I don't usually do this - making two blogs in one day. But I had to today.
I was thinking about how I never make a serious blog. I never really get into detail about my life or about how I'm feeling at the present moment. I mean, I answer quizzes about myself, but I'm not giving any of you a side of me that I'm usually not willing to show. I'm not really willing to show it to anyone...but it just kind of happened once in the last week.
I don't know how well I explained this to you all, but in the time I was gone I did two things - I went with my family to a houseboat, and I went to a camp in the woods with lots of teenagers. I went with my best friend. Well, anyway, this camp was like an escape from reality for a week. No parents, no worries. You were free to be as CARE-FREE as you wanted. It was nice.
There was lots of things to do at this camp - fish (which, as promised to a certain person, I did NOT catch a fish :P), a slide that goes into the lake, a rock climbing wall, a blob (SO FUN). Another thing we had to do during the week was go to a TWO HOUR chapel service. I'm not a real religious person, so this sounded pretty boring to me. Well, it wasn't. It wasn't like a normal chapel service - there was no preacher really, there was a band, and we all sat on the floor in a little building. There was a group of 20-something year olds talking to us. One guy got deep into discussion about how we need to find ourselves somehow, whether it be through a family member or a friend or anything else. He started talking about God, how we all long for him even though we don't know it. He talked about how we need him, and how although it's hard to believe in him, we need to, or we will forever be lost.
Like I said, I'm not a very religious person, so listening to all this got my head turning in circles. What am I supposed to believe? What am I supposed to do? Do I even SLIGHTLY LIKE the way my life is going right now?
Now, I'm not one to cry in public. I cry in private all the time, but it takes a lot to make me cry in public. So after the man was done talking, he picked up his acoustic guitar. The drummer of the band picked his up too, and they started playing a song. This song, ESPECIALLY at the time, was SO sad that (you guessed it) I started crying. I sat there, on the floor by my friends and surrounded by about 50 other teenagers, and started crying. I cried my little eyes out! I tried putting my head between my legs but that didn't help hide it. I was already crying.
Now WHY was I crying? I'm usually good at keeping my cool, but why wasn't I now? Because I FOUND myself. I hope this kind of makes sense to some of you. I found out who I really am, and I didn't like it. I wanted a change, I vowed to change. Most of you probably think that there wasn't anything wrong with my life before, but there was. Things that I can't explain. Things I don't WANT to explain.
During the song, I wiped my eyes and looked up. I turn to see about 20 other girls crying...and also about 5 guys (between the ages 14-18 ). That's how emotional the room got. The atmosphere of the room made it even sadder- the room was dark, with only one light on, and people were sitting closely with their heads on a friends shoulder, crying. And the voice of this drummer, it was so beautiful.
So I am going to give you a link to this song. Since some of you aren't religious I'm going to tell you this :
When you hear this song, think of someone you care very deeply for - whether it be a friend or a family member or anyone else. Especially if you are currently having problems with this specific person it helps you to see that you do need this person and that you and that person will get through it. Together.
If you are religious then maybe think of this :
If this song really gets to you, then I can assume one of two things - you either have a bad (or none at all) relationship with God, or you have a very strong one. So when you hear this song think of what kind of relationship you have with God and figure out if that's where you need to be.
Now this song may not get you emotional, which is ok. That's actually probably a good thing. I just wanted to share this with you so that I could give you a LITTLE more about me than answers to a quiz.
Here's the link :
http://www.myspace.com/philwickham
Now when you get to the page, scroll to the RIGHT (and a very teeny weeny way down), and click on "Always Forever". It's in a little box thing with a music player thing at the top. It's pretty easy to find.
Hope you like.
You are the love I need,
you are the air I breathe,
you are my love my life,
Always Forever.
And I would lay down my life,
just to be by your side,
you are my love my life,
Always Forever.
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