To me a "role playing game" has to have a specific set of features. #1 and MOST important - there has to be a story being told. It doesn't have to be a huge story, or even a completely interesting one, but it has to be more than "rescue the princess" or "fight in this war". Secondly - the game has to have me playing or controlling one specific character, who I must be able to continuously "level up" by earning some sort of experience points by fighting/battling the enemies in the game - and with this leveling I should be able to expand the character's initial skills and make them increasingly stronger. And finally - there should be some sort of reward or "loot" system in place. It doesn't have to be on every enemy I kill, or even on the enemies, but there should be a system that rewards me with new equipment of some sort as I play.
Those three items are pretty much "requirements" for me to see before I call it an RPG - and as you can see they are vague enough to allow all sorts of games into the fold, but also keeps quite a few other games out. Games like Borderlands, Diablo, Final Fantasy, Legend of Zelda - they all fit. While games like Mario, Call of Duty, or God of War don't.
I still wouldn't go around calling Borderlands an "RPG" though, nor really would I call Zelda one either - but I do consider them to have the "souls" of role playing games.
Add in a few more requirements or expand on the original three like: The game should be LONG and the plot should be "meaty". RPGs to me should at least come in at 25 hours, but the really great ones are playable for much longer - 70, 80 or 100 hours. The "equip" screen should be more complicated than just choosing the next weapon. A true RPG has all sorts of equipable items, from armor to weapons, to even the accessories your character wears. And the next "requirement" is sorta hard to describe precisely, but for a game to be an RPG there should be tons of "Statistics". I want to know exactly how much more powerful my new sword is compared to the last, or how much more my new armor protects me. I want to know the exact weaknesses of every enemy I face, down to which elements they are strong and weak against. If there isn't some sort of stats listed somewhere in the game, stats that I can use to plot future quests or just fill my mind with useless knowledge, than it isn't a "true" RPG. Finally, and most importantly - there should be some aspect of "choice" involved. Not nessessarily choice in conversation either - although that DOES count, but true choice. Like I don't want to go where the game is telling me to go - I want to go exploring off somewhere and just waste 10 hours doing nothing. That kind of choice. Sure it'd be nice to have some sort of dialogue choices, that maybe impact the flow of the game, but that isn't the only kind of "choice" I mean.
Factor those "requirements" in with the top three and you are getting a "truer" picture of what I consider an RPG to be. Doing so also reduces the number of games that fit in the description. Final Fantasy games do, Mass Effect games do, Oblivion and Skyrim does. Actual examples of what a lot of gamers consider to be real Role Playing Games.
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