Hired Help
A guy dials his home and a strange woman answers.
The guy says, Who is this?
This is the maid, answers the woman.
We dont have a maid, says the man.
The woman says, I was hired this morning by the lady of the house.
The man says, Well, this is her husband. Is she there?
The woman replies, She is upstairs in the bed room with someone who I figured was her husband.
The guy is fuming and says to the maid, Listen, would you like to make $50,000?
The maid says, What will I have to do?
The man tells her, I want you to get my gun from the desk, and shoot the witch and the jerk shes with.
The maid puts the phone down; the man hears footsteps and then two gun shots.
The maid comes back to the phone, What do I do with the bodies?
The man says, Throw them in the swimming pool.
Puzzled, the maid answers, But you dont have a pool.
A long pause and the man says, Is this 567-5309?
a__7__x Blog
jokes
by a__7__x on Comments
My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE:
"If youre going to kill each other, do it outside - I just finished cleaning!"
My mother taught me RELIGION:
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."
My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL:
"If you dont straighten up, Im going to knock you into the middle of next week!"
My mother taught me LOGIC:
"Because I said so, thats why."
My mother taught me FORESIGHT:
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case youre in an accident."
My mother taught me IRONY:
"Keep crying and Ill give you something to cry about."
My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS:
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper!"
My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM:
"Will you *look* at the dirt on the back of your neck!"
My mother taught me about STAMINA:
"Youll sit there til all that spinach is finished."
My mother taught me about WEATHER:
"It looks as if a cyclone swept through your room."
My mother taught me how to solve PHYSICS PROBLEMS:
"If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming toward you; would you listen then?"
My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY:
"If Ive told you once, Ive told you a million times - dont exaggerate!"
My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE:
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."
My mother taught me about ENVY:
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who dont have wonderful parents like you do!"
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