The following rant may contain spoilers.
Twilight and its three sequels are physical proof that people will buy, and highly enjoy, any steaming pile of crap that passes as entertainment.
Twilight is horrible. There is not one redeeming factor of that **** series. The protagonist? An obsessive fangirl not unlike the readers of this travesty with absolutely no brain whatsoever; a sexist portrayal of women as mindless drones in need of their man. And if their man goes away? Wallow in shallow misery until you eventually decide to commit suicide in despair. Nevermind that there are plenty of average boys around who--my God--are nice, and actually care; they aren't perfect. Bella treats the not perfect boys in the book as nerds and unworthy of her fabulous platinum ass. Bella is portrayed as a too-cool-for-school perfect chick who could piss on a plate and not splash.
Edward Cullen. Dear, sweet, merciful lord, Edward Cullen. I can get over the sparkly vampire thing. No, really, I can. In fact, I almost commend Meyer for throwing in a tinge of creativity in her vampires. But Edward Cullen is the most uninteresting character ever made in teen girls fiction (that is saying way too much). Like Bella, he's a shining example of perfection that no other man (or woman or vampire or werewolf) could ever possibly hope to achieve, except for his love, of course. Oh, and he's abusive as hell. Treats Bella like crap, under the pretense that it's for her own good. Why? Because sex with a vampire is deadly to people, because they apparently **** you so hard that they break your bones. No, really. It happens in the book.
The werewolves. I can't even remember their names, they were so damn boring. Apparently Bella has an on-off with one for a little while, resulting in an oh-so-disgusting love triangle between her, him, and Mr. Sparkle. There's nothing particularly wrong with any of them (except for the one that tries to kill Bella or something), until the very end of the book. Brace yourself: a werewolf "imprints" upon Bella's new hellchild (we'll get more on that in a moment). What is "imprinting" in the wonderful world of Meyer? Why, the werewolf fell in love with her and immediately named her his future mate. Yeah, nothing disturbing about that crap at all, is there?
Bella's hellchild. Apparently, the human/vampire mutant offspring is so unbelievably huge that he breaks Bella's spine during birth. So our Perfect Fanged Hero saves the day by performing a c-section on his Miss Piss On a Plate with his teeth. Yeah. Then Bella becomes a vampire, something that could easily have been done in the very first book to avoid the whole "Break Bella's body by having sex with her unconscious self (yes, that's how she gets pregnant) and then letting her bear her demonspawn" thing.
By the way, Edward, while appearing to be a seventeen-year-old boy, is actually 117 years old. Bella is actually 17. Nothing pedo about that crap.
Finally, the books apparently portray some Mormon message.
The Twilight Saga is hideous, repugnant garbage, and the fact that it was published (let alone accepted by such a huge amount of people with such praise) is an abomination on authors and publishers and editors that have actually worked and made good literature that is completely overlooked in favor of **** like this. And the completely obsessed fanbase is pathetic; people weeping over the New Moon trailer and nine-year-old girls setting themselves up for disappointment because they can no longer fathom dating a guy (or girl) as perfect as Edward.
I am in support of the theory that Stephanie Meyer is in fact J.K. Rowling in disguise, and one day soon she'll be at a book signing and will suddenly stand up, tear off the mask, drop the many balloons she is holding under her clothes to give the appearance of weight, and deflate her lips so she can shout, "Got ya! Thanks for improving my Harry Potter sales, morons!"
Because I would not put it past someone as desperate as Rowling to do something like that.
-_Rain_-
I've read it and I couldn't find any "mormon" messages (I'm mormon). Other than that I mostly agree. The writing was "well done" for the current target group of 10-14 year old girls. Mrs. Myer wrote it like a 12 year old girl herself. In book 4 I would have to say I was with the werewolves up until he inmprinted on Renesme (sp?) I have to say that was the most idiotic idea in a book ever. The end of the book was dull and the book never kept you guessing, once you learned about something if you had any sense you could figure it out in less than half a page. I think the author wrote Bella as a wish-I-was-her-so-I'll-give-her-what-ever-I-would-want character. Regarding the fangirls, some are scary but some are sane, the safe ones are usually the ones that don't read it in under a day. I'd say the book was decent and could certainly be developed better and only read it if the above stuff won't bore you.
Log in to comment