I thought this was written well, a good snapshot of circumstances, good use of the story and environment. I do like to spice up writing by mixing up long passages of narration with dialogue, something to give the reader a little variety. I felt like I could understand and commiserate with your protagonist, but at the same time, I felt a slight detachment from the very beginning. Id argue beginnings are the hardest to write, not endings, Ive often toyed with teasing the ending at the beginning, but that has yet to work for me. I think you set the stage well as I continued. I also try to mix up sentences starting with pronouns so that the reader feels or sees what the character sees. If you were writing in first person, I think thatd be different, but since youre right in third person, a little more description of the action couldnt hurt. I hope my comments are helpful and not detrimental!
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