RUN

Ok, I guess the more he practices, the better he gets.

Fly away, indeed.

Congraturation! A winner is me!

I'm officially an apparent adult, as my wife is now 6 weeks pregnant with my little dude. Everyone say "son", we're both crossing fingers and vas defrens. Well, I am anyway. We're still confused as to how it could have defeated 2 of the most trusted forms of birth control.. perhaps it used the konami code, who knows. I've included a pic of the birth that I obtained using mario's time machine. Here, look.

Thought ppl might enjoy this.

If you haven't played Lord of the Rings: The Third Age yet, do yourself a favor and pretend you already did, because you probably have. The characters just had different names and lived somewhere else. I'm struggling with this one because it looks beautiful, it's set in middle earth, and... thats really it I guess.

It's a completely dumbed down RPG, so much in fact that it could easily have taken place in Norrath. Just kidding you Everquestrians, not really though. The best way I can explain it is like this, ok, you remember when you were playing that dungeon game.. you know that one that made you run around and hack and slash things? The Baldur's X-men Champions of Norrath's Legend Gate? Yeah, it's kinda like that, only the battles are now menu driven. That's it! Only they took out towns, inns, shops, npc's that you can interact with, character development, as well as so on and so forth. Can't forget that.

What you're left with is actually kind of fun in a "Holy Crap, Gandalf, you're a freaking wizard" kind of way. It's just running, fighting and getting stuff. I'm not oversimplifying this one bit. You run, you fight, you get stuff. It's kind of like Adventure only there aren't any ducks chasing you while you frantically look for your thing that is supposed to be a sword only it looks like an arrow key.

Actually, the duck could be the Balrog, and there are various treasure chests scattered around the world containing your various arrow keys (swords).

This game is exactly like Adventure for the Atari 2600. Maybe that's why I like it.

Somebody get this fwickin duck away from me.

Ok, I'm a big advocate of playing games the way you want to play them. Screw everything they say in that miniature notebook they give you with every game you buy. If you pay good money for a game, you should be able to enjoy it howver you see fit. If you want to buy a DVD and watch it in reverse with the vertical hold screwed up, that's your choice; Which brings me to my real point:

Half Life 2 has the best dead seagull physics in the WORLD!

I love quicksave and subsequently quickload, because it allows you to instantly re-populate your supply of crossbow bolts as well as bring the City 17 Seagull (Larus Halflifetwoius) back from extinction.

It takes a keen eye to pick those babies off at 200 yards with a crossbow. You have to lead them a foot, and don't even get me started on the flight paths. My guide "How to shoot seagulls with the crossbow in Half Life 2" will be published soon, also you may need to look for it under the title "Why I may never beat Half Life 2", Or perhaps "Gordon Livingston Seagull"...I'm not sure on which I'm more pleased with. The guy will know which book you're talking about.

Until next time, keep on playing those games any which way you please. If it makes a silly sound when you jump on it, go ahead and do it for an hour or two. You've earned it.

npc_create npc_seagull

"When life rawks you, you RAAAWK back"

-Rawk Hawk

It must suck being Rawk Hawk, because I just USED him to level Mario about 5 times. For all of you at home, thats about 60 battles, if not more, all spent attacking the same enemy over and over. The irony of it all is that he's ALWAYS the #1 seated contender for the Glitz Pit belt, and EVERY time he says "I'm not gonna lose to you suns of ..." or whatever he says. Mario now has more disposable income than I do, because of the 20 Gold prize money after each of these battles. Now you may ask yourself, "Self, why would this guy fight the same guy over and over again just to go up a few levels on an RPG?"

And you would have to answer yourself "Self, thats because he is old school and I am not, and in the old school of RPG, the textbooks would read "Thou shalt spend ENTIRE DAYS fighting blue slimes to get enough money to buy a bronze sword. Not Excalibur, Not the Holy Grail, a BRONZE SWORD.""

60 battles is reasonable. And instead of slimes, this guy's name is RAWK HAWK. Games have come such a long way....

Wait in your dressing room, Mario, a bodyguard will be along shortly to escort you to the Glitz Pit.