Women of OT. What are the rules?

This is the thing. At the begining of last month I was on a date that seemed to be going well. We were talking, laughing flirting and then the check came. I pull out my card to pay for dinner and she stopped me and offered to pay. This generally doesn't happen to me on a first date so I figured she was testing me. I said that's ok and paid for dinner anyway. It was at this point that she got angry and started lecturing me about equality and independence. I was suprised because something like this has never happened to me before. Needless to say I haven't spoken to her since.

A couple of weeks later I went out with a woman that I've been aquainted with for close to 3 years. When I asked her out, her response was very up beat and high enery with an almost "what took you so long" tone. Once again every thing was going great. We were even talking about what we should do the next time we go out. Then the check came. I go to pay for dinner and that's when she offered to pay. A chill went down my spine as I got flashbacks to that night I had two weeks earlier. Then I also remembered some of our telephone conversations about how she enjoys being independent and not relying on others so I backed off and let her pay.

That was the turning point.

As I walked her back to her car I could tell that her whole energy had chaged from excitement to dissapointment. I think the only reason this is bothering me is because I've been aquainted with her for 3 years. If she was just someone I had met the week before I wouldn't care. I called her 3 times and got no response. Now that it's been a week and a half since the last time I tried to call her, I get this "brushy" sounding email that she sent me at 2am that basically says that she's been busy and that she'll talk to me some other time. Which sucks, because to stop obsessing over why she hadn't called me back I'm going out with someone else on Thursday.

Yesterday I was bored at work and started looking around and accidently found this.

http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/21134540/vp/23127265#23500789

Basically it says that 57% of women consistantly offer to pay for a date. Out of the 57% that offer, 40% get offended if you reject their offer and 40% get offended if you accept their offer.

My question to the Ladies of OT is, what advice do you have for men that find themselves cought in this kind of situation? Is there a set of unwritten unsaid rules that should be followed? Or should a guy flip a coin, call out heads or tails, and pray?

You pay for what you order, don't like it? Stop scarfin' it, ya walrus!

:P

Out of the 57% that offer, 40% get offended if you reject their offer and 40% get offended if you accept their offer.genfactor

So does that mean there's some overlap where a certain percentage will be offended no matter what you do? Relationships are confusing.

haha i have done a "dining dash" with my girlfriend a few times.... nothing beats a free steak and a free rotiseree chicken with unlimitited free refills of pepsi!!

Whoever asks the person out is "assumed" to pay. If the girl offered to pay, she could just be "feeling you out". Always insist a second time..... with saying something like, "well, let me get it this time and next time, you can pay" Also, let her pick the next place.

Just my .02

Those statistics are frustrating... So, basically you have an equal chance of pissing her off no matter what you say? Screw that noise. I'm old-school about that stuff, and on my dates I ALWAYS paid. Period. But if you want to be more progressive, then I agree that a fair was is for the person who initiated the date should pay.

Either way, this shouldn't be a deal-breaker. Even assuming she gets upset, then the two of you ought to be able to talk it out and get to the bottom of the situation with a little communication. If she can't resolve this one pretty insignificant issue, what's it going to be like when something really important comes up? It sounds like she's overly dramatic. Maybe it's a good thing it didn't work out?

Also, is it possible that it was something else in the conversation changed the mood of the date and it had little to do with the paying-for-dinner thing?

You pay for what you order, don't like it? Stop scarfin' it, ya walrus!

:P

tbone29

:lol: That will go over well....I should try it sometime ;)

God, that sucks.

I always let the women pay. Saves my bank account.

Seriously though, you should probably just figure it out first. Explain to the damn woman that you're going out with that woman are crazy, and you would like to pay for her dinner, and that you hope that doesn't offend her when you do pay for it.

[QUOTE="genfactor"]Out of the 57% that offer, 40% get offended if you reject their offer and 40% get offended if you accept their offer.

So does that mean there's some overlap where a certain percentage will be offended no matter what you do? Relationships are confusing.

women aren't good at math...

Those statistics are frustrating... So, basically you have an equal chance of pissing her off no matter what you say? Screw that noise. I'm old-school about that stuff, and on my dates I ALWAYS paid. Period. But if you want to be more progressive, then I agree that a fair was is for the person who initiated the date should pay.

Either way, this shouldn't be a deal-breaker. Even assuming she gets upset, then the two of you ought to be able to talk it out and get to the bottom of the situation with a little communication. If she can't resolve this one pretty insignificant issue, what's it going to be like when something really important comes up? It sounds like she's overly dramatic. Maybe it's a good thing it didn't work out?

Also, is it possible that it was something else in the conversation changed the mood of the date and it had little to do with the paying-for-dinner thing?

CheddarLimbo

I guess that's possible but I don't think so. While she was finishing desert, I asked her if she was enjoying herself and she said that we have to do this again soon.

[QUOTE="CheddarLimbo"]

Those statistics are frustrating... So, basically you have an equal chance of pissing her off no matter what you say? Screw that noise. I'm old-school about that stuff, and on my dates I ALWAYS paid. Period. But if you want to be more progressive, then I agree that a fair was is for the person who initiated the date should pay.

Either way, this shouldn't be a deal-breaker. Even assuming she gets upset, then the two of you ought to be able to talk it out and get to the bottom of the situation with a little communication. If she can't resolve this one pretty insignificant issue, what's it going to be like when something really important comes up? It sounds like she's overly dramatic. Maybe it's a good thing it didn't work out?

Also, is it possible that it was something else in the conversation changed the mood of the date and it had little to do with the paying-for-dinner thing?

genfactor

I guess that's possible but I don't think so. While she was finishing desert, I asked her if she was enjoying herself and she said that we have to do this again soon.

Well, damn. It sounds like the only thing in between that and the parking lot is the check. Oh well. Tough luck, man. Try to find a less crazy girl next time.

I'm all for half and half. I think it's a safe bet...especially when she offers, because then you're at least halfway accepting it (so she won't get offended and think you're sexist if you don't) and then you're halfway rejecting it (so she won't get offended because she prefers to be treated in some way by men).

Girls can be so damn difficult. I'm glad I don't date them. :P

I always try to be the gentleman an pay, even when I am short on cash. However, some women like to be able to collaborate as well, so I think its okay to let them pitch in. I would only let that happen once in a while after we get to know each other though. Even then, I would only let it happen if she was inviting me or if I am really short on money and she still wants to go out. Is not that I am trying to be sexist, on the contrary, I am really trying to take care of her.

For me, it is very important to try an act like a gentleman and one of the things that define being a gentleman for me is taking care of the person who is receiving your affection.

In the end, this is a pretty tricky issue, specially in today's society, for you never know what answer you may get. You could end up like a perfect gentleman or as a sexist pig. Is a very thin line unfortunately:|

Say "Are you sure? I'll pay." If she says yes, then let her pay and figure it's her loss.helium_flash

That's kinda what happened. Then she pulled out her platinum card and paid for it.

[QUOTE="helium_flash"]Say "Are you sure? I'll pay." If she says yes, then let her pay and figure it's her loss.genfactor

That's kinda what happened. Then she pulled out her platinum card and paid for it.

Well I've always paid, how else would I have a gf? :P

But for real, I always pay because that's how I was raised.

Say "Are you sure? I'll pay." If she says yes, then let her pay and figure it's her loss.helium_flash

Thats just a test too see if ur cheap.

[QUOTE="helium_flash"]Say "Are you sure? I'll pay." If she says yes, then let her pay and figure it's her loss.xSIZEMATTER

Thats just a test too see if ur cheap.

Simple.

I pay for dinner.

She pays for the hooker for the threesome.

Easy-peasy.

[QUOTE="xSIZEMATTER"]

[QUOTE="helium_flash"]Say "Are you sure? I'll pay." If she says yes, then let her pay and figure it's her loss.Jandurin

Thats just a test too see if ur cheap.

Start dating guys :P

lol most good girls wanna pay. I just think it's right to pay myself. Just my opinion.

lol most good girls wanna pay. I just think it's right to pay myself. Just my opinion. xSIZEMATTER

I always offer to pay half, if he insists on paying though I let him. Pearl_of_Egypt

[QUOTE="xSIZEMATTER"]lol most good girls wanna pay. I just think it's right to pay myself. Just my opinion. Jandurin

Well I can only cook simple stuff. :P

Well I can only cook simple stuff. :PxSIZEMATTER

A guy pays on a 1st date its the rules

[QUOTE="xSIZEMATTER"] Well I can only cook simple stuff. :PJandurin

I am, just really slowly :x

I never pay for women. Why? Because buying them stuff doesn't get you laid.

(Unless you're a sugar daddy who buys her a car every other week, but a vagina isn't worth that much.)

Going half and half should pretty much be the general guideline.

In _Vino_verita

You need to give her a reality check ..lol