Ive never written a poem before nor do i think im any good at it but i good had to write one for english class and was wondering what you guys think. Rate it outta 10.
Lonely Nights
A boy born from the valleys of the light
finds himself infatuated by a temptress's sight.
He prays for love; he prays she might
bring an end to his lonely nights.
He longs for love; she longs for lust.
She darkens his spirits, but still her presence is a must.
She fools him and lies to him, yet still he gives her trust
blinded by her looks, her smell, her touch
She kills his spirits;he's strayed from the light
poisoned by her venomous bite,
unable to distinguish wrong from right.
His quest for love has changed his life,
but no longer does he suffer those lonely nights
Blitz_Nemesis
I'm gonna mark it up a little bit, I don't know if this is exactly how you were going to turn it so let me peer edit it for you (Im 16 bare with me) corrections are in the quote in color.
Comments; Going by what you originally asked I would have given it an 8.5 out of 10, a teacher who cares about what you wrote would have given you a B before giving them a revised version with their corrections (corrections poetically because it's your poem and it's your words, not theirs)
I liked the flow of the rhyme scheme, especially stanza 2. I like the added line on stanza 3. I liked the relation created between the boy and the temptress and it doesnt neccesarilly identify any hate toward women in general. The subtext work is great and I liked the use of some inconstant syllable use (10, 14, 8, 8 - 8, 14, 13, 9 - 10, 8, 10, 8, 12)
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