Which Poem is better?

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VoodooGamer

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#1 VoodooGamer
Member since 2007 • 1864 Posts

Ardent Love

I caressed her gently and so smoothly and so carefully. The influx of desire wrought from her lips, as my fingers slid down her face, bade my mouth open just a little, tiny, little bit. My lips quivered with every touch. And with every sensation, all perceptions of remembrances, all procession of time, all flow of thought and feeling, all but drifted away. And I could see them swirl and spin and move harmoniously, melodically, and paradoxically in the chamber with so many books.

My love, my gentle, sweet love, how many moments you've bequeathed unto me from your scribe, how many thoughts and fancies you've unleashed upon my lonely heart. For my heart is indeed lonely, but only is it because of your love that I am lonely, that I sit in my dusty, little study. Yet, though paradoxically, it is not monotony, but my passion, and drive to see yours and my love fulfilled by each moment passed with each vowel propelled about my inner sanctum.

I have traversed leagues through time, and I have crevassed years through ages, and I have walked with legends, and I have shared emotions with their tidings. Love so affected by ardent and protected fancies only specific to the reader and unique to the individual.

My hand finally slid about her volume, and I awoke her with the turn of a page.

Art

Art: What a man may make
when his thoughts are Complete;
when paint is dry
or inking is finished

Complete: What a man may become
when he strokes an Idea;
when gears slacken
and canvas is purring

Idea: What a man may obtain
when his muse is Lost;
when from the dark
she reaches her doorstep

Lost: What a man may seem
when his pen starts to Dance;
when fields are blank
and roots soon to blacken

Dance: What a man may do
when he falls in Love;
when muscles open
to welcome emotion

Love: What a man may feel
when he observes Art

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DivergeUnify

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#2 DivergeUnify
Member since 2007 • 15150 Posts
The first one, primarily because I don't like the flow of the second one
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samuraiguns

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#4 samuraiguns
Member since 2005 • 11588 Posts

I liked the first one more.

If you hast created them, you are good.

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Forumposter

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#5 Forumposter
Member since 2008 • 847 Posts
art is better
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David719

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#6 David719
Member since 2007 • 2187 Posts

I prefer Art.

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Oleg_Huzwog

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#7 Oleg_Huzwog
Member since 2007 • 21885 Posts

The first one is a soliloquy, not a poem. The second one wins by default.

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lenson

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#8 lenson
Member since 2006 • 2531 Posts

I won't choose between them. I like them both.

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223583103538974713019771264789

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#9 223583103538974713019771264789
Member since 2008 • 87 Posts

Two very beautiful poems. I couldn't choose between the two