Poetic Prodigy Week 2
waZelda's All That Matters
Thoughts by Foolz3h:
It flows extremely well and it's a very nice touch having the realisation being much more abrupt than the rest of the poem. Nice stuff!
Substance 2/3, Style 2/3, Rhythm and flow 2.5/3
Overall 2/3
Thoughts by BlinDShoT95
Not a bad poem at all. A few spots here and there where there were too many syllables in a line, but solid flow. I like the **** and there is a solid base for this piece. Some lines were fantastic, especially: "I will show what you need to see // And tell you who you need to be" One note is that I think you misspelt serious: "Use less time being series // And more being delirious"
Substance 2.5/3, s.t.y.l.e2/3, Rhythm and Flow 2/3
Overall 2/3
Total for This Piece: 17/24
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Lerfish's Whispers
Thoughts by Foolz3h:
Another I think starts a little unsatisfyingly. It feels like the rhythm that permeates the rest of the one is still developing, rather than a deliberate effect. Once again when it gets going it's rollicking stuff with a strong rhythm and the jarring pauses are thrown in perfectly! In terms of substance, though I think the opposite! Extremely satisfying with hypocrisy (maybe too strong a word) left well exposed in a satisfying light.
Substance 3/3, s.t.y.l.e2.5/3, Rhythm and flow 2.5/3
Overall 2.5/3
Thoughts by BlinDShoT95:
Not a bad piece, I like the contradictions which work to bring out the meaning of your piece, but what I'm not feeling about this write is some of the rhymes used. They seem forced at points, and well stylistically, it's an interesting way to bring forth your point, but I feel like it is not all that phenomenal. It is a solid write, but not that amazing in my view.
Substance 2.5/3, s.t.y.l.e2/3, Rhythm and Flow 2/3
Overall 2.5/3
Total for this piece: 19.5/24
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Kingkilla3's Ominous Becoming
Thoughts by Foolz3h:
Ah yes, to be buried in Crice would truly be a terrible thing! :P Another entertaining couplet with just the right amount of humour and description. And even perhaps a little darkness, and not to forget fantastic lines like this: "The builders have arrived to build another bay //They built a set of hundreds, but what do they say?"
Substance 2/3, s.t.y.l.e2/3, Rhythm and flow 2/3
Overall 2/3
Thoughts by BlinDShoT95:
Nice writing; it flows beautifully, has a solid base of substance to it, and was delivered nicely.
Substance 2.5/3, s.t.y.l.e2/3, Rhythm and Flow 3/3
Overall 2.5/3
Total for this write: 18/24
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GabuEx's A History of Twenty-Seven
Thoughts by Foolz3h:
Witty and definitely entertaining! Extra points for the multi-syllable rhymes! At times it does seem a little forced, but that fits perfectly with the tone of the poem so that's not really a criticism! Gilbert and Sullivan would be proud! :P
Substance 2/3, s.t.y.l.e2.5/3, Rhythm and Flow 2/3,
Overall 2/3
Thoughts by BlinDShoT95:
The first two stanzas were fantastic, but I feel like the third stanza dropped off a bit (especially line 2 of that stanza). It's a good write, I love how it flows for the most part, and well good job.
Substance 2.5/3, s.t.y.l.e2.5/3, Rhythm and Flow 2/3
Overall 2/3
Total for this write: 17.5/24
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Helios_Rietberg's Required Piece
Thoughts by Foolz3h:
Some great imagery despite the rhymes feeling a little laboured at times! Boats ftw! :P
Substance 2/3, s.t.y.l.e2/3, Rhythm and flow 1.5/3
Overall 2/3
Thoughts by BlinDShoT95:
Methinks that is must be one of the weakest writes you have ever written,however I suppose that isn't saying much. It isn't a train-wreck in terms of substance or s.t.y.l.e, but the flow is another story. You aren't a couplet poem person so don't worry too much about it.
Substance 2/3, s.t.y.l.e2/3, Rhythm and Flow 1.5/3
Overall 2/3
Total for this piece: 15/24
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Freewrites
waZelda's Circle
Thoughts by Foolz3h:
Now this is great! Fantastic structure and flow both as a whole and within each stanza. Brilliant stuff! The substance is simple, sure but is presented in such a pleasing way that it doesn't really matter.
Substance 2/3, s.t.y.l.e2.5/3, Rhythm and Flow 3/3
Overall 2.5/3
Thoughts by BlinDShoT95:
I couldn't help but feel like this piece was begging for another stanza, it seems to just drop off at the end. It flows wonderfully, has a strong content base behind it, but seems unfinished. Other than that, the line: "Spiraling, rotating" bugged me, it just seemed off with the rest of the stanza.
Substance 2.5/3, s.t.y.l.e2/3, Rhythm and Flow 2.5/3
Overall 2.5/3
Total for this piece: 19.5/24
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GabuEx's Exodus
Thoughts by Foolz3h:
I feel that the first stanza doesn't quite flow as it should, and its lack of consistency doesn't for me add to the poem. Nevertheless after the first stanza it really gets going and flows effortlessly forward, line to line, stanza to stanza. The shorter stanzas between each longer one is a nice touch too, and really help give the poem a rhythm and speed. Great work!
Correction: On second thoughts the shorter first stanza makes the fear and death far more powerful, so my apologies on my first read! I'd also like to my point that: "Kindness gone from house of white.
Shotgun-shredded olive branches" is a brilliantly realised passage, especially the latter line. Wonderful use language!
Substance2.5/3, s.t.y.l.e2.5/3, Rhythm and flow 2.5/3
Overall 2.5/3
Thoughts by BlinDShoT95:
What a write! Powerful, meaningful, and well is all around fantastic - well almost. The final stanza bothers me, it just doesn't seem to fit with the rest of the piece in terms of how it is stated (content wise it's fantastic). But I digress, that is one blemish amidst a fantastic poem.
Substance 3/3, s.t.y.l.e2.5/3, Rhythm and Flow 2.5/3
Overall 2.5/3
Total for this piece: 20.5/24
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Lerfish's The Prophets
Thoughts by Foolz3h:
Brilliant imagery, flow, description and meaning! Not much more to say except I loved it! :)
Substance 2.5/3, s.t.y.l.e2.5/3, Rhythm and flow 3/3
Overall 2.5/3
Thoughts by BlinDShoT95:
I see what you're trying to do with this piece, and at points it's hitting me, but I feel it's lacking at points. Other than that, it flows wonderfully, and has a strong idea behind it
Substance 2.5/3, s.t.y.l.e2/3, Rhythm and Flow 2.5/3
Overall 2.5/3
Total for this piece: 20/24
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Kingkilla3's The Cinder March
Thoughts by Foolz3h:
Very cold indeed! And wet, yet not dreary by the end of it! It reminded me very much of a Russian religious poem with all the hurting and hope and I greatly enjoyed it because of it!
Substance 3/3, s.t.y.l.e2.5/3, Rhythm and flow 2.5/3
Overall 2.5/3
Thoughts by BlinDShoT95:
This is a fantastic write with a great title. At the end of this, I was hoping for more, but alas no more was received.
Substance 3/3, s.t.y.l.e3/3, Rhythm and Flow 2.5/3
Overall 2.5/3
Total for this piece: 21.5/24
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Helios_Rietberg's Freewrite
Thoughts by Foolz3h:
Rubbish quality? Well I certainly enjoyed it greatly! Apart form a slowish start when it got a hold of me it was a very satisfying read. Great imagery, great flow, and the rhyming in it was used to great effect, to the point where the rhymes seemed a coincidence. And I mean that as a compliment, I really do!
Substance 2/3, s.t.y.l.e2.5/3, Rhythm and flow 2.5/3
Overall 2.5/3
Thoughts by BlinDShoT95:
This piece at points underachieves what you have set out to do, and accomplished in the more refined parts of the piece. My point? Some of this piece is fantastic, some of it lacking - but all of flows nicely, and stylistically isn't too shabby.
Substance 2.5/3, s.t.y.l.e2/3, Rhythm and Flow 2.5/3
Overall 2/3
Total for this piece: 18.5/24
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