You're familiar with Jay Leno's Headlines bit, right? Viewers send in newspaper articles with mistakes or funny juxtapositions, and everyone gets a nice laugh. You can even download them for free now on Xbox Live Marketplace. I was browsing CNN.com at work this morning and came across this headline (typed as originally written, in case CNN realizes their mistake and corrects the title before you read it): Toddler missing after flooding kills 5.

So tell me: Is the article about a toddler who goes missing because of a tragic flood? Or is it about a homicidal baby who kills five people after hiding out for a while? Read the headline again. There's no punctuation. A good editor should have caught that. Instead, I'm going straight to hell for laughing out loud at work about killer babies on the loose.

EDIT: Yep, looks like I'm a terrible person. CNN updated the article and if you search for it you'll find that my joke is now in pretty poor taste. So just don't read the article and pretend the headline still says what I wrote above. That way I won't be having Satan over for dinner quite so soon.

I've been playing Puzzle Quest on my PSP for quite some time now. I've completed every side quest and collected every rune. Basically, the only thing I have left to do is defeat Lord Bane. There's an appropriate character name if I've ever heard one. I have no idea why, but I just cannot beat this guy. Getting to him was absolutely no trouble at all. I didn't find the game all that challenging. But I've reached the level 50 cap with my warrior, and every time I face Lord Bane, he kills me in a matter of a few turns. Grrrr.....

In unrelated news, my birthday was yesterday. Most of my friends and family happened to be out of town for weddings or conferences, so I spent the day relaxing and catching up with a friend I haven't seen for a long time. I got Mario Party 8 and Korinpa: Marble Mania as presents, along with a few more Best Buy gift certificates to add to my PS3 fund. I can't say I'm disappointed with Mario Party, because I wasn't expecting much at all. It's more of the same. But I own every one because it's a nice, leisurely series that I can play with family who know absolutely nothing about games. Marble Mania seems pretty entertaining, although I get a bit frustrated with the controls at times when I have to manuever the Wii-mote in ways that the human arm was never intended to twist.

I also went and bought myself a copy of Crush on the PSP. It's a bit ironic, given that the storyline is about a guy who has to tackle his psyche to cure insomnia, that this game keeps me up until all hours. The brainteasers are challenging without feeling cheap, and the art style is nifty.

I finally got back into Twilight Princess also. It's a great game, but I stopped about halfway through because I just didn't have enough time to play it. It's one of those games where you have to invest at least an hour for each play session if you want to feel like you're making any progress at all. I think I'm just about done. I've got 2 more temples to go, and then I like to go through and explore every nook and cranny to collect as much as I can. The music has definitely grown on me, and I love playing it, but I still don't think it lives up to the likes of Ocarina or Link to the Past.

Ah well. That's about it for now. These things always end up being longer than I initially intend them to be. Any advice from Puzzle Questers would be greatly appreciated.

And now, in his own words, a tribute to one of the best video game characters ever created:

I drizzled rage dressing on the country next door. Rage dressing on a salad of evil! And then the bad men came. You are like brainless cats that are too dumb to know they are stupid! Stupid mustaches! Hairs like the dirty tail of a horse in a barn built by a farmer who is crazy! The beans hide in the dirts of this country like dirt-fish who like to eat dirt for dinner. The day comes soon when Fawful rises again, and then no baby's candy has safety!Fawful

So, apparently, not everyone was as excited as I was about my sure-fire million dollar game idea, Halumines Kombat Maddenopoly '08. Clearly, the game was too ambitious and would've rendered its players blind at the sheer magnificence of unimaginable visual extravaganzas displayed on the screen. But not to worry. I've come up with yet another million-dollar idea that will surely win the Developer For a Day contest. Are you ready for it? Here it is:

A 2D sidescrolling platformer... that scrolls... to the left. It's new! It's innovative! You've never seen anything like it before! Up until now, scrolling to the left has played second fiddle to scrolling right. You only use it when you have to backtrack and pick up something you missed. But what if they were... flipped? What happens if you only scroll to the right when you need to backtrack? Mario won't know what to do! Sonic will have to run backwards! It's pure genius.

I'm currently taking pre-orders through GameStop and EB Games, and they've assured me that they will sell your gauranteed pre-order copy to someone else if that person gets to the store before you. Because, if you think about it, that's really the best way to do business. You still make your money, and you alienate your consumer all at the same time. So really, everybody wins.

It looks like three Guitar Hero II song packs went up on Marketplace today. You get 3 songs for 500 points. It seems like a lot of people over on MajorNelson.com are miffed about the pricing. At $2/song, I agree that it's a bit much. Although, that's not what's stopping me from buying them. If they really were $2/song, I wouldn't have a problem with it. But they're 500 points for a pack of 3. You can't buy them individually, and there are no added achievements (which, thanks to Microsoft's new rules, there could have been). So there's really no incentive for me to buy them over just popping in my PS2 version of the original Guitar Hero. A bit disappointing.

I was also disappointed with Super Paper Mario. The game itself is great. I played it last night and was having a blast - right up until I walked through a door in level 1-4 and was treated to a white screen of death. It was almost like those annoying blue screens you got when trying to play an NES game that had passed its expiration date. The screen went completely white and there was a shrieking noise coming from my speakers that made me think my fire alarm was going off. I couldn't even turn off the console (holding down the power button just ejects the disk, which didn't stop the shrieking). I ended up having to unplug the system. I powered everything back on and popped the disk in again, and everything seemed fine. I really don't expect this kind of malfunction from a Nintendo system. A friend of mine suggested that it may have simply overheated because I rarely turn the system off completely (WiiConnect24 makes the system run a bit hot). So maybe it was just a one-time thing.

I finally managed to find a copy of Puzzle Quest on the PSP. I tried it out after the Mario fiasco and couldn't put it down. I ended up playing until my PSP battery ran down completely. I swear - if you add a leveling up system to any game, it makes it addicting and impossible to put down. I've heard that the game can lock up at times, but the only thing I noticed was a couple-second delay after each battle while the game loads the victory screen. Nothing important. Puzzle Quest is the ideal game to play for a few minutes before going to sleep (which is when I get most of my portable game fix). And even when you get your ass handed to you in an incredibly unfair match, you still feel like you're making progress because you get to keep money and experience you've earned. Definitely a must-have game for any RPG or puzzle fan, which is a bit weird. But not as weird as my new game idea for a first-person fighting puzzle sports board game. I'll call it Halumines Kombat Maddenopoly '08. Look for it in stores. I'm gonna be a zillionaire.

So I had a huge Immunology exam yesterday, and I haven't had much time for gaming. I finally got a chance to pick up Guitar Hero II after the test, and I took it home for what I thought would be a nice, relaxing night with my 360. I was about halfway through Cherry Pie when I heard a loud boom and everything in my apartment went black. For a second, I thought the sheer awesome-osity of the game just couldn't be contained and my 360 had blown the fuse for my apartment. Turns out, there was a pretty bad car accident outside of my building that took out the power for my entire block.

I don't have any candles, and I couldn't find my flashlight, so I sat there for a few minutes hoping the lights would just come back on. But then I remembered! WTF! No, not the popular (yet somewhat asinine) expression from the world-wide series of internet tubes. The PSP game! Work Time Fun may not deliver on its namesake, but it's pretty damn useful. One of the "tools" you can unlock by playing the PSP "game" basically turns the system into a glorified flashlight. So, using the light from my cell phone, I found the UMD, stuck it in my PSP, and was able to walk around my apartment without tripping or falling off of my balcony. Maybe the PS3 can cure all of mankind's diseases, but the PSP can help you see in the dark. And, when you think about it, isn't seeing in the dark more important than curing disease? I knew you'd agree.

I've been back from the Bahamas for a little while now, but my post-Spring Break workload hasn't given me the chance to post any pictures. I suppose that's a good thing, though, because now I don't have to host them myself. I've been waiting for GameSpot to give us image space for a long time now. It's one of the two main advantages that sites like 1UP had over this one (the second being an editorial staff that interacts with its community much more regularly). So hopefully those pictures will be up sometime next week.

In the meantime, I've kept myself busy playing Crackdown and Symphony of the Night. I finished the main game in Crackdown a long time ago, but I have even more fun jumping around the city searching for agility and hidden orbs. I have 495 agility orbs and 155 hidden orbs. It's taking me forever to find the last 5, but I don't mind because I still feel like I'm making progress in other areas (like maxing out my stats).

I never got the chance to play Symphony of the Night when it was first released. Circle of the Moon was my first Metroidvania game, but I honestly don't remember much of it because I couldn't see anything that happened on the screen. By the time I got around to playing Aria, Harmony, Dawn, and Portrait, Nintendo got around to releasing portable systems that could actually be played when you weren't sitting directly under one of those lamps they shine in your face when you go to the dentist. Anyway, I'm having a blast with SOTN. I still think the 360's analog stick is too loose and the D-pad is a complete mess, but I haven't run into many problems with control.

I bought Burnout Dominator and Ratchet and Clank: Size Matters to keep me busy on vacation. I'm in the minority of Burnout players who absolutely hate crash events (for the same reason I hate stealth games - trial and error gameplay should have died in the 8-bit era). So Dominator is a ton of fun for me. I'd never played the PS2 Ratchet games, but Size Matters seems decent. My only major complaint (as is the case with the majority of PSP games), is that the camera system lends itself to too many cheap hits and insta-death falls off of cliffs. Clank's flight sequences, while perhaps a bit too long for a portable game, remind me of why I love StarFox.

I found Final Fantasy III on sale at Target for $24, but I haven't opened it yet because I need to finish FFV first. Although it's looking like that many have to wait until the semester is over, since the only time I break out my GBA is to play a quick round of Polarium Advance. Puzzle games are my anti-drug. Remember those ads? They were terrible.

You know what else is terrible? Non-sequiturs. Apparently some other stuff happened on the internet tubes recently. There was this trailer for some game called IV . I'm not sure what it's about, but I think it's narrated by the guy who made Tetris. And Microsoft is taking $180 away from my PS3 fund so I can buy a $40 HDD. Mario and Sonic have embarked on what can only be described as the unholiest of unions that will clearly bring about the apocalypse. But it's OK that I won't be getting my PS3 anytime soon, because it looks like Sony is going the 'Elite' route and alienating early adopters with an 80GB model.

In other random news, I was supposed to get an MRI this week as part of a pilot study we're running in the lab. I was in the machine for about an hour before we realized it was broken, wouldn't be fixed for at least 3 weeks, and had $30,000+ worth of damages. Guess my brain was just too massive and the scanner couldn't contain the sheer awesome-osity of the experience. And if that isn't an excuse to stop studying, I don't know what is. 

Some of you already know that I'm currently finishing up work on a Master's Degree in Biology (if not, check out the little About Me blurb over yonder), and I'm interested in applying for medical school at some point. I recently resigned from my position at Community Contributions because of time constraints, but I never really explained what those constraints were. I've accepted a position at my university as a research assistant in a functional neuroimaging (fMRI) lab. Focusing on the Autism Spectrum Disorders, my principal investigator's primary interest is in understaning why people who have the same genetic developmental disorder have many of the same behavioral characteristics, why some characteristics vary within a population, and what neurobiological mechanisms account for these behaviors. At least that's what it said in the job description.

The experience has been great so far. I make my own hours, and I have my own office (that will soon be decorated with a plethora of video game paraphernalia - most of the patients we work with are between the ages of 13 and 19). I get to interact with patients and their families, which is why I wanted to go into medicine in the first place. And hopefully I'll be able to publish a paper or two for a medical journal.

The only downside is that I'm either at work, in class, or teaching from about 8:30AM to 6:00PM every weekday. So I may not be around as often, but I have internet access in my office and I'll definitely stop by during the day. I'm also working on my Ph. D. in procrastination.

I hit 10,000 Achievement Points last night playing Perfect Dark Zero. Playing isn't really the best word. I was really just cheating the multiplayer, since you can get all of the multiplayer achievements using an empty second controller. It's a little under-handed, but it really exemplifies what has until recently been relatively poor design of an otherwise excellent reward system.

10,000 points isn't really a huge achievement. If you play games like King Kong or any of the launch-era sports titles (which I haven't), you can reach 10K pretty easily. I've only finished one full retail game (Viva Pinata) and 5 arcade titles (New Rally-X, Ultimate MK3, Feeding Frenzy, Cloning Clyde, and Galaga). According to MyGamerCard.net, my percentage complete across all games is 34.25. I guess that's not bad considering I don't have much time to finish a game that I'm not really in love with. I'm also ranked about 24,500 out of 450,000 game players in the country (who've registered with MyGamerCard). I guess that's kind of impressive?

It's nice to see that Microsoft has finally cemented some sort of new rule set for establishing achievements and their point values. And rumors are stirring about some kind of reward program, which would be nice. Although, I don't particularly mind that points are relatively meaningless. It gives players something to strive for when playing the games and it establishes a nice sense of progression.

The system isn't without its problems. I'm all for a challenge, but asking people to finish Smash TV without a continue or reach Wave 100 in Joust is just a bit ludicrous. And, for some reason, I can't even play Smash TV co-op long enough to earn any of the achievements before my partner and I are mysteriously disconnected and sent back to the menu screen.

I hope developers are learning from games like Viva Pinata or Dead Rising that have, at least in my opinion, established the blueprint for a proper achievement system. There are plenty of achievements for every skill level, and they're all attainable with enough time and effort.

There are a number of people I know with scores much higher than mine. Maybe I'll catch up one day. But the value of your GamerScore isn't in the raw number. It's the ratio of your total points earned to the total points possible. In my case, that's 10,000/29,800. About 34%. Nothing spectacular, but definitely worth the effort.

As video games have steadily increased in popularity, the amount of media coverage has grown along with the hobby. If you want information on upcoming games, you have your choice of online publications, print magazines, or even a cable TV channel. They all cover the same material, but each does its job with its own signature style that appeals to a variety of audiences.

Whichever source you choose, you've undoubtedly come across a recent ad for Lost Planet: Extreme Condition on the Xbox 360. Whether you see the ad on websites, in magazines, or on television, the content is relatively the same; a lone man fires his gun into a crowd of not-so-friendly-looking aliens on a barren, icy wasteland. If you look a bit closer, you'll see that each ad (be it on the internet, in a magazine, or on TV) contains various pull-quotes from numerous sources. The magazine and internet ads take their qutoes from sources like GameSpot, IGN, or Games Radar, while the television ad contains quotes from such ubiquitous media behemoths as the New York Times, the Wall Street Journal, or even USA Today.

Theoretically, the different media forms cater to different audiences. Those of us who read the magazines are more likely to recognize and lend credence to gaming websites, while the people who see the television ad are more likely to recognize the NY Times or the Wall Street Journal. But is that really the case?

As the gaming industry grows, those of us who started playing years and years ago are still playing. Obviously, the New York Times is a respectable publication. But it's not where I get my gaming news from. I trust experts from the enthusiast press, not the mainstream media, for my information. And I imagine that I'm not the only one.

How long will it be before CNN brings in personalities from GameSpot or EGM instead of the NY Times for their sensational stories on how violence in video games will be the downfall of our society? Do we even want to take part in stories like these? How much legitimacy do enthusiast sites like GameSpot or IGN have with the general public? Would it be better for these outlets to remain "enthusiast?" When will we see a video game version of Ebert & Roeper? Do we even want a video game version of Ebert & Roeper? Interesting questions.