What does it feel like to be friendzoned?

Some of you might be friendzoned so why not share it in OT your story about it?

I never talked to a girl.No girl will ever talk to me.Im 4everalone so i will never get freindzoned ?

Kinda like having a dream about being with a girl (sexual or just romantic, I used to have both kinds of dreams) and then waking up...

DAMN IT!

But now that I've been with someone for over a year, I'm so glad those times are long gone.

Happened to me once. Got close to a girl, we spent quite a bit of time together, having fun and I started wondering what my life would be like if I were in a relationship with her, but then when I finally asked her if she was searching for something more she just shot me down hard. It was more surprise than pain (considering I wasn't in love with her or anything) but I remember thinking "then wtf have we been working towards?" Turns out I had asked her that while she was having a lot of trouble she wasn't talking to anybody about, so if I had asked at a different time, who knows? But now I got to say that I'm happy to have been shot down...that girl was a taker, not a giver, so I'm glad it went nowhere.

Define taker because to be honest no one 8s obligated to enter into a relationship with someone no matter how much time someone spends with them. Can't force feelings to happen, and there's no guarantee romantic feelings will come with time. Is a rock solid friendship with a woman not worth it to some men, if so that is sad. I'm just glad you're not the bitter type, the fact some men get angry after rejection might mean the other person didn't mean much to them they just wanted to not be single.

@indzman: they will if you're a genuine friend and not just someone looking for relationship status or a sexual outlet

Happened with a girl in university, was pretty frustrating and confusing because I was in to her but got wildly mixed signals coming the other way. I blatantly asked her out a couple times and she would always say yes and then find some way to get out of going on the date without saying she wasn't interested. it started when we and a few other students were out drinking and while inebriated she told me she had a 'french crush' on me right before leaving to visit her family for two weeks in another city.

it happened late in my last semester of University and after graduating she took a job in a city several thousand KM away so that ended the confusion.

I'm assuming this was meant for me. Of course nobody is obligated into a relationship...I'd be screwed if that were the case. And it wasn't a rock solid friendship, but more of a one sided, very demanding and possessive one, hence why I thought she wanted a romantic relationship (which she had mentioned a few times as a "what if"). As for the "taker, not a giver", she was the kind of person who would call you at 3am because she had a problem but would never have time to talk if you needed it.

She was the kind of person who thought that everything was easier for others than for her; it would be too much trouble for her to take 30 minutes to take a bus to see her friends if she was already nearby but she'd get pissy if her friends didn't want to drive 4 hours to see her on a moment's notice when she called them. Everyone had to remember her birthday and bring her gifts and be willing to show up on whatever day she decided to throw the party but she would never remember other people's birthday, including her own parents. That sort of thing.

It has nothing to do with her not wanting a romantic relationship, it's about the kind of person she is (or was, haven't seen her in years so who knows what kind of person she is now). Back then I just saw that as quirks that she'd grow out of, and I was too stupid to realise that that's just the kind of person she was, and that's why I said I was happy she didn't want a relationship because I would have probably been too naive to jump ship and she'd have ruined quite a few of my early adulthood years.

EDIT: Because paragraphs are important XD

Seems MrK freindzoned me, ignoring me lately :(

I completely forgot to acknowledge you on that man crush thread, didn't I? It wasn't intentional XD

@korvus: met quite a few selfish girls like that myself in high school and college. As soon as that kind of attitude revealed itself ("please care about me but I don't want to care about you") I distanced myself as quickly as possible. There's no reasoning with those people sometimes.

At least once in HS I was friendzoned. Some girl went through a bit of a transformation and looked stunning (at the time). Got closer and gave it a shot. She thought of it, and couldn't see us more than friends. What really sucked is that afterwards, while I was ok with not being in a relationship. She gave me a look more often than not, like I was still trying to get with her. Anytime I asked she what she was doing, say over the spring break. Just for the sake of friendly conversation. As I had no intention of hanging out with anyone.

After HS, she tried recruiting me and others into a pyramid scheme. The one's that went got into a car accident with a co worker of her's. She was also stated to be very annoying in college by buddies of mine. And went on to falsely accuse a former classmate of rape. So yea. Being friendzoned works for your good. And no girl is obligated to date you for being nice.

@jak42: that's a good point. While being friend zoned does suck, it ultimately is good for the victim in the end because you find out that the girl really didn't ever see you as more than friends and so it would've never worked even if you had pressed her and gotten into a forced relationship or something.

I think I have been friend-zoned before. I have definitely been acquaintance -zoned.

1. There was a girl I talked to online and through mail and phone calls many years ago, but we never got to meet. She was from another country, but got to live here for many years with her rich aunt. I don't think I really liked her in a romantic way, but tried to create a relationship with her and was interested in her because she was a virgin and was a race I was attracted to. She randomly just kind of stopped answering my phone calls for a few days, but when we talked again I discover she was talking to another guy who lived in the same city, and was planning to hang out with him. They met up and on their first date they did sexual stuff. She went on to explain that she had no feelings for the guy and didn't think it would go anywhere, but just wanted to experience it with him. It made no sense to me because I was interested in her physically and if it didn't matter with him then it could have not mattered with me. I was hurt that even though I had invested time in her, she still chose another dude she had just met.

2. A year or two after that, there was another girl I talked to from the Internet, who lived in the South. This girl I really did have feelings for, and there came to be a period of many months where she was one of the only people I talked to. She had Asperger's Syndrome and would be kind of hard to predict at times, so I don't know the full extent of what she went through on a day-to-day basis. She always told me God had some plan for me, and was very inspirational. Well a situation happened and I was going through a lot of things, and I think part of what kept me positive was my thinking that after I got off of probation I could go to this girl and start the next chapter of my life with her. I still remember the detailed letter she sent me, she put a lot of work into it for me and did a great job of pinpointing who I was in that letter. But one thing I didn't catch in the letter was the main message - that she couldn't be who I wanted her to be for me, and that I had to go through things on my own. Many months down the line I discovered through a conversation with another online friend of hers that she actually had an on-and-off boyfriend who she was really close to, that she had never mentioned to me in all of the years we talked. I felt angry and hurt, I didn't understand why she never mentioned her boyfriend, and I felt like the persona she projected was different from the life she actually lived. She was the first person I think I really loved.

3. More recently there was a woman I worked with who I developed feelings for. I was in a relationship when I met her, and initially I was not interested in her. In fact my initial impression of her was that she wasn't as impressive at our job as other people had claimed, and that she got out of a lot of things by saying she was sick. I just thought she had made some very good friends who embellished a lot. But as time went on, and I got to know her better, I realized she was just as they said. And there was more to her than I realized - she was surprisingly witty and kind, and very smart. She was a lot of fun to talk to, and suddenly I realized that I wished I could be with someone like her, someone about my age, who I could have fun with and laugh with. But she really pushed me away at almost every instance where I showed I was interested in her. I knew I wasn't her type, but I guess I didn't want to lose her without giving it my all. She was so socially awkward and introverted, kind of like me, but much more so... She would turn down even the simplest of requests to hang out and have lunch. One day she surprised me, she took me up on my offer to hang out outside of work - and she made good on it. Things never went anywhere, and never will. She doesn't want to keep in touch, or really want anything at all to do with me. But hey, I guess we all want something we can't have.

4. Lately I've gone on more dates and things, but I think I realized that girls will quickly friend-zone you if the first impression didn't suit them. I drove 2 hours away to go on a date with a girl who is always busy and never seems to have time for it. She was kind of rushy and didn't seem interested in getting to know me the entire time. And then we went from texting throughout the day everyday, to not talking at all. But she still really wanted to stay friends! I guess that doesn't make much sense to me, because to her being a friend means you don't talk, whereas being a potential suitor means you talk like you're friends.

I think the simple fact of the matter is, a girl just has an intuition about whether or not she wants to date you. It doesn't really have a lot to do with how honest you are or how deep your conversations get, she is grading you on so many factors that unless you pass a certain percentage of her criteria she is subconsciously judging you on? She will never be interested in you as a love interest. Never.

If a girl talks to you about her problems--I'm talking serious problems, like her dating life, family, etc)-- and you guys aren't dating, you've been friendzoned. That's what I've learned from being friendzoned a few times.

It's like, if she is a girl, and a friend, they might talk to you like you are a friend. If she is a girlfriend (romantic) you will listen to her problems and vice versa and blah blah blah there's something at the end of the rainbow. But if you've been friendzoned, it's all the negatives of the romantic relationship (listening to her complain, being unconditionally supportive of her) with none of the return. And I don't mean just sex, I mean her being supportive of you, doing favors for you, going out of her way for you.

I never really had a close female friend

And here I am, who can barely remember his own birthday, I only realise when I look at my phone in the morning and it says "Happy Birthday".

It is one of the worst feelings in the world. I am going through it right now. It is bad enough that it literally prompted me to sign up to this site after lurking for years just so I can post about it.

This poster explains exactly how it feels like for me:

I mean I try, I REALLY try to be there and be a friend even though I clearly don't want to just be that but I like her, or should I say love her enough where being around her, even as a friend seems "good enough". The problem is that it is just so draining to just be there and listen to her go about how much her problems sucks and how meh her current relationship is. I have no support from her at all at my worst. It is getting to the awkward point where she once said: "I love you but I am NOT 'In love with you'. Like, I wouldn't go out of my way to be there for you if you had an emergency and I had other stuff going on". So as you can guess, I am even unfulfilled platonically. The only reason I haven't cutoff all contact is because we share way too many friends and because I am still not sure if I'll be better off without her in my life as I don't have too many close friends.

@vrokespell: yeah the whole irony of being "friendzoned" is that they're not really even friends, you're just a tool to them. A true friend wouldn't say that--"I wouldn't go out of my way to be there for you if you had an emergency and I had other stuff going on"--because a true friend would be there for you if you had an emergency.

Get a girlfriend or laid and tell her about it as soon as you can if you guys hang out a lot and are OK talking like that, or just stop talking to her about her problems, or start talking about yourself more (I know, it's hard, but I know you have problems too, and man let her listen to them like you listened to her's). Put her in the passenger's seat for a while.

With that said...I won't say that you can't have good friendships, or salvage friendships, from people that have friendzoned you. So it might be worthwhile to make an attempt at a normal friendship with this person. It might be that your romantic feelings are clouding your perception of the whole thing?

@Storm_Marine: Its Pay per view ?

I do the friendzoning.

Just be single anfd find a girl who likes you

Ah, the good ol' pyramid scheme. I friendzoned a girl because I couldn't trust her because she tried recruiting me before. She has since then backed out of it..but now everything from her feels fake...She took me out on my birthday and bought me a gift, I never followed through.

@lonewolf604: Yea it would be hard to trust someone who made money from such schemes and scams. If they fall on hard times, will they go back to that scene ? And get you caught in their legal mess.

I also had one particular girl, who was dating a relative show interest in me. I was pretty vulnerable at that point in my life. So I was open to it once that relationship ended. Our schedules though always conflicted. Years later she tried to come on to me. But being more confident I can do better, I wasn't having it. She's in jail now for a very vicious crime. Although I wish for her mental well being. God has surely protected me from unsuitable women.

I wouldn't know, because I treasure friendships and respect the right of other individuals to not be interested in me.

I personally have never had a female friend but I imagine it's great.

Dunno. I maintain clearly defined relationships. There have been several instances where the girls I've been after try to remain as friends, but I'm always shut it down right on the spot since I don't believe you can be friends with someone you're attracted to and not keep wanting to take it to the next level. I'd say move on instead of torturing yourself and wasting time on the slim hope of that girl changing her mind about how she sees you.

@mrbojangles25:

My perception is definitely messing up how I see everything. It is ridiculously hard to be logical and objective. I think it is the fact that she straight up says that she loves me yet she doesn't love the person she's currently with, that drives me crazy. She is just "not 'in-love' with me" or so she says. She also always reminds me that the reason why she loves me is that she thinks that I am the only person in her life that cares for her, which may be a lie to keep me attached but I wouldn't be sure. I actually have been dating for a while to keep myself sane thorough the whole endeavor and to not feel so "weak" so to speak. It is just way hard to maintain my relationships healthy when it can be obvious to the girls that I hang with that I am clearly in love with my friend.

I like your recommendation on having her be in the passenger's seat for a while though. It is something that I haven't tried, as I tend to be private with my problems even with family.

@vrokespell: I think it's just not worth remaining interested in someone like that. There's a few billion women in the world, so you're bound to find others who are a better match than her and who actually want something reciprocated.

A lot of women are hypocrites and are all looking for a really particular sort of guy. The funny thing is, they do this regardless of how they themselves look and act. It doesn't matter if the girl is 3'2, she will avoid a guy who is under 5'7 because that's how her primal brain works. We men are not like this. We have standards sure, but if a woman is generally attractive we don't care about petty things like a woman will.

All this, science tells us, in the name of "ensuring healthy offspring"... But then the women usually sleep with assholes and dickheads and not good men, lol.

Do yourself a favor and just do things you like to do. With any luck you'll eventually find a girl who likes you for you and actually enjoys spending time talking to you and doing things with you. Don't bother with most of these bitches, they'll diss the things you like and try to change things about you, while simultaneously blurting out that they don't think they want anything serious with you. Or else they'll spend a bunch of time talking to you, but throw it all away in a second because they still have tons of other people they secretly talk to.

@Ovirew:

I'll keep your advice in mind. I kinda noticed that we don't particularly have much in common anyway. The few things that we do have in common, is because I introduced her to them.

This part of your reply ring true in my situation: "...they'll spend a bunch of time talking to you, but throw it all away in a second because they still have tons of other people they secretly talk to."

We actually have been friends for 5 years now and I've noticed that even when she is single and it seems that we are going to finally be a thing, she is actually talking with multiple guys at the same time.

Just once. And geeeeeeez it stung. But I've been with my partner for 3 years and they have been the best 3 years of my life, would never change that

Would be nice to have a female friend even if it never turned into a relationship. I've had strong feelings for maybe half of a dozen girls in my life and they've mostly been bummed me out because I'd be too afraid to even talk to them. I guess I felt similar to what's called unrequited love. Of course, I've never actually been in love, just infatuated. I suppose I wouldn't know what it's like to be friendzoned, but I can kinda understand how upsetting it can be. Maybe it is hard to just be friends with someone you really like deep down. But I dunno, I've never really liked the term since they aren't obligated to like you back in that way. And it makes it sound like they did something bad when really they have every right to "friendzone" you.