Well, we've finally reached my final (sniff sniff) somewhat strange internet dating story. There are a few little blips on the radar left--- repeat offenders who would send me the same "form" letter email every time I updated my profile thinking that they had just seen my ad for the first time, people offering to save my soul, people offering me threesomes, foursomes and more, people wanting to sell things, people who couldn't type, people who wrote me but it was obvious that they hadn't read my profile because they'd comment on things that I didn't even write, blah blah blah, but nothing so great that it merits a whole blog. That said, let's end this little trip down my memory lane with "A". I met "A" around the time WEBTV was invented. Aaaah, webtv. Perfect for people who lived in the middle of nowhere, had no local internet dial up access number and who had very little use for the computer except for trolling personal ads looking for a little action. Don't get me wrong-- webtv was also a great thing for people who lived in the middle of nowhere, had no local access number, had little computer smarts and just wanted to send photos of their grandkids to other people with photos of their grandkids, too. My dad even had webtv for a short period of time before he got local access and re-created himself as "Steve", a young buff postal worker looking for love.... but that's another story itself. ;) "A" lived in the middle of nowhere. He lived in the basement of his parents' house in the middle of nowhere. He got webtv because it was just like using a remote control and typewriter at the same time. Smart guy, that "A". He responded to a personal ad I had on YAHOO. The first e-mail I got from him was in ALL CAPS. Anyone who knows anything about e-mail etiquette knows that you don't write in ALL CAPS unless you are SHOUTING at the person you are writing. Not only did he write in ALL CAPS, he did not use any punctuation. It was like reading a TELEGRAM of some sort. I kept waiting to find the word "STOP" at the end of every line. I wrote him back and politely explained the "NO CAPS" rule to him. He wrote me back and thanked me... IN ALL CAPS. He then repeated everything he had written me in the previous e-mail--- in ALL CAPS and without any punctuation. My head hurt just trying to read his e-mail. I wrote him back and explained the NO CAPS rule again verbatim. He wrote me back and thanked me for my advice... yes, you guessed it, IN ALL CAPS, without punctuation. Then, he repeated everything from his previous emails in that same e-mail. I guess he didn't know how to delete out the stuff that wasn't necessary so we had this long line of something that looked like this: >>> B THANKS FOR WRITING ME BACK DID YOU GET TO READ MY OTHER EMAIL >>>A, I have to tell you that your email was pretty hard to read. Just a little FYI-- it's not polite to write everything in capital letters. Some people think that is like shouting and pretty offensive. Also, you might want to separate your sentences with periods and question marks. It's very hard to read your e-mail. B. >>HEY I REALLY LIKED YOUR AD I LIVE 30 MILES FROM YOU AND I REALLY WOULD LIKE TO MEET YOU I WORK AS A TRUCK DRIVER I COME TO YOUR TOWN ONCE A WEEK WE COULD GET TOGETHER FOR A MOVIE DO YOU LIKE BOWLING DO YOU LIKE TO GO OUT DO YOU GO TO BARS WHAT DO YOU LOOK LIKE DO YOU LIVE ALONE HEY WRITE ME BACK >>> B THANKS FOR WRITING ME BACK DID YOU GET TO READ MY OTHER EMAIL >>>A, I have to tell you that your email was pretty hard to read. Just a little FYI-- it's not polite to write everything in capital letters. Some people think that is like shouting and pretty offensive. Also, you might want to separate your sentences with periods and question marks. It's very hard to read your e-mail. B. >>HEY I REALLY LIKED YOUR AD I LIVE 30 MILES FROM YOU AND I REALLY WOULD LIKE TO MEET YOU I WORK AS A TRUCK DRIVER I COME TO YOUR TOWN ONCE A WEEK WE COULD GET TOGETHER FOR A MOVIE DO YOU LIKE BOWLING DO YOU LIKE TO GO OUT DO YOU GO TO BARS WHAT DO YOU LOOK LIKE DO YOU LIVE ALONE HEY WRITE ME BACK >>> B THANKS FOR WRITING ME BACK DID YOU GET TO READ MY OTHER EMAIL >>>A, I have to tell you that your email was pretty hard to read. Just a little FYI-- it's not polite to write everything in capital letters. Some people think that is like shouting and pretty offensive. Also, you might want to separate your sentences with periods and question marks. It's very hard to read your e-mail. B. >>HEY I REALLY LIKED YOUR AD I LIVE 30 MILES FROM YOU AND I REALLY WOULD LIKE TO MEET YOU I WORK AS A TRUCK DRIVER I COME TO YOUR TOWN ONCE A WEEK WE COULD GET TOGETHER FOR A MOVIE DO YOU LIKE BOWLING DO YOU LIKE TO GO OUT DO YOU GO TO BARS WHAT DO YOU LOOK LIKE DO YOU LIVE ALONE HEY WRITE ME BACK >>> B THANKS FOR WRITING ME BACK DID YOU GET TO READ MY OTHER EMAIL >>>A, I have to tell you that your email was pretty hard to read. Just a little FYI-- it's not polite to write everything in capital letters. Some people think that is like shouting and pretty offensive. Also, you might want to separate your sentences with periods and question marks. It's very hard to read your e-mail. B. >>HEY I REALLY LIKED YOUR AD I LIVE 30 MILES FROM YOU AND I REALLY WOULD LIKE TO MEET YOU I WORK AS A TRUCK DRIVER I COME TO YOUR TOWN ONCE A WEEK WE COULD GET TOGETHER FOR A MOVIE DO YOU LIKE BOWLING DO YOU LIKE TO GO OUT DO YOU GO TO BARS WHAT DO YOU LOOK LIKE DO YOU LIVE ALONE HEY WRITE ME BACK ------------------------- This went on a few times and finally, I just told him that until he stopped sending me the same email over and over in ALL CAPS and without punctuation, I wasn't going to write him anymore. He wrote me back a different e-mail... IN ALL CAPS... telling me how much he really liked me and wanted to go out. Now, keep in mind, the only "communication" we had was him annoying me and me correcting him. I didn't answer any of his questions and he didn't share anything with me that wasn't already in his profile. I told him that we didn't even know each other. He wrote back (IN ALL CAPS) that he didn't have a problem with my "size." He wrote: MY LAST GIRLFRIEND WAS PRETTY BIG WE USED TO GO DANCING SHE DIDN'T LIKE THAT I LIVED WITH MY PARENTS SHE BROKE UP WITH ME I just knew that it wasn't meant to be so I told him I had found someone else and wished him luck. He kept writing, though, bless his heart. After a couple of months of HEY HOW ARE THINGS WITH THAT GUY ARE YOU STILL SEEING HIM DO YOU WANT TO GO OUT WE CAN JUST BE FRIENDS I'M THINKING OF MOVING OUT OF MY PARENTS HOUSE type e-mails, he finally stopped writing. I'm sure he was probably a really nice guy. I just was afraid that we'd meet and he'd YELL the whole date and I'd end up killing him. :)

First off, thank you to all of you who posted notes of support to my last blog entry. It's nice to know I'm not alone in this "starting over" mission of mine. Having support is a big part of feeling successful. :) I spent the weekend "cleaning house"-- figuratively and literally. I still have some things to do but I'm happy with the progress I've made. There are no more stacks of empty boxes in my spare room and I've begun to identify clothing and other misc. items to sell on eBay. I spent some time shopping around on the internet for a place to post photos of past soap designs in order to generate interest in my fledging business. I may end up doing a blog on another site since this one does not allow advertising or selling of products. I also bought a new day planner in order to track my fitness goals and other assorted "life changing" goals and plans. The biggee, though, is that I re-joined weight watchers tonight. I have been "unofficially" doing the program off and on for a couple of years--- meaning that when I buy food at the store, I consult the label and mentally calculate how many "points" there are per serving, but I haven't attended any meetings or made sure that I strictly followed the plan's core "rules." I've also tried various other "fad" diets-- Atkins, Suzanne Somers, South Beach, the Formula, Sugarbusters, etc-- hoping to find the right one for me. Weight Watchers is the most realistic one for me. I don't have any "prohibited" foods and I don't have to buy any special foods and I can pretty much enjoy whatever I want as long as I keep within my daily points range and stick to the basic rules: 1) five servings of fruits/veggies per day 2) 2 servings of low-fat dairy per day 3) 48 oz of water per day 4)limited portions of whole grains 5)scarce amounts of sugar and alcohol Pretty common sense stuff. As I sat in the meeting, I surprised myself by how much I still remember and how much more informed I really am. I just got lazy. Such is life. I also drank 100 ounces of water (so far)today. If you put your ear to my stomach, you can hear the ocean. :) A co-worker and I are challenging each other to drink as much water as we can per day. So, I bought a 64 ounce container and drank it plus another 24 ounces before I left work. I thought my bladder was going to explode before I got home, though. On the downside, a couple of co-workers overheard me talking to another co-worker about my fitness and food plans and they felt the need to offer their advice, which ended up sounding like criticism more than advice. For every supporter I have, I seem to have one critic. I just shrugged them off and said that this is what works for me. One woman seems to think that because she's lost 60 lbs on Atkins in the past year, she's the diet expert. I listen to her advice, then I also hear her talking about how she has to take laxatives and fiber pills in order to "help" additional weight loss. I don't want to do stuff like that. It seems like cheating. Cheaters never win. So, phase 1 of my mission is well under way. :)

For the past few years, I've been in one heck of a rut. The last time I *truly* felt happy and in control of my life was November 2001. I know that the country was in turmoil after 9/11 but 2001, for the most part, was a pretty good year for me. I won money in Vegas which allowed me the opportunity to quit a part-time job I hated. I joined Weight Watchers and lost over 55 lbs by Christmas that year. I was "in therapy" to get over some family and relationship issues. I had all of my friends close and I was still in the "I really like my job" phase of starting a new position with my current company. Then, things just sort of went down hill after that. I blew out a disk in my back. I spent all of the money I had won in Vegas. There was no overtime at work. I had to go back to the part time job I hated. I was diagnosed with diabetes and depression at the same time and the meds drained me of energy. I started to gain back the weight I lost because I didn't have time or energy to exercise and it was easier with my schedule to do my meals "grab and go" (lots of take out and fast food and high calorie/high sodium pre-packaged meals.) I hardly had time for friends and they sort of drifted away (by choice, due to marriage, due to babies, due to jobs, etc.) I didn't do anything to maintain the friendships. During the course of the past few years, I've let myself slip deeper and deeper into a self-distructive phase. I've pushed away many of my closest friends. I hardly go out. I am starting to hate my "job" because of the monotony and the "high school" atmosphere. I have been wallowing in misery and haven't been able to pull myself out of it. I hate how I feel. I hate how I look. I hate that in the middle of the night there's no one I can really call "just to talk." I hate that I come home, eat dinner, watch tv, surf the net and go to bed. There's no fun, romance, excitement or challenge in my life. If I were a color, I'd be beige. So-- the other day, I was eating lunch with a co-worker and we were lamenting together our sucky jobs, poor eating habits and ho-hum social lives. She asked me, "If you could do anything for a living, what would you do?" Without even thinking, I said, "I'd sell home-made soap, eventually open my own make-it and take-it soap business/craft business." It just rolled off of my tongue. I told her how envious I was of a friend of mine who was able to parlay a hobby into a career and how I wished I could do something like that-- find something I love to do, can do well and then find a way to make money off of it. Since that conversation, I've been doing a lot of soul-searching and pondering about my life. I feel my best when I'm totally in control of my life and know exactly what I'm doing, why I'm doing it and where I'm going with it. I've felt out-of-control for 3 1/2 years now. That's time I'll never get back. Precious moments wasted. I've never considered myself one of those people who say, "I have no control of my life." I've always been a changer. I never understood the people who would whine and complain about how awful their marriages, careers and home-life were. I'd always think, "If you know there's something wrong, why don't you just shut up and fix it?" It's time for me to apply that philosophy to my own life. Again. I'm taking back my life. I did it once. I can do it again. I promised myself that I'd spend the next 30 days concentrating on making change in my life. Good change. Positive change. I'm hoping that things will snowball.... that one good day will turn into two and two will turn into three.... I started last night by beginning to take control of my environment. I'm not a messy person. I'm not a dirty person. But, I have this spare bedroom which has become a catch-all for empty boxes, clothing that doesn't fit anymore, toys/gadgets I bought on a whim and then left to collect dust, etc. I'm trying to streamline and simplify. I hauled out two old broken printers to the dumpster last night (and watched as a neighbor went and hauled them back to her apartment as soon as I placed the boxes near the dumpsters)and did a few other little "tidy up" things. Today, I went to the gym, then went to TARGET and bought some cleaning supplies and trash bags. I've paid my bills for the week. I've begun my laundry already. I know it may not sound like much-- or sound any different than any other weekend chore-- but if I can get control of my environment, then maybe I can get control of life again. Stay tuned for more updates. :)

Last night, I was watching HOOKING UP on ABC. That's the new "reality" show about 11 NYers who are looking for love in cyberspace. There is this one woman, Amy, who is looking for a husband. She states that she's a "good girl" at heart and all she wants is to meet a man, get married and have babies. So, each man she meets, she sizes up as husband material. She also says that she doesn't "rush" into sex. They've been featuring her A LOT on this show. I don't know when we'll get to see the other 7 or so women because the last three weeks have been mostly about the same 3 or 4 women. Last night, Amy was out with Dave. Dave is young and attractive. Last week, Dave made Amy dinner and she asked him if he always made dinner for his dates and his reply was, "Only when I want to sleep with them." So, we know right off the bat what Dave wants. Anyhoo-- back to last night. Amy mentions that it is date number 4 with Dave and that she's made him "suffer" long enough and that it's time for her to give him what he wants. So, she has sex with him. He doesn't call for three days. She was perturbed. When he finally does call, he says that he wants to "shag, go to the shooting range and shag some more." In other words, it was a booty call. Amy decides that Dave is not getting any more nooky until he commits to her. I guess she realized that the whole adage about buying the cow was true... AFTER SHE HAD ALREADY GIVEN HIM THE COW! Once Amy tells Dave that there will be no sex, he gets pouty and asks her with puppy dog eyes if she's breaking up with him. She says,"No. We can be friends. Until you decide I'm the only woman you want to sleep with and dump the other girls you are sleeping with, you won't be sleeping with me." He says, "So you are dumping me?" She shakes her head and then they kiss. I have to give the guy credit-- he knows exactly how to play the "poor adorable me" bit. Before Dave met Amy for their date, he gave a little "explanation" of his dating style to the camera. He was in his kitchen and it went something like this: Dave: "This is a bowl of trail mix" (He holds up a bowl of trail mix.) Dave: "This is dried cranberries. This is nuts. This is pretzels." (He holds up a container as he says each thing.) Dave: "This is Laura" (holding up a container) "This is Amy" (holding up a container) "This is Suzy." (holding up a container) Dave; "On their own, each is a good thing, but put them together and you've got trail mix-- you've got a meal." In other words, man cannot survive on dried cranberries alone. I was just so totally put off by his rationalization of why he needs to have multiple partners. I could see if he was dating to find out what he likes most-- cranberries, cherries, peanuts, pretzels or heck, maybe even chex mix, but... dunno... the whole thing seemed sleazy. I gave Amy props for sticking to her guns and not sleeping with him on that date. She even went out with other men after she went out with Dave, applying his theory (in a way) to her own life. I missed the end of the show so I don't know if she dumped Dave altoghether or if she caved in and slept with him. I just know I'll never look at trail mix the same way again.... and I wonder what the women who represented the various parts of the trail mix thought when they saw themselves compared to dried fruits and nuts. :)

A few of you have probably read my comments in the "I NEVER" thread in the LOST forum about my co-workers' work ethic and how I tend to ruffle some feathers by being overly ethical and not willing to let un-deserving people make money off of my efforts. For the past 7 months, my department has had "incentive" bonuses for those who exceed goal. We have an individual production goal and individual quality goal. We also have a team production goal. The Incentive Payout is based on individual and team performance. 1 is the highest and 4 is the lowest. The quality and production goals are averaged to get an overall individual goal. Month after month, I've had no problem reaching the Tier 1 individual goal. In fact, I usually surpass it. (Pat on back!) At the end of the month, if I have any "leftover" files, I'll gladly give them up to co-workers who are a little short of their Tier 1 goal because eventhough the file won't help my goal anymore, it will help the team AND help out a team mate. I won't, however, give up files to people who haven't done any work all month and want me to just carry them month after month. That said, this month has been a real struggle for me to get goal. My files are based on certain states and those states just didn't yield as many files as they normally do. I did a tally on Tuesday and realized I was going to be 6 files short of a Tier 1 goal. I sent out e-mails to my supervisor and job coach asking if there was anyone who might be able to help me reach goal by surrendering files. No response. By some miracle, I was able to get in two more files today, knocking my # down to 4 files. I sent out another SOS. No response. So, I started to look in my co-worker's "work queues" and noticed that 3 of my co-workers had files sitting in their queues, aging for at least 2 weeks. I asked the guy who sits behind me (who was one of those 3 people) if he was going to be working the files he had and he said, "Why bother? I'm nowhere near a Level 3 [the level you have to be at to get some money] so I'm going to save my files for next month." I said, "Isn't that called sandbagging? Weren't you upset a couple of months ago when we just missed a tier 1 team goal and you found out that someone held over files?" He got red in the face and said, "It's not the same thing." I said, "It is the same thing. Just because you won't be reaching goal this month, those files can help out the team." He just shrugged and then turned away from me, tuning me out. I asked a couple more co-workers and got the same response. As the day progressed, I got mad. Those same 3 people who couldn't even give me one file were among the people I've helped out in the past. So much for team spirit. Around lunchtime, I sent an email out to the team practically begging for files and I put in my e-mail "I know a few of you are saving your files so that you hit goal next month, but if you give me some files today, I promise that I will give you files next month--- just like I did the past 6 months when I had files and you didn't." Yeah, I know. Backhanded. But, those 4 files were the difference between Tier 1 and Tier 2 for me... which is about a $150 (before tax) difference in the bonus. Well, my e-mail finally caught the attention of my supervisor. Her bonus is based on team performance and if people are withholding files, then she doesn't get a nice bonus either. She came around and asked each of us individually where we were goal-wise and how many files we had in our queue ready to transfer. After she was done with her tally, there were three people who were so far away from the lowest level that nothing they did would really help their individual goal and there were 4 of us who were just a few files away from the highest level. She ended up giving the 4 of us just what we need to get our Tier 1 goal. There was a lot of grumbling the rest of the afternoon about having to give up files and I just sat there thinking how quickly they forget what it's like when they need help and we all pitch in to help them. (shaking head) It's hard to believe these are adults I work with and that it had to go as far as it did just for me to get 4 files from someone. As I was leaving for the day, one of my sour-grapes co-workers made the comment that she *hoped* I enjoy the bonus that she's not getting. I wanted so badly to go back and say something to her about how she wasn't going to get goal anyhow even if I hadn't taken the files, but decided to be the bigger person and just left. Things will be chilly in the office for a few days while they sulk. Then, they'll need something and come back around, acting like nothing ever happened. I REALLY need to find a way to work for myself so that I don't have to get sucked up into these things month after month.

I hate spiders. They really creep me out. Probably because there are so many different kinds and too many things for me to know about them-- like snakes and birds. Ants--- ants are easy. They may come in different shapes, sizes and colors but for the most part, I can deal with ants. A little boric acid here, a little RAID there, a good stomp... But... spiders hide in dark places. They crawl under things, across things, over things. Some are poisonous. Some can jump. That said-- tonight, I promised myself an early night. My internal clock is all messed up and I've been sleepy when I should be awake and awake when I should be asleep. My normal benadryl-zoloft-nyquil nightcap isn't working anymore. I was all settled in my bed by 9 pm. Lights out. Shades drawn. Pillows and sheets cat-hair free. Air Conditioner set at a comfortable level. Face washed. Teeth brushed. Then, I got thirsty. Not bathroom tap water thirsty. Diet A&W Rootbeer thirsty. So, I got up and headed towards the stairs and as soon as I turned on the hallway light, there is was. A spider. A black hairy one with white stripes on its back. It was halfway down the stairwell on the wall. Too high for me to reach. I stood on the top step and cursed the powers that be which have prevented me from having a spider-catching man in my life. (Yeah, that's very 50s Ozzie and Harriet but there are just some things I need a man for. Killing bugs is one of them.) I tried to gauge which way the bugger was going to go. Was he coming towards me or moving away from me? I couldn't tell. If I started down the stairs, would he suddenly hurl himself from the wall onto my head and cause me to tumble to my death? Would he bite me and cause me to swell up like a balloon? Oh-- the dilemma. I opened the linen closet and grabbed the first aerosol bottle I could find. A lovely mint scented home-made linen spray that I made last year to keep Molly off of my bed. Turns out that she liked it and the scent made me hungry for those gummy spearmint leave candies so I stopped using it. I adjusted the nozzle to "stream" and aimed it at the spider. The first shot missed him. So, I squirted again and hit him. He scurried down the wall away from me. I moved down a couple of steps and squirted again. I hit him dead on and he fell onto this decorative hat I made a few years ago. It's covered with silk flowers and hangs on the wall. I couldn't see the spider so I doused the silk flowers with the spray then darted the rest of the way down the stairs. I went to the kitchen and had my guzzle of rootbeer. Nice ice cold rootbeer. Yum. Then, as I headed towards the stairs, I noticed Molly staring up at something and growling. There was Mr. Spider. He was about eye level. I took off my slipper and smashed him against the wall. He crunched. I flinched. Now, I can't sleep. I keep waiting for more spiders to show up. I keep wondering where he came from and where he was going. I looked him up on the 'net to see what kind of spider he is but couldn't find any that looked exactly like him. UGH! Well... on the bright side, my apartment smells minty fresh. :)

On my internet provider's home page, there is a section for "strange news." For the past 4 days, there has been a headline about a 31 year old Utah Man's "billboard" for a date. Each day, the headline has been slightly different, but gist is there. So, today, out of curiosity, I decided to read the story. Turns out that a bunch of MARKETING people at some MARKETING company in Utah decided that their good-looking, successful and single co-worker needed help with dates.... and launched a billboard and website to campaign for dates. I checked out the website (www.datelance.com) to see what the fuss was about and felt like I was actually being sucked into a MARKETING ploy for the company. There's even a "secret" video of the guy finding out about the billboard and the first few seconds of the video is all about how much he loves working for his company.... and his reaction is not at all what I'd expect from someone who just saw his face plastered on a billboard telling the whole city that he needed a date. He giggled and said "what the" a couple of times, but that was it. I'd be pretty ticked off, to be honest. And embarrassed. Mostly peeved that someone did that without my permission. So, I'm wondering if this isn't some huge marketing ploy to get people to check out their company. What better way to show people how far you'll go to get the word out than a huge billboard and a website? Anyhoo-- just my thoughts. If I knew someone in Utah, I'd ask them to reply to his "date" request and see what kind of response they get. The website says that he's legitimately available, but you have to wonder how many actual dates he'll go on... and how many of those dates will end up being "expensed" as part of the marketing campaign. Maybe I'm just cynical.

I took the morning off because I needed another mental health moment. I think I should probably start looking for a new job soon. The need for mental health days are increasing and the # of available vacation days is dwindling. (sigh) Anyhoo--- 42 days until vacation at the beach. Not that I'm counting down or anything. :) Oh--- and it looks like I went up another level to Small Wonder. Have a good day everyone!

I lifted this idea from a friend of a friend's blog. Thought it was cool. THINGS I MISS FROM CHILDHOOD... 1. Snow Days. Not necessarily snow... but I do miss getting up only to be told to go back to bed because school had been cancelled. In all of the years since I've left school, I can only think of three days where "weather" prohibited work and I got an adult snow day. 2. Wanting to get up early. When I was a kid, you couldn't keep me in bed. I would be up with the sun and hated going to bed at night. 3. Saturday Morning Cartoons and Schoolhouse Rock. This is pretty self-explanatory. When I was a kid, Saturday morning TV was for the kids. Now, you have to go to a specific channel to find cartoons... and they just aren't like the ones I grew up with. Looney Tunes, Scooby Doo, Captain Caveman, Grape Ape, Archie and the Gang, etc etc etc interspersed with "education" in the form of Schoolhouse Rock moments. 4. Summer Vacation and Christmas Vacation. Oh, to be able to only have to work 9 months a year and get paid for 12. (And not go back to teaching to do it.) 5. Wanting to be active. I rode my bike, ran around like an idiot, swang on swings, went on hikes, splashed in the wading pool, chased my brother around the yard, played with the dogs, and did all sorts of active things. It wasn't a "chore" to expend some energy. 6. Not wanting to eat. Kids have the right idea. They only eat when they are hungry and they only eat what they need to get by. Well, most kids. I never wanted to stop to eat when I was a kid. My mom would have to beg me and my brother to stop playing and eat something. We'd sit down, eat a few bites and then be back up and running. 7. Santa Claus. I may not have gotten everything I put on my Christmas list as a kid, but there was so much fun in the hoping, wishing and anticipating. The closest thing I now have to Santa Claus is the lottery... when I remember to play. 8. Innocence. The only thing that scared me was the "thing" I thought that lived beneath my bed. And spiders. I didn't know such things as poverty, war, death, illness, debt, child abuse, rape, murder, theft, etc. The news came on after I went to bed and although some may say that meant living a "sheltered" life, I think sometimes I'd like to have that kind of easy innocence again. 9. Playing. Playing house, playing school, playing with barbies, playing doctor, playing cops and robbers, playing with toys, playing with friends, playing in the house, playing in the yard, playing at recess. I can't remember the last time I just "had fun" for the heck of having fun. 10. Allowance. Remember when a dollar seemed like a fortune? I would save up my "allowance" (earned by getting good grades and doing chores) to buy penny candy, MAD magazine, TEEN magazine, TIGER BEAT magazine, teen romance novels, finger nail polish, lipgloss, stickers, and records. I remember once when I was a little kid, my parents won the lottery for something like $1500 and they gave each of us $100 to spend however we wanted. I felt like I was a millionaire. What about you?? What do you miss from your childhood?

I'm embracing my inner-brat with my list of pet peeves. 1. When people at work dip into conversations I'm having 2. People who carry on private conversations on their cell phones in public places 3. People who carry on private conversations on those WALKIE TALKIE cell phones in public places 4. People who don't flush the toilet when they are done 5. People who throw the paper towel on the floor because they missed the trash can and were too lazy to pick it up 6. Anyone who talks on a cell phone while driving 7. People who get in a "turn lane only" lane and drive in it like it's a regular lane, hoping someone will let them in at some point 8. People who race down the "under construction" lane which ends and then cut you off because they were too impatient to avoid the lane altogether 9. Drivers going at least 10 miles under the speed limit UNTIL they get the yellow light and then they shoot through the intersection 10. People who go ahead and make the left turn long after the light has changed from yellow to red, holiding up traffic who has the green light 11. Drivers who tail you through the parking lot hoping that you are walking to a close space. (I will purposely weave in and out of cars just to confuse these people and then back track to my car once they've moved on.) 12. Drivers who will sit in the lane in a parking lot, blocking it from two-way travel, just to wait on someone to leave 13. Cars in the handicapped spaces who don't have handicapped stickers, mirror tags or plates 14. People who don't bring things to potlucks at work yet who are the first to fill up a plate with food 15. People who take call-waiting calls while talking to you and then make you wait on hold while they have another conversation with whomever it was who just called. (I will hang up if I'm on hold longer than 30 seconds.) 16. People who get into the express lane with more than the "maximum" number of items 17. People who say "aks" instead of "ask" 18. People who say "supposebly" instead of "supposedly" 19. People who say "mines" instead of "mine" 20. Parents who let their kids run amok, screaming and yelling, in department stores, grocery stores, etc 21. People who walk together towards you on your "side" of the hallway, sidewalk or mall and don't move over when they approach you, forcing you to stop, move to the side or turn sideways to avoid collision 22. When the women at my gym walk through the locker room soaking wet and leave puddles of water on the benches and in the "dressing" stalls eventhough there are signs everywhere that say "Please dry off completely before entering the locker room" 23. Seeing someone's love handles hanging over low-rise jeans 24. Men who buckle their belt/pants below their gut because they don't want to accept that they don't have a 30 inch waist anymore 25. People who leave the shopping cart in the parking lot instead of walking a few feet to the "cart corral" Hmmm.... I'm sure there are more. But, I think I've let off enough steam for now. :)