If I didn't post it, some other creep would. Come out and fight clean, gentlemen! (and ladies)

Hayden Panettiere is 18. And single.

Click on this story you dirty pervert.

Bonjour and welcome to Celebrity chef Gordon Ramsay's newest restaurant, Chez Braineezack.

Monsieur Ramsay, as you probably know, is ze hot-headed star of several reality cooking shows, including Kitchen Nightmares and Hell's Kitchen in ze US and Boiling Point and the F-Word in ze UK. He specializes in French cuisine and owns several restaurants, including ze new Gordon Ramsay at ze London in New York City. His food is tres magnifique and prepared fresh each day here with organic ingredients shipped in daily.

Our special today is a treat prepared by Monsieur Ramsay himself, oven-seared man sack with a lime butter cream sauce.

He says, "The other day I was standing too close to the hob when I was cooking. I was wearing cotton trousers and underneath I was going commando. Then suddenly I felt this searing heat - my balls were burning."

Ramsay Burns Genitals on Cooker

Bon Apetit!

"What's that god-awful smell?"

This guy pretty much sums up my thoughts on the show.

Too much, too fast for overreaching Heroes - Boston Globe

Excerpt: "Viewers who've watched the series loyally know that if there's one thing "Heroes" emphatically does not need, it's more characters. By May's abysmal season finale, the plot had sprawled too far and too wide to fit together satisfactorily, and the rules governing the many characters' magical abilities had become convoluted and random. The hour was busy, crowded, and empty all at the same time."

Something needs to happen quick or this show could die very quickly.

Obligatory Hayden Pannettiere picture:

Towelie wins! And it wasn't even close!

More Towelie

Lots More Towelie

Movie time!

Just saw Born to Fight, a Thai movie with lots of kicking legs and bumping heads. For those who like their stories simple, action fast, and credits rolling with footage of the stuntmen clutching various body parts they broke for your enjoyment, this movie is for you.

Plot summary: A team of athletes must help a small village from invading henchmen. What does this mean? It means gymnast dude gets on the uneven bars and kicks ass, that's what it means. Plus one of the athletes is a pro at that crazy volleyball game where you can't use your hands. Awesome stunts, nice slow-mo's of dudes getting kicked in the face, and a guy kicking a soccer ball 50 yards into a sniper's nest to take out the coward. I smell retroactive Oscar!

Check it out here. Or do the dishonest thing and head over to YouTube.

On a side note, I am never going to Thailand as everyone there can kick my ass.

If you look closely, you can see a grimace on his face because I'm crushing his hand with my vice-like grip. Please, no jokes about how I got that grip, thank you.

Yes, I think so.

Katana? Check. French fries? Check. Ground meat? Check. Chainsaw? Check. Straw? Check.

Caption Contest #2 is COMPLETE!

Godzilla and that other dude up against a building opened a dam of hot monster-on-monster action, an allusion to a tidal wave of Godzilla seed, and reminded us all that prostate cancer is a serious issue. Seriously, go get checked, you never know what can happen. My cousin went for his a few years ago, and now he's married to the doctor who admistered the test!

However, the winners stood out (barely) from the rest of the crap. The level of maturity continued to plummet, but these guys did it with just a hint of decency.

Runner-up runner-up: Synapse720
"Wait! You said in therapy that we'd wreak destruction equally now."

Runner-up: jmangafan
"It was that day that little Timmy Dougan looked out his bedroom window, and became a man."

But this contest's winner is a man who loves to misspell my name, MrCHUPON, with:
"The name's Tiny. The top bunk is mine."

Yes, prison sex is always funny and reminds me of the summer of '98. Good times.

CAPTION CONTEST #3 - Gamecawk!

This week's entry comes straight from a few industry vets who just started a new company, Gamecock. Yes, that's actually the name. They say the name doesn't matter because it won't be their company's name on the box, and they chose Gamecock because, well, it just sounded funny.

So they sent out this picture with their press release:

There should be some great GameSpot censoring in this one.

As usual, I'll start us off.

"Rooster P and The Crimson Birdman were the master pimps of all the chickenheads in the 'hood."

As gaming rises in popularity and is becoming accepted into mainstream society as a viable form of media, so too is the art behind it. Into the Pixel is an exhibition of work from some of the industry's most talented concept artists, and takes a wide variety of entries from international artists.

At this year's D.I.C.E. Summit in Las Vegas, selections from the 2005 and 2006 Into the Pixel programs were on display, and were auctioned off to attendees. Pieces came from all corners of the industry, with titles like God of War, Metal Gear Solid 3: Subsistence, Kirby: Canvas Curse, and more all represented.

Below are a few shots of some of the pieces on display. For more information, including an online gallery, head over to the Into the Pixel Web site.

Left: "Kirby-ful Color," Tomoko Kitada for Kirby: Canvas Curse. Right: "Titan's Head," Eduardo Gonzales for God of War.

Left: "In the Garden of Eva," Yuji Shinkawa for Metal Gear Solid 3: Subsistence. Right: "Soldier," Clarence Lansang and Alan Hunter for Shadow Ops: Red Mercury.

Low-key gaming industry convention ends with some high-stakes Texas Hold 'Em, high jinks, and high drama.

Millions of people fly into Las Vegas each year with the hopes of winning some green on the casino floor. Hundreds of thousands fly into Sin City for business conventions and the opportunity to do a little networking with like minds in their industries.

BioWare/Pandemic Studios doesn't see any reason why people can't do both at the same time. Closing out the D.I.C.E. Convention this year (a friendly golf tournament began things on Wednesday) was the D.I.C.E. Celebrity Poker Tournament, hosted by the studio that will release Mercenaries 2 and Mass Effect later this year.

Seating was done randomly, and each chair was accompanied by a BioWare/Pandemic-branded cup and a deck of oddly-shaped cards. As players sat down and waited for the game to begin, pleasantries and business cards were exchanged, accompanied with basic work-related ice-breaker-type questions.

The randomness of the seating provided a mixed bag of talent at each table. At my table alone was a representative from Sony who works with third-party developers, an executive producer from motion-capture specialists House of Moves based in Los Angeles, a gentleman working on the new AmbiEx technology at Phillips, D.I.C.E. presenter and Mind Candy CEO Michael Smith, and Randy Pitchford (pictured, above right with his favorite poker hand), president of Gearbox Software (Brothers in Arms, the upcoming Alien FPS).

Buy-in was $200 for each of the 65 players, and it was pretty easy to tell who knew the game and who didn't fairly quickly. Most of the laughs came early as contestants shook off nerves, and, aided by a few drinks, pushed all-in within the first few hands. As tables were consolidated and the field shrunk, players found themselves with a fresh new set of faces to play against--but pleasantries were replaced with table talk as most eyes were on the top prize.

I was fortunate enough to hold off a string of awful cards (I saw what seemed like an endless streak of 10-6 off-suit for a majority of the tournament) and survive to the top 20, but was ultimately beaten on a lucky draw on the river (isn't that how it always works out?), and finished in 18th, eight places out of the money.

As the final table was set, the crowd, including AIAS president Joseph Olin, gathered around to watch the remainders vie for better and better cash payouts. In the end, the winner was a D.I.C.E. staff member, who agreed to chop the pot 2:1 with second place (the player who busted me out) to avoid a marathon one-on-one gaming session. His take was a cool $4,500...not bad for a few hours of work.

The poker tournament summed up what D.I.C.E. was about--a laid-back meeting of industry peers that is equal parts business and fun. If all business got done this way, Mondays wouldn't be so harrowing. I've already started reading Doyle Brunson's Super System in anticipation of next year.

Left to right: Mercenaries' Mattias and Mass Effect's Commander Shepard look on, Michael Smith of Mind Cancy (center, grey top) and Scott Gagain of House of Moves (right, black jacket) lose money, the official payout list

Left to right: the winner's circle, a pink shirt and sunglasses were good enough to finish in the money, the final table draws a crowd.