Looking for a critique of my works.

Hello.

 It would be most appreciated if you Justicars would take a look on this works and say what you think of it. I'm planing to write more reviews in the futre. Regards.

AssassinCreed

 GearsofWar 

Vampireblog 

Here's an evaluation of your Assassin's Creed review:

I really liked Animus thing idea.   Should be "I really liked the Animus thing." Or, "I really liked the Animus idea." Although anyone reading this who hadn't played the game would have no idea what an Animus was.

It resembles me a HUD on hazard suit in Half Life or helmet view in Republic Commando.  This sentence is not clear at all. Regardless, most people understand what a HUD is and it's not a feature that people are interested in when reading a review.

We don't see Desmond having Sixaxis in hands  He must somehow push this buttons. So I say again - Animus is a nice thing to me.This doesnt make sense either? Desmond is not playing a video game--he's reliving the memories of his ancestors.  Also, it's good practice to never include I, me , or anything of the sort in a review. (At least that's what they'll teach you in college.)

I am finishing tutorial, -- finishing the tutorial.

taking first assassination Not sure what you mean here? Practicing, committing, or performing all work but taking does not. Oh, and assassination should be assassinations

raiding horse I think you mean riding. I played Assassin's Creed and there was no raiding of horses ^_^

Collecting flag have a sense to me too Not sure what you mean here either. Sense in the sentence doesn't work though.

They are virtual animus flags the places where they have been placed are a fragments of Desmond DNA memories. By picking them they help you to better synchronise with Animus. This isn't true. The flags provide added features like weapons and gear but you dont need to collect them all to achieve a perfect synchronization.

Amazed by graphics, animation, controls, even story. and even the story

 I am really glad.  This is irrelevant. I'd cut the line completely.

An then the horror starts...I'd move this to its own paragraph for dramatic effect. Oh, and it should be "And then the horror starts..."

Second impression - This ring (really diamond?) has a major flaws. Either, "has major flaws" or "has a major flaw." "a" is singular so end your sentence accordingly.

are loosing virtual flags? -- Losing

Some guys chasing informer the informer

And I have a counterattack now. Things are getting worse. Now I am half-god. Kratos. I can slaughter all Jerusalem, Acre and Damascus. All Templars. By holding R1 and pressing square button in counterattack. Yes, it is just so easy. And boring. I am invincible. And for God's sake learn counterattack dear informers. They will be no more bandits harassing you. This sounds more like a PTSD rant than a gaming review ^_^

Your review suffers from two major flaws. First, you're writing in the first person. As I explained earlier, unless you have no intention of writing reviews beyond a small circle of friends, you need to learn how to write in a manner that excludes I and me. A review is an assessment--not a journal entry recounting the progress of your personal experience. Now don't get me wrong, I respect an author's individuality and stylistic approach, but you'll never find a professional review written this way so I felt it was worth mentioning.

Second, and much more importantly, it's vital not to forget your audience. You are writing this for people who haven't played the game and not for people who have. Explain the premise, detail the mechanics, mention features that work and highlight aspects that dont--but never write in a way that separates you from your reader.

Finally, make sure you proofread before posting and always write your review in a word processor. You have quite a few spelling / grammatical errors and people notice. Besides, would you listen to the opinion of someone who couldn't spell? It takes a few minutes and goes miles in regards to credibility.

Other than that, this isnt a terrible start. You have a lot of potential and there are parts of your review that read very strongly. Let me know if I can clarify anything for you or help in any other way.

Good luck!

-Saigo-    

Thank you -Saigo- for reading and your evaluation!

 About Animus you are absolutly right, should be explained what is it. Well, he is reliving the memories of his ancestors but you should consider that he is not in FPP but in TPP and has mentioned HUD so he knows all the time that it isn't real. If I remember correct, collecting flags for gear and weapons starts from AC II. Part about coenterattack is most important because it is a major and main flaw of the game. It was a reason why I gave this game 4.5 score.

 Well, I know that there are gramatical, and not only, errors. English is not my primary language, I will try to learn it better and avoid such mistakes in the future. I will "patch" this review.

Thank you again!