Why are girls like this?

I've got a really good friend and we have been best of friends for over the past year, seeing each other virtually every day and getting to know each other inside out. Now for the past month or so I've been having feelings for her, and she asked me today what was on my mind and I told her that I have been having feelings for her. Her reply was "you are the best guy friend I have ever had ... about a month ago I actually felt myself falling for you but I didn't do anything because you were still torn up about Jane (her friend who I've 'liked' for a year and she used me every second of it)". After telling her I was over this other girl she said she knew I was, but she ended with a "if in the future our feelings progress into more we will get to it then".

Now what I'm asking is why do girls always have to try and let people who like them down slowly? I would have much rather her say to me "look, I like you as a friend but I don't feel the same way about you and I never will". At least if it is a definite no I can move on without thinking there is something growing that is not. That was one of the main problems I had that happened to me and Jane and I don't want to lose my best friend over it.

I think she just wants to get to know you a little more, shes hanging out with you everyday, try giving her a nice long hug and see what happens. Maybe try saying sweet things to her. make her laugh.

I think she just wants to get to know you a little more, shes hanging out with you everyday, try giving her a nice long hug and see what happens. Maybe try saying sweet things to her. make her laugh.

Xorital

I'm not going to give up, but I'm also not going to be overly pushy. The thing is though we know almost everything there is to know about each other, both good and bad. She knows stuff about me no one else knows, and I know the same about her.

[QUOTE="Xorital"]

I think she just wants to get to know you a little more, shes hanging out with you everyday, try giving her a nice long hug and see what happens. Maybe try saying sweet things to her. make her laugh.

daqua_99

I'm not going to give up, but I'm also not going to be overly pushy. The thing is though we know almost everything there is to know about each other, both good and bad. She knows stuff about me no one else knows, and I know the same about her.

Then if it is working out the way it is going then I wouldn't worry about it.

I've got a really good friend and we have been best of friends for over the past year, seeing each other virtually every day and getting to know each other inside out. Now for the past month or so I've been having feelings for her, and she asked me today what was on my mind and I told her that I have been having feelings for her. Her reply was "you are the best guy friend I have ever had ... about a month ago I actually felt myself falling for you but I didn't do anything because you were still torn up about Jane (her friend who I've 'liked' for a year and she used me every second of it)". After telling her I was over this other girl she said she knew I was, but she ended with a "if in the future our feelings progress into more we will get to it then".

Now what I'm asking is why do girls always have to try and let people who like them down slowly? I would have much rather her say to me "look, I like you as a friend but I don't feel the same way about you and I never will". At least if it is a definite no I can move on without thinking there is something growing that is not. That was one of the main problems I had that happened to me and Jane and I don't want to lose my best friend over it.

daqua_99

Her answer was wonderfully better than most girls. Be eternally grateful. You're not in the friend zone. That means, if neither of you two get into a relationship and you two just get closer, you'll end up together. What you "prefer" her to have done would have been a lie on her half.

[QUOTE="daqua_99"]

I've got a really good friend and we have been best of friends for over the past year, seeing each other virtually every day and getting to know each other inside out. Now for the past month or so I've been having feelings for her, and she asked me today what was on my mind and I told her that I have been having feelings for her. Her reply was "you are the best guy friend I have ever had ... about a month ago I actually felt myself falling for you but I didn't do anything because you were still torn up about Jane (her friend who I've 'liked' for a year and she used me every second of it)". After telling her I was over this other girl she said she knew I was, but she ended with a "if in the future our feelings progress into more we will get to it then".

Now what I'm asking is why do girls always have to try and let people who like them down slowly? I would have much rather her say to me "look, I like you as a friend but I don't feel the same way about you and I never will". At least if it is a definite no I can move on without thinking there is something growing that is not. That was one of the main problems I had that happened to me and Jane and I don't want to lose my best friend over it.

nitsud_19

Ha! I see what you did there.

[QUOTE="daqua_99"]

[QUOTE="Xorital"]

I think she just wants to get to know you a little more, shes hanging out with you everyday, try giving her a nice long hug and see what happens. Maybe try saying sweet things to her. make her laugh.

Xorital

I'm not going to give up, but I'm also not going to be overly pushy. The thing is though we know almost everything there is to know about each other, both good and bad. She knows stuff about me no one else knows, and I know the same about her.

Then if it is working out the way it is going then I wouldn't worry about it.

True. I'll probably speak with her tomorrow at lunch. It'll be the first time I'll be alone with her since I told her.

[QUOTE="Xorital"]

[QUOTE="daqua_99"]

I'm not going to give up, but I'm also not going to be overly pushy. The thing is though we know almost everything there is to know about each other, both good and bad. She knows stuff about me no one else knows, and I know the same about her.

daqua_99

Then if it is working out the way it is going then I wouldn't worry about it.

True. I'll probably speak with her tomorrow at lunch. It'll be the first time I'll be alone with her since I told her.

Good luck with all of that.

Her answer was wonderfully better than most girls. Be eternally grateful. You're not in the friend zone. That means, if neither of you two get into a relationship and you two just get closer, you'll end up together. What you "prefer" her to have done would have been a lie on her half.

Symphonycometh

So very true.

I think most girls don't like things to be too black and white. Maybe she's worried about hurting your feelings or maybe she just wants to keep her options open for the future.

If she previously felt something for you in the past there is no reason that she doesn't now. It may not be the same now but things will most likely work out in both of your favours. Just keeps it real.

Her answer was wonderfully better than most girls. Be eternally grateful. You're not in the friend zone. That means, if neither of you two get into a relationship and you two just get closer, you'll end up together. What you "prefer" her to have done would have been a lie on her half.

Symphonycometh

We've been 'friends' for over a year, but before that we were dating (she actually asked me out :P). We were not right for each other then but we have both changed and I believe now we are. I can feel us getting closer ... we have never organised weekends away before, and I am going to her friend's parties with her, so I hope we get closer.

She liked you before, she may like you again. Time to apply pressure.

[QUOTE="Symphonycometh"]

Her answer was wonderfully better than most girls. Be eternally grateful. You're not in the friend zone. That means, if neither of you two get into a relationship and you two just get closer, you'll end up together. What you "prefer" her to have done would have been a lie on her half.

We've been 'friends' for over a year, but before that we were dating (she actually asked me out :P). We were not right for each other then but we have both changed and I believe now we are. I can feel us getting closer ... we have never organised weekends away before, and I am going to her friend's parties with her, so I hope we get closer.

You're upset because she gave you a detailed and honest answer? I wish all women were that open. :?

I don't know why women do this. Genderlect is one of the weirdest wonders of the English language.

I always try to be a straight shooter and just say what I really mean to guys rather than playing these weird lie-games.

For what it's worth TC I think you're right, the situation seems to read like this: She fancied you, but you fancied her friend (Jane). Now you fancy her, but she has moved on. I don't think anything will happen with her, that boat has passed. She should have been more 'yeah, lets do it' if she were interested.

Girls suck.

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daqua_99

You are a friend and she felt she needed to lay you down easy becuase she values the firendship otherwise she would have told you to f off.

here is a tip... once in the friend zone there is no hope of getting out.

[QUOTE="Symphonycometh"]

Her answer was wonderfully better than most girls. Be eternally grateful. You're not in the friend zone. That means, if neither of you two get into a relationship and you two just get closer, you'll end up together. What you "prefer" her to have done would have been a lie on her half.

We've been 'friends' for over a year, but before that we were dating (she actually asked me out :P). We were not right for each other then but we have both changed and I believe now we are. I can feel us getting closer ... we have never organised weekends away before, and I am going to her friend's parties with her, so I hope we get closer.

[QUOTE="daqua_99"]

post

weezyfb

You are a friend and she felt she needed to lay you down easy becuase she values the firendship otherwise she would have told you to f off.

here is a tip... once in the friend zone there is no hope of getting out.

[QUOTE="daqua_99"]

post

weezyfb

You are a friend and she felt she needed to lay you down easy becuase she values the firendship otherwise she would have told you to f off.

here is a tip... once in the friend zone there is no hope of getting out.

I know it doesnt help you a lot, but this really is one of those things that will either happen or not. Just keep living it like you have and either it will or it wont. If you do finally get together you will know it was because she truely wanted to and not because she felt emotionally pressured.

Don't know..maybe they like twisting the vice slowly until you crack...so they can laugh at you when they let you know it's never happening..

Edit: And i agree with Quadraleap and his assessment of the situation..

Edi #2t: Forget it...i'll just leave it as is without edit #1 :P..

We've been 'friends' for over a year, but before that we were dating (she actually asked me out :P). We were not right for each other then but we have both changed and I believe now we are. I can feel us getting closer ... we have never organised weekends away before, and I am going to her friend's parties with her, so I hope we get closer.

daqua_99

...now that changes some things. I didnt catch that part when I first replied. Hmmm...well...

I'm in the exact same situation, except now her ex is back on the scene, Hurrah! :|

Girls are evil and their only joy in life comes from sucking the souls of men and leaving an empty shell.

Girls are evil and their only joy in life comes from sucking the souls of men and leaving an empty shell.

Bloodaxe726

Girls are evil and their only joy in life comes from sucking the souls of men and leaving an empty shell.

Bloodaxe726

OP yes you are in the friend zone. It's possible to jump ladders but in your case I don't think it is possible. When you are platonic friends with a girl for a long time and confess your love to her this NEVER works because even if she was interested time has passed and you didn't make a move. The fact that you liked her friend for a year is pretty weird and reflects badly upon you. You should never be this hung up about one girl for that amount of time.

At this point you are screwed. She let you down easy which is normal for most girls especially if you are her friend. She likes you on some level but not on a romantic one. If she was blunt you would NOT be satisfied and would probably ask her why and wonder why she didn't like you. You would also think she was a b****. She let you down easy because she wants to be friends - girls generally aren't that blunt with guys especially guys who are their friends because they don't mess up the friendship. You just suck at reading blatantly obvious signals and it's something to need to improve on.

If you really want to get this girl you need to reinvent yourself in her eyes. Start getting other girls and act more aloof/indifferent. If you are candid about your relationships with other girls she will almost certainly get jealous however if she tells you she is jealous under no circumstances drop everything for her. If you act unavailable something might work itself out. Being friends with girls is never a bad thing - pretending to be friends with them while having romantic feelings for them doesn't work, they can always sense it, and it just results in either them using you to a certain extent or you appearing pathetic.

Thanks for your insight XilePrincess. I would never want to hurt her, she means so much to me, even as just a friend. I really want to prove to her what she actually means to me. It's been a gradual process of her growing on me from the start of the year, and I do think she feels something for me, I just don't think she realizes what it is. I mean, we do everything together. If I was to want to keep our friendship going as it is I could not have another girlfriend, because we always seem to be together. Even tonight she came over (with Jane) to just say hi ... And I live 20 minutes from her place daqua_99

Now what I'm asking is why do girls always have to try and let people who like them down slowly?daqua_99

Here's what I get out of this, from a girl point of view. If I were her, and what she's saying is true, I'd be thinking "okay, I like this guy, he likes my friend. I like him and all, but he's upset over my lady friend. will he use me to get back to my lady friend? will I be his rebound? I can't let myself get hurt if all I'm going to be is a replacement." What I see happening is her testing to see if you only like her because of the circumstances and you don't reeeeeeally like her, you just like her because she's readily available. She wants to see that you'll wait around for her and prove you're sincere, and that you aren't just looking for a new relationship or something asap. I'm generally optimistic about your future with her, based on what you said.XilePrincess

Women think about all of this? That's pretty crazy. It's either I like you or not, I don't really care for the circumstances. Then again I have a policy about going out with my friend's ex. Maybe she does as well D:

You just need to become a kick-ass snowboarder man. Problem solved.

:lol:

[QUOTE="daqua_99"]Now what I'm asking is why do girls always have to try and let people who like them down slowly?tofu-lion91

[QUOTE="XilePrincess"]Here's what I get out of this, from a girl point of view. If I were her, and what she's saying is true, I'd be thinking "okay, I like this guy, he likes my friend. I like him and all, but he's upset over my lady friend. will he use me to get back to my lady friend? will I be his rebound? I can't let myself get hurt if all I'm going to be is a replacement." What I see happening is her testing to see if you only like her because of the circumstances and you don't reeeeeeally like her, you just like her because she's readily available. She wants to see that you'll wait around for her and prove you're sincere, and that you aren't just looking for a new relationship or something asap. I'm generally optimistic about your future with her, based on what you said.Espada12

Women think about all of this? That's pretty crazy. It's either I like you or not, I don't really care for the circumstances. Then again I have a policy about going out with my friend's ex. Maybe she does as well D:

EDIT: Just noticed XilePrincess is a girl. There are some exceptions but in general most women give guys horrible advice on how to get girls. This is why you see lame girls always complaining they want a nice guy but continue to date a-holes. The fact that XilePrincess thinks his future is optimistic shows that she either misread the post or isn't properly equipped to give viable advice on the situation.

Don't give up, never surrender!

[QUOTE="Espada12"]

[QUOTE="XilePrincess"]Here's what I get out of this, from a girl point of view. If I were her, and what she's saying is true, I'd be thinking "okay, I like this guy, he likes my friend. I like him and all, but he's upset over my lady friend. will he use me to get back to my lady friend? will I be his rebound? I can't let myself get hurt if all I'm going to be is a replacement." What I see happening is her testing to see if you only like her because of the circumstances and you don't reeeeeeally like her, you just like her because she's readily available. She wants to see that you'll wait around for her and prove you're sincere, and that you aren't just looking for a new relationship or something asap. I'm generally optimistic about your future with her, based on what you said.WheresKinggiAt

Women think about all of this? That's pretty crazy. It's either I like you or not, I don't really care for the circumstances. Then again I have a policy about going out with my friend's ex. Maybe she does as well D:

Well from his story, he said the girl + his ex were friends. Which is why I thought she may have had the same policy has I do. With she being the girl in question here.

[QUOTE="WheresKinggiAt"]

[QUOTE="Espada12"]

Women think about all of this? That's pretty crazy. It's either I like you or not, I don't really care for the circumstances. Then again I have a policy about going out with my friend's ex. Maybe she does as well D:

Espada12

Well from his story, he said the girl + his ex were friends. Which is why I thought she may have had the same policy has I do. With she being the girl in question here.

You are misreading his original post. There is no ex involved in the situation. Neither of the two girls were ever his girlfriend - in both situations he was just a friend who wanted more and they didn't.

WheresKinggiAt

Oh.. I assumed he was together with the other girl because she used him for a year or w/e time he said. How do you get used for all that time without being in a relationship is beyond me.

[QUOTE="WheresKinggiAt"]

You are misreading his original post. There is no ex involved in the situation. Neither of the two girls were ever his girlfriend - in both situations he was just a friend who wanted more and they didn't.

Espada12

Oh.. I assumed he was together with the other girl because she used him for a year or w/e time he said. How do you get used for all that time without being in a relationship is beyond me.

It's entirely possible that she's hesitant on account of loyalty to her friend. Frequently a girl won't date you if she knows that you are/were either interested in one of her friends or the friend is/was interested in you, because she doesn't want the friend to be hurt. And for the record, many guys would do the same for their close friends.

[QUOTE="Bloodaxe726"]

Girls are evil and their only joy in life comes from sucking the souls of men and leaving an empty shell.

OP yes you are in the friend zone. It's possible to jump ladders but in your case I don't think it is possible. When you are platonic friends with a girl for a long time and confess your love to her this NEVER works because even if she was interested time has passed and you didn't make a move. The fact that you liked her friend for a year is pretty weird and reflects badly upon you. You should never be this hung up about one girl for that amount of time.

At this point you are screwed. She let you down easy which is normal for most girls especially if you are her friend. She likes you on some level but not on a romantic one. If she was blunt you would NOT be satisfied and would probably ask her why and wonder why she didn't like you. You would also think she was a b****. She let you down easy because she wants to be friends - girls generally aren't that blunt with guys especially guys who are their friends because they don't mess up the friendship. You just suck at reading blatantly obvious signals and it's something to need to improve on.

If you really want to get this girl you need to reinvent yourself in her eyes. Start getting other girls and act more aloof/indifferent. If you are candid about your relationships with other girls she will almost certainly get jealous however if she tells you she is jealous under no circumstances drop everything for her. If you act unavailable something might work itself out. Being friends with girls is never a bad thing - pretending to be friends with them while having romantic feelings for them doesn't work, they can always sense it, and it just results in either them using you to a certain extent or you appearing pathetic.

You are in the friend zone. You're never gonna get out of it.

Women think about all of this? That's pretty crazy. It's either I like you or not, I don't really care for the circumstances. Then again I have a policy about going out with my friend's ex. Maybe she does as well D:

Espada12

I would have much rather her say to me "look, I like you as a friend but I don't feel the same way about you and I never will". At least if it is a definite no I can move on without thinking there is something growing that is not. That was one of the main problems I had that happened to me and Jane and I don't want to lose my best friend over it.

daqua_99