hey guys! i know its been a while since ive been on here...but ive just been really busy lately. i just thought id let y'all know that i prolly wont be posting here much in the future...actually i prolly wont post anything here ever again. i might read the stuff on the forums and everyone's blogs, etc. just to keep up w/ the things going on in the world of svu. i want to let everyone know why i joined this site in the first place.

mostly it was because i really love svu and had been reading the boards for a while. now, im not gonna give big details because im kind of a private person and this will be hard for me, but hopefully it will help with my healing process...the other reason i joined was because i had hoped that it would help me take my mind off of the big issues in my life.

like i said, no big details but heres how im gonna say it; someone hurt me (emotionally) a lot. not just once, twice, or even 20 times...but repeatidly throughout my whole life. i was never physically abused, but the emotional scars i have will never heal. i made excuses for this person no matter how much they hurt me and i stuck around to deal with it because i felt obligated. it took me until last year when i was 16 to finally say that i had had enough.

i decided that i was done recieving harassing phone calls, arguing, and being ignored. i went through a very large rough patch, and decided that losing myself in fanfiction and tv.com was better than facing reality. well that really didnt work and i have now decided to face this thing head-on. as i have gotten better, my 'dependancy' (i guess you would call it) on those things got smaller and smaller. now im figuring out how to get the closure i need so that if i happen to run into the person in public, i wont turn around and run in the opposite direction. i have started to write a letter to this person, and it discribes all of the hurt, anger , and betrayal i have felt my whole life.

part of the letter explains that now that i dont have to worry about making everyone else happy, i have started to learn how to make myself happy. and its true. i guess what im saying here is that i have become a stronger person and dont feel like i have to rely on these things to find happiness. im saying that im done, that im closing this chapter of my life and moving on....im saying goodbye. bye everyone!

heart always,

jfaithg

i'm job shadowing a prosecutor!!! I just met the lady today at starbucks and we talked about all kinds of stuff i can do to get my 20 hrs in!

after school all next month i'm gonna go down to the prosecutors office for a couple of hours and hang out w/ my mentor (the prosecutor i'm shadowing). she's super nice and she's already scheduled for me to be part of a mock trial!!! she told me that she was gonna teach me about dealing w/ victims and help her evaluate cases and decide what crime a person should be charged with! i'm also gonna go to trials and observe different things going on. she's gonna set me up with a judge sometime and i'm gonna see what kind of things they do during the day. i also have to help my mentor put together presentations about elder abuse, because she prosecutes those things too. there's like a butt load of other stuff i'm gonna do too, but i can't remember it all right now.

I'M SO EXCITED!!! all the stuff she talked about with me today totally reminded me of svu. she wanted me to hang out with someone who helps child victims that have been sexually abused, but i had to decline. there would be problems with confidentiality because i have to give a presentation to my school board about my project. but its all gonna work out, so i'm excited about it! :D

there's a girl in one of my cla$$es that made it to hollywood on american idol! she told us on the 1st day of school this year, and she just left on friday for hollywood!!! i've known her since 6th grade and she has always loved singing, so i'm really proud of her.

the cla$$ we're in together is called 'ram prep'. the 'ram' part comes from our school mascott and the 'prep' part just means preparing for graduation. its a cla$$ you take all years of high school with the same people (there's like 22 or so in mine), in the same cla$$room, with the same teacher. so everyone gets to know eachother really well and we kinda became a family. its funny cuz everyone in our cla$$ is so different, but we all bond and hang out and stuff. anyways, back to the girl on american idol...

we were talking one day in ram prep about her audition and she was like,"yeah, before i auditioned i ate at this little cafe and the waitress asked where i was from and what brought me there. so i told her and she asked for my autograph on a napkin. i hadn't even auditioned yet! then she went in the back and got all the other waiters and waitresses, and started bragging about how she served me my food! she looked like she was about to cry, she was so excited!" i just had to laugh because of how easily star-struck people get. i think if i were in that position i would feel really uncomfortable.

i'm so excited for her tho, and i hope she makes it far. she's an amazing singer, but she gets nervous easily (even tho she's in the school choir), so i hope simon isn't too hard on her. our whole cla$$ made her a good luck card, and she got balloons and flowers and stuff. she'll be gone for a few weeks, but i'm sure it'll be worth it! so if she makes it far enough, you should all vote for nicole johnson, mmkay!

so today i spent much of my time getting senior pics taken. i'm using the cheap method too. my aunt (who isnt a photographer, btw) came over to my house and took them w/ her digital camera. a few of them look really good too, even tho they weren't professionally done. shes taken pics for 2 of my cousins and they all turned out excellent, so i decided to have her do mine as well. the problem is that we have to take like 200 for me to find like 5 that i actually like!

about half way thru, my jaw muscles got tired and my mouth got dry so i started to do the whole fake smile thing, so those ones sucked. but the good news is that im going to my aunts house next saturday for a change of scenery, and hopefully we can get better lighting then too. it was too bright outside so it made my skin look REALLY pale, and there was occasionally a glare. and the bails of hay at my aunts house are better than the ones at my house, so we're gonna use that. hmmm....i need more props. any suggestions from those who have already graduated?

i really want to wait a little longer so that the leaves on all the trees will be different colors, but at the same time i really love this time of year and i like the way everything looks at sunset. idk, maybe i'll just do some of each. the ones for the yearbook arent due til like dec. 12th or something, so i have time. i really feel like i dont have enough clothes to choose from either. i had to change clothes 3 times today and i already feel like im out of options in that area. now im just writing down random thoughts cuz i cant remember what i was gonna say. what was it? oh well, must not have been that important! moving on...

i was actually thinking about putting some of the pics on here to see what everyone thought. but im still on the fence about that one. im a little nervous about having my face on the internet. i mean, my myspace pic is so zoomed out you can barely tell who it is, lol!

anywho...any thoughts/ideas about good poses or props to use for the senior pics would be greatly appreciated!

on friday, myself and the other senior ladies on the school swim team put together a little initiation for all the freshman ladies on the team. we (the seniors) spent the night together and there's like 10 of us so it was crowded! we went over the plan and then printed out copies of our school fight song. After all that was over we did what teenaged girls do best...we gossiped and talked about boys and homecoming, etc. lol, good times...

anywho, we woke up the next morning (friday) at 4:30. we got dressed for school, grabbed our stuff, and drove all our cars to the h.s. when we got there we took 3 cars and went our seperate ways to pick up the freshman girls. when we got to their houses we squirted them in the face with water guns while blowing whistles at them, and gave them 5 minutes to get ready for school and swim practice later that day, with the addition of a few things we told them to grab. oh, and they couldn't change out of their pajamas (sp?) either!

afterwards we took them to my friend's house for breakfast (chocolate chip pancakes, my fav!). then we dressed them up so they looked rediculous and we made their hare crazy! we used SO much hairspray! we painted their faces too, it was AMAZING! i took pictures and we sent the ones on cell phones to our coach!

on the way back to the school we did a chinese firedrill at a stop light, that was fun! when we got there we introduced them to some of the teachers. then we made them 'swim' through the halls. they got on their tummys and pretended to swim whatever stroke we told them to! if they didn't listen we squirted them with water guns and blew the whistles louder. they had to leapfrog through the halls too, lol.

then we took them to the gym and taught them the fight song and made them perform it on the stage in the cafeteria in front of the people there.

it was SO much fun!!! they had to stay dressed up and everything all day too (at school and everything!). i would feel sorry for them but everyone who is on the team has to go through it, so i had no pitty, lol!

just a little update on my life within the last couple days...

over the weekend we had our swim team sleepover, which was freakin AMAZING!!! we walked to my coach's house and tp'd it! we even got the car, and then we spelled out her name in the front lawn, lol. we knew she was gone (she and her husband were gettin their drink on) and they live like 2 blocks from where the sleepover took place. their son was home (he's about my age) and we totally scared the poop out of him! he helped us w/ some of our distruction, lol. it was only like 9:30 so their neighbors across the street were freaking out! and we heard sirens and we were like 'sh!t, i hope they didn't call the cops!' so then when she got back home she called and said we had to clean it up that nite or do a dry land practice at 5:30 the next morning. we went over and it was so hillarious cuz she was 1. wearing a dress (she NEVER wears a dress.) and 2. a little bit tipsy, as was her husband (who wasn't wearing a shirt when we got there), lol. they are both in their mid-late 50's so it was pretty entertaining.

haha, yesterday i yelled at a kid in one of my cl***es! it was AWESOME! there's a girl in my cl*** who jokes around alot and acts like a dork just cuz she can. and everyone knows that when she's being a dork its just to make other people laugh, and she's not being serious. so yesterday she walked into class w/ these big a$$ glasses on, and everyone was like 'omg i love ur glasses! lol'. but the teacher started talking and just as it started to get quiet the guy next to her goes 'omg, WHAT are you wearing?!' and you should see this kid, he's like the weirdest person you'll ever meet, and he has absolutely NO fashion sense. so i turn around and say, 'umm... (insert name), wtf are YOU wearing?!' haha, everyone laughed and i felt bad for like 1 second, but then i decided that he was being an A-hole and he deserved it!

also i'm really excited for powder puff in 3 weeks!!! its where every cl*** at the h.s has a competition durring homecoming week. powder puff is for the girls and its a football competition, and the other one is buff puff and its a boys competition in volleyball (for those who don't know).

oh and on friday all the senior girls (that includes ME!) on the swim team are going to initiate all the freshman onto the team, so i'll let y'all know how that goes!

a friend of mine from school is in this youtube video, and its totally hilarious! maybe its just funny because i know him and its not surprising that he did it, but you guys have to check it out!

if you go to youtube and type in BigE3991 it should be the very first vid and the title is 'medly of gay'.

my friend is the one on the far left and then on the 2nd and 3rd songs he's in the middle wearing the shirt w/ a heart on it. i know the other 2 guys in the vid but i'm only friends with one of them. oh and supposedly they are going to do the dance for one of our pep assemblies soon! the first 20 sec is boring, but it gets good, i promise! okay ready...set....GO WATCH THE VIDEO!!! :D

guesswhat,guesswhat,guesswhat?! I'M A SENIOR IN HIGH SCHOOL!!! well, pretty much. school starts on tues, so yeah. anywho, monday i went to the fall sports meeting at my school so i could get all my paperwork filled out for swim team this year. and i ended up having to stay until really late cuz all the seniors had to have a 'special' meeting afterwards about suits, sweats, t-shirts, and team bonding days. YAWN!

then today i had senior arena day at my school. that's when we pay to play sports, buy our asb/i.d cards, and parking permits, and get our schedules. my schedule for the first tri is gonna be awesome! wanna know what it is? even if u don't wanna know, i'm gonna tell u anyways!

1. college prep chemistry
2. ram prep (the ram is our mascott (sp?) and basically its just a cla** where you prep for life outside of h.s, and you take it every tri throughout h.s. its like 'homeroom' )
3. college prep spanish (spanish 401)
4. cross-age tutoring (helping elementary/middle school students w/ homework)
5. T.A (teacher's assistant. for my swim coach who teaches 6th grade p.e, lol)

so pretty much my only cla**es i have to really focus on are chem and spanish, and spanish is gonna be a breeze (the language just makes sence to me and i don't really have to think about it a lot). but chem is not gonna be quite as easy. i took it already but i didn't like the grade i had, so i'm re-taking it. my mom bought me 'chemistry for dummies' to help me out this time, lol. i'm SO excited!!!

oh yeah, and i had to go to the doctor with my lil' sis today so we could get all of our shots taken care of. she has to have certain shots before entering the 6th grade. and i had to get my tetanus shot updated since i forgot to do that 2 yrs ago. lol, oops! then i decided to get the guardasil shot to protect from hpv/cervical cancer. has anyone here gotten that thing? that little sucker stung pretty darn bad! i have to get another one done in 2 months and then another 4 months after that. it'll be so worth it once its overwith tho...

tonight at like 7:30 i was supposed to go to an aquaintence's (sp?) house for a party before the back to school dance started...but i didn't go to either of those, cuz i had to watch my sis with my cousins while our parents all went out to the casino! it was fun anyway.

thats about all i've got this time. just thought i'de give y'all a heads-up on the current events of my life!

oh man! i have had such a crazy week, and it has all been...interesting and oddly fun! my sister and i went over to our dad's house and our cousins (on our mom's side) came over and we have spent the entire week together. my cousins are 13 and 18, and we are all really close to eachother, but my 18-year-old cousin and i are the closest.

the first night we spent here i ended up having to cover for her tho cuz she snuck out to go to her bf's house. she told me she'd be back by 3 am, and by the time 3:45 rolled around she still wasn't here and i started to freak out! i had just talked to her at 3 when she told me she wasn't gonna be on time and she'd be back by 3:30. turns out she fell asleep. but i was worried cuz my dad usually wakes up around 4 and watches tv or gets on the comp. sure enough, he did. so i asked him if we could "go on a walk cuz i can't sleep.", so he wouldn't ask why she was walking thru the door at 4 in the morning. he said no so i asked if i could at least get some fresh air. thank god he said yes, otherwise we wouldn't have gotten away w/ it! we were contacting eachother via text messaging the entire time, so we had our story straight.

my 13-year-oldcousin had volleyball conditioning every day this week, so we had to take her to that and wait for her to get done. then we made a list of about 90 new songs we wanted on our ipods so my dad could download them. so now we're jamming out to all our new songs!

on wednesday we rented movies and watched them all in 2 days. the one that got to me most was 'the exorcism of emily rose'. it was SO scary! oh and i found out about a chat room thing that my sister and younger cousin are on. let me tell ya, that was just about equally as scary as the movie was!

this chat room is for people ages 14+, but my cousin and sister are 13 and 11 and both have acounts there. so my older cousin and i were just being the dorks that we are and made an acount just as a joke. we made ourselves one person, and since we are both svu fans we made 'ourself' 14 years old and dressed provocitavly (sp?) to see if any old perverted people would try to pick us up (like a decoy, lol). so we go to the 'park' and there are all these people there and they are all trying to hook up with eachother on line. someone would 'walk up to you' and ask your real name and your real age and where you're from, etc. and then they would offer you sex or invite you back to their 'room'. we got asked if we were bi a few times too, and there were people in the 'park' dressed in their 'underwear' having 'sex' and asking eachother to talk dirt to them! and there were people who stood there and said that there was gonna be a sex party in their "bedroom', and people actually went to those things! then there was this one guy who was threatening to rape everybody! :shock: i was like,"hold on! my sister and cousin, who are 11 and 13 are in this place! i'm older than them and i'm feeling very violated right now!" :? it was disgusting and creepy and totally NOT what we were expecting! we both felt so naive because we didn't even realize that people that young did things like that. the things you can find out on the internet! alright next subject...

one day my cousin (the one that's 18 ) and i were making one of those frozen pizzas and we ended up making a song about pizza. its actually a pretty funny song, and its to the beat of the song "my neck, my back" by khia. the song (by khia) is really dirty, but the pizza version is G rated :D. if you guys want i can post it cuz we wrote it down. its really AWESOME and it makes me laugh cuz we are prolly the 2 biggest dorks on the planet! i mean, who makes a frozen pizza and ends up making a song about it?! lol.

thats all i've got for now, i guess. but seriously if you want the pizza song i could totally post it, so let me know!

okay, so my cell phone hasn't been working right for the last couple of months. it would keep turning itself off even after i charged it all night, so i thought it might be a problem w/ the battery. but then the screen would go black and i could still recieve phone calls. this is what my dad calls 'the black screen of death'. haha, he cracks me up! anyway, since i had had that dumb phone for 2 yrs, my dad decided to buy me a new one!

http://www.phonearea.net/wp-content/themes/default/pictures/sony_ericsson/2007/q4/sony_ericsson_w580_metro_pink.jpg

i don't have it yet tho, but my mom just picked it up from my dad so i should have it around 4:30 this afternoon! i'm SO excited!!!