Perils and Pitfalls, Part 2

Ok, this takes place about 5 days later. I am driving from Qufu to Jinan. We had just spent half the day that the Confucius Temple. I was in gastric distress after eating a mutton and leek bun from a street vender. Now, I am damn sure to have bathroom tissue with me...four packets, one in each pocket. There was now way in hell that I was going to experience what had happened the first time (of course, I was wrong because it happened about a year later, but that is for another story). And, importantly, I was sure to have some hand soap and some Clorox bleach wipes in a little travel packet! I love me some Clorox.

So, at the Confucius Temple and in the Kong park (which is a family cemetery), I had to make a mad dash to the public restrooms. So far so good. But on the long drive back to Jinan, I need to find a pit stop. And there isn't anything around. So we drive a little further and I am starting feel even worse. Finally, we come across a very old-looking truck stop. Bam! I think that I am in luck. Oh, how wrong I was.

So I jump out of the car and run towards the outhouse with the 'W/C' sign. When I got inside, I was totally shocked. This wasn't a modern restroom. No water. No stall. It's an open cesspool with two planks to stand on...well, to squat on. The place looks very dirty and the smell is horrible. However, nature isn't waiting for anything. So I steel my nerve and drop 'trou. Balancing is difficult for a man. But I was able to set myself up well enough that I wasn't going to slip or fall in.

But the fates were no kind to me that day. When I did my business,...uhmm...I got some serious splash-back. Oh...the humanity...the horror. Luckily, I had the Clorox wipes with me, so I had to bleach my @ss.

Oh...my stories are not close to an end...*sighs*

really, short post here now, but more will come later...I am kind of reading some manga now - Elfen Lied, Bitter Virgin, Moon Phase, and Inuyasha. So I will post more on this later. Here are my initial oberservations. I cannot say that I prefere one media to the other....at least in general. I think, here in my intial forey into both manga and anime, that some stories lend themselves better to one form of media. For example, the manga Bitter Virgin has a deeply compelling, human feel to it - so far it is my favorit. However, I can't even begin to imagine what a Bitter Virgin anime would be like. I think that too much of the feel of the story and imagry would be lost. Now, look at my favorite anime, Blood+...I can't even imagine Blood+ in manga form...again, too much would be lost. Now, here are a couple series in both the manga and anime media: Moon Phase, Inuyasha, and Elfen Lied. For both Moon Phase and Inuyasha (I am nowhere near close to being done with the Inuyasha manga), I prefer the manga. Now, Elfen Lied is a special case - the manga and anime are significantly different, but the differences play to their strangths as each of the manga and the anime - I will say this about Elfen Lied - that I and deeply moved and engaged by both the manga and anime, but for different reasons. In the anime, the main characters have a primacy, but in the manga, the secondary charactes seem to steal the show.

The first restroom moment: The first time I went to the People's Republic of China was in the late spring of 2005. I had been in Qingdao for less than 24 hours. My stomach, my whole imune system, was in a state of shock. It would reamin in a gastric turmoil for the next 18 days. I found myself in a public restroom in a Taoist temple complex on Laoshan. I was prepared for the squat hole; I was not prepared for anything else.

Rewind: I met her 7 1/2 years before, back in January of 1998. She was 22, I was 30. We became very close, very quickly. But then, back in 1998, the time wasn't right for us. I had just finished graduate school, she hadn't graduated from college yet. She was from a very afluent family, my family was working class. Her expectation for life coming out of college was to experience the world, mine was to develop my career. She wanted to live the lifestyle she was accustomed to, I could not provide such a life style. There was love, but no real hope for the future as our individual lives were on divergent paths. (Perhaps this is why I have found tragic and ill fated romance shows, movies, and songs so compelling)

She returned to China and I missed her, but moved on. We stayed in contact by phone, e-mail, and IM for the next 7 years, sometimes talking once a week, sometimes once a month, sometimes less. She finished school in New Zealand. Then moved to Singapore. Then, returned to China again at the biginning of 2005. That January, I get a call from her, she said that she had just returned to China. Her boyfriend at the time had just proposed. He was wealthy, so he could offer her the life she had wanted years before. But instead of marrying him, she told me that she had thought of me...eventhough we hadn't seen each other in years. She says, come to China, meet her family. Let's see if we still have the spark we once had. I was stunned by this turn of events. ButI wanted to see her again. And I wanted to see China.

Fast forwardback to the moment: I had been in Qingdao for less than a day. Say, for two full meals. I was very excited to see the Taoist and Buddhist temples on Laoshan where we were to spend the day. It was our first official date. I use the word 'official' for a very specific reason. Her family is very traditional and conservative. So we had a chaperone, her mother. Her mother is a delightful, wonderful woman whom I have come to love as family over the interceding 3 years. But at the time, I felt a little awkward and intimidated. Here I am, 37, with the woman I would marry the following year, and we are being supervised. Well, I knew that I had to be on my best behavior and have my best outward appearance and demeanor.

About halfway through the Taoist temple complex, nature is calling...and she is calling collect. I am not yet acclimated to the water and food and I needed to find a restroom in the worst kind of way. With the aid of my future wife, I am able to locate a public restroom within 10 minutes...god, that felt more like an hour. Now, I knew from friends and travel guides that the public facilities in China were the traditional squat-hole. I had never seen one before...it was more modern, if that term can be used, than I expected. Well, with a bit of luck and ballancing, I was able to take care of business. Except, when I reached for where I expected the bathroom tissue to be...denied!! Looking around, I realize that there wasn't any tissue anywere in the stall. Crap, now I have to waddle out and check the other stalls. Luckily, the bathroom was totally emply. I peek into the stall on the left and right. Holy crap!! No tissues at all. None. Nanda. Nine. Non. Bu. No matter the language, I was left high-and-dry, so to speak. I waddle overto the sink, figuring that I'll just use some paper towels...yeah, it's rough, but, what choice do I have?? Well, you guessed it: No paper towels! What the hellwas I going to do?? I was to learn later that public facilities in China don't provide TP or paper towels, people just know to carry their own. BUT NOBODY TOLD ME!! Holy mother of god, I can't just not wipe. If I was by myself, I'd just use my boxers and free-ball it the rest of the day. But that didn't seem like an option because I was being closely chaperoned by the very traditional and conservative woman who was to become my mother-in-law. I am a fairly big man and believe me, without boxers, I would have a bad case of plummer's butt. I needed to use something and I need it now! I look through my wallet to see if I have any paper I can use. The only thing I have is US currency. And the only currency I have are 20s and 100s. So, you can easily guessed which one I used.

From that moment on, I was always sure to have my personal supply of tissues. Oh, btw, no soap in the facilities either, so I kept hand wipes with me too.

Oh, but this was not the end of my restroom adventures...oh, that was just the beginning.