PSA: The Console Plague! (56K)

Hi there, I'm actor Troy McClure, you may remember me from such gaming related articles as "Mushroom Fiend: The Mario Story" and "The Atari Jaguar: Great, or Greatest?" and I'm here to talk to you about the latest scourge to gaming, Consolitus!

As we all know, console gamers have neither the skill nor the intelligence to play hardcore games. Because of their lower intelligence they simply cannot comprehend a hardcore game.

Image of average console gamer's brain.

As a result they need everything dumbed down for them. Also, because of their limited physical development, they cannot handle complex control schemes.

Picture of console gamer. Note how they only have 4 fingers.

Because of their physical and mental disabilities, developers are forced to dumb down games so that the deformed console gamer can play them. Because they cannot handle the complex stories, controls and gameplay of what would constitute a PC game, they instead receive dumbed-down stories like those of MGS and KOTOR, and dumbed down gameplay such as Ninja Gaiden and Final Fantasy.

Typical result of console gamer attempting to play hardcore PC game.

However hardcore gaming has fallen on tough times. Between the rising cost of development and damn, dirty pirates PC developers are being forced to destroy their once proud PC games for the console-gaming masses. Because of a complete lack of sales and revenue, PC developers need to expand to other platforms. And because the developers of niche titles don't have the resources nor the talent to work on more than one title at once, the quality of their hardcore games will suffer, and they may even be forced to make rhythm games or worse.

The future of gaming?

So what can you, the PC gamer do about Consolitus? Try reasoning with the console-gaming masses. Make sure not to use words containing more than 5 letters, or sentences containing more than 6 words, and use exaggerated hand gestures. Remember they're only console gamers! It's not the PC developer's fault for making games that won't sell or compromising the quality of their game, it's those damn dirty apes! And for god's sake, use protection, or you yourself may become infected with Consolitus!

Host, wearing tattered remains of anti-Consolitus suit, attempts to reason with console gamer.

Well that's all for today, tune in next week for "The L-Block: The Criminal Mastermind". Remember, only you can stop Consolitus!

system wars, not fanboy wars TC. im assuming this is a poor attempt at a joke TC but if it isnt then uve let the PC gamer side down.

besides....i could just post a pic of Comic book guy :P.

Even though i didnt like how you said MGS story was simple, this was hillarious...

If i could i would be a PC gamer but i dont have the $$$

system wars, not fanboy wars TC. im assuming this is a poor attempt at a joke TC but if it isnt then uve let the PC gamer side down.

besides....i could just post a pic of Comic book guy :P.

osan0

Actually it is a great attempt. :lol: Maybe it hit a little too close to home for you. Kudos to TC!!

IronBass :evil: DON'T QUOTE THAT!

On Topic: lol, that is all.

system wars, not fanboy wars TC. im assuming this is a poor attempt at a joke TC but if it isnt then uve let the PC gamer side down.

besides....i could just post a pic of Comic book guy :P.

osan0

BTW hilarious PBS, even if people don't get what you're doing!

Ya, ok, we get it, you're biased. Leave us alone.Bluestorm-Kalas

its ok, maybe youll get a 5th finger someday..

I'm stunned by some of the responses here. Some of you guys may want to invest in one of these:

Are you kidding, this baby is off the charts!

Even though i didnt like how you said MGS story was simple, this was hillarious...

If i could i would be a PC gamer but i dont have the $$$

Wave360

That was sarcasm, he was trying to make a point.

In the picture captioned "The future of gaming?" is that a picture of the bannana controller for the ps3?

i had the voice of Troy throughout that, which made me :lol:

Thank you, PBSnipes.

What's scary is that many people thought that what you said wasn't satire.

Thank you, PBSnipes.

What's scary is that many people thought that what you said wasn't satire.

sonicmj1

You really need to get a life. Seriously.

Besides, 90% of the PC games have mediocre stories.

my sarcasm detector just blew up....nice post :lol:robflores370

mines from nintendo and hasn't got RROD. and i am registering 7 quadrillion sarcasmoids per square paragraph :P

[QUOTE="osan0"]

system wars, not fanboy wars TC. im assuming this is a poor attempt at a joke TC but if it isnt then uve let the PC gamer side down.

besides....i could just post a pic of Comic book guy :P.

blue_hazy_basic

BTW hilarious PBS, even if people don't get what you're doing!

Glad somebody else got it. It's actually a brilliantly well balanced argument, the use of sarcasm about the consoles and then the actual hard facts about PC plus the humour is all brilliant.

You really need to get a life. Seriously.

Besides, 90% of the PC games have mediocre stories.

kenshinhimura16

This post wins for me, shameless threats for an obvious sarcasm post.

You really need to get a life. Seriously.

Besides, 90% of the PC games have mediocre stories.

kenshinhimura16

Ya, ok, we get it, you're biased. Leave us alone.Bluestorm-Kalas

Oh stop getting all butthurt it was funny. :P

i feel so violated, a hermit brought me down with my favorite show the simpsons....

A great creative and wonderfully funny post. Anyone who doesn't find humor in this, has no sense of humor.dhjohns

oh believe me, i was lmaoing throught the whole thread

[QUOTE="dhjohns"]A great creative and wonderfully funny post. Anyone who doesn't find humor in this, has no sense of humor.mlbslugger86

oh believe me, i was lmaoing throught the whole thread

:lol: No doubt. PBSnipes is on a roll lately.

dumbed down stories like MGS and dumbed down gameplay like Final Fantasy? Gtfo :arrow:

[QUOTE="kenshinhimura16"]

You really need to get a life. Seriously.

Besides, 90% of the PC games have mediocre stories.

PBSnipes

This post begs the question, is our children learning?

no, they is not.

dumbed down stories like MGS and dumbed down gameplay like Final Fantasy? Gtfo :arrow:

Cyberfairy

Wow. Are we teaching our children? Me thnks not.

Is (sarcasm warning) the new (56k) ? :P

[QUOTE="PBSnipes"]

IronBass

Well, your point is pathetic, but at least you made it funny. More than what can be ecpected of PC fanboys.

Unless I'm not reading it right; his point is that console gamers aren't morons, games shouldn't have to be dumbed down, and PC games aren't dying. How is that pathetic?

Unless I'm not reading it right; his point is that console gamers aren't morons, games shouldn't have to be dumbed down, and PC games aren't dying. How is that pathetic?

InsaneBasura

Is (sarcasm warning) the new (56k) ? :P

Ninja-Hippo

man it amazes 1) how some people are utterly oblivious to satire and much much worse 2) they don't look at any of the other posts in the thread before posting.

"It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt."

The funny is that its almost complete sarcasm on every single point, and very few people got it.

Epic thread of missed sarcasm. Great job, PB!