Welcome to my new Random Exposure "column" where I will comment on something that I just blundered across...

For the first installment we have an MSN article entitled, 18 Things a Grown Man Should Never Have. It isn't really so much an article as much as the following list, all of which I have some sort of problem with...

1. A black eye. Unless the rim hits your face mid-dunk, your peepers should remain unblemished. You're smart enough to talk your way out of any fight you're going to lose.

My Problem: Is this saying not to get into fights or just not to get into fights you are going to lose?

In either case, gimme a damned break. Did this retard EVER go to public school? We may be advanced but we are still animals and we ALWAYS find some way to establish a hierarchy of dominance. Fighting is a natural part of the human experience, like it or not. There is no universal response that will make everyone think highly of you. For every person that respect you more for avoiding a fight there is another with whom you will lose esteem. In my experience, there is more respect to be earned from not backing down than their is from dodging conflict. Still speaking from experience, backing down labels you as "easy prey" and can just incite more or increased conflict whereas standing your ground rarely hurts your position even if it doesn't improve anything.

Not that it is Manly to go out getting into fights at the drop of a hat or shouldn't avoid pointless fights... but force solves more problems than words ever have or ever will. We may be smart enough to talk our way out of that fight... but maybe the other guy isn't smart enough to let us.

A better rule here is the old standby "walk softly and carry a big stick". Don't go out looking for trouble, but if it crosses your path... beat the snot out of it so that, maybe, it learns not to cross your path again.

2. A witty e-mail signature. Quotes and song lyrics should be heard during toasts and karaoke performances, respectively. Don't let your electronic correspondence become the digital version of a motivational poster.

My Problem: So email is supposed to be impersonal?

I can understand some restraint if this is in regard to professional correspondence, but personal communication should ALWAYS be personalized as text lacks the ability to properly convey your mannerisms, mood, body language, and other non-verbal traits that are a LARGE part of communication. Even in your business communication, a taste of your personality will make you stand out and be remembered, so a particularly meaningful quote has its place.

Rather than dealing with being a Man, this is more of a general rule for everyone that says "Don't be a dumbass with your signature". Keep that stuff to a line or two, max, and try to pick something that isn't regurgitated stupidity.

3. An empty refrigerator. Your larder should be amply stocked, your pantry provisioned. Always aim to be ready to create an on-the-fly, three-course dinner for her...along with breakfast in bed.

My Problem: What part of being a "Grown Man" implies that you should be a resturaunt?

I agree that a Man should be able to provide and that a variety of foodstuffs is fair proof of this ability... but that second sentance is just an extravagent, unreasonable expectation. If you are always ready to eat that good then you are most likely throwing out a lot of food that goes bad before you can prepare it... or you eat too much. Excess is contradictory to what a Man should strive for, in my mind.

Be able to provide without being constantly over-indulgent.

4. PlayStation thumb. When they're relaxing, grown men can behave like children. But if you devolve long enough to cause calluses or button-shaped bruises, you're assuredly missing out on life.

My Problem: Devolve?

So if behaving like a child is devolving, does that mean children don't age... but rather evolve into adults? Excellant, now Catholic schools something else that they can refuse to teach students.

But seriously, that choice of words just tells me that this guy has no respect for gaming and sees it as only an immature, valueless expenditure of time. He is right, if you play too much you are most assuredly missing out... but that is true of any excess. And, again, a Man avoids excess.

5. A key chain with a bottle opener. This bauble is both a gauche reminder of your college days and proof that you don't know how to apply leverage using available, impromptu bottle openers: a lighter, the back end of a fork.

My Problem: Etiquette says wha?

Um... since when is a bottle that you have to open a sign of your sophistication, let alone using silverware to do it? And how does one use a lighter to open a bottle? And how in hell do we go from Grown Men providing three-course meals at a moment's notice to opening beer with a fork?

6. A lucky shirt. Every shirt is lucky when worn by a man who knows that the harder he works the luckier he'll be.

My Problem: Confucious belongs in cookies.

And that kind of "Good things comes to those who deserve it" philosophy is retarded. The world doesn't work that way. You can work yourself to the bone and get nothing for it but tired. Being a Man is not about being that stupid.

7. An unstamped passport.

My Problem: I'm not a "Grown Man" because I haven't gone to another country?

Wait, I'm safe... I don't have an unstamped passport... I just don't have a passport. Whew! That was close.

Again, seriously, what does travelling to foreign lands have to do with being a "Grown Man"? Travel is wonderful, but it is not a requirement and proves nothing more than you had the money to spend going somewhere. Just because you have stepped foot on another country's soil doesn't mean that you learned anything from the experience.

The real message here is to expand your horizons.

8. Olympic dreams. Exceptions: curling and archery.

My Problem: Who let this guy write? Honestly, he's a moron.

In theory, this saying not to have unrealistic dreams... but then if you are abiding by any of the previous rules, then you have already gave reasonable living (and, likely, reality) no concern. What about curling and archery are signs of being a "Grown Man"? They aren't as physically demanding as Greco-Roman Wrestling or Weight-Lifting? So, once you have become a "Grown Man", give up any of your dreams that requires a lot of your time and effort to achieve... basically.

9. Less than $20 in his wallet. Fiduciary nudity is negligence. A real man should always carry a business card and enough dough to pick up coffee, bagels, and the Sunday paper without whipping out the plastic.

My Problem: What era does this putz live in?

Guess what... plastic is still money and using it to the exclusion of paper bills is in no way a negative sign. Should you keep a bit of "real" money on you for those occasions, however uncommon, that you need something from someone or someplace that doesn't take plastic? Sure, it is smart to be prepared. But to imply that this is a requirement of Manhood is stupid.

10. A name for his penis. Even if it's a really clever name.

My Problem: It is mine, I'll name it if I want to.

And so long as I don't make a big deal of sharing that information with too many other people, who gives a damn?

11. Any beer that costs less than $20 a case. And no exception for the grand-slam 30-pack that crosses that price threshold.

My Problem: Oh, NOW we have standards again?

From constant three-course meals to opening bottles with a fork or lighter to being picky about what beer we drink? I can't take this guy seriously any more.

12. The need to quote The Big Lebowski/ Caddyshack/Superbad. Reciting someone else's lines reminds people that you haven't the wit to write your own.

My Problem: Really?

Displaying the wit to apply such a quote to a different situation while still keeping it relevant and humorous ISN'T a sign of wit? What IS then? Writing 18 idiotic rules about what it takes to be considered some form of fictiously retarded "Grown Man"? Sorry, I can't keep putting so much energy into these responses...

13. A futon. Sure, beds are for sleeping. But such a meager, slouchy spread has never, in the history of sex, inspired a woman to say, "Take me on your futon."

My Problem: Tell that to Kim.

I got laid on my futon. So "never, in the history of sex" has now been proven wrong.

14. Code words for ugly women. Actually, code words for anything.

My Problem: It's called slang.

And people use it in every walk of life, every day. Alright, that's the last response... I'm just too tired of this schmuck.

15. A Nerf hoop in his living room. Keep the adolescent accoutrements where they belong: in the rec room or above the wastebasket in someone else's office.

16. A secret handshake.

17. Drinking glasses with logos. Especially those kitschy McDonald's Hamburglar ones.

18. A recent story with the phrase "So I said to the cop…"

So, I ask those handful of you who follow what I write, what kind of "Grown Man" does this list describe and would any of us want to be (with) one?

I, in case it is not obviously, would pants such a "Man" and put a boot into his sack so hard as to render him a eunuch. I won't share a gender with such a mutant.

I played around with a few more of the demo's that I downloaded the other night... Shadowrun, Turning Point: Fall of Liberty, & Operation Darkness.

Shadowrun leaves me with mixed emotions. I'm an old-school geek and I still meet with a group of friends every Saturday night to throw dice around the table. In fact, we are playing Shadowrun right now (which reminds me... I need to tomorrow night's 'run ready for them). This multiplayer-only offering carrying the Shadowrun name can be compared as doing little else and is only loosely based off of the RPG. Which is sad, because it shouldn't have been THAT hard as so much of the work would already have been done just by picking up the license. The entire game seems like the designers just flipped through a book and then took general concepts in a direction that they liked rather than trying to follow the source material. The races are lacklustre, poorly implemented, and they left one out for no discernable reason. The weapons bear little to no similarity to favorites from the RPG and are just the basic FPS fair of pistol, submachinegun, assault rifle, shotgun, sniper rifle, & minigun... many just as poorly implemented as the races. The different tech gadgets and magic effects at your disposal are kind of neat, offering some interesting twists, but are once again only scratching the surface of what the RPG supplied. Furthermore, a major aspect of the RPG was that tech and magic can work side-by-side but do not mesh very well.

Ignoring the baggage I bring from knowing the source material, the game is basically entertaining with both a look and sound that are enjoyable as well as gameplay that isn't upsetting. Being multiplayer only disappoints me, but at least I can technically play alone with a bunch of bots if I don't want to listen to random strangers crowing because they wtfpwned me. The bots actually talk to you, too, calling out the presence of enemies or other combat updates that can actually be handy, though they seem to be a little on the stupid side. I will probably still add it to my Gamefly list to see the full game... but I doubt it will stay long.

All together, given the source material, I could have designed a MUCH better game with my eyes closed and certainly wouldn't have wasted the awesome potential of a single-player/co-op storyline.

Next was Turning Point, whose storyline I just wanted a peek at. Now, I am granting that I just played a portion of the game's first level, and while I see some of the complaints posed by the Gamespot review... it wasn't THAT bad. I definately would call it as a good FPS game, because it was severely lacking in that regard but the flaws weren't frustrating or game-breaking. I have less to say here as there is both a lack of baggage to compare and comment on as well as just not as much to talk about. This is another game that I would like to try out in full sometime just to get a better opinion of.

The jewel of my evening was Operation Darkness. It's a turn-based, squad shooter. It immediately reminded me of the Front Mission games. The demo starts you off on Mission 6, so I'm not sure of the story or what the build-up is like to that point, but you get a half dozen or so characters with an assortment of WWII era weaponry that you can customize via skills and equipment who you deploy on a rather large grid map with a particular objective in mind. The game looked pretty good but the camera control was rather terrible and left a LOT to be desired. Gameplay-wise, you move your people around the map and try to line-up attacks with your various weapons against your enemies while trying not to let them do the same to you in the process. It is basically like chess but with submachineguns, rifles, grenades, bazookas, the occasional tank, and werewolves... oh... yeah, apparently the story of Operation Darkness includes werewolves and vampires and nazi zombies... or something. This one is definately high on my, let's play the whole game to see just what the frack is going on.

And I just got the little chime from my inbox that told me Gamefly has sent me Bullet Witch to play with. Yeah, I know... people have said horrible things about it, but something about it begged me to form my own opinion.

Now, about that 'run...

Edit: Wow. You can't use the word c l a s s anywhere in blog entries without causing an error in the scripting? What the hell kind of worthless programmers do they have working here anyway? Sheesh.

*gagghhurdlepplortchglugthhppt*

Oh, sorry... was seeing how far I could fit the controlling into my mouth... it was more rewarding than playing Project Sylpheed.

Seriously, it's like playing a button-masher... that flies in space.

I really like the art design but if I thought the silly effects of Ninety-Nine Nights were distracting and obnoxious, then Sylpheed takes that to a whole new order of magnitude. Kinda like Carrot Top in its annoyingly excessive but ultimately ridiculous quality. Specifically, the vapor/exhaust trails of fighters are overly bright and colorful, overly long, and don't dissipate very fast... so in a large dogfight it is very easy to lose sight of nearly everything, including your HUD, due to the weave of colored trails obscuring your view. Whether you are in wide 3rd, close 3rd, or 1st perspective, it is never easy to make out what is going on thanks to the very fast pacing and unsoundly tiny size of on-screen text identifying different friendly or enemy units. Enemy fighters are either little dots in the distance that you only recognize thanks to your HUD... or they are fly past you because you were travelling so fast to reach the distant looking red dot that you over-shot their position without realizing how close you were getting until it was too late. The designs themselves, whenever you aren't zooming by so fast as to not be able to appreciate them, are rather nice... from the fighters to the increasingly larger capitol ships. It was rather fun to dive towards a cruiser unleashing anti-ship missles and railgun slugs before pulling up to strafe down the length of the hull or to just dive right through the middle of a frigate, rolling and dodging debris as it breaks up and explodes around me. The background starfields and stellar clouds and such are equalling impressive... when you take the time to look at them.

The sound can be described in much the same way, being of good quality but too often unenjoyable due to being deluged with too much of it at once. It's nice to hear your Wingman chime in to call attention to damage you have taken or for your XO to tell you that you should rearm before your ammo supply dwindles too much further or any of the other radio chatter... but between all of this and the sound effects and the music, it just gets discordant. And I am still tweaking the settings trying to find that balance between their various volumes that I am comfortable with. It just seems like I have to pick one that I want to hear and the rest be damned.

The gameplay is annoying. You have objectives and sub-objectives, the completion of which earns you points that you spend to develop new weapon systems. While your objectives are obvious enough and easily accessible should you forget, I have yet to find out how to know what my sub-objectives are. All of it is mentioned via radio chatter, but sometimes it is hard to figure out just what the hell you are being covertly tasked to do. Whenever you hear, for example, a destroyer commenting about fighters coming right for it... are you supposed to peel-off from your attack run against that battleship to go intercept or is it just background environment? It would at least be nice to see what you missed after the mission so you could retry. Maybe it's buried somewhere, since I can't say that I have looked too hard... maybe in that Briefings option that I never look at because it has yet to be helpful...

The controls grow on you, but are definately atrocious. Press this, double-tap that, hold this in... so many variants on every button. And some of your capabilities are a waste. I have to get any benefit out of the Y button, for example.

I kept Bioshock for a month or so before sending it back, but I bet that Gamefly gets Project Slypheed back by the end of the week.

On this day, a great many moons ago, I was born.

As is tradition... gimme stuff!! I prefer gift certificates and I will gladly accept PayPal. :)

I elected to work a half-day today and will be heading home very shortly to relax a bit before enjoying a tasty dinner... and cake... the cake is a must. And no, THIS cake is not a lie.

Some months ago we significantly rearranged the house and, as a result, the modem and router were too far away from where my 360 ended up. At first it was raining too frequently to make crawling under the house to neatly re-run network cable a pleasant experience and then there was just too much else to do to get around to it. Well, we finally got it sorted out and this weekend saw my 360 connecting for the first time in over 2000 points worth of Achievements.

I immediately filled up my download queue with an assortment of demos and toyed around. Foremost in my mind, Iron Man is pretty but the controls really blow. In no particular order after that... Ace Combat 6 also looks brilliant but really wasn't as entertaining as I would like, though a flight sim junkie will likely be ecstatic... Crackdown may actually be entertaining though I am certain that it will quickly get repetitive... Culdcept Saga was oddly neat and simple with an addictive quality to it... and I still have a few more to check out, like Bulletwitch and Operation Darkness.

That's really about the only thing I miss about having the 360 online... the demos. I don't really play much online multiplayer. I'm not above running around with some friends, assuming they won't care that I tend to suck at most of the games they are playing, and I loathe playing with strangers who are typically unfriendly at the best of times. But the demos let me see what a game is like and should help me select games to try out via Gamefly, further increasing that benefit in best spending my limited gaming budget. For example, I was so disappoint with Ace 6 that I will remove it from my Gamefly Q... I have already seen enough to not want to waste time trying it out. On the other hand, Culdcept intrigued me enough that I will probably bump it higher up my list.

Anyway, while I am averse to showing people just how much I suck at Halo or R6V or anything else that I own... look me up if you need a martyr to catch bullets for you. I'm good at that.

I, for one, would really like the ability to leave comments as opposed to the current thumbs up or down recommendation system. Knowing WHY a review gets recommended or de-recommended (un-recommended? anti-recommended?) would go a long way towards being able to trust this peer acceptance of the material.

And because I would love to know what at least one person thought was wrong with my Bioshock review (or others). Was 9.0 not good enough? Are my opinions offensive to their tender sensibilities?

So, yes, I broke down and picked it up.

Like I said before, the graphics are not top notch on the whole. Characters don't look so great up close and I see enough clipping to warrant an occasional eyeroll of dissatisfaction. The focus is on the environments and the cars, which is perfectly reasonable and acceptible. This is what it was designed for and while other aspects could be better given the capabilities of the day, it isn't a fault to not have polished to a high shine something tertiary to the game design. And I blame my 360 for some of that, since the game had to fit within the constraints of that console whereas a PS3-only release would have had MUCH more packed into it.

The sound, particularly voices, are superb and the actors appear to be well-chosen for both high level of talent and appropriate match to a character's personality. So far, I have no complaints in that area... though trying to understand the heavy Rasta slang is understandably difficult. The fact that Niko, himself, reacts in much the same way I am and needs a translator is a wonderful touch in that regard.

The story is just starting to pan out for me and I'm liking it... but I have a few nit-picks...

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I was quite happy to put a bullet into Vlad's skull. It was satisfying to kill the prick But I would have liked to build up more hate for him and really let it boil for a while before taking him out. I think it would have felt better. And, even understanding the extremes of family loyalty as I do, the fact that the final straw was him sleeping with the girl Roman thinks he is in love with feels like very slender reasoning on Niko's part.

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I also have some complaints about the engine. No, this isn't the "I can't turn a corner without sliding out" whine. I'm perfectly fine with that. Sort of... No, I'm still not happy with the police. They magically detect whenever you are drunk and apparently have crime radar/all-around vision if you punch someone too close to them... but you can otherwise break every driving law in the book and cause an absurd amount of property damage around them without them doing more than chirping their siren's at you. This is stupid. While I am pleased that they don't just magically spawn around you until you find some mystical Police B-Gone pick-up item spinning in an alleyway, they are still disturbingly unrealistic.

Similarly, as close as the physics engine gets with the performance of the various vehicles, people don't get up from a collision with a car doing more than 20mph... they just don't. And does Niko NEVER put his seat-belt on? Seriously, while flying through the windshield was kinda cool the first time I did it... it gets old quick, especially whenever it happens so easily. Curbs don't stop fast moving cars and aluminium guard rails, fences, and playground equipment (or a growing list of other WTF!? objects) don't stand up to such forces either. I drove a Hummer OVER a swing-set. Those flimsy, hallow, 2" diameter aluminium poles held the weight of a Hummer. There is something WRONG with that picture. And just what the hell kinda trees grow in LC that a sapling can turn a car into a U or even stop a Semi? I can easily "uproot" streetlights and powerboxes but I don't scuff a tree.

So, yeah, while I am greatly enjoying the game and loving the vast, vast majority of my time playing it... it is far from perfect.

...and the people who lead them.

I left a Union this morning. Not that it is any drama or carries any real emotional impact for me, it's just on my mind. I left because I didn't care for the personalities and habits of the leader and a couple officers. In a nutshell, they didn't care about the Union but only about being in charge of it. This mentality became poignant whenever I criticised a returning officer's tendancy to declare a discussion off-topic and close it, sometimes with a rude or condascending comment. While my biggest problem was the attitude displayed I also took issue other things such as a lack of positive effort on anyone's part, personal opinion outweighing a group, and an expectation of immediate change from people who have gotten used to behaving as they do.

I've seen it before, you put someone into a position of authority and all that they concern themselves with is the enforcing that they are "in charge". While meting out discipline is often a part of leadership, it is but a fragment compared to the positive efforts of actually leading. So you can close topics, edit or delete posts, or kick people from the group... good for you. But how about providing for the group? A leader is responsible for carrying those they lead forward and tending to their needs. Being a leader isn't about telling people what to do, it is about being followed. If you prove to your followers that you are competent and caring, they will do what you say... if you just bark at them all the time, well, you can't be much of a leader without them now... can you?

Being a leader is a paradox, because you are put in front of the group... but you have to put the group before yourself.

Speaking of which, does anyone want to start a Games Workshop Union with me? There are a couple of Warhammer 40K Unions and one for the Warhammer MMO... but not one for GW as a whole. I think we could use one, myself.

In less than 2 hours people were writing "reviews" and scoring the game a perfect 10.

What the hell? If you haven't completed a majority of the game or put at least 10 hours into it, you shouldn't be levying a score. It's that friggin simple. Anything less and you can't claim to have a clue worth sharing.

And a perfect 10, no less? Come on.

I pre-ordered this for my best friend as a Christmas present and went over there to check it out after work last night. It IS extremely good. It is an improvement in every way from its predecessors. But it is nowhere near perfect. The character graphics, particularly on cutscenes, seemed lacking in what could have been done. This is likely a tradeoff, since tight views and closeups of the people are much less of a focus of the game than the environment and vehicles, which look brilliant. The police are still clunky. I love the better handling of wanted level and avoidance as well as the lack of police just conveniently spawning around me... but I had to run into 5 cruisers before 1 even reacted to me only to have another spot me punching a guy on the sidewalk from over two blocks away... in his rearview mirror. These are just two very small things that are easy to ignore amidst the bevy of awesome features, but they ARE flaws.

Flawed != Perfect.

With 3 hours last night I had as much, if not more, exposure than the majority of the reviewers did before handing out their OMG!!PERFECT!!!10++!! scores. Either they were drunk or stupid. At least Gamespot's score of 10 has an excuse... they got paid. I don't know why the hype is so infectious that people can't just play a game and decide what they like or don't like without having to have someone else tell them.

I'm not sure if I want to run out to pick it up or not. It will definately be worth the price just playing it through once, let alone trying to find/do everything and the replay entertainment of just driving around to enjoy what appears to be a well-constructed artificial world. We'll see. If I do, you can bet you will see a review from me only after I've had a few weeks to be assured of my opinion.

One of the guys that I game with on the weekends is always blathering on about this game or that game and if I have played them. He's a sheep-gamer. He follows the crowd in excitement over the next overly-hyped game and regurgitates the same nonsense opinions that he finds others spitting out, whether it makes any sense at all or not. If a highly-anticipated release isn't in the near future then his wallet will spill for anything that catches his attention that he may come across. As a result of this knowledge, whenever he wants to prattle on about a game I usually let it go in one ear and out the other, because what he says about a game is generally worthless and it has been proven that we have drastically different criteria for what a "good" game is.

So, he's been trying to push Ninety-Nine Nights off on me for a while now but I've been playing other games and didn't have room for anything else. He just brought it with him this Saturday, so I just stuck it in my bag and figured I would give it a shot. I tossed it in last night... as ill-fate must have intended. What I did to offend the gods enough to deserve this torment, I do not know. If I had goats, I would sacrifice a few to try and make up for it.

N3, as it wants to be called, is one of those truly lame offerings that should be considered ample justification for beating the snot out of the people responsible for making it. In this case, the people responsible are Microsoft Game Studios, Q Entertainment, and Phantagram. Now, Microsoft Game Studios has their name on the full spectrum of great games to crap, and probably just rubber stamp their name on things they give money too without actually investing work in, while Q Entertainment is a honey wagon of a outfit with N3 probably being the best thing that I see to their credit... which is really, really sad. But Phantagram are the people behind the Kingdom Under Fire series, which are all supposed to be very good if not great games. They already know how to do the over-the-top, one-hero-vs-armies game. How could they mess this up SO horribly?

That is the question, to be sure.

The GS Review is fairly spot-on in describing the game though a score of 5.9 is extremely generous. I would say 5, tops, if you wanted to be nice about it. And I don't.

The graphics are lacking, from the character design to the environment to the effects. Specifically, the blurring-at-distance effect is terribly implemented with no blending at all... you just see harsh steps between really blurry, kinda blurry, and clear. The most basic attacks that you make are grossly over-decorated with excessive color trails and these effects just get more and more obnoxious the larger the combo you string together, making it impossible to see what it is going on. And if you use the special orb powers, the devastation is as much to your senses as to the enemy on screen. Flashy moves are good to accentuate a particular attack or power, but N3 is just over-saturated. And since it is fairly difficult to tell friend from foe in most of the battles, the extra distraction of your attacks just compounds the problems. It is of note, however, that I have yet to see any stutter in play no matter how much was going on. The character models themselves range from interesting to ridiculous. I rather like the main character's armor designs, if outlandish, and most of the rank-and-file troops are acceptible but the weaponry is just... stupid looking. Inphyy's swords are flat cut-outs that sometimes look like sharpened musical notes more than blades, for example. The other weapons, so far, are similarly uninspired... or maybe inspired by mediocre art design.

The sound quality is crisp, with well-selected music and effects. The voices make up for the quality by being some of the most poorly chosen I have ever seen. Inphyy has this cutesy, flirty girl teenage girl voice with its high, lilty features... while being a ruthless, vengeance obsessed falling angel well on her way to becoming a cruel tyrant. She sounds bubbly, even when she is breathing hard and supposedly full of bloodlust. It just doesn't fit. Aspharr is similarly always sounding happily excited, even whenever he is supposed to be worried about Inphyy or otherwise upset. As with visual design, these trends spread across all of the characters so far.

Gameplay can be easily summarized: Push left thumbstick towards enemies while using the right to keep the camera to your liking and mash X or Y until the enemies are gone. Rinse and repeat. That's all there is to it. You collect red orbs to fill a meter that, when full, lets you unleash a powerful attack of some magnitude but this attack does next to nothing to any enemy that isn't a rank-and-file trooper... and since those enemy troops stand very little chance of harming you, wasting your time blazing across the screen to mow them down is unnecessary. While using that power attack, the orbs you collect turn blue, filling a second meter. When it is full, the power attack becomes a nuke that wipes a wide radius of foes from the screen in an instant... still without touching opposing characters at all. While not expressly difficult of their own merit, the boss-like enemy characters are a complete pain in the ass. No matter how many items you pick up to boost your stats, you still don't seem to dish out much damage against them while the slightest touch from them sends you reeling. They aren't complicated to fight, but they can take a while to whittle down and if you are on your own... it's just a mindless headache. This is made even worse by faulty hit/collision detection. Sometimes you can be delivering a lengthy combo only to have hit detection fail and cause you to deal no damage, though collision detection is in full effect as you push the enemy across the screen. Or hit detection is working fine but collision detection fails and your carefully lined-up attack goes south whenever you pass through and are stuck moving through part of the chain before you get to turn around.

The missions themselves are featureless and uninteresting. There IS a fair-to-good story hiding underneath of all these flaws but the missions are just the labor the game requires of you in order to see that. There is very little by way of objectives other than kill kill kill and kill some more. And there are no checkpoints. That's right, none. If you die, then you restart the whole thing as if it never happened. And at over an hour long in many cases... definately a big case of FAIL.

When I turned the game off last night I had finally made it through Inphyy's six missions, her last one being rather annoying, and a few of the other two characters I have unlocked so far. At a guess that I am a quarter of the way through, I'd say that little will change my opinion though I am a glutton for punishment and will most certainly trudge through the mire that is N3, cussing all the way about how bad it is and questioning why I even continue to subject myself to its like. I'm such a masochist sometimes.