I love seeing people from when I was in high school who got "ugly".

There's nothing like that to help your self confidence, one of the jocks from my HS seems to have doubled in weight since HS

And the guys who went and lost their hair. Losers.

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Victorious_Fize

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#20 Victorious_Fize
Member since 2011 • 6128 Posts
I'd suggest the apathetic mentality. Hard, and certainly doesn't come by acting like a tough guy. But it should make you carefree from people's whispers.