Went to a lewd coffee shop today

That's an interesting theory, but I think you're being a little generous there. While it's good to assume good intentions and all, I doubt their intentions are as pure as you think.

Do you really think that these old men think that they can score some college chick? lol

One of the points of being a human is to triumph over your animal parts of yourself. To let nurture, not nature, make you a better person. I'm not saying that from any sort of moral high ground, by the way (I support legalization of prostitution); I'm saying that simply to say we should have a higher bar for ourselves.

You're lowering the bar by making excuses for your baser impulses, which frankly is a HUGE problem in modern America (a general lack of critical thinking).

You are thinking, yes...perhaps too much. Just not critically.

I think the worst part is that you know better. But you want to, so you're making a bunch of faux-pragmatic arguments in favor of it.

Example:

I know heroin is bad, but I want to do it anyway. I mean, when you think about it, not everyone dies from heroin, it's just some people. And heroin has been used for thousands of years, and has a rich history of use among many cultures. Plus, it's often produced in third-world countries that need the cash the drug industry creates. Some scientific studies have even shown it's beneficial in small amounts. Plus it's used in painkillers!

That's kind of what you sound like.

If you want to get sexually aroused when you get coffee, then just say "me caveman, me horny, me want caffeine and tits" and own it.

Again, to be clear: I am not judging you for going to a lewd cafe. I am judging you for the way you are rationalizing it.

Well I know when I go to the titty bar or when I cheat on my wife, it's only from a sense of nostalgia. It's not because I'm a weak-willed person that let's my lizard brain override my human brain.

Nope, just innocent nostalgia!

True. I go to the coffee shop to see a nice ass in a thong. It arouses me, esp. as they serve me the coffee or smoothie. It also helps me become more open with women. Why is that such an issue to you? Stop with the holier than thou bullshit. What does that have to do with Heroin? How does it affect your life if I go to one of these establishments or not? It sounds like you are begging me not to go. You sound like one of those evangelical christians who judges everyone else, BUT yourself.

Am I perfect? No. Am I hurting anyone by going? No.

I admitted why I go there. Do you still take issue? Nothing you say will make me stop going. lol

I'm just arguing for the sake of argument, to be honest. Trying to gain some perspective.

I'm happy you're happy, truth be told. No holier than thou over here.

Trust me, if prostitution were safe and legal, I'd be indulging. The whole strip club/lewd cafe thing just seems like half-assing it to me, truth be told, but I get it.

I have never heard of a lewd coffee shop. What is it? Is it prostitution, but in a cafe?

No. It's just women serving you in a bikini.

Okay, no I understand. Sorry if I got defensive. I never meant to.

But yeah, I go to just see a nice piece of ass. They are all in thongs, so it turns me on. I also leave a tip as well. Also, while driving into the coffee shop, I get a bit of dopamine rush.. Watching them make coffee for me, or get talkative while they are in a thong gives me a boner. Finally, it helps decrease my fear of talking to women because it puts me in that sort of situation.

I mean its not a life changing thing. I live around 2-4 minutes away from one of these shops. Its a few minute drive w/ little traffic. If I had to drive 30 minutes or so, I would not bother.

I also tip and am respectful. I've only been there twice but plan on going 1-2 times this weekend on Saturday and/or Sunday.

They know they don't have a chance, but they go because they're just horny and want to look at some ass... kind of like you.

No. If you are talking about lewd coffee shops and strip clubs, then yes, they just want to see some nice ass.

I was talking fully clothed restaurants, bars/grills, etc

Its not just MEN who are delusional, many women are as well. I work in a small town government office just outside of Dallas Texas ( the deep south.) I would say that the women here are some of the most obese ppl on planet earth. A lot of the older ones (45 +) hit on me, and actually think that they have a change at dating or fucking me. Not kidding, it gets creepy in many cases. This very obese woman of Hispanic origan, actually used to touch me and stares at me excessively. I can't really imagine some obese guy in his 50s thinking he can score some 20 something year old, fit woman.

I also see many obese older women (again, mostly of Hispanic origan, so it could be a cultural thing, I don't really know) hit on the college interns as well. Keep in mind that these are NOT attractive "office milf" ladies, they are obese and unattractive.

@bcroger3: Okay, I thought you meant lewd cafes.

Your argument sounds self-contradictory. On the one hand, you assume pure intentions from older men talking to younger women... Yet assume lewd intentions from older women talking to younger men?

By your own logic, those older women are only talking to younger men because they're nostalgic, not out of lust.

Other than your double standards on display here, are you kidding? You don't see older men trying to score with young women? They start that when the girls are barely out of their teens. You are either in denial due to personal bias or you need to get out in the world more.

I don't see obese 40+ year old men hit on young women in real life personally. There are a few obese and older men at my work place and none really care for the interns or the few young women. I think most older and obese men realize that there is like 0% chance that a slim young woman would care for them, unless they had a stock portfolio of like 5 million or something, so why bother? On the other hand, some obese, 40+ year old lady may think its possible for a younger man to want her for sex or something.

I did have a few obese women who are 40+ hit on me and some of the interns. Then again, over 85% of the women I work with are obese and we have quite a few employees, overwhelmingly female. So there's bound to be a few flirty women(albeit delusional ones) with the number of ppl and the demographic I work with. It could also be a cultural thing, many of these morbidly obese women are Hispanic American, so they may not realize that their weight affects their appearance?

@bcroger3: Um, you just said earlier in the thread that you frequently see middle-aged men talking to younger college girls... But now you're saying they don't? Why are you changing your story now?

No. I don't see them touch them or ask them to lunch. I mean in that sense.

I'm pretty sure they know there is no way in hell they would be interested anyways.

What's the difference with the older women? Are they more touchy or something?

I'm shocked and confused as to why this even exists... I don't mind certain establishments existing. I don't mind strip clubs or gentlemen's clubs or whatever. If you want to do that, cool. I don't even mind porn or fanservice in media. Whatever. However, does *everything* have to be sex? Can we just have places for sex and then have places for coffee? Is that too much to ask?

Yeah, but couldn't you just go to a non-lewd coffee shop? No one is forcing you to go to one of these. The are pretty rare anyways, I just happen to live like 2-4 minutes away.

I went there today and the girl serving was friendly and served me a smoothie in a thong. She asked me how my day was and we had a small chat. I gave a $2 tip. It gave me a boner. I then went home and masturbated. Whats the big deal? No one is getting hurt.

But a coffee shop to get off? Why does it even exist? There are establishments for this kind of stuff... Come on...

I got a fruit smoothie which gave me about 2 extra servings of fruit today.

Plus I got a boner and a nice masturbation session. All for $8(including tip)

Don't see an issue.

I don't like the thing of turning everything into sex. It's very weird. Everything doesn't have to be sex.

Now THIS thread is the kind of old style forum arguing I can get behind.

Men attracted to younger women, and women attracted to men that have money. What a relevation. Each are just following biological impulses anyways.

For men, younger women means more offspring and for women, rich men means they can provide well for their children.

@Jag85 said:

@sancho_panzer:

The study I was referencing:

Dataclysm: Love, Sex, Race, and Identity--What Our Online Lives Tell Us about Our Offline Selves (2015)

According to Google Scholar, this 2015 study has well over 100 citations from other scholarly works. So its findings have been backed by many other scholars.

In contrast, the more recent 2025 study you've posted has 0 citations on Google Scholar. In other words, no other scholars have yet backed its findings.

Either way, the 2025 study doesn't necessarily contradict the 2015 study. Naturally, women prioritize looks way less than men, especially as they get older. So while the average middle-aged woman might find the young stud more physically attractive, she'd still find the middle-aged man more attractive overall for reasons other than looks.

I think that's fairly worded. Publications often accrue reputability with time, as citations snowball. Wikipedia tells me that's known as the Matthew Effect. This study is very new, so might be worth sticking to criticism of the methodology when discussing its reliability. It's a bit tough with this study you've linked, as I don't have any access to the contents of the book.

Regardless, sure, the two studies don't necessarily contradict one another. I'm not sure what customers in a lewd coffee shop are after. Maybe it's marriage and an engaging relationship with a mutual attraction from waitresses or maybe it's just a bit of ogling, but absolutely that's going to vary.

Sorry about the late reply - I've not really been online the last few days. Had myself a nice little break in the sun, which kind of reinforced my own biases about attraction and age. Definitely more to attraction than what's conventionally considered looks alone, and I think the extent of that's massively underestimated in a lot of cases. It's certainly not as straightforward as some studies make out.