Tortuga-del-Rey's forum posts

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Tortuga-del-Rey

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#1 Tortuga-del-Rey
Member since 2013 • 25 Posts

[QUOTE="Tortuga-del-Rey"][QUOTE="super600"]

It doesn't help that some of the really dumb mistakes I made around people when I was younger scare me away from talking to people. I have been trying to build my confidence around people since junior high.And I'm still good friends with one of my friends because of this.

super600

I've pretty much had that exact same experience as you, super600.

Slightly different experience because I haven't abused anyone ever.

I wasn't talking about abusing her. That's on a completely different level for me. Though I kinda doubt that you've never in your life abused someone at least once. What I meant was that I've also been a generally awkward person most of my life, and embarrassed myself because of it, which made it even harder to try and socialize later on. But you were right when you said that not being paranoid about what others think makes it so much easier to socialize.
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Tortuga-del-Rey

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#2 Tortuga-del-Rey
Member since 2013 • 25 Posts

[QUOTE="Tortuga-del-Rey"][QUOTE="GOGOGOGURT"]

I have no regrets, but not because I don't regret anything.

 

I'm glad I did them so can learn from them.

super600

I definitely learned from that mistake. The only problem is that there's no real way for me to undo the damage I did to her, or the relationship we once had. She was by far the best friend I ever had. I haven't had a girlfriend since then. I'm even worse at talking to girls now, too. Every time I try to talk to a female, I start thinking about what I did to that girl, and I start to choke and stutter. I feel like it's ruining my life. But I guess I deserve it.

That's how I felt when I made my first major mistake around a girl. I struggled tto talk to girls(even though I had a few good friends of mine that were girls). I broke out of this kinda when I started forcing myself to talk to one of my friends.It worked and we are still friends despite all of the terrible things I have done to her. I have done nothing as bad as you to any girl.Just forgot about your past and move on.Don't care about what your friends or people in general think about you. It's not healthy to worry about what people think about you(advice from that girl I talked about above). Maybe if you get luckyyou will be able to talk ot that girl again(via facebook maybe).

Well, at least you got to talk to her again. If I ever get any kind of opportunity to apologize, I will. It's just hard to move on when there's no kind of closure. I hate knowing that the last thing I did to her messed her up so badly. I don't need her to forgive me, I just want her to know that I regret that more than I've regretted anything. Once I know that she knows that, then maybe I can move on.
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Tortuga-del-Rey

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#3 Tortuga-del-Rey
Member since 2013 • 25 Posts

[QUOTE="rocinante_"]

[QUOTE="super600"]

That is what I have been trying to do, but I usually have a small group of friends I talk to or hang out with from highschool. I have barely made any university friends in the last year or two.

super600

ya, i know what ya mean. i got one good bud from highschool that i still hangout with regularily, and tbh, i don't mind just hangin with just him bc we can talk about anything and are really tight. that said, we don't share all the same interests, so wouldn't mind makin some more friends. most of all, i just want a gf :P

i'm shy as hell tho, but i've decided no more of that; you gotta project confidence, be yourself, and not being afraid of initiating conversation. easier said then done, but there's a point where it's the only way to move forward--and i've now reached that point

It doesn't help that some of the really dumb mistakes I made around people when I was younger scare me away from talking to people. I have been trying to build my confidence around people since junior high.And I'm still good friends with one of my friends because of this.

I've pretty much had that exact same experience as you, super600.
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Tortuga-del-Rey

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#4 Tortuga-del-Rey
Member since 2013 • 25 Posts

[QUOTE="VaguelyTagged"]

it's kinda hard to explain but in a nutshell; i wasn't interesting enough for the girl i loved so she left me. and i blame myself for being boring; i blame myself for being me.

applesxc47

Don't feel sorry for being yourself man. If she doesn't like who you are then you can't change that.

Personally, I'm with Konvict on this. Every choice I've made has made my life the way it is, and I love my life right now, so I wouldn't change a thing.

It's not always so easy to keep that mindset. Especially when "what could have been" is so much better than reality.
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Tortuga-del-Rey

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#5 Tortuga-del-Rey
Member since 2013 • 25 Posts

I have no regrets, but not because I don't regret anything.

 

I'm glad I did them so can learn from them.

GOGOGOGURT
I definitely learned from that mistake. The only problem is that there's no real way for me to undo the damage I did to her, or the relationship we once had. She was by far the best friend I ever had. I haven't had a girlfriend since then. I'm even worse at talking to girls now, too. Every time I try to talk to a female, I start thinking about what I did to that girl, and I start to choke and stutter. I feel like it's ruining my life. But I guess I deserve it.
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Tortuga-del-Rey

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#6 Tortuga-del-Rey
Member since 2013 • 25 Posts
Title says it all. Please try to respond to the question in the title, though I encourage people to discuss what is shared. You don't have to write a wall of text as long as mine. Feel free to share things you normally wouldn't share in real life. But I kinda want this to become a discussion, not just a confession box. It's much more thought provoking that way. The thing I regret most was severely bullying a girl in high school who I had grown extremely close to. She's probably the only girl that I can honestly say that I ever loved in that way, but I ended up abusing her physically and emotionally so badly that I ended up ruining a big portion of her life. This happened more than two years ago, but I still think about it everyday, and it makes me cringe just thinking about it. But I can't get it out of my head. I keep thinking about it, about how I hit her, and the things I said, and I feel like I need to talk about it with people. But what I did was so bad, that there's no person I know in real life I can talk about this with. I met this girl in a psychology class in high school. We started talking a bit, and even though I was extremely awkward when it came to talking to girls, she didn't seem to mind, unlike most girls, and instead she tried her best to ignore the fact that both of our skins were turning red from just talking, and she tried to keep the conversation going. I mean, we were both extremely awkward. And I don't mean "cute" awkward, I mean we were painfully, painfully shy. After that, she tried sitting next to me, but we both just sat there awkwardly. Eventually, she sort of started following me around. As in, she would sit by herself near where me and my cholo friends would hang out. She would sit near the bathroom that was closest to where I would hang out with my friends, and she would say hi every time I passed by to use it. After a while, she started following me around directly. We became incredibly close very quickly, and she eventually started telling me how much she liked me, and I told her about how I felt the same way. I don't know when exactly, but after a couple of months, I started bullying her a bit. The main reason I started bullying her was because my cholo friends made fun of her for following me around all the time. They really hated he fact that my girlfriend was white, and they would always make fun her. They ended up saying stupid things like calling me a "race traitor", and even threatening her a few times. At first, the bullying wasn't too bad. But one day something came over me. She had forgotten take a copy of the AP Chemistry homework, and she was too embarrassed to tell the teacher she had forgotten to pick up a copy. I did end up photocopying the paper, along with another copy that another friend had asked for, but one of my friends saw me do this, and he handed me a lighter and laughed. I really don't know what came over me, but I took the lighter and burned the homework right in front of her face, and I said some horrible things to her, I called her a bitch and a c*nt and I told her I hated her, and told her that she could get raped by a pack of n-words for all I cared. Then one of my friends spat on her, and all I did was laugh. She stared at me as all of this was happening, I could tell she was expecting me to stick up for her, like I usually did. But I didn't. She started to cry, and as she did, I slapped her in the face so hard that she started to bleed. Then my friends started laughing at her while this happened, and one of them kicked her in the leg, making her fall. I just laughed and said some more horrible things to her. And then my friends started hitting her while she was on the ground, and I joined in. She managed to get up and run away, crying. It took me while to I had realized what I had done. I remembered the sound of her crying as she was on the ground, and the panicked cries she made as she ran away, but once it sunk in, I felt worse than I ever had in my life. She started ditching classes that she had with me, and she started avoiding me completely, so I never got to say I was sorry. Not only that, but apparently she started failing all her classes after that. Before I attacked her, she had been a straight A student. But I guess me hurting her made her lose motivation or something, because she really seemed to like me. It's been two years now, and I still regret what I did. I acted unforgiving to the closest friend I ever had. I haven't seen or spoken to her in so long. I heard she changed schools, and I don't think she has a facebook. So there's no way for me to tell her how sorry I am. The worst part is, I'm sure she tried to talk to me a few times about what happened, but I didn't have the nerve to talk to her. It wasn't until later that I realized how stupid I was for not taking the opportunity to apologize. But even if I got the chance to talk to her one last time, I don't now what I'd say. But I just want the opportunity to at least have her know how much I regret what I did. So that's what I regret most. What about you guys?
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