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Why can't we just have feet?

jg4xchamp · 2012-12-20 04:02:09

This needs an indepth elaborate System Wars discussion and analysis. And because of my tendency to write really long sh1t I can warn you now that this will be a too long; didn't read. But Champ is a man of the people. Because I am a true entertainment conglomerate. That's right B, a man of the people and an entertainment conglomerate. That's why this is a multilayered thread that is accessible for all ages and posters. Plus I didn't put it at the bottom of the thread. Too Long; Didn't Read edition. Rated E for everyone. [spoiler] Corvo in Dishonored has no feet. It's 2012, and we have a first person game with no feet. Can mother f*ckers get some feet please [/spoiler] The Full experience. Rated E for everyone[spoiler] So I'm playing Dishonored. Digging all the powers at my disposal getting this empowered feeling that I don't get in most action games, the neat level design that lets me tackle areas in multiple ways, and all in all the celebration that is me slaughtering everything that gets in my way. Was having tons of fun, and then I looked down and *BAM*...no feet. Mother f*cker has no feet. Like...you look down, nope ....no feet to be found. This mother f*cker just walks this earth without the need of feet. He's just running around rooftops making all this noise with no god damn feet. It can't be that I don't see his feet because he's fat. BecauseA: then this game would make NO f*cking sense if he was fat and could do half the sh1t he does(fat mother f*ckers can't be silent and sneaky)B: I don't even see a belly. What is this the 1990s? First person games, and no feet? The floating camera man in 2012? Absurd. I mean it's just weird, when you look at its competitors lets just say something like...Halo 4. Sure it's a glorified hallway shooter that guides you from one routine encounter after another, uninspired as a sequel can be, a continuation of a franchise that ran out of gameplay ideas in 2001, and a celebration of all things boring. But you know what, at least you can tell Masterchief is a happy ass mother f*cker. Why? Because he's like damn, I got some pretty sweet feet. On the flip side look at bum ass CorvoAll unhappy and sh1t. Thinking to himself damn...if only I had feet. And who can blame him? He's a lesser person now for not having feet. [/spoiler] Don't worry, as an entertainment conglomerate I also know that there will be rebuttals. All of which I am prepared for should you choose to click the next spoiler. Rebuttals. Rated R for Rebuttals. [spoiler] You People: Champ you got a foot fetish?Me: eww, f*ck no. What a lame ass fetish. What the f*ck are you suppose to do anyway? f*ck a broads feet? That sounds so pointless. At least something like t1tty f*cking has its purpose in life. Foot footish, I'm mad insulted right now. You People: Champ isn't this a little silly? I mean it's a really pointless conversation given the quality of the gameMe: Um you mother f*ckers b1tch to the highest of heavens, and argue night and day comparing the texture of one games boulder vs the polygon count of another games tree. But I'm the crazy person here for thinking my character, a vessel I use to interact in this first person gaming experience should have feet or its immersion breaking. Yes I'm the crazy person here. Glad to know we all have our priorities straight. You People: Champ Dishonored had lame ass stealth, and dumb as f*ck guards. That's the real issue here. Me: NAH B, you gotta go next level. That's right. A complaint within a complaint within a complaint. See you're right the stealth is easy mode, and the guards are dumb. But it's not the game, it's the lack of feet. See the lack of feet make it difficult for guards to take you seriously or see you sometimes. 'Hey I can't see his feet? must not be a real person'. And because now they are dumb for not noticing you, you just sneak by and choke hold errybody, and move on. That's right deep down you didn't dislike Dishonored for its underwhelming stealth, you disliked it because of a severe lack of feet. True Story. [/spoiler] But as a man who belives on looking at the brighter side of things. I have a solution. Solution rated E for Everyone. [spoiler] Dear makers of first person games of any kind(Action/Puzzle/RPG/Simulators): We need to use next gen super powerful technology to do the right thing. Even if that means ignoring 1080p standard, even if that means consolites have to continue to settle for under 60 frames, not worry so much about tesselation, ignore FXAA, MLA, Bibliogrophies, and all that jazz, even put less effort into making interactive monkey piss. Hell lets even ignore making Time Splitters 4. Instead we need to focus on the important things. Giving first person characters feet. Yep. That's it.Because who needs actual options and some intelligent gameplay ideas when I can have feet instead. Can't do that without feet [/spoiler] /The EndAnd for those of you totally bored: I do have one more thing[spoiler] [/spoiler]

BPoole96

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#51 BPoole96

Member since 2008 • 22818 Posts

I prefer playing as a floating gun that shouts cliche military jargon

12 years ago

Michael0134567

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#52 Michael0134567

Member since 2008 • 28651 Posts

[QUOTE="Stringerboy"]
[QUOTE="GamerwillzPS"]
You're complaining about having no feet? Really? :roll:
Nobody cares; they wouldn't look down to check if they got feet.
GamerwillzPS

It adds to the immersion.

:lol:

Really?

Lol Will.

12 years ago

clone01

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#53 clone01

Member since 2003 • 29844 Posts

Feet are mainstream casual garbage.

12 years ago

Goyoshi12

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#54 Goyoshi12

Member since 2009 • 9687 Posts

Duke Nukem had feet.

12 years ago

Blabadon

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#55 Blabadon

Member since 2008 • 33030 Posts

This is a good thread.

12 years ago

KungfuKitten

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#56 KungfuKitten

Member since 2006 • 27389 Posts

BF3 does it pretty well.

12 years ago

Cheleman

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#57 Cheleman

Member since 2012 • 8198 Posts

You're disgusting.

12 years ago

jg4xchamp

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#59 jg4xchamp

Member since 2006 • 64057 Posts

Feet should be included as a feature, it's just one small feat.
psymon100

Love this post.

12 years ago

NeonNinja

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#60 NeonNinja

Member since 2005 • 17318 Posts

I'm tired and sleepy from work, and I'm just like, man, I gotta go to bed, and I look at this thread about feet and as my eyes are blurring I see the name phonemug and I'm all like, "WHA!? DAT B*TCH IS BACK AND POSTING ABOUT FEET!? Man, f*ck that kid." And then I notice it's champ, and you know what? The article became really funny once I realized it was champ.

TL;DR version: F*ck you, phonemug. F*ck you.

12 years ago