The System Wars Guide to talking about a game you never played.

Here's a guide on how to talk about a game you've never played as if you have played it, brought to you by the good folks at bias incorporated. We know we're right 100% of the time.

Exlusive games

Now first of all you have to answer one basic question, is the game on a system you are a fanboy of?

If yes and the average score of the game is 8.8 or better then sing praises of the game till the cows come home

If it's 8.0 to 8.7 just claim it's better than other similar games on the other systems.

Less then 8? Well pretend it's dropped off the face of the Earth or downplay the hype the game had.

If it's not for a system you own then you will have to find some way to criticize it (unless Valve makes it).

For criticism

Bias by genre- take the flaws of the particular genre the game is in and then spout those out as being an ever present annoyance in the game of your choice.

Is it an RPG? Then call it a boring grind-fest

Is it a linear action game? Then say it's only a good rental and is a yawn fest once finished (even if it has multiplayer)

If it's a FPS then call it generic (there's so many of them made it's bound to be generic sometime in the near future).

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If the game's a sequel and it's similar to the original (or it has the phrase Dynasty Warriors in the title) then call it just a copy paste of the series. If it isn't, then say they sold the series out or say it's not as good as the original

If the game gets good scores call it overrated. If the game gets low scores call it overhyped.

Scan for flaws. No game is flawless so the best thing to do is to find what the general flaws are and pretend they are the most memorable features of the game, making sure to mention them over and over.

Too many cutscenes, call it an over scripted movie.

Too easy, call it granny's first [whatever genre it is]

etc.

Call it repetitive. To some degree every game is repitive so you can just call it repetitive without ever needing to specify. If someone questions you on it, accuse them of not knowing what repetitive means.

For praise

Be psychic-

It is never too early to crown something game of the year, best game of the generation or genre. Polish your cystal ball till it shines so brightly the light blinds you to anything else coming (or that has come out) in the next 10 years.

Ad populum is your best friend, if a whole bunch of people bought it or like it, it must be good, like Twilight for instance.

Invent reasons to judge the game by different standards

It's trying to do something different

It's giving it's own unique twist on the genre.

etc.

Repeat the back of the box-

List features the game has and pretend they're points in this favor. If a lot of games have them just add any random positive adjective in front of it.

For instance:

Good multiplayer

Deep character creation

Great online

Tons of weapons

Amazing Sound

1-2 player offline

rated M for mature

(uh you may want to cut the last two).

If all else fails accuse them of not ever playing the game.

For all other games

Just repeat what the general consensus is and no one will be able to tell.

If you feel my guide is lacking any tips please feel free to submit additions.

That seems pretty solid. I mean, I see it on a day to day basis.

That seems pretty solid. I mean, I see it on a day to day basis.

Ryan_Som

Sad part is I've been away from System Wars for years and I posted this after 1 or 2 days back and using stuff from what I remember all those years ago (also from observing the general behavior of certain political wackos).

Well, what have we learned about history? It repeats itself. It's for this reason that racism, sexism, elitism, and all the various "isms" will never end completely.

To quote The Refreshments: "Everybody knows that the world is full of stupid people."

Looks pretty spot on to me.

Also we learned that people who will blindly follow something will typically run out of arguments for why very quickly.

As said before you'v hit the nail on the head, exactly what happens in SW. This should probably be stckied for wannabe fanboys to work on their posting with. :P

Oh wow, I hit a random thread (why's uncharted 2 hyped so much) and I just hit several things on my list.

Ad populum check (when discussing Halo), back of box style lists, check, bias by genre, check.

And I thought all 3 of those things would be too specific/not prevalent enough.

None of those answered why's Unchartered 2 hyped so much. I seriously want to know because I didn't like Uncharted 1 that much.

As said before you'v hit the nail on the head, exactly what happens in SW. This should probably be stckied for wannabe fanboys to work on their posting with. :P

ThatsSimtastic

Oh wow, I hit a random thread (why's uncharted 2 hyped so much) and I just hit several things on my list.

Ad populum check (when discussing Halo), back of box style lists, check, bias by genre, check.

And I thought all 3 of those things would be too specific/not prevalent enough.

None of those answered why's Unchartered 2 hyped so much. I seriously want to know because I thought Unchartered 1 was repititive and boring.

It was always just climb random thing with clear as day preset path (and only one path, which makes me miss Assassin's creed) then engage in a not very intense firefight, repeat ad naseum until you get tired of looking at greenery all day.

Granted UC 2 looks different but I'm skeptic.

Father_Time89

I loved Uncharted 2, it's definitely one of my favorite games of all time. But if you didn't like the first one, I'd give the second a rent before buying. Granted, I've seen people say the thought the first game was "meh" but loved the second game, so I say approach with caution.

I'm doing the same thing with Assassin's Creed 2 for the same reasons you didn't like Uncharted 1. I found it boring and repetitive. I couldn't bring myself to finish it for that reason. I keep trying and within a half hour I have to stop playing before I get mad with boredom. But I hold out hope for the second game, because it looks like they've improved on most of the complaints from the first game. The same could be said about Uncharted 2.

To more directly answer your question, it's hyped because it's widely considered to have the best graphics on a console outside of Killzone 2. It's hyped because it has new multiplayer modes, both competitive and co-op, that are legitimately fun and don't feel tacked on as was originally feared. It's hyped because it's longer than the first game and all the mechanics from the first have been improved as well as adding others. And lastly, it's hyped because of its cinematic presentation. The first game felt like a movie. This improves on that with a lot of impressive action and set pieces.

In short, yes, the game is different in that it's better in every way. It's still linear, but you have a lot more options in approaching firefights by climbing to and using different spots in your environment.

That helps, thanks.

That helps, thanks.

Father_Time89

Haha, you're welcome. I try to be as honest as possible without sounding like a fanboy.

"If the game's a sequel and it's similar to the original (or it has the phrase Dynasty Warriors in the title) then call it just a copy paste of the series. If it isn't, then say they sold the series out or say it's not as good as the original"

Very true lol

"If the game's a sequel and it's similar to the original (or it has the phrase Dynasty Warriors in the title) then call it just a copy paste of the series. If it isn't, then say they sold the series out or say it's not as good as the original"

Very true lol

DAZZER7

Also helps you sound like a hardened gaming veteran who remembers the old days.

Are pictures standard here when posting walls of text? I haven't been here in a long time.

that too

Are pictures standard here when posting walls of text? I haven't been here in a long time.

Father_Time89

Ehh, not standard, but you're less likely to garner a "Nice wall of text" or "Cool story, bro" comment by breaking it up with some pretty pictures for those of us who are slow. :P

I always find some funny visual examples help to drive a point home.

If you feel my guide is lacking any tips please feel free to submit additions.

Father_Time89

Update, while not something specific to this guide it will help your credibility if you act like a nostalgic gamer who remembers the SNES or NES.

Why not saying it explicitly it basically sends a message to psoters saying "I've been gaming for X years, I remember game Y, I know what I'm freaking talking about you stupid casual'. Works better for undeserved criticism than undeserved praise though since everyone knows someone who think the present can't hold a candle to the good ol'days.

Update, while not something specific to this guide it will help your credibility if you act like a nostalgic gamer who remembers the SNES or NES.

Why not saying it explicitly it basically sends a message to psoters saying "I've been gaming for X years, I remember game Y, I know what I'm freaking talking about you stupid casual'. Works better for undeserved criticism than undeserved praise though since everyone knows someone who think the present can't hold a candle to the good ol'days.

Father_Time89

Hahaha, totally. I'm one of those gamers that was around in those days, but I didn't SERIOUSLY get back into gaming until this gen. Sure, I had a NES, SNES, N64, and Gamecube before this, but I'm not gonna argue that most of those games are better than the ones available now.

True, there are some timeless classics, no doubt. But many of those games seriously don't age well. I went back and played Goldeneye recently and while a great game in its own time, it is definitely showing its age these days. I still give it credit for revolutionizing console FPS, but she ain't what she used to be.

There are still some great classics out there. And there are modern classics coming out now. I think it's best just to keep an open mind and you'll never miss out on some truly great games.

Wow, surprised I read that entire post...and agreed on most, if not all your points made.

Good job keeping it neutral and not going after individual systems or fanboys.