I work in the I.T. department of a midsize company. If we get new technology I’m usually the first to get my hands on it. A couple of years ago some of the executives (unwittingly and without prior advice) purchased wireless Bluetooth Mouse and Keyboard sets for their desktop computers. Confident that they would be able to install these devices on their own, they all sporadically called me for assistance when they discovered it wasn’t as easy to discover Bluetooth devices as the Best Buy salesman told them.

I got them working but to this day I still get phone calls regarding their erratic stability. Some keys wouldn’t physically get stuck but they would on screen. Or they would lose communication with the PC entirely. Different brands mind you. Some were even the expensive “Leather” models. Close range, new batteries, no luck.

They work fine and good but my experience with these devices turned me off buying a set for myself. The last thing I wanted was to die a inopportune death in Half-Life 2 due to keyboard & mouse connectivity.

The Nintendo Wavebird was flawless for me. The 360 controller works great. Neither of which even know what the word Bluetooth means.

Now I’m hearing strange reports of the PS3 controllers doing the same thing. Could this actually be a Bluetooth problem and not a Sony problem? (For once.)

The Wii-mote is also Bluetooth. Guess what? I’m having problems with them. I lose connection with the system. The batteries die off ridiculously fast whether I use them or not. Perhaps you should be able to shut the damn thing off? If I move the controller and accidentally press ANY button it starts searching for a device to connect to. I know that kills the battery power on my phone and PDA.

Hopefully someone, somewhere will find out the truth soon.

What about you Wii owner’s? Any connectivity issues with your “mote?”

Have you ever been so excited about a particular title only to be sorely disappointed almost immediately after your purchase?

This has happened to me too many times to mention them all but I’ll take a look back at some of the more painful expenditures.

There are a couple of things you could do to prevent a situation like this. Wait for reviews or rent the game. Sometimes though excitement gets the better of you and you make a terrible, horrible mistake.

Back in the 80’s, the Atari 2600 was the system to get. There was some competition but the 2600 was the clear leader much like the PS2 would be decades later. Beginning what would become a constant trend of miserable failures, Superman was released to the world.

Only a tiny little bit less painful than the now infamous E.T. shovel ware, Superman on the 2600 sold only on name recognition. In this game you were what appeared to be a deformed flying swastika or with a little imagination, Spiderman with a cape. You moved around picking up “people” in a Flinstone’s style repeating backdrop and dropped them in boxes (jail)… and repeat ad nauseam.

Luckily retailers were kinder and allowed exchanges for crappy products. I learned my lesson quickly about big name products. Or so I thought.

Enter Batman Returns on the Super Nintendo. I was a little skeptical about the game since after all it WAS a big name license and from the same comic book universe. I read the reviews in magazines and it wasn’t anything spectacular. Then I borrowed it from a friend. Wow. It wasn’t a classic game the likes of Mario but it was fun.

It was dumb repetitive action but it was actually really fun. Reminiscent in many ways of the old Final Fight series I quickly picked up the title for myself. Satisfied with this critically shunned title, I got excited when Batman Forever was announced.

There was some interesting information that concerned me.

1. It was going to use Mortal Kombat style video captured characters.
2. It was going to have many, many weapons.
3. Weapons and moves will be done doing Street Fighter-like motions.

Still. I had faith. I felt the critics were harsh last time so before renting the game I went and picked it up.

Ouch.

I tried so hard to play this game. I gave up quickly on this misdirected title full of cheap shots, horrible collision detection and LOADING SCREENS ON A FREAKIN’ CARTRIDGE!?!?! Hold On? F. U.! Retailers got smart though and now refused returns on videogame refuse.

Ubisoft. Developers of recent Prince of Persia series, G.R.A.W., King Kong and the forthcoming Assassin’s Creed people are excited about, shat out a launch day disaster under the name of Red Steel. Good studio, good ideas, horrible presentation.

I didn’t bite this time but the lockdown they had on any released reviews prior to its released concerns me about the direction of the industry in its relation to free press.

Below is a list of a few I can remember, what game do you regret purchasing?

Mechassault 2 (I was hoping this would be the new Crimson Skies of the Xbox live world.)
Cruisin’ USA (Why was this fun at the arcade?)
Blast Corps (Great ideas but an exercise in frustration.)
Turok: Evolution (I hoped it would feel like the first.)
Turok 2: Seeds of Evil (I hoped it would feel like the first.)
Monkey Ball: Banana Blitz (Yeah, I don’t like it. Some of the mini-games chose strange control schemes.)

Playstation 3.  EBay.

I was very close to doing this myself but I didn't have the heart.  I really wanted to.  I mean in gamer's English it becomes a free PS3.  Buy it, sell it for a modest $1,200 and then get yourself one.  For free with just a little bullet dodging.

But I couldn't help but picture myself as a teenager with no life wanting nothing else but a PS3.  I couldn't rip that PS3 out of the hands of that self-serving, XBox Live crap talking, Paris Hilton raised, K-Fed teeny bopper, could I?

Oh my God.  What did I do?  I wasted a perfectly good opportunity to get myself a PS3 as a prize for all the hard work I've done for years to get me to the point where I could afford to buy one if I wanted.  All for the sake of, of, of.....THEM!?!

Should I have?

Just like we suspected, gamers everywhere young and old are starting to complain about the aches and pains that come from the abrupt (key word) movements that come from using the motion sensing capabilities of the Wii-mote.

I've witnessed this firsthand. I brought my Wii to work during our Thanksgiving luncheon and had coworkers of all creeds trying it out. Some gasping in exhaustion from Wii Sports Boxing.

Which brings me to my point. You're all playing wrong, people. Nintendo is aiming for this same audience that is stupid enough to hurt themselves while playing these games incorrectly. I swear if that grandmother they had in their ad tried Wii Boxing without any prior instruction she'd die of a stroke before the end of the first round.

They need to watch their little Mii character. He/she doesn't throw punches as fast as a real human does. Other games like this are also being played just like their real life counterparts which is exhausting, especially for more consecutive hours at a time then even the actual sports event would take.

Even still, this should be no excuse for pain.

I'm a relatively healthy 31 year old. I move around a lot at work and occasionally carry pretty heavy computer equipment. A few hours of Wii games shouldn't make me hurt the way it does. I couldn't understand why until I saw myself on video. All my movements weren't heavy or exhausting. I knew how to play the games. I'd play tennis with very small movements that would just move the Wii-mote slightly enough to cause a reaction. The thing is those very small movements were very abrupt.

Nintendo spokesperson, Perrin Kaplan was quoted as putting the blame on lack of exercise on behalf of gamers. Wall Street Journal.

I disagree wholeheartedly. My wife spends an hour and a half at the gym EVERY DAY and she was aching too. When you play correctly it isn't exhausting but you do get aches from the quick repetitive motions. It isn't anything I'd sue over nor do I recommend anyone else try to, but I don't think it's about being fit at all.

If you've had a few hours experience with the Wii would you be inclined to agree?

 

"The next generation doesn't start until we say it does" - Kaz Hirai, president and CEO of Sony Computer Entertainment America.

Gee thanks Kaz!  Now I know I've entered...well, something anyway.

Click on the picture to see the Zebra Sacks in full Next-Gen Monty Glory.

Anybody know what the game Afrika pictured above is yet? 

• Afrika Tykoon?
• Afrika Krossing?
• Resident Afrika?
• Survivor: Afrika?
• Afrika: Just Watch the Tasty Animals?

OUR Wii LAUNCH EXPERIENCE

31. Married. Gamer. Although relatively unheard of just a few short years ago it now seems very common. Either that or it has become slightly less embarrassing to admit. Before Halo I never bothered to wait in line since I was honestly ashamed.

My wife convinced me to get in line on that late November 8th for the midnight launch at my "favorite" GameStop. I put favorite in quotes because it is the one I frequent, not where I like to be. I hate being harassed constantly for help to "find something" or to bring trade-ins.

For the 360 Launch I was very lucky. After work I went straight to the closest 24-Hour Wal-Mart in my area. They said they weren't going to have a line but I knew better. As soon as I got there I saw a bunch of gamers just moseying around suspiciously. I made a B-Line to Layaway where there was already 17 people before me. I just made it and after some line cutting, arguing and a police escort I walked away with one of the last "Premium" XBox 360's.  If you'll notice at the end of that particular blog I said I never wanted to do this again.

November 2006 saw the near simultaneous release of the Playstation 3, Nintendo Wii, Gears of War, Call of Duty 3 and Legend of Zelda. Arguably the greatest month in videogames of all time. My 360 fell before the sword of the Crimson Triad so I missed the Gears of War launch and I was not about to experience a repeat of the 360 launch violence. I decided I would wait with the much more friendly Nintendo fan-base.

There were supposed to be a lot more Wii's available than the PS3 so I figured it would be easier to obtain one. I have two Godson's for which I'm getting each a Wii for Christmas.

The 360 launch was an 8 hour wait until midnight. I was not willing to spend much more time than that. I created a spreadsheet with the addresses, phone numbers, quantity available and release hour to carry with me. Saturday the 18th we had plenty to do. It wasn't until about 8 p.m. that we started heading towards home. I asked my wife if she was up for waiting in line and after an incredibly supportive confirmation I starting making phone calls.

The Wal-Mart I had intended to go to politely informed me that they had a last minute change of plans and gave out the Wii vouchers early. I was told they would have a raffle. Frustrated I continued to drive until we passed our local and usually deserted Circuit City. There were about eight people in line with sleeping bags. This location was going to open at 10 a.m. I was not about to wait 14 hours.

We passed by the Target next door which was scheduled to open at 7 a.m. and the line went around the building. I wasn't even going to try Best Buy.

The Gamble

We both agreed to wake up early and try the Circuit City in the Wii hours of the morning. Went to sleep around 9 and at 3 a.m. I jumped out of bed, brushed my teeth, washed my face and lovingly woke up the wife.

We were off! At the intersection just before the Circuit City was a frustratingly slow red light. This light had the power to snatch the Wii right out of my hands if it would not change quickly. I stretched my neck to see if the line had grown much and it had, some. Everyone was splayed out across the floor, it was very poorly lit and in a very dark place in my mind I wondered if some idiot had driven by and killed everyone in frustration.

I told my wife to wait in the car and I went to the back of the line were there were a few guys standing. The guys finished their conversation and began walking to the front of the line. I followed them counting heads all the way to the beginning. I counted 21. The employee I spoke to on the phone the night before told me they had 29.

Disturbed from the sense of relief and peace by a growing argument at the front of the line. My attention is drawn by those same individuals that were having a conversation at the back. One guy in particular was standing by the front door with his arms spread out telling everyone they were crap out of luck because they were all last and he was first. Typical crap talker as he was I was not impressed or threatened at all so I ignored his rants. It wasn't until I heard the word gun casually thrown about back and forth between the aggressor and the Wii-waiters.

"You have a gun?" "Hell yes I have a gun!" responds the idiot.
"So what you're going to shoot me?" asks a portly fellow at the front of the line. "Yeah, I'll shoot you RIGHT NOW!" in a menacing tone with threatening movements one of which was under the back of his shirt.

I casually start walking away back to the car. After giving my wife the lowdown and watching them carefully I decide that nothing major is going to occur. After all with so many people there it would have to be a mass murder for him to get away with it and still walk away with a Wii. Carrying the foldable chairs to the line and casually unfolding them I watch carefully from the corner of my eye. The three stooges keep antagonizing the heavyset guy since he was the only one brave enough to take a stand. "Let's go, right now, come on!" they pressure. The portly guy in the sleeping bag suddenly becomes a menacing structure of impressive build.

The little wannabe gangster's back off slowly. The argument continues and I heard comments like "My brother OWN's this towns police department!" What the punks failed to realize however was that in a group of geeks nearly everyone has a cell phone. Very different to our old neighborhood the cops show up quickly. Three different cars swarm in from the three different sides of the building. The jerks start walking off discreetly and the police lights shine in my face as they walk past me. From the car my wife noticed how I casually pointed them out much like Jim Carey in Dumb & Dumber.

They were detained for about an hour as we sat in the uncharacteristically warm November dawn. The cops went back and forth between the saggers and the heavyset Wii player. The nice guy behind us in line pulls out his DVD player and we watch Superman Returns until his battery dies. One cop, who I would hate to have to ask for help one day, kept telling Heavy D that there was nothing they could do and that the little Cholo's promised to go home. "Go home and get their guns" I kept thinking to myself. I was literally imagining scenarios if they returned and what I would do to save my wife's life.



Upon hearing the unsatisfactory plan of action of said police officers 5 or 6 individuals in the line, including myself, got up to question their decision. Per my wife's advice and honesty I told them that we were genuinely afraid that they will come back with a gun and shoot. That was enough to motivate one of the other cops to take the one who did the verbal threatening into jail. They escorted his two buddies, one of which couldn't have been over 14, away from us. All this occurred before the sun even rose.

The sun comes up and what do we see. An uptight, short-haired petite blonde female in full camouflage gear, army boots and all, strutting straight to the front of the line. She has a cell-phone in hand and stands there at the front. Introduces herself to Big Poppa and proceeds to have a conversation.

I listen carefully but can't hear her words. I see her flipping cash and waiving this piece of paper around. I get close and see that it looks like some sort of voucher and it says Wii on it but it does not say anything about Circuit City. After about 30 minutes of standing there at the front of the line making phone calls she leaves.

She comes back with a little brown sob story. A child, obviously related to previously mentioned offender and he has a piece of paper and some money. A bribe! As it turns out she was his recruiter and he was scheduled to be shipped out to Iraq THAT day. They were trying to bribe the guy into not pressing charges and getting the suburban O.G. released.

They all take off together and we hear nothing more. I assume he was paid off. So when that idiot comes back from Iraq just in time for the launch of the XBox 720, beware, he will now be Government trained to kill.

My wife went to McDonald's to bring back some food for us and we ate deliciously. 8 o' clock rolls around and excitement begins to rumble. People start packing their sleeping bags and employee's slowly start filing in. They come out and stamp a paper that confirms the 29 systems they have and we do another head count. I ask people to raise their hands and I see that we are well within the limits. 15 and 16 out of 29. We'll be fine.

Sooner than later they come out and give us all vouchers. Some Jesus looking loudmouth which kept yapping all night about all he knows and Monty Python this, butts his way to the front of the line and gets his 2nd or 3rd.



At home I'm pleasantly surprised by their inclusion of a built-in Wireless NIC. I don't know how I could've missed that information but I was happy to see it. Wii-Sports and other titles that will hopefully come out like it, will really make this system stand out above the others when it comes to a non-gamer audience. I could literally see my parents trying out these games.

All in all time went by much faster this time around and even though there were moments I feared for our lives, it was memorable. Makes the next time look a little more enticing.

Will I be there next time? Probably. Will you?

I originally posted this blog in ButtonSmashing back in march but the Q&A with Ian Livingstone made me want to repost it.

Lara Croft was not the first sexy videogame protagonist but it is arguable that she was definitely the most mammorable. Even in its glaring archaic form, characters like this did achieve their desired effect.

Since Eidos is about to release another game in the series it seemed only fit that I begin this blog with an ode to Lara Croft. How much she has grown..... It garnered attention and sales numbers. You might say it got bad attention, but in the videogame universe, bad attention can be good attention. Games like Bloodrayne seemed to really bloodsuck the life out of that exploitation. Is all this really necessary? Take the fighting game series Dead or Alive for example. It's a fun game, it has great controls and a fantastic turnover mechanic that keeps you guessing at the victor. In the Street Fighter / Virtua Fighter world Tecmo needed to bring something new to the table. Well, a couple of new things....

That they did. So much so that they have now become known for their exaggerated bounciness. Ninja Gaiden, developed by the same group had it's share of boobage. Both great games in their own right, but is all the sexiness necessary?

The reason I bring this up is because I am a fan of fighting games. I am a fan of technology. So when I see a new game or console system with fantastic graphical capabilities, I'm going to want to see something pretty to look at. There is only so much blood and gore a guy can take. I mean if you're going to make a fighting character, why make it ugly unless it suits the character?

If movie studios could guarantee that every frame in every scene in every movie they make will be beautiful and a work of art, believe me, they would! As game developers it is their painstaking job to craft each and every tiny little pixel you see on the screen and every sound you hear. Why not make them nice to look at?

One of the individuals involved in the decision making process for the development of the Lara Croft character summed it up well. He said something along the lines of, "Since you're going to spend a majority of the game time staring at the character's bum, might as well make it a nice one."

But how much is too much? Beauty can not be a game's saving grace. A wrestling game titled Rumble Roses XX will be coming out soon for the XBox 360 and from the preview videos I have seen doesn't look as fun or easy to pick up and play as the Dead or Alive series. The characters, although composed of entirely vuluptuous characters like the pictured naughty little mink* above, move awkward and robotically. I predict this game will not be a great hit. How bad can it get? The creators of the games Dead or Alive and Ninja Gaiden created a game with only the girl characters where they spend their time on the beach sunbathing and playing volleyball. The objective is to collect trinkets and items and make friends. You can buy accessories like nail polish, headwear and this barely there "bathing suit."

The Verdict?

Videogames are entering mainstream media and sex is what will lead people here. Just like sex was a major factor in the success of motion pictures. Just like sex was a major factor in the colonization of the America's. And as uncomfortable as it makes us feel when we're playing a great game and a big breasted character makes her gratuitous obligatory bow, it's here to stay.

(A quote from Ian Livingstone, Eidos' product acquisition director regarding Lara Croft's continued popularity. "When they first came out, games were bought by children, but they (the children) didn't stop playing games when they got older. What would a teenager rather look at? A hedgehog, a plumber, or Lara Croft's butt?")

*American Idol reference, not a typo.

I don't usually post short angry rants like these but I had to call him and Major Wedgie on it. I heard Major Nelson in the beginning of his November 7th podcast mention that he was going to get information regarding the Lumines confusion and I thought GREAT, A REFUND! Greg Canessa had the freakin' balls of steal to say that the $15 standard Lumines Live offered the SAME amount of gameplay as Lumines on the PSP. Is he aware that the puzzle and multiplayer is limited to a couple of levels until you "unlock/get reamed/pay" for the packs? In fact he went on to say it offered even MORE because it gave you the "ability" to add more to it and play over Live. I tried playing it over Live. Imagine playing Tetris at 5 frames per second. Now try it with the 360's digital cross. Anyway, Major Nelson just stood by and was satisfied with his answer. I can see the dribble on Larry Hryb's chin now. "You are not going to have to purchase extra content to complete the gaming experience (found on other consoles.)" Major Nelson Has he ever played Lumines on the PSP?

Bungie tested the multiplayer component of Halo 3 last Thursday and addressed the leak of screenshots from Halo 3.

Frankie from Bungie also confirmed that the story in Variety about the Halo movie moving forward even though many big budgeted movie studios have dropped out, is in fact true. He refused to comment on any details but at least that part has been confirmed. If that's good or bad news I still haven't decided.

In his own way Frankie also went on to confirm those leaked Halo 3 multiplayer images as real. Not necessarily official but real nonetheless. Personally I think it's all a part of the big hype-machine after all that viral ilovebees mess they pulled last time. He says there are more pictures and more exclusive details in a forthcoming Electronic Gaming Monthly only.

Read the entire story from Frankie himself here.

By giving exclusive rights to publish unannounced information through a physical medium as opposed to the faster, more feature-rich electronic medium we have here, Bungie is taking a giant leap backwards in progress for our industry. For example, those leaked images were discovered how long ago? Then they had to be printed, distributed, scanned and uploaded. How long ago was this information originally available? Still they want us to wait even longer for the exclusive they sold to EGM?

In the beginning of episode 50 of the 1Up Show where they were pretending (badly) to be discussing what it was like to play Halo 3 and how there were "changes." This information is out there and they are still defending the need for written publications which confuses me.

It is so counterproductive to the industry that we insist on giving and holding exclusive information for printed magazines and newspapers simply for the purpose of the sale. If a publisher or developer is not yet ready to disclose any information until the date of the print, then they should wait until that date. By then new or updated information might be available. Even when leaked pictures are released, the so called reputable media outlets can't show or discuss those images out of fear of losing the rights to publish their precious story. Can they call themselves NEWS anymore? It seems more like third party advertising to me.

They even "answered" someone's question about the future of printed media on EGM Live* I believe. Their justification was the quality of writing and exclusives. To me, the quality of the writing depends wholely on the writer. I rarely see the same writers working for a publication for an extended amount of time since they move all accross the board. It is completely possible that some of those same writers have come to write for internet websites so that argument is completely invalid. I've already shown how exclusive information is retarded.

Consider the fact that I am a long time loyal EGM fan since issue # 49. I went through each and every magazine and it's various iterations like EGM2 and even the 3D EGM3 edition. It was a very difficult choice for me when I didn't renew my subscription. Information on the internet just became more readily available, more informative, more customized to your preference, easily searchable, included videos and you got it much quicker. My logic was "Why pay to get some information a month or more later when you can get it for free, now and with video?" How many times haven't they said in their own magazine that the pictures don't do the game justice, that you have to see the game in motion?

I only have one magazine subcription and I only have it because it comes with demos I can't get anywhere else. Even then, if I'm a subscriber I'm penalized. How? Well every time I go into the supermarket they have the magazine a couple of days if not an entire week before I get it delivered to my home. So the non-loyal supermarket buyers get the information before me, the loyal fan who cares enough to subscribe and in much better quality since even on a sunny day the mailman seems to have gone through some type of torrential storm. To top it off the supermarket versions usually contain extras that the subscription versions don't. Maps, fold-outs and even jewel cases for their demo's.

Their final defense for why a printed magazine was better was that they just like to have something physical, something solid to hold in their hands. Well I have something solid for you right here Shoe. Stop using your pull in the industry to hold information BACK from us. Your job is to bring us the news not keep it from us until you are done chiseling your story in your ancient stone tablet.

360º of stress (Part I) - Excited about the impending release and dismayed about it's lack of availability I form a plan of attack.
360º of stress (Part II) - I execute my great plan to obtain my 360 and stumble the entire way.
360º of stress (Part III) - WOW, I look back at the unbelievable experience including assault and robbery.
360º of stress (Part IV) - Finally, a chance to look back at the experience and take a good look at the system.

What a year. This console like no other before it has had some of the greatest first year releases I have ever seen in my experience as a gamer.

The release of the XBox 360 hasn't gone without it's hiccups however, as proven by the need to rehash this topic in another post. Casually brushing off the reports of the three red lights of doom scourging the internet I enjoy my new toy. I play some games, I watch some movies, I update the console regularily increasing support and solidifying previously finnicky issues.

Working full-time and part-time on side-jobs and ta-sks (I was on a roll with the dashes) I didn't really find much time to play. I did get a good experience though. Some great releases in the consoles first year left me thoroughly impressed and fealing justified for my $400 expense. Not including the additional games, controllers and other accessories.

The last thing I wanted to hear was the growing number of complaints. Then it started freezing on me. Occasionally while playing, other times while just sitting there. I would be writing a review on the PC and the 360 would just be sitting there, on the blade interface and I would hear a buzz/clap from the speakers as the system would either freeze or shut down. Restarting it would seem to solve the problem for a short while but the lock-ups would increase in frequency. I wouldn't even be pushing the hardware by playing a game or MP3's.I was sending an Uno invite to Dan Amrich from OXM and it shut off while I was typing my message. When I restarted it this time however my heart sank as I saw the fabled Crimson Triad.

My wife came running to the moan, "Oh nooooo." I don't react like that unless it's something tragic and devastating so she knew it wasn't good news. I shut the machine off. Checked all the cable connections and the system worked fine, for another day.

Then my 360 never returned. Every time I turn it on it has those lights mockingly laughing in my face.

Blink - "I'm powerful"
Blink - "I'm sleek"
Blink - "You can't play me"
Blink - "Gears of War comes out next week"

GAAAARRRRR!

Upset and disappointed I call Microsoft tech support. They quickly review my situation and after confirming the steps I took and registration information they profusely apologized for the trouble and promptly shipped a return box for me to pack my core system in.

Free of charge. I was instructed to pack my 360 sans hard drive or cables and they would try to have it back to me in 6 business days. If they could not return it to me in that schedule they said they would send me a "pretty much" new refurbished replacement system in a couple of weeks with a continued warrantee until the end of December.

I calmed down. Wow. Although it is unfortunate that I will miss the greatest title release next to Halo 3, the quick and positive response from tech support left me in awe. I was shocked to have such a willingly helpful customer support experience. I'm looking right at you Dell. (*coughAximx50v*cough)

So now my 360 sits on the shelf. Patiently waiting to be gutted by the same company that gave it life. You had a good run 360 and if my experience with support so far was any indication of where you're headed, you'll be in good hands.

See you soon,