Hurt/Heal INSTANT DEATH (cont'd)

[QUOTE="ScarfaceEvaStar"][QUOTE="taisho_rolyat"]

:cry:

You better not mess with me. I'm a ninja on the edge.

:twisted:

taisho_rolyat

Scarface: [slaps taisho for acting like a girl]

Scarface: "My work is done here"

INTERWEB BAWLZKICK OF ULTIMATE 0WN4GE!!1

its on like Donkey Kong BI@CTI-I

INTERWEB STAB IN THE GROIN BY A FORK!!!!

NO FIGHTING, CHILDEREN! don't make me annhiliate you!Chinostyle

enough said.

Taisho: "Wha? Dante's up to this AGAIN? Ehh, screw my deal with Jeff!" *cuts a Wei peon in two*

Zhou Tai: "Okay, moving on then..." *cuts 3 Wei peons in two, advances toward Xiahou Dun*

Xiahou Dun: "Let's do this!" *slashes at Zhou Tai*

Zhou Tai: "Fool." *intercepts Xiahou Dun's strike with an iai draw* "Does that EVER work?"

ZHOU TAI HURTS XIAHOU DUN

Xiahou Dun: *choking on blood* "Ack.... no, but it sure gives you a chance to show your mad skillz."

Zhou Tai: "I appreciate it." *cleans his sword and resheaths it*

Taisho: "My lord- I'll hold him, and you can punch!"

Zhou Tai: "Excellent work, my ravening warrior-fan!"

ZHOU TAI POUNDS XIAHOU DUN INTO A GOOEY MESS

(Zhou Tai and Xiahou Dun engage each other during a siege on a Wei border castle.)

Zhou Tai: "Xiahou Dun, you are no match for the might of Wu!"

Xiahou Dun: "You insolent pig!"

(Xiahou Dun lunges, striking at Zhou Tai. Zhou Tai blocks the blow but falls onto his back due to the force.)

Taisho: "Aw damn, time to pull out the deus ex machina." *hurried typing*

(Suddenly, a .50 AE Desert Eagle appears in Zhou Tai's hand. Zhou Tai empties the clip into Xiahou Dun's torso.)

ZHOU TAI HURTS XIAHOU DUN

(As Taisho continues to type hurriedly, a huge battlemech appears out of nowhere. Zhou Tai jumps into the cockpit, and by some insane chance, it turns out he learned how to operate it in a past life- or something. Anyway, important thing is, Xiahou Dun gets plasma'd. He gets plasma'd good.)

ZHOU TAI HURTS XIAHOU DUN

Taisho: "Again, I'm really sorry about these past few entries. It's 2:30 AM, I got 3 hours of sleep last night, and I'm listening to Radiohead. Leave me alone."

Zhou Tai: *kicks Xiahou Dun in teh bawlz*

Xiahou Duh: Oh noes!

ZHOU TAI HURTS XIAHOU DUN

Zhou Tai: *cuts off Xiahou Dun's nose*

Xiahou Dun: No nose!

Zhou Tai: Hahaha... Taisho's lame, sleep-deprived attempts at humor make me scoff!

Taisho: *acting lazy*

ZHOU TAI HURTS XIAHOU DUN

Zhou Tai: This is getting too long!

<Jumps over Xiahou Dun, causing him to lose balance and throwing him to the ground. While in the ground he begins pounding his face with his bare fists>

POW POW POW POW POW POW...

ZHOU TAI HURTS XIAHOU DUN

<Lots of POWs later>

Tai stands up and begins charging his fist leaning back to get some momentum... As soon as Xiahou Dun gets up, he punches him in the face with all his might a la Galactica Phantom sending him flying across the sky

P.O.W.!!!

ZHOU TAI HURTS XIAHOU DUN

(Xiahou Dun and Zhou Tai meet in yet another mundane skirmish. Zhou Tai winds up for a ballkick.)

Zhou Tai: "Jeebus Taisho, don't make me do this again!"

Xiahou Dun: "Yeah, man. Seriously, that's freaking old."

Zhou Tai: "Hey, what happened to all those epic, half-page long battles you used to write?"

Xiahou Dun: "Yeah, really. Those kicked ass. And no one got their balls kicked in those."

Taisho: "You know what? You guys are totally right. I've let laziness and sleep-deprivation ruin my stories!"

(Zhou Tai turns on his heel and thrusts for Xiahou Dun's throat. Xiahou Dun casually raises his finger, pushing the katana to the side of his face. He quickly raises his sword above his head and brings it down on Zhou Tai, who skilfully rolls to the side. Sheathing his sword, Zhou Tai rises to his feet and faces his nemisis.)

Zhou Tai: "Taisho, this sucks far less."

Taisho: "Thank you master!"

Zhou Tai: "You know what would also give this a more epic feel?"

Taisho: "What?"

Zhou Tai: "If you weren't in it."

(Taisho vanishes, leaving the two warlords to their duel. Rumors of their battle had spread throughout the region, and soldiers and peasants from all the surrounding forts and towns began to arrive to assist their lords. The duel quickly escalates into a bloody melee. Zhou Tai's followers are more numerous, though, and they slowly begin to push back Xiahou Dun's soldiers.)

Zhou Tai: "ONWARD!"

Xiahou Dun: "HOLD THE LINE!"

(Zhou Tai slides across the ground towards Xiahou Dun. He skillfully forces Dun's blade to the side with the back of his hand, sliding past his body and slitting his stomach with his half-drawn sword. Xiahou Dun grasps Zhou Tai's red cloak, tearing a shred from it. He binds the wound shut with the ragged cloth.)

ZHOU TAI HURTS XIAHOU DUN

Xiahou Dun: "Such a wound cannot stop me from bringing my people victory."

(Although the pain is clear on Xiahou Dun's face, he shows no signs of weakening. He slashes at Zhou Tai with renewed hatred and vigor, and as Zhou Tai performs his trademark counterattack, Xiahou Dun clasps his wrist. With crushing strength, he nearly breaks Tai's hand, but Zhou Tai kicks him fiercely over his oozing wound, forcing him to the ground.)

ZHOU TAI HURTS XIAHOU DUN

(Dun rises to his feet. The tattered cloth wrapped about his stomach falls off, unleashing a torrent of blood. Xiahou Dun cries out in agony, and issues an order of retreat.)

Xiahou Dun: "Zhou Tai, you have proven your strength time and time again... but in the name of my dead Lord Cao Cao, I shall return and claim victory for the people of Wei!"

Zhou tai grabs Xiahou Dun by the throat and raises him up into the air, laughing manically. Xiahou Dun looks deep into Zhou Tai's eyes and sees Guan Yu impaling Xiahou Dun instead of Zhou Tai. Xiahou Dun screams, bringing his deep rage up from his heart and transfers this power into his sword.A blinding light flashes all around, disabling Zhou Tai. Xiahou Dun rises up into the air and swoops down on Zhou Tai shoving his sword into his insides through his stomach and kidneys and smashing his spine apart.Then his sword flys to Xiahou dun who sets it on Ziang Liang who trembles before being impaled by the almighty sword.

'Fear the Almighty Xiahou Dun!!!!!'

With Zuo Ci crushed he enters the boxing buisness witch includes th dw chars

Announcer " Now! For thishandicap title fight in this corner weighing in at 232 pnds

Announcer : Xiahou "Iron Eye" Dun[a half assed theme song starts] [Crowd goes wild}

Announcer : & in this corner Zhou "The Castrated" Tai [ comes down the ramp in nothing but boxing shorts][women in the crowd cheer]

(Zhou Tai leads his army of 50,000 northward once again. A few miles north of the Wei border, Zhou Tai sets up a fortified encampment and waits for Xiahou Dun's inevitable offensive. Choosing a high plateau as his campsite, Zhou Tai commands a highly defensible position from which to repel Wei's vast military machine.)

Xiahou Dun: "Brother Yuan, you will lead reinforcements out of the East."

Xiahou Yuan: "Yes, my Lord!"

(The Wei force, over 100,000 strong, sets out from Fan Castle to surround Zhou Tai's encampment. After a few prelimenary probing attacks, Xiahou Dun launches a full-out assault on Zhou Tai's position under a hail of arrows. Casualties are high as the Wei troops bring up siege engines with which to level the Wu camp's outer defenses. However, as the Wei troops scale the walls and begin fighting for a foothold, they begin to gain ground. With the walls lost, Wu's soldiers are forced to retreat into the camp as the gates are thrown open by the Wei forces. First among the warriors to enter through the gate is Xiahou Dun himself, astride his horse, running down the Wu soldiers in his search for his nemisis, Zhou Tai. Stopping to rest his mount, he catches an arrow in his hands and thrusts it into the face of a Wu swordsman, gouging his eye. As he does this, he looks ahead and sees his opponent.)

Xiahou Dun: "Your pawns are powerless against me, just as mine are unable to touch you. Why do we have such vast armies, when they are of so little use to us? They're only here to suffer."

Zhou Tai: "The masters of strategy say that war will bankrupt a nation- in the future, all conflict will be between the two of us alone, agreed?"

Xiahou Dun: "Agreed!"

(The two charge each other, colliding with a great ringing noise. The two exchange blows, until Xiahou Dun parries Zhou Tai's blade and clasps his throat. As he prepares to make a killing blow to Zhou Tai's skull, the Wu general succeeds in wrenching Xiahou Dun's risyt around, causing the two to fall from their mounts. They stand up and lash out once again. Xiahou Dun parries Zhou Tai's sword once more and goes in for a headbutt, but Zhou Tai quickly raises his katana in front of his face. Xiahou Dun succeeds in stopping his forward motion before his own momentum sliced his skull in two, but not in time to prevent injury. With gouts of dark blood streaming down his forehead and into his solitary eye, he has no choice but to withdraw. Fortunately for him, Xiahou Yuan had arrived in time to continue the assault in Dun's name.)

Xiahou Yuan: "I will defeat him, Brother Dun!"

ZHOU TAI HURTS XIAHOU DUN

(Xiahou Yuan, standing on the ramparts, begins to fire arrows at Zhou Tai. Tai skillfully evades them, working his way towards Yuan through a swarm of Wei infantry. Xiahou Yuan fires the last arrow in his quiver, then grabs his iron rod and leaps down to face Zhou Tai.)

Xiahou Yuan: "I don't believe I've ever faced you."

(Seeing Yuan's strength, Zhou Tai fights evasively. Yuan shatters stone and wood with his rod, but is unable to wound Zhou Tai. Frustrated, he steps up the pace of his attacks. Through his flurry of fierce blows, he throws himself off-balance on the moist ground. Zhou Tai, seeing his moment of opportunity, lunges and strikes, slitting Yuan's right forearm from elbow to wrist. Letting out a cry of agony, Xiahou Yuan falls back. The panicked Wei troops flee behind him.)

ZHOU TAI HURS XIAHOU YUAN

Jeebus, it's almost midnite- I gotta work fast, or the day is lost!

(Zhou Tai and Xiahou Dun fight once again.)

Zhou Tai: *insert statement*

Xiahou Dun: *insert reply*

(Zhou Tai uses an iai draw on Xiahou Dun.)

ZHOU TAI HURTS XIAHOU DUN

(Xiahou Dun recoils in agony. Zhou Tai chains a second slash and slits his throat.)

ZHOU TAI HURTS XIAHOU DUN

I'll do a real one after midnite, I swear.

Okay, when I said I was gonna make a REAL post this time... I lied. Frankly, I just don't feel like writing one right now.

*shrug*

I'll be in Laughlin, Nevada for the next 4 or 5 days anyway, so all the Zhou Tai haters have a chance to get ahead.

Xiahou Dun: "You are no pirate! You are a faker! You have two eyes!"

Zhou Tai: "Oh yeah?"

Xiahou Dun rips out Zhou Tai's eye

Xiahou Dun: "That's how to be a bad-ass pirate!"

Xiahou Dun hurts Zhou Tai

Xiahou Dun then pushes Zhou Tai into a wooden pillar with nails pointing out of them

Xiahou Dun hurts Zhou Tai

Zhou Tai plummets to his almost certain death and the jagged sea rocks drive up into his spine.

xiahou Dun hurts zhou tai

Xiahou Dun jumps after zhou tai and shoves his scimater through his thigh

Xiahou Dun hurts zhou tai

Update: After pages of tremendous fighting, Zhou Tai is able to survive the Wei blitz. Fearing the power of the Kingdoms, Zhang Jiao and Zuo Ci join forces, to create the League of Extraodinary Mystics! The balace of power is still roughly the same, and with victory hanging in the balace, this carnival of carnage could go either way! ITS CLOBBERING TIME!!!!!

Allied Coalition against Wu

Dun smashes a beer bottle over Tai's head

XIAHOU DUN HURTS ZHOU TAI

then impales Tai onto a spike

XIAHOU DUN HURTS ZHOU TAI

:shock:

JeffSteel

Zhou Tai tosses a banana peel on the ground an xiahou dun slips on it.

zhoutaihurtsxiahoudun

zhou tai introduces xiahou dun to his hot naked daughter...

xiahou dun doesn't know what to do...

zhoutaihurtsxiahoudun

umm how do you play?daggerz

Xiahou Dun is standing on his knee, trying to recover from Zhou Tai's sneek atack. Just as he is catching breath he notices Zhou Tai approaching him with his sword high above his head. Xiahou Dun gathers all of his strength and hits Zhou Tai with a devastating SPEAR that breaks Zhu Tai's spine.

Xiahou Dun hurts Zhou Tai

Then he locks on ANGE LOCK and breaks his leg

Xiahou Dun hurts Zhou Tai

This thread has been dead for some time now. I doubt any of the regulars will feel like putting forth the effort.

And I'm a regular.

then zhou tai spins around and cut duns head off

zhou tai hurts dun

can we do that
iam_the_ONE

and peg thinks I'm you....shame...

[QUOTE="iam_the_ONE"]then zhou tai spins around and cut duns head off

zhou tai hurts dun

can we do that
Lu_Bu01

and peg thinks I'm you....shame...

*tisk tisk tisk.* Silly boy.:P

This thread was great while it lasted, but should really be put out of its misery by now.harden007

Yeah we need to start again with a new HURT/HEAL.