I'm leaving tomorrow for Oklahoma. I am excited, but also sad because I have never been away from my kids for this long - well at least the little ones anyway. I know they will be fine, they will be taken good care of, but I am not so sure I will be fine. But hopefully I will stay busy enough while I'm gone not to be a weepy mess.

Today was Sunday. Sunday's suck. Because I know I have to get up early again on Mondays. School should start around 10.

http://nextgreatband.msn.com/

Not bad. I have more favorites than I do ones I think should be kicked. It's late, and I better go to bed, just wanted to blog something because I haven't in a while.

Woo Hoo I'm level 5. :D

Only 6 days till my trip, only 10 million things to do before.

This is a good video featuring Heroes Season 1, with an awesome song by Shinedown. I can't hear the song now without picturing scenes from Heroes now. So now I'm passing on the favor. I really love the ability of these people who can put together videos. I have made a few slide shows, but this takes major time, committment, and creativity! Maybe some time Icould learn, but for nowI'll just enjoy others.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zJTChaOjqIE

Today is my birthday. I wonder how many well wishes I can get? Well, I am turning 33. It's not a big deal. I remember when I was young and I couldn't understand why my parents were never excited about their birthdays. I mean - Presents AND Cake! How could it get any better? It's almost as good as Christmas. But now that I'm all grown, I would probably have forgotten about it if it weren't for my chilren asking me if I was excited. Of course I am I always say. But I'm not, its just another day. Another work day I might add. I always work on Wednesdays - and today can be no exception. Though I thought about taking the day off. But what would I do? Probably nothing except get ready for my trip that is coming soon (more on that later) or clean house. Nope, I'd rather be working.

I love fall, but my allergies are about to drive me crazy! My eyes get all crusty and blurry. Which reminds me of another great band I heard a new song from the other day. Fuel

Apparently they have a new lead singer, but I don't know much about them. Haven't had time to do any research. Maybe some Fuel freak will help me out so I don't have to.....

I watched

tonight. I thought I would give it a try, it seemed interesting. However, it had been on for some 20 minutes by the time I got back from picking up 2 of the kids from a Cub meeting, so I spent the rest of the episode a little (okay, a lot) confused. My 13 year old daughter kept saying "What kind of show is this?!?" I'm gonna give it another go next time - hopefully I can start at the beginning. And not have an annoying child saying that she is annoyed by it. You have your own TV in your room with cable and a dvd player which is more than what I have in my bedroom (nothing by the way). Go watch what you want to watch and leave me be! She watches Hannah Montana and complains that I am watching something stupid? nuh uh:roll:

I was just surfing around and I found the Peeps website. Not peeps, as you "You my peeps" but as in those little marshmallow chick shaped candy. And they actually have a fanclub. Pretty strange. Here's the site, in case you are a big Peep fan.

http://www.marshmallowpeeps.com/index.php

They are pretty good, if you like to eat pure sugar. And who doesn't? But they suck if the get hard.

Has there ever been something you wanted to tell someone else and you were too afraid, too embarrased to do it? I have had something bothering me for 10 years, and I just - and I mean just like 20 minutes ago - I apologized to the person and boy, do I feel better!

It wasn't crime, I didn't run over some guy in the suburbs with my car. I didn't embezzle money from some charity, I didn't lie on my taxes, heck I didn't even park in a handicapped parking place - though I do use the stalls occasionally. :oops:

I hurt someone. I hurt them really badly. And he didn't deserve it. I knew I hurt him at the time, but I really didn't care at the time. I was only concerned with myself. And maybe I wouldn't even have given it a second thought, except then I got hurt really bad by someone else. Someone I was hopelessly in love with, and he hurt me just like I hurt the other person. Me? I'm not the hurt, I'm the hurter. I'm not the pathetic victim. I'm the player, I wouldn't give someone the power over me to treat me so badly. But there I was, hurt and alone and I did nothing to deserve it. "Poetic justice" comes to mind.

But time went on, life got better, But I never could get him and what I did to him out of my head. I moved far away, started a new life - a wonderful new life. But there his was his sweet face in my mind and heart, begging me not to go. It would never have worked out, mind you. This is not regret for what could have been. Both of us have made good lives for ourselves. I love my husband immensely and I know he is married with children also. I never had direct contact with him, but he is still a friend of a friend, so I always heard how he was doing from time to time. But recently he added me to his messenger and we have been talking. Polite, impersonal chat. But there is this in my mind that I think - I have really got to apologize to him. I really have to get it off my chest.

But I was afraid. I was afraid that he would think I was coming onto him - and I'm not. Afraid his wife would think the same and cause him problems. Afraid that my husband would not appreciate me talking to a man from my past -especially the guy I left for him. Afraid that it would get back around to my husband if I did it covertly and he would think it was more than what it was. But mostly afraid of - and this is where the ego kicks in - that it wasn't such a big heartbreak in his life, and he hardly ever, or worse NEVER thought of me, of us, of how it ended. Could I afford to take that away from myself? That I had the power over someone else to hurt them that badly. I was going through a "bad girl" phase, using them and losing them, and I look back on that time in my life fondly, I was having fun, with no regrets. But there was this regret. And what if I had built it up in my mind to be more than what it was..... What if he barely even remembered when we were together. I mean, it had been a long, long time ago. What if....?

But then, I closed my eyes. I took a deep breath. And I did it. I apologized. I was scared and nervous. He remembered, he did get hurt, but he had gotten over it a long time ago and held no ill will towards me. I felt relieved, no - I felt friggin fantastic when he said "I really appreciate you telling me this" He forgave me, though I guess he never really thought he would need to. Now that the wall was down, and that we could talk freely about what happened, we reminiced a bit. It was very liberating. But the best part was that now he knows that he meant a lot more to me than what he thought he did. Such a great guy, I'm glad we stayed friends..

I kinda scared him though. And now that its over, it was kind of funny. I told him a few days ago there was something I needed to tell him. But I wasn't ready to tell him. He was afraid I was going to tell him I had his child - poor guy. I did move off right after we were over. I guess I could see him fearing that. I guess I had him sweating that for a few days. Oh, I apologized immediately for that. No sense waiting another 10 years to say I'm sorry for worrying him.

Phew, thats all I have to say. Phew!

I think I must know what it's like to be Earl......

Hello Everyone!

If you have just realizes you are being tracked by me and wonder why.... well, I guess I am pathetic and need more friends! I picked you guys off of forums and reviews of my favorite shows. So if you would start tracking me, we can be friends! And no one has too many friends, right?

So I have been working on my new banner for my page. Unfortunately I would love to sit here and work on it all night, but it has at least a couple of more hours left of work and I really should get to bed. Kids have school tomorrow so I have to get up early. Crappy, I know.

I talked to my sister tonight on the phone. She sounded a little down. It's been such a physical and emotional roller coaster the past few weeks. I know she just wants to take her little baby daughter home. But there is good news, Presley had been off the feeding tube since early this morning! And she seems to be eating well, Mindy just said she gets tired out quick. My mom said that if you took a washcloth and laid it out, that is how big Presley is, except she's a little longer. Crazy, can't imagine a baby that small. But I can not wait to see her! And it seems that my trip will be a GO very soon! Hopefully I will depart on November 2nd. First trip home in over 5 years!

Level 4 Level 4 Level 4 Level 4

Thanks Hypeserver for making me your Featured friend! I've already got a few more friends because of it. I feel very humbled.

Today my husband came home. He is a truck driver and is gone for a few days at a time. We worked on our youngest son's Halloween costume. I can't believe I actually got my husband to work on it! AJ wanted to be a robot, and I can make that type of costume, but I thought it would be cool if Don helped me with it, since he knows all the electronic type things, maybe we could put some leds on it and make it light up. I didn't really expect him to do it. Don't get me wrong, he really does a lot for those kids, but making costumes is my area - not his. But you should've seen him today. He was going through all of his old electronics stuff, he's got lots of ideas and actually started putting it together today. He's got gauges and lights, even a little numeric display. AJ is very excited!

So that leaves me with working on our other son's costume. He wants to be a racecar driver. I have an outfit. I just have to make all the sponsors logos and attach them. I looked some up this evening. It's going to be fun! I love Halloween. I brought out my "Box O Costumes" today and I think I am going to be a hula girl. I have lots of island wear left from Marissa's Tropical birthday party, so that saves me from having to make a costume for myself. Kendall is going to be a witch, and most of her costume is done - I didn't have to do much but make her a skirt. And Marissa is going to be a pirate, and she is just using Kellan's costume from last year. I had to make a few sizing adjustments, but nothing major and VIOLA! It's a pirate! And Kendall is dressing the dog up, so I don't have to worry about that. Well, I might I guess when she asks me last minute to help her - which she will, she always does.

Did I mention I love Halloween.

Wednesdays are work days. I must hide out all day in my office. I have been finished work for about 1/2 hour, but here I am still in front of the computer. I was having some trouble navigating the site. I have a hard time finding the faq, instructions, descriptions of how things work. I tried to read everything before I started. I feel frustrated. Rules, rules. Wrong forum, wrong form, wrong place, wrong everything.

That's probably not all thats bothering me. I want my trip to go through. But it seems there are road blocks now. I am nervious and anxious. Why oh why would I get my hopes up. I should've known it wasn't going to happen.

I give up.