Although suits will not compost, they can be used for mulching purposes. Consequent rises in soil acidity may be offset with generous applications of lime. Suits do not make successful scarecrows, because birds do not appear to be intimidated by them. A massive industrial operation has been established in Tasmania, based on a new recycling processwhereby men's suits are shredded, pulped and fermented on a mass scale, then compressed under extreme high pressure to produce a durable and versatile building material known as 'suitboard'. Large volumes of cheap electricity are required for this process.
A spectacular and attractive Hawaiian-style patio and garden torch can be made by wrapping a suit around the top of a broom handle, soaking it in kerosene and igniting it. Ideal for nocturnal pool parties and barbecues.
Jezzasaurus Blog
The Life Cycle Of The Supermarket Trolley
by Jezzasaurus on Comments
Supermarket trolleys come ashore under the full moon to lay their eggs in the sand. When the eggs hatch, the young trolleys make their way to the supermarket, where they assemble in the carpark. Now they begin their strange life engulfing and disgorging vast quantities of consumer items.
After several years, when they have reached maturity, the trolleys escape individually into the surrounding streets, and by various routes - drains, canals, rivers - they make their way back to the sea, where they mate in deep water and wait for the full moon to begin the cycle all over again.
After several years, when they have reached maturity, the trolleys escape individually into the surrounding streets, and by various routes - drains, canals, rivers - they make their way back to the sea, where they mate in deep water and wait for the full moon to begin the cycle all over again.
Words Of The Day: Volume 1
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Swizzle - A drink composed of rum, crushed ice, lemon or lime juice, bitters and sugar.
Switcheroo - An unexpected change in behaviour.
Knickers - An undergarment worn by women.
Snickersnee - A large knife for cutting or thrusting.
Paronomania - A clinical obsession with word games.
Anthony Callea, the famous paronomaniac, in a strange switcheroo slurped a swizzle and snickersneed his knickers.
Switcheroo - An unexpected change in behaviour.
Knickers - An undergarment worn by women.
Snickersnee - A large knife for cutting or thrusting.
Paronomania - A clinical obsession with word games.
Anthony Callea, the famous paronomaniac, in a strange switcheroo slurped a swizzle and snickersneed his knickers.
How Democracy Actually Works
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After voting, the balot papers are collected and taken to a furnace. There they are burned to fire a boiler which provides steam for a turbine, which drives a generator and produces electricity. The electricity is then conveyed to the parliament building by a special power line, where it is directed into a forty-watt lightbulb in the gents' lavatory. If you walk behind the building late at night, you can look up and see a dimly lit window and be reassured that your vote does matter.
Ping-Pong Tips: Part 2
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Well now that you know how to play safe, you'll probably want to play to win. To achieve this one needs mastery of technique, an unimpeded flow of life essence, and strict deterrents for the regiment. This training program has been used and formulated by 9-time ITTA Grand Champion, Thomas Mutton, who may well be the greatest player of the modern era:
a) Wake at 4:00am every day.
b) Eat a bowl of wheat stalks and small pebbles.
c) Work is then comprised of ploughing the soil, catching flying pigs, and four to six hours of stroke-work and match-play.
d) In the evening, poetry and ellecution.
Extreme players have never eaten ice-cream or interacted with the opposite sex - they're pure. With this technique, you too can be a champion.
Genetically Engineered Animals Of The Week
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Jellyfish + Elephant = Jellyphant
Monkey + Shark = Shunkey
Koala + Raven = Ravola
Eskimo + Pigeon = Eskogen
Mole + Parrot = Morrot
Monkey + Shark = Shunkey
Koala + Raven = Ravola
Eskimo + Pigeon = Eskogen
Mole + Parrot = Morrot
5 Fun Ways To Break Off A Date Half-Way Through
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1. 'Excuse me, I have to convert some infidels to the rightful worship of Doof Doof, Lord of Dance Music and Subwoofers.'
2. 'Is that an elephant or a pig in the distance...? Oh, sorry, it's you.'
3. 'You're very sweet, but you're just not worth my precious time.'
4. 'Hey, look! Free detergent samples!'
5. 'I vos born in East Germany... as a man.'
2. 'Is that an elephant or a pig in the distance...? Oh, sorry, it's you.'
3. 'You're very sweet, but you're just not worth my precious time.'
4. 'Hey, look! Free detergent samples!'
5. 'I vos born in East Germany... as a man.'
5 Reasons Why Guitars Are Better Than McDonald's
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1. A guitar is not greasy.
2. Guitars come in all shapes, sizes and varieties. McDonald's all tastes the same.
3. Guitars help you through the bad times. McDonald's helps you get fat.
4. A guitar is a potent weapon if used correctly. A Big Mac, however, is not. At least not regularly.
5. Guitars are worth more, last way longer, and will always be cooler than Ronald McDonald ever was.
2. Guitars come in all shapes, sizes and varieties. McDonald's all tastes the same.
3. Guitars help you through the bad times. McDonald's helps you get fat.
4. A guitar is a potent weapon if used correctly. A Big Mac, however, is not. At least not regularly.
5. Guitars are worth more, last way longer, and will always be cooler than Ronald McDonald ever was.
Ping-Pong Tips: Part 1
by Jezzasaurus on Comments
Let's face it, ping-pong is highly dangerous. The smaller playing area concentrates the action, creating a physical and emotional work-out unparallel to any other table-top games in the indoor sporting world. Naturally, you don't want to suffer any serious injury - so this first series of tips revolves around playing safe.
a) Stretch: To avoid pulled muscles.
b) Breathe: Not breathing can cause you to die.
c) Wear Comfortable Clothing: Loose clothing may snag, whilst tight clothing may restrict you - and if you don't look good you can't play well.
Remember; play well, play safe, and relent not lest ye be trampled and left for dead.
a) Stretch: To avoid pulled muscles.
b) Breathe: Not breathing can cause you to die.
c) Wear Comfortable Clothing: Loose clothing may snag, whilst tight clothing may restrict you - and if you don't look good you can't play well.
Remember; play well, play safe, and relent not lest ye be trampled and left for dead.
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