This brief rant was inspired by a passing conversation on Xbox LIVE the other night. I was playing with a friend, and after we won a game, one of the poorer performing players on our team grumbled, "God, I suck. I'm such a [guy who is bad at stuff]." My friend replied, "How exactly does one overcome being a [guy who is bad at stuff]?" To which our compatriot replied, "How does one TALK like that? Are you kidding me with that word? [trails off into vulgarity]" It occurred to us that this fool was taken aback by our usage of a fairly common 8-letter word: "overcome." Ye gads!

Now, this is a fairly extreme example, granted, but it really reaffirmed for me that my love of employing a diverse vocabulary in my daily discourse is not exactly in line with the majority. This saddens me, because the English language is so vast and full of wonderful expressive words that it's a shame people don't use them more.

You should use big words! Small words! Words that sound pretentious! Words that sound fake! It'll make you sound smarter because you'll be embracing your own smarts! People may give you funny looks or react oddly, but who cares? Not to mention the myriad benefits, academic and professional. I applaud all of you who endeavor to speak and write in such ways, and I encourage you all to try to work a broader vocabulary into your daily lives.

Example: I recently used the word "mulct" in a game of Scrabble, much to the chagrin of Shaun McInnis. He mocked me, doubted me, slandered me, etc. But then, as part of the running joke, we both ended up using the word a few times over the next few days. Learning through friendly banter! Now we'll both probably remember that mulct means swindle, short-change, or extort for a good long while.

Got a good word? Comment!

Last night, I couldn't sleep. It was around eleven or so and I was lying in bed with my "special lady" (to borrow a phrase from Mr. Gallup) who had fallen asleep as we watched a taped episode of Reaper, a delightful new show on the CW. She generally falls asleep before I do, and I often fill this gap in our waking hours by heading into the living room to play video games. Last night was not such a night, and as I lay in bed relaxing my mind wandered through the low stone wall and into the realms of my imagination.

What I encountered there was not exactly bedtime material, to put it awkwardly. It started off with a bit of light paranoid speculation about what I would do were my apartment invaded by ill-intentioned brigands. Feeling this to be a little too sharply in the realm of possibility, I pushed onward towards more fantastical districts. My home-invasion scenario blossomed and took on grander proportions and, with a little help from my past reading of The Zombie Survival Guide, soon burgeoned into a full-fledged apocalyptic event. Now, I thought, this is a bit better.

But it wasn't. Rather than producing fading, scatttered imagery of my daring exploits in the face of such madness, what I found was a cold, calculating planning session on how I would fortify my apartment complex against a tide of undead. Want to learn more? First, I gather my fellow residents, then I put them to work. All food, weapons, and vital personal effects from the first floor up to the second and third, then extraction of large items to block stairwells. Stash all bikes in convenient location near escape route B. And so on and so forth through a painstaking logistical outline. Helpful? Perhaps. Restful? Not in the least. Attempts to diverge from this scenario only landed me in other quasi-violent, foreboding spaces. Sleep would not come easily, so I abandoned that pursuit.

What to do when you're lying awake with feral energies swamping your thoughts? Play some damn Halo. I hopped into Team Slayer and my demons came roaring out. 16 kills. 23 kills. 17 kills. 4 Double Kills in one game. Killing Frenzy in another. I kicked ass gleefully as my pent-up energies flowed out through the controller in a joyful, violent, cathartic release. An hour later I shut it down, turned in, and was asleep in minutes.

This morning I pondered the sensations of the night before. My previous experience with video games around bedtime has largely been the converse. I'd play a violent game, then the violent imagery would invade my dreams and I would rest uneasily. This is why I don't play games like Prey and Bioshock before bed. But never before had I experienced such a visceral and quantifiable outpouring of my mind's energies through a video game.

Sure, I have felt the catharsis of foes well-slayed, but this is something that makes me take pause. I engaged in an aggressive, mentally challenging, fast-paced endeavor and was calmed and soothed by my efforts. I suppose this has precedent in other arenas, specifically involving physical exertion, but I guess I always imagined mental exertion before sleep would leave me more wired than tired. But why shouldn't it leave me beat? Why wouldn't my mental exertion parallel physical exertion in this way? It makes a certain sense. I guess last night just caught me off guard since it was such a powerful counter-example to my previous mindset.

I do enjoy such roustings. Experiences that turn over the soil of our worldviews make our minds that much more fertile and open to new seedings and new growth - it's a great feeling.

And Triple Kills ain't so bad either.

Yes, I continue to play Halo 3 at every opportunity, and yes, I continue to love every minute. I mean, naturally there are some minutes I don't love, like those that involve my death, but on the whole I am delighted. This week I earned my Spartan Officer promotion, though it is not currently reflected on my Service Record due to two games I lagged out of. I'm proud of me, and I get no end of satisfaction from keeping tabs on my Career Stats. Look at my shiny medals!

I had two games on High Ground recently that produced some amusing scenarios, so I delved into the game films to see what sort of assets I could mine out of them. The first one happened as a Mongoose rider was bearing down on me and my teammate blasted him from behind with a Brute Shot. The result was the Mongoose being propelled violently into a corkscrew past my head, all the while managing to stay in the driver's seat.

I like this screenshot because I think it looks like we're in the middle of some bizarre traffic stop.

"Do you know why I pulled you over, son?"

"Uhhh...no, sir?"

"Mmhmm. Upside-down license and registration please."

"Upsiwhuuhhh... beg pardon, sir?"

"Not from around these parts, I gather. Son, do you know what the penalty is for driving upside-down without an upside-down license? You kids got no respect for the laws of Upside-down World. You think it's a laugh to go out upside-down joyriding, but you don't think for a second about the perils of the world you're entering. Upside-down food that won't stay on your plate, upside-down clocks that make everyone late... not to mention the dangers of wearing upside-down shoes on your upside-down feet. You've gotten yourself in a right-side-up mess here, son... son, are you laughin'? Is something amusing here?!"

"No, officer, I... it's just... well... why are you smilin' so much?"

"That ain't a smile, son. That's a frown. Step out of the vehicle."

The other encounter produced less obviously bizarre screenshots, but was more personally satisfying as it was of my own design. I was guarding the wall of the base while an enemy Ghost circled outside harrassing our position and tempting my teammates into lop-sided encounters. After a few of my cohorts fell to its laser blasts, I decided it was time to TCB. So I sauntered on over to where I knew some spiked grenades lay, and headed out front to lob them at the offending pilot. Lo and behold, as I rounded the corner, there was the Ghost, encroaching on my broken-down wallspace.

How kind of you to visit, Ghosty Toasty! I am the welcoming committee, here with your complimentary welcome gift!

Hand-delivered, because Customer Service is priority Numero Uno here at the Red Base.

Have a nice day! [Not pictured: Fatal explosion]

At this point I jogged off to find my next victim, while the doomed Ghost driver fired a few pathetic shots at my back. Watching the film from his point of view was especially amusing. As he crept up the rubble, he had scared off a teammate of mine with his lasers and was no doubt feelin' strong. Then I just appear from around the corner, stick him nonchalantly, and head off seemingly without a second thought. In reality, my second thought was "Bwaaaaaa-ha-hahahahaaaaaa-hahaa!!!"

For those of you looking for some video downloading action, my File Share is host to a video of the Corkscrew Incident, as well a a fun little bit of Mauler-Melee ownage. Enjoy!

Last night I hosted two solid hours of Halo 3 Game Night, and it was, as expected, a blast. The signature Game Night camaraderie and respect was in full effect and Custom Games were the order of the night. We started off with a bunch of one of my absolute favorite game type, Rocket Race. Tearing around the map in a Mongoose while rockets fly everywhere creates this madcap atmosphere that is just delightful. If you haven't tried it yet, you can download it from Bungie Favorites in the Settings menu. Totally worth it.

Then followed a smattering of Infection variants and some Big Team Battle strewn across a handful of maps. I realized there are really only two maps (Valhalla and Sand Trap) that can accomodate a party of 16 players. Hopefully more big boppers will be forthcoming.

The last match of the night was Red vs. Yellow Team Slayer on Sand Trap, and was, for me, the most memorable. Mostly because I kicked ass, but the end of the game contained a pretty dramatic encounter. I captured it in a Film Clip, which you can check out on your 360 in one of a few ways. If gsadmin5 is on your friend's list, check out the File Share and grab the clip "GameNightTitans." Alternatively, you can sign into Bungie.net with your gamertag, go to gsadmin5's File Share page, and queue it up for download when you are next on Xbox LIVE. It was my first foray into clip editing, and it took me a bunch of tries just to get the hang of the camera controls. The end result is pretty cool, though there are a few parts that could be smoother. I also grabbed a few screenshots during the process:

My noble Yellow warriors rolling deep with the big guns, steaming towards the showdown that yielded this unique perpendicularity:

This is me about to deliver the death blow in the final kill of the match. What's in the name of Zeus is that Red guy so busy lookin' at??

Aha. The sky is falling. I can see how a desert leviathan about to crash down upon his head might be attention worthy.

Thanks again to all who came into my lobby and played for a spell. It was great to have you along, and I look forward to taking the virtual field of battle with you again sometime soon. Be sure to check out that film clip for more monster truck action, and for those of you who were in that game, or are interested in analyzing my battlefield tactics, the film of the entire match is up there as well.

Cheers!

Just a quick one here for any of you what might be up for some Halo Threeing this evening. Tonight is GameSpot Game Night featuring Halo 3, and once again I'll be hosting with the official-like gamertag of gsadmin5. When I hosted during the Multiplayer Beta I had a great time, and I'm looking forward to such an outing again. Get ready for some Rocket Racing, folks!

Once more, without those pesky full sentences:

• GameSpot Game Night - Halo 3
• gamertag: gsadmin5
• 7pm - 9pm PST

And for those of you who won't be able to join in the fun, stave off the lonely heartache by reading my second GameSpot review, Fishing Master!

During my Halo 2 days on Xbox LIVE, my gamertag was Akuaho. It was conceived as a pseudo-Spanish take on my last name (water - agua) and the suffix -ón, sometimes used to add weight or volume to a noun. This penchant for word conflation/creation has precedent in situations where new screen names and such are called for, but I won't delve further into it so as to not... shall we say, over-reveal? That makes it sound intriguing, when in reality it's quite dull and perhaps even a shade embarassing. In any case, I was Akuaho, pronounced (I imagined) "ah-kwa-ho."

Right. As with so many things, this tag didn't work out as expected. My fellow gamers would attempt to call me by my tag, but the best they ever managed was "ah-coo-aho." Often times I would just be "A.K." or "A-coo-ah" or "Ak-ah-whatever." Hard to blame them. I let this account lapse last year, since I wasn't playing Halo 2 anymore and didn't have a 360. It was time to let Akuaho fade into memory.

Earlier this week, in preparation for the release of Halo 3, I purchased a 360 and an Xbox LIVE subscription. I was determined to be come up with gamertag that was witty, reflected a bit of my personality, and was, if not badass, then at least not namby pamby. After careful deliberation, I decided all of these goals would have to take a back seat to making it easy to say.

As I pondered these things, perusing the various avenues and alleyways of my verbal memory, the word Riverdog percolated up. I identified it's origins in the world of Redwall in the novels of Brian Jacques. This is a fantasy series featuring woodland creatures in a medieval sort of world that I read a whole lot back in the day. Otters, being fairly large relative to say, mice, were pretty awesome in these books, and were referred to colloquially among the forest folk as riverdogs. Some of them were even pirates!

So I went for Riverdog. Taken. Time for some tweaking. I thought, maybe River Dog?

Negative. How about Riverdogs? Yeah, that could work. If you've ever watch the spectacular nature documentary series Planet Earth, you might know what I'm talking about here. There's a scene in which an alligator is menacing a pack of otters, but the otters are having NONES. They gang up and get all in this big nasty gator's face and run him right outta town. It's pretty freakin' awesome - the kind of brass I could get behind. I mean, look at these dudes (even bigger than the Planet Earth stars)!

Hell yeah. Input it. It's mine. Huzzah!

A day or two goes by and I get this nagging feeling like there's some other association with this word in the deep recesses of my mind. So I Googled it, and began to investigate.

Nope. No idea who these desert metal rockers are.

Minor league hockey? Not quite... but damn, that feels familiar...

Kee-rap! That's the one. Minor league baseball. And particularly goofy minor league baseball at that. Look at that logo! Looks more like the Charleston Cantankerous Junkyard Mutts to me. All that's missing is a little froth around his rabid mangy mouth. What self-respecting big league club could have a farm team like that?

The answer: No self-respecting big league club could have a farm team like that.

As a Boston area native, this coincidence rankles a bit more keenly than it might otherwise. But never I mind. I shant let my noble and respectable gamertag be sullied by such unfortunate associations. And should you meet me in battle and choose to lend strength to such trivial connections by speaking of them, I'll be more than happy to show you the business end of my UNSC-issue MA5C Assault Rifle.

That's right folks, I've got me my very own GameSpot byline! My words have ventured beyond this here blog and out into the wide wide world of proper editorial-like articles. Rejoice!

What with the mad Mad MAD retail season beginning to get underway, the gents over in editorial have got their hands full and their thumbs busy. When Alex Navarro asked Lark and I last week if we'd like to take a shot at reviewing a few overflow games in the coming months, we both said something akin to, "Why, yes Alex, that sounds positively smashing! How genteel of you to offer, good fellow. Pip pip!" We expected him to swing back our way come late October or something, but a week later he comes around with MetroploisMania2 (PS2) and Pool Party (Wii). I snapped up Pool Party, eager to play something on my Wii that actually used some wiggle-waggle. I loves me some Toejam & Earl 2: Panic on Funkotron, but alas, my vicious jar-throwing and sweet move-busting are relegated to pedestrian button-pressing. I want to line up a shot, make like I've got a cue in my hand, and swing away!

As it turns out, that's not really what Pool Party is about. I mean, it's a billiards game and all - no Marco, no Polo - but it just doesn't have the feel I was envisioning. It's more of a... well, why repeat myself?

Read up, y'all!

I am excited for Halo 3; to begin with. There is no doubt whatever about that. So when, late last week, a press release arrived announcing a Halo 3 event at the Metreon in San Francisco ON THE FREAKIN' IMAX SCREEN, I took interest. After jumping through a hoop or two and waiting until Tuesday with guarded enthusiasm, I made my way to the theater and parked myself on the sidewalk a few hours in advance, my growing excitement buffeted by chill peninsular evening gusts.

The fanatical legions I expected did not show, and I found myself number 57 in a line of 130-odd people. PR babes walked the line, handing out lanyards, wristbands, and coupons for swag. Spike TV was on the scene, with Game Head host Geoff Keighley covering the event and starting up a head-to-head trivia challenge of sorts. One such showdown occurred very close to me, so Game Head viewers might catch me and my cohorts loitering frostily in the background while two Halophiles bandied trivia questions based on the Halo novels back and forth. Now, as I mentioned, I loves me some Halo. But I'm really only into reading the box scores, ya know?

Line weathered, we filed upstairs into the theater, where we found eight plasma screen stations lined up in front of the ginormous IMAX. The emcee spouted typical emcee fare, the highlight of which was five trivia questions that earned correct respondents custom Halo 3 360s. My envy, which reached its apex (or nadir, depending on your perspective) when I counseled Kim to commit homicide as an alternative to suicide, was supplanted by joy as soon as the two Bungie fellows launched into a co-op campaign level.

This game looks good. At this point we were a bit close to appreciate the IMAX, but plenty close to appreciate how it looked on the actual TV. It looked real good. They ran over some jackals, blew some stuff up, and commandeered a pair of Brute Cycles. Grass was waving, enemies were bristling, and rocks were rockin'. Good times.

The real fun began when they showed off the Save Film feature. This feature records all the data, not just one viewpoint, so when you play it back you can literally fly the camera around wherever you please as the action unfolds. In one sequence, the guys paused it, moved the camera 100 yards ahead right next to a jackal they were going to splatter, and pressed play. Zoom, zoom, splat! Then, just after the impact, they paused and took a screenshot of the jackal's death grimace which automatically uploaded to Bungie.net. The whole thing was pretty awesome, but more awesome was truly grasping the implications of this feature. I had visions of myself playing through a level, then spending twice as much time going back and watching the action from different angles as I had playing through it originally, and loving every minute.

The last thing the Bungie dudes showcased was Forge. This is essentially a pared-down level editor. You enter a multiplayer map as if you were playing normally, but with a tap of the Up button, you turn into a Monitor and can fly around the level. You can add, remove, or alter to your taste any malleable element - weapons, vehicles, items, spawn points - pretty much anything except the level architecture itself. So you can redesign the map parameters to your liking, save it, and post it so other people can download it and play it too. Or you can construct some sort of elaborate Rube Goldberg machine that you trigger by shooting a Plasma Coil. Or you can just drop a tank on your buddy's head. I have no doubt the Forge, combined with Saved Films, will generate a mind-boggling amount of content right out of the gate. Waiting for the truly cool stuff to percolate up might take a bit longer, but hey, I've got time.

And then I played Halo 3. Well, after a few other dudes who were in line before me. The setup was such that only the first TV was displayed on the IMAX screen, so in the 8-player slayer matches that ensued the audience's attention was really just on one guy per match. We cheered his successes, laughed at his follies, and heckled his missteps - I mean seriously folks, re-freakin-load! I played on Snowbound and tied for second with Kim. Gameplay was just like the beta, with the odd new weapon (a Covenant pistol/shotgun hybrid), new equipment (Radar Jammer), and new map (a jungle-y re-imagining of Lockout). The match was fun, though I felt a bit hindered because the only sound was coming from the IMAX screen. Speaking of sound, some of the effects they've got goin' are just mean - the frag grenade and shotgun in particular. Death wails are particularly colorful as well, and drew many a chuckle from the attendees.

Outside the theater was another bank of 8 TVs, where I played another game before leaving to catch the train home. This took place on a desert map that featured Brute Cycles, which are a blast to whip around, and the hulking, ponderous Elephant. Picture the Jawa Sand Crawler from Star Wars and you know what is looks like, and how fast it moves. There's a spot for the driver, one or two turrets on the top, and some undercarriage space for folks to walk around on. Near useless in free-for-alls, this thing looks like its time to shine will be four-player online campaign co-op. Rollin' around in that beast while picking off the swarming Covenant will be damn fun. That evening was damn fun. But it ain't nothin' compared to the fun Halo 3 will bring into my life. Hot damn!

And I totally came in first on that desert map. Boo-yah.

It's been a while since I rapped at ya, dear reader, and I come to you now with an insight into my role here at GameSpot as a Data Producer. What with all the release dates, box shots, and ESRB ratings I handle on a day-to-day basis, you might think that this job is pretty sweet. Glamorous, even. True, it does have its perks, but beneath the whimsical blog posts and unfettered access to a massive game library there lurk more sinister elements. Duties that would make men rend their clothes, forsake their gods, and claw their very eyes from their sockets. I am currently chest-deep in one such tribulation, writing to you in a desperate attempt to hold onto myself as I slip away amongst the flames, the profanity, and the misspellings. The trial of which I speak has a name, and it is Metacritic Games Comment Moderation.

The task seems simple. Access a website that lays before me all the new comments since a given date. Sort through them and post the worthy ones, the ones that add insight and could possibly be of use to a Metacritic user like you or me. The task in itself is not particularly loathsome, when handled at regular intervals. However, when left untended, this labor grows like a foul weed, rapidly becoming unmanageable, suffocating even. As it swells to Herculean proportions my heart quails, for there are no mythical rivers for me to divert and cleanse this Augean morass. With my meager tools I assault the quagmire. Cutting and pasting. Pointing and clicking. Capitalizing and punctuating. Progress is slow, and my senses dull.

But lo! There are those who would help me in this labor. Bizarre imps emerge from the bog, with comments so outrageous, so profane, or so asinine that I take pause. Those foul-minded commenters whose posts plague so many message boards are an unexpected boon to me, jarring me out of my stupor and galvanizing my push onward with...

Their colorful analogies: "This is so boring it's worse than seeing a bad soap opera while watching a ulgy overweight person doing yoga in the nude." (Coded Arms)

Their blooper witticisms: "Bust-A-Move Bash! should sell a few copies... to Satan. It's the perfect game for the eternally damned."

Their non-native English: "Best online FPS ever. The head-shots are the maximum ecstasy of this game." (Counter Strike: Source)

Their farcical squabbles: "Yeah, seriously, it sux on every conceivable level. And 2 the guy that said it would sound gurgly if they talked in "real life", try telling that 2 the all-too-real mayor of Atlantis, who actually speaks fluent russian WHILE maintaining an underwater city's delicate economy! Zing!" (Aquaman: Battle for Atlantis)

Their misguided devotion: "leave shadow alone he has suffered on show and saw all his loved ones die if you hate the game then shut up and keep your opinions to yourself" (Shadow the Hedgehog)

Their irreverent vulgarity: "pokemon is like sex" (Pokemon Ruby)

The list goes on. Another day I shall bring you more tales of their impish ways, but for now, I must be Sisyphus again. Ever pushing, never gaining.

A while back a PR came in announcing a new trivia game called Cheggers' Party Quiz. Eager to find out what a Cheggers was, I opened it to find that Cheggers is actually a person by the name of Keith Chegwin, a British TV "presenter" who is apparently quite well known across the pond, according to game publisher Oxygen CEO Jim Scott, who raved:

"Who doesn't love Cheggers? Or know who he is for that matter? Incredibly marketable, Cheggers is the perfect choice for the Christmas Season's interactive party game purchasers. Cheggers is a household name, and every household knows he's guaranteed entertainment!"

Yikes. Content with the knowledge that there was no way this game or the awkwardly-nicknamed Cheggers (who sounds like he's liable to buzz into my inner ear and annoy me intensely) was coming to North America, I promptly forgot about him.

Until today, that is, when Lark IMed me with a link to the image below, followed by the phrase "WHERE IS YOUR GOD NOW?"

I, like Lark, was moderately horrified. It's like some hideous malproportioned eldery man-baby Weeble Wobble. But then something about his unholy appearance struck a familiar chord in the back of my mind. Hadn't I met this man before? Maybe not him exactly, but perhaps, a relative? After some diligent genealogical research, I had my answer: