This is a story of an honest man losing religion,
Do you know my name - sing a light refrain
Did you laugh? You know I did
Did you cry? I couldn't get it right
Did you live? Always on the edge
Did you lie? Causing such a fright
Did you love? Oh to be forgiven
Did you try? But it wouldn't be right
God it feels like an honest goodbye!
[spoiler] world of lolcraft I just had to post those lines, they have been stuck in my head for a while now, I am going alright decieded to change university degrees and bought a laptop. Keep it real homies and remember, Iraq was pointless [/spoiler]
Must think of rant......
Is it normal to constantly think of violence? is it wrong that if I were told I can get away with killing someone I would kill them? I just find it so facinating the human body a canvas and my knife is the paintbrush. Even a random stranger I would kill. I feel no sense of loss and no sense of gain I am a man frozen in apathy unable to escape.
Yes it is I Whicker-Eighty-Nine. I recently (friday night) had a date for the first time in a year or so. I felt a bit awkward it was the first time I have dated someone that I didnt go to school with. When you are at school with a girl you date you can talk to her whenever you want in the outside its alot different you have to try and schedule times to meet up so on and so forth. The date itself went alright she seemed to hang onto my every world as I attempted not to speak with my bogan voice and yobbo swearing. But I cant seem to shake this feeling I have about her, she is alot like me personality wise and I'm not sure I like that, I dont want to date myself. Also mostly because I'm a bit of a weird ****er :P but who knows maybe I should keep trying eh she seems to like me
PS I like quotation marks
PPS new pic
[spoiler] Do I still look like a butch lesbian? :cry:
[/spoiler]
Well it seems that suspension popped up at an annoying time, A few moar and I am close to getting bant I think.
Anyway back to mai blog.
Lately I have been feeling Apethetic about nearly every aspect of my life, its not that I dont want to study or turn up to lectures/exams. Its just that I dont care. I think I chose the wrong course. Its interesting and all but I just dont want my whole life to be about boolean algebra, Integrated Circuits and Maths. The Apathicness has spread to all parts of my life, I dont care when I wake up when I go to sleep, if I am late for work, if I have to stay back at work, I got caught in traffic going to an exam this after noon and I didnt push my horn I didnt yell at the driver I just sat their staring into space and moving forward every couple of minutes. Hopefully I'm not having my midlife crisis at the ripe old age of 18 eh.
PS I got a haircut
PPS Here is a pic a bit dodgy done with my webcam
[spoiler] Yeah its been like a year since I posted a recent pic of myself, now I look like a butch lesbian 
[/spoiler]
I was thinking about how much I have grown up over the past years from a pre-teenager to an adult and how much my personality has changed over all the years. So I looked up some of my journal entries I used to make (fairly inconsistently too) and I remembered how depressed I was from about the age of 14 until 16. I imagined killing myself just to make a point, just to be heard and not a faceless person in the scenery of my own life.
I wanted to kill myself just as a punishment to all the people who ignored me. but I found a better resolution and that was to "be successful and strive to do great things". I never really admitted how depressed I was to anybody because depression is pretty much looked upon as an illness and in my mind I wasnt sick.
But I think now about all the other people who might be going through at what I did at that age and how many people commit suicide over breaking up and seemingly being ignored and I just hope anyone else that is going through the same thoughts that I did to try and find a better solution other than topping yourself off. /rant
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