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kingkilla3

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#1 kingkilla3
Member since 2006 • 17197 Posts

It's been a while, so here's something new. Structurally different from the others I wrote.

A cage to capture depth from essence, with the will to threaten the sane
Your eyes' asylum, where the cloak hides them; closed, now inundate!

The sole, necessary recapturing; principles possess power beyond Aurora
Disallow the five:
-what, when, where, who, why-

Entrapment denial
Caught, kept, and filed

Provisional schemes, invisible streams of lives in lines
Reburied in the seed
A conquered brain, you'll rest for none
The restless one, the restful son
Eyes in the cloak
Once more, I see
One more to deceive

The sole, necessary recapturing; principles possess power beyond Aurora
Disallow the five:
-what, when, where, who, why-

Digression:
Infusion

Possession:
Delusion

The sole, necessary recapturing; principles possess power beyond Aurora
Disallow the five:
-what, when, where, who, why-

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Foolz3h

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#2 Foolz3h
Member since 2006 • 23739 Posts
More pls.
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kingkilla3

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#3 kingkilla3
Member since 2006 • 17197 Posts
I'll have to write something else. Well, I do have some more, but I don't know about posting it right now.
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LotsOfGrenades

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#4 LotsOfGrenades
Member since 2008 • 106 Posts
Impressive. I can't - well I won't edit, because I really like to use the comment system on Word, but honestly, I couldn't find many problems. Readability: 8 Aesthetic: 8.5 Visual: 7.5 Direction: 7.0 Overall: 8.0 Reading this poem is very easy and actually pretty fun. Like any poem I read it several times, the great thing about this one is you can almost change the entire scheme of rhythem and it will maintain is sensibility. You should feel proud in that. Aesthetically it was marvelous. You used several things to keep it up. You used alliteration, intra-rhyme schemes, and font schemes like bold, italic, and formatted punctuation. Poetry is really cenetered around this. Visually it was great for the most part. It had a very contemporary structure, which is good and bad. Bad because it isn't mainstream so I can't compare it to much and thusly can't recieve a great score. However, it is a great way to write and love it. Direction: The direction actually took a few times. It's due to two things. One: Your writing was so well delivered I was more drawn to rhythem and poetic scheme more than anything. And Two: It had somewhat troubled points where you may have been unsure what to read or really note - or perhaps I am a retard and simply need to learn to read better? Either way, I still loved it. Conclusion. An eight is a high score in my book. I love poetry, especially dynamics, one's that make me think. I really hate crappy poetry, but hey - who doesn't. I sure hope to read more of your stuff.
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iloveflash

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#5 iloveflash
Member since 2005 • 4760 Posts

Wyvern returns! And what a great way to return, too. I follow up with a 9, because it reads well, has deep sense of meaning, and commands itself. Now keep 'em coming!

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kingkilla3

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#6 kingkilla3
Member since 2006 • 17197 Posts

It's good to have a full review, which reminds me, I should read some more around here. I can't really review, but I can comment in some way. I have another, then I will (hopefully) read something.

1.
From myths
You only finitely resist

A combined curse you've all conversed
Governed from pages, letters contagious

Bred new lives senseless
Arresting assessments

2.
It ascends
Death it befriends... double-talks it to rest
Lures into the hex, uplifts all it besets

Candescent gaze propels burning days
Blinded from design, yet so many ways

Torrent!
Dismantled by dismay
Sorrow... in the midst of its play

It descends

3.
The wings of a reverie... shadow the memory

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iloveflash

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#7 iloveflash
Member since 2005 • 4760 Posts

I'm not kidding when I say you should publish these things. 10.

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kingkilla3

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#8 kingkilla3
Member since 2006 • 17197 Posts
Publishing in what way? I don't know much about it.
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Foolz3h

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#9 Foolz3h
Member since 2006 • 23739 Posts

Publishing in what way? I don't know much about it.kingkilla3

Technically you just did publish it. :O