Hurt/Heal INSTANT DEATH (cont'd)

Last Update: Zhou Tai is losing it, Zuo Ci is no longer a threat and Zhang Liao has been revived! What next!?

Allied Coalition against Wu

Shu Forces
Wei Forces

Kingdom of Shu

• Zhuge Liang +9
• Guan Xing +8
• Zhang Bao +1

Kingdom of Wei

• Xiahou Dun +25
• Xiahou Yuan +9
• Pang De +6
• Zhang Liao +5

Kingdom of Wu

• Zhou Tai +20

Yellow Turban Forces

• Zhang Jiao +3
• Zhang Liang

Zuo Ci's BlackJack Club

• Zuo Ci +3 Chinostyle

one last thing: Jeff, Zhou Taisho, I saw what u said in the last topic. Freak made me do it.

how do i kill people in this damn game?Tony_Montana__

Well, Ciaxhieu is being as incoherent as ever, so I figure I should explain it...

Each character has points. Whenever you attack another officer, the officer you attacked with gains 1 point and the officer being attacked loses 1. If an officer has 0 points and is attacked, he dies. You can vote twice every 24 hours.

Does that clarify?

Well, Ciaxhieu is being as incoherent as ever, so I figure I should explain it...

Each character has points. Whenever you attack another officer, the officer you attacked with gains 1 point and the officer being attacked loses 1. If an officer has 0 points and is attacked, he dies. You can vote twice every 24 hours.

Does that clarify?

taisho_rolyat

well said :)

Update: Xiahou Dun is ripping Wu to shreds single handidly! Can Zhou Tai recover? Will the world desecend into darkness? Will Frodo reach Mt Doom before Saroun reclaims what once was his? Is it possible for two migrating European Swallows to grasp a cocanut by the husk and carry it to England? YOU decide!

Allied Coalition against Wu

wow no 1 posted a story in this toopic yetDW5freak

Ok that's it. This board isn't big enough for the both of us. The chaos will continue until either gives up.

(Zhou Tai, seeing that his kingdom is in decline, calls a meeting with his officers, and some guy called Taisho.)

Taisho: "Jeezus Wu, we're getting owned out there. Xiahou Dun has over twice the strength that we have."

Zhou Tai: "What happened? How has Xiahou Dun become so powerful?"

Taisho: "Eh... my bad. Ya know, I started that whole siege story, and it was gonna be a total kickass victory for you, but I got lazy, and then Jeff came in and ****ed that one up... and then I stayed lazy, so you coulda gotten a headstart in this thread, but didn't."

Zhou Tai: "Why haven't I executed you for incompetence yet?"

Taisho: "Because I'm your loyal-est crazed, fanfic-writing minion."

Zhou Tai: "Ah yes... Taisho, your new mission is to eliminate one of Xiahou Dun's advocates, a certain Jeff Steel. Possibly the same one who caused the rout at the castle."

Taisho: "Oh yeah, that's him." *cocks machine gun* "This won't take long, my lord."

(With his new mission at hand, Taisho sets out. Zhou Tai masses his remaining forces to launch a raid on Xiahou Dun's supply depot, established on the foundation of the recently-besieged castle on the Wu-Wei border. He surrounds it in an ambush pattern and waits for Xiahou Dun to arrive with his reinforcements. As night approaches, Xiahou Dun arrives at the head of his fresh army.)

Zhou Tai: "Begin the attack!"

(Zhou Tai's forces rain flaming arrows onto the Wei vanguard from all sides, cutting off their retreat. Zhou Tai and his elite infantry, hardened by many long battles against Wei and Shu, charge into the confused and disarrayed Wei ranks. Due to their advantages of terrain and morale, they inflict heavy casualties and send Xiahou Dun's troops into a panic. As they struggle to flee into the surrounding forests, only one man among their ranks remains calm and continues to fight- Xiahou Dun himself. Knowing that not even he can single-handedly defeat an army of several thousand led by his nemisis Zhou Tai, he realizes his only chance for victory is to slay the Wu leader. He fights his way towards Zhou Tai and challenges him.)

Xiahou Dun: "Zhou Tai! Face me!"

Zhou Tai: "I accept your challenge."

(Zhou Tai's forces draw back, then fan out into the forests to hunt down the remaining Wei troops. Zhou Tai and Xiahou Dun begin to duel. However, Xiahou Dun is distracted by a sudden burst of machine gun fire...)

Taisho: "My lord, I have dealt with Jeff Steel!" *brandishes Jeff's disembodied head*

(Taking advantage of Xiahou Dun's suprise, confusion, and shock, Zhou Tai slices off his left arm.)

ZHOU TAI HURTS XIAHOU DUN

(Taking advantage of Xiahou Dun's searing pain and crippling bloodloss, Zhou Tai cuts off his right arm.)

ZHOU TAI HURTS XIAHOU DUN

Sorry Taisho, but you bungled AGAIN!!!!! muwahahahaAhaAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That was but my impersonator, in case anyone should try to assasinate me! (Blows Taisho's torso in half with a railgun from 1000meters away.

JEFFSTEEL KILLS TAISHO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!(joke)

(by the way, personall attacks against the voters is tantamout to intimidating voters. Is is, of course, cheating. This will not degenerated into some personal vendetta topic, so any further votes containing personnal attacks are NOT to be counted)

Anyway, I imagine that if this were to continue, everyone would get involved, and someone would eventually cross the line. Well, it was good while it lasted.

Hmmm... 12:22.... give me a second and I'll post a new story.

JeffSteel

[QUOTE="JeffSteel"]

Sorry Taisho, but you bungled AGAIN!!!!! muwahahahaAhaAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That was but my impersonator, in case anyone should try to assasinate me! (Blows Taisho's torso in half with a railgun from 1000meters away.

JEFFSTEEL KILLS TAISHO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!(joke)

(by the way, personall attacks against the voters is tantamout to intimidating voters. Is is, of course, cheating. This will not degenerated into some personal vendetta topic, so any further votes containing personnal attacks are NOT to be counted)

Anyway, I imagine that if this were to continue, everyone would get involved, and someone would eventually cross the line. Well, it was good while it lasted.

Hmmm... 12:22.... give me a second and I'll post a new story.

Nah, Taisho is cool (despite the sudden outburst of violence towards me, where did that come from?!). Only my enemies suffer the terrible fates, lol.

taisho_rolyat

By God, I do hate Jeff's color text. I am tempted to insult Ma Chao, but I will refrain. Only because Ma Chao is cool.

Zhou Tai: "Wow, Taisho's mission went badly. He ended up killing Jeff's kagemusha, and Jeff then elimenated him. Fortunately, the attempt sent Jeff into hiding, so we won't have to worry about any such incidents in the future. Now to business."

[/kidding around]

(Zhou Tai, having successfully defeated Xiahou Dun, decides to play defensively in an attempt to overextend Wei's forces. Through the use of moles, spies, and small raids, he lures a massive Wei army into an assault on a recaptured fortress. Wei surrounds and isolates the castle, but little do they know that Zhou Tai has already left, and is gathering reinforements at the capital.)

Xiahou Dun: "Keep up the attack! Their supplies are running low!"

(The Wei troops manage to gain a foothold on the castle's walls, and Xiahou Dun leads his troops up. However, just as he sets foot on the walls, Zhou Tai's horsemen sweep in and crush the troops at the ladder's base. The Wu soldiers withing the castle set fire to every building and flee the castle, barricading the gate and joining Zhou Tai in the melee beneath the walls. Destroying all the ladders, they trap Xiahou Dun inside the burning castle. The Wei forces begin to rout, as they are now surrounded and separated from their leader. Over the next few hours, the castle burns to the ground.)

ZHOU TAI HURTS XIAHOU DUN

(Zhou Tai digs through the charred remains, eventually coming across Xiahou Dun. He then stomps it into a heap of dust, which is carried back to Wei Laboratories by the wind.)

ZHOU TAI HURTS XIAHOU DUN

Wow, Jeff, getting pretty graphic there.

I present Xiahou Dun as a calm, powerful, but unlucky warrior, and you present Zhou Tai as a drunken savage?

BLASPHEMY! I CHALLENGE YOU TO A CYBERDUEL!

Wow, Jeff, getting pretty graphic there.taisho_rolyat

Hey! Not funny. I was only joking about that.

Zhang Liao: "Zhou Tai, you, are a homo!"

Zhou Tai: "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Zhang Liao shoves a cucumber into Zhou Tai's mouth, and it explodes

Zhang Liao hurts Zhou Tai

Zhuge Liang: "There's someone that must be delt with before there is some kind of confusion. ZHANG LIANG! You are an impostor! You wish to be me. How can you be me when you can't even see me?!"

Zhang Liang: "What are you talking about? In the words of my great and long lost brother, Zhang Bao...YOU FLAMING IDIOT! I must face myself? How confusing!"

Zhuge Liang dissappears

Zhang Liang: "Where did he go? Oh I know this trick! HA!!!!"

Zhang Liang grabs the invisible Zhuge Liang by the neck

Zhang Liang: "You cannot fool the originators of fooling people! We've been doing this for a while."

Zhuge Liang's body then dissappears and Zhang Liang no longer feels Kongming's neck

Zhang Liang: "What the?"

Zhuge Liang: "It looks as if my magic has surpassed even the great Yellow Turbans'! That was a stunt double you idiot that is flaming! Now see my attack!"

A laser bolt comes flying out of an invisible Zhuge Liang's feather fan and hits Zhang Liang in the face with a crushing power

Zhuge Liang: "There, now you are ugly in the face kid! Now there will be no confusion again. I am so much prettier than your new messed up, dead face. I know this cause I spoke with Zhang He's spirit, and he said that after killing my imitator, that I would be the prettiest of them all, now I am so HA!"

Zhuge Liang kills Zhang Liang

(Zhou Tai and Xiahou Dun meet on the field of battle once again.)

Zhou Tai: "Alright, we're playing Team Slayer. Any questions?"

Xiahou Dun: "No, we know what we're doing."

(Battle begins. At first, it seems that Blue Team has the advantage, until something GOES TERRIBLY WRONG.)

Blue Team Noob: "Omgz u r al teh suk!!!11" *begins firing Rocket Launcher wildly at his teammates*

(The Blue Team Noob begins to betray his comrades. Fortunately for Blue Team, Xiahou Dun keeps his cool.)

Xiahou Dun: *boots the Noob* "Onward to victory! Hey, what are y-"

Zhou Tai: "Woot, headshot!"

ZHOU TAI SNIPES XIAHOU DUN

(Xiahou Dun respawns and begins to arm himself. He finds Zhou Tai and opens fire. Zhou Tai is forced to hide.)

Xiahou Dun: "Had enough, Zhou Tai? Wait... OH F--"

ZHOU TAI STUCK XIAHOU DUN

Taisho: "Yeah, I've been playing too much Halo this week." *hacks*

EDIT: Oh, by the way- RED TEAM WON!!1

(Xiahou Dun then eats Zhou Tai's ear.)

Xiahou Dun: *realizes that his army is staring at him in awe and horror* "What? The Indians did it."

12:05.... woot, time to post again.

(Zhou Tai and his bodyguards go hunting in a bamboo forest dangerously close to the Wei/Wu border. As he retrieves a slain animal, Wei infantry spring out and surround him. Zhou Tai made a quick Iai draw, breaking the encirclement and flying out of the ring. His bodyguards, armed with crossbows, open fire on the Wei ambush party, killing several, but more Wei soldiers appear and engage them hand-to-hand. As Zhou Tai struggles to fight his way back to his bodyguards, he is stopped by Xiahou Dun.)

Xiahou Dun: "You are a fool to go so near my lands with so few men."

Zhou Tai: "No, you are the fool."

(Zhou Tai lunges at Xiahou Dun, who parries with his heavy sword just in time to deflect a blow to the throat. Dun stumbles backward, but quickly regains his stance and counterattacks. Zhou Tai skillfully sidesteps the blow and strikes Xiahou Dun in the chin with the hilt of his blade.)

Zhou Tai: "You cut off my ear... I suppose I owe you."

(With a flick of his wrist, Zhou Tai slices Xiahou Dun's ear from his face.)

ZHOU TAI HURTS XIAHOU DUN

(Xiahou Dun recoils in pain, but once again strikes back. With a wide, sweeping blow that sweeps the nearby soldiers off of their feet, he forces Zhou Tai back and lunges for a killing blow. Despite the power of his opponent, Zhou Tai redirects his blow to the side and delivers a crushing punch to Xiahou Dun's jaw.)

ZHOU TAI HURTS XIAHOU DUN

(Xiahou Dun rolls to the side and escapes, clasping his ear socket to stop the flow of dark blood. Calling his men to him, he begins an organized retreat back to camp.)

Zhou Tai: "We must gather more men and pursue him!"

(Zhou Tai, with his arm replaced by a super-strong titanium prosthetic limb, regroups and prepares for another battle with Wei. He leads his men north, and is met by a strong Wei army at a highly defensible river crossing. Zhou Tai knows that his army cannot hope to take the river, but he formulates a plan. Wei scouts see Zhou Tai's troops behaving oddly, but think nothing of it. The next day, Zhou Tai orders a mass attack against Wei's superior defensive position. The armies collide midway through the river, turning the water red with blood. Though Wu has failed to gain ground, morale seems curiously high. Suddenly, a firecracker is seen in the sky. Recognizing this as a signal, the Wei officers pause and try to interpret the signal, as a huge ship drifts from around a bend and crashes into the Wei ranks, raining arrows into the troops onshore. Zhou Tai is seen standing on the bow.)

Zhou Tai: "Bested yet again, minions of the House of Xiahou! Where is your leader?"

Xiahou Dun: "Right here!"

(Just as Zhou Tai's ship passes the crossing, an equally large Wei ship bearing Xiahou Dun appears. The two ships collide at the masts, flinging the crews forward. Xiahou Dun and Zhou Tai leap into the air, using the momentum of the crash to attack each other in midair. The ring of their swords is deafening, and as they land, their swords crumble in their hands. The two commanders charge each other once again, striking at each other with their hands and feet.)

Zhou Tai: "You have a powerful technique."

Xiahou Dun: "Likewise."

Zhou Tai: "But in the world of gungfu, it is speed that decides the victor."

(Zhou Tai parries Xiahou Dun's fist, and with blinding speed lanches a fierce open-palm strike to Xiahou Dun's throat. A blow that would kill an ordinary man merely wounds Xiahou Dun.)

ZHOU TAI HURTS XIAHOU DUN

Xiahou Dun: *relocates jaw* "I see..."

(Xiahou Dun raises his leg vertically, and brings it down on the deck with such great force that the ship is rent in two. Zhou Tai barely manages to evade. However, on regaining his stance, he shows the true strength of his technique.)

Zhou Tai: "Have you heard of the legendary Buddhist Palm?"

Xiahou Dun: "Yes... the long-lost technique."

Zhou Tai: "It is not completely lost."

(Zhou Tai extends his arm before him, forcing his palm forward, facing Xiahou Dun. The force of this movement is so great that the ship beneath Xiahou Dun was annihilated, and a vast print of a palm was left in the earth, woods, and clouds behind him.)

ZHOU TAI HURTS XIAHOU DUN

(Xiahou Dun falls into the river and is swept off. The Wei forces, terrified of Zhou Tai's newly discovered strength, flee.)

Taisho: "This is what happens when I watch Kung Fu Hustle twice in the same day."

(Xiahou Dun then eats Zhou Tai's ear.)

Xiahou Dun: *realizes that his army is staring at him in awe and horror* "What? The Indians did it."

taisho_rolyat

Indians? If you want the Native Americans to then have someone scalp him.

[QUOTE="taisho_rolyat"]

(Xiahou Dun then eats Zhou Tai's ear.)

Xiahou Dun: *realizes that his army is staring at him in awe and horror* "What? The Indians did it."

Lu_Bu01

Indians? If you want the Native Americans to then have someone scalp him.

Taisho: "Gah, I'm tired. Time to get lazy."

(Zhou Tai and Xiahou Dun meet on the battlefield yet again.)

Zhou Tai: "(insert taunt)"

Xiahou Dun: "(insert retort)"

Zhou Tai: "(insert witty remark)"

Xiahou Dun: (angry face)

Zhou Tai: (ballkick)

Xiahou Dun: "(insert sound of agony here)!!!1"

ZHOU TAI HALF-ASSEDLY HURTS XIAHOU DUN

Zhou Tai: (insert awesome-sounding iai technique here)

Xiahou Dun: "(insert blood-curdling cry here)!!!1"

ZHOU TAI HALF-ASSEDLY HURTS XIAHOU DUN AGAIN

Taisho: "Yeah, I know. I'll try harder next time."

Taisho: "Gah, I'm tired. Time to get lazy."

(Zhou Tai and Xiahou Dun meet on the battlefield yet again.)

Zhou Tai: "(insert taunt)"

Xiahou Dun: "(insert retort)"

Zhou Tai: "(insert witty remark)"

Xiahou Dun: (angry face)

Zhou Tai: (ballkick)

Xiahou Dun: "(insert sound of agony here)!!!1"

ZHOU TAI HALF-ASSEDLY HURTS XIAHOU DUN

Zhou Tai: (insert awesome-sounding iai technique here)

Xiahou Dun: "(insert blood-curdling cry here)!!!1"

ZHOU TAI HALF-ASSEDLY HURTS XIAHOU DUN AGAIN

Taisho: "Yeah, I know. I'll try harder next time."

taisho_rolyat

Scarface: [laughs at lame joke attempt]

Scarface: "[insert clever remark here that makes fun of you and your lazyness and stupidity]"

:lol:

[QUOTE="taisho_rolyat"]

Taisho: "Gah, I'm tired. Time to get lazy."

(Zhou Tai and Xiahou Dun meet on the battlefield yet again.)

Zhou Tai: "(insert taunt)"

Xiahou Dun: "(insert retort)"

Zhou Tai: "(insert witty remark)"

Xiahou Dun: (angry face)

Zhou Tai: (ballkick)

Xiahou Dun: "(insert sound of agony here)!!!1"

ZHOU TAI HALF-ASSEDLY HURTS XIAHOU DUN

Zhou Tai: (insert awesome-sounding iai technique here)

Xiahou Dun: "(insert blood-curdling cry here)!!!1"

ZHOU TAI HALF-ASSEDLY HURTS XIAHOU DUN AGAIN

Taisho: "Yeah, I know. I'll try harder next time."

ScarfaceEvaStar

Scarface: [laughs at lame joke attempt]

Scarface: "[insert clever remark here that makes fun of you and your lazyness and stupidity]"

:lol:

You better not mess with me. I'm a ninja on the edge.

:twisted:

:cry:

You better not mess with me. I'm a ninja on the edge.

:twisted:

taisho_rolyat

Scarface: [slaps taisho for acting like a girl]

Scarface: "My work is done here"

[QUOTE="taisho_rolyat"]

:cry:

You better not mess with me. I'm a ninja on the edge.

:twisted:

ScarfaceEvaStar

Scarface: [slaps taisho for acting like a girl]

Scarface: "My work is done here"

INTERWEB BAWLZKICK OF ULTIMATE 0WN4GE!!1

Xiahou Dun: Have a good flight!!

Didn't someone say that on an episode of Captain Planet?

Not that I ever watched it

<_< >_>

JeffSteel

...Just after another one of the thousand battles they have undergone, Zhou Tai and Xiahou Dun square off again. In the midst of the fighting, Tai manages to get a strike on Xiahou Dun, slashing his face from side to side:

ZHOU TAI HURTS XIAHOU DUN

Disgracefully, he cuts the bandage in Dun's eye, causing a blast of his optic beam to catch him off balance. He falls to the floor, and sees Kirin's Fang descending towards him in a deadly strike... just to see a twohanded sword stopping the blade dead on its tracks! Both look at the sword owner...

Dante_Demonbane: As long as I still breathe, you shall not hurt my liege! Back off, you one-eyed scoundrel!

Zhou Tai: Demonbane! We haven't heard of you for weeks! What has kept you from helping us in this hour of need?

Dante_Demonbane: Well, it's a long story than can basically be put shortly in one word: University. But now that I'm momentarily free from its burden, I return to offer a helping hand, as long as you accept it.

Zhou Tai: Anyone willing to help in this our darkest hour will be welcome. Let Wu know that you're hereby accepted anew in its ranks! And now for more urgent matters...

So saying, he proceeds to disembowel Dun with pain... lots of it...

ZHOU TAI HURTS XIAHOU DUN (who was too shocked to do anything during the speech :lol: )

Zhou Tai: Now, let's return to Wu, where you shall serve Wu alongside me and other loyal warriors. Come!

The two dive in the midst of the battle...

Well that's it, I'm back. Nice to see you all again. Let's hope I can keep up, since I've a lot of catching up to do... :)