[QUOTE="Deihjan"]we are sexually open. Simple as that.super_mario_128

Haha, I actually enjoyed these, very nice, but any reason why most of the invovle church?dackchaar

In the hospital the relatives gathered in the waiting room, where their family member lay gravely ill. Finally, the doctor came in looking tired and somber. "I'm afraid I'm the bearer of bad news," he said as he surveyed the worried faces. "The only hope left for your loved one at this time is a brain transplant. It's an experimental procedure, very risky but it is the only hope." "Insurance will cover the procedure, but you will have to pay for the brain yourselves." The family members sat silent as they absorbed the news. After a great length of time, someone asked, "Well, how much does a brain cost?" The doctor quickly responded, "$5,000 for a male brain, and $200 for a female brain." The moment turned awkward. Men in the room tried not to smile, avoiding eye contact with the women, but some actually smirked. A man unable to control his curiosity, blurted out the question everyone wanted to ask, "Why is the male brain so much more?" The doctor smiled at the childish innocence and explained to the entire group, "It's just standard pricing procedure. We have to mark down the price of the female brains, because they've actually been used."

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Finch Dreams by Charley Magnetti:

Well, had papers to grade last night so was burning the midnight oil after a trip to Taco Bell...Was reading along with the door open (always a mistake) when I heard a familiar flutter of wings....well the flutter of wings was familiar, but I had never seen the bird before. A baby finch had fluttered in the room after 1 AM.... He was very large, but mush have been the last out of the nest hiding behind or under siblings because his pied markings were very distinctive and I would have noticed him....He sat on a pile of books on my desk as if he had done this every day for the last 10 years...just looking over the papers and pecking one or two of the finished ones....Now I used to hate getting papers back with coffee or pizza stains...so I figured my students would not like little finch stains on their papers...and I leaned over and stuck my finger under his claws...well he hopped right up! Surprise, surprise...I thought I was going to chase him around the room...well no...and when I put him in a flower he stayed right in the leaves...well a few hous later I got to the bottom of the stack and was ready to turn in...and the taco bell stuff was ready to turn out...but he was still up...and would not go to sleep...as soon as the light was off....he started flying around the room again...back to the books...and papers....He did let me catch him again and take him in the bird room...where I guess he eventually went to sleep...sure would be nice to have company grading papers for a change if he keeps up the habit... Perhaps my students will grow to like his marks better than mine... ------------ One Tough Egg by Carole J. Campbell This article originally appeared in SQUAWK, the newsletter of the Big Apple Bird Association and is reprinted with permission. "Dit, dit, dit, dit." "Dit, dit, dit, dit." The sounds from the nest box were unmistakable that Saturday morning -- even though I was hoping it was the refrigerator motor having an identity crisis. Yes, Stubby P and Neil Neil Cockatiel had pulled off an avian miracle. The baby they had just hatched that October morning came from an egg that had been stone cold more than a few times in its ovoid life. Panic wasn't my partner this time because I'd had some experience with newly hatched 'tiels and knew the best thing was to leave mother and dad alone to tend their chick. So off I went to a scheduled all-day workshop with a happy secret. But how did Neil Neil and Stubby come to be sitting on their mother's egg and why had frostbite been its regular companion? It all started when I made an appointment for Irene Adler--mighty mother to many 'tiels--to see the vet for a regular check-up and a vitamin shot. Of course, come the day of the appointment, Irene was showing signs of laying an egg; so I cancelled because I didn't want her to be handled and stressed while with "egg." Brainlessly, I rescheduled the appointment for a week later--what was I thinking? If she looked like whe was going to lay an egg--then she was going to lay one sooner or later and then what would I do with the egg(s) when I took both her and her mate, Clarissa (bought as a female), to the vet in a week? Sure enough--two days later one egg and then in two days another. Irene and Clarissa divvied up the egg-sitting chores. But I didn't want to cancel the vet appointment--Irene needed that shot. Inspiration struck when I looked at my two little ones--Neil Neil had laid a clutch and they were still sitting on two eggs even though I knew they were infertile. "I'll put them under Neil Neil, she's incubating and she'll never know the difference." I tucked the eggs under her and off to the vet with the parents--all is well and we came home. To find two happy birdies playing in the cage and two stone-cold eggs in the next box. These poor eggs weren't even cool--they were frigid. I figured I'd give them back to Irene and she--being an excellent mother--would incubate them. Irene checked out her nest box--said--"I've been away from these eggs too long, they're dead" and proceeded to live the life of an unencumbered bird. I was pretty sure these or at least one might be fertile--what to do? I gave them back to Neil Neil and Stubby--at least they were sitting some of the time. After a couple of days though they really settled into it--but those eggs had been plenty cold in between. And thus, because of fainthearted faith I had a new baby who, once I saw her, I knew was going to be a lutino and probably a female. Neil Neil and Stubby were good parents until little Pumpkin, as we'd called the chick, began to get feathers--then Stubby turned into a plucker and Neil Neil had to finish all the raising by herself. Neil Neil is so small and this was her first time but she was an excellent mother--feeding that baby for ten weeks. Pumpkin did not want to wean but finally did just two or three days before she went to her adoptive home. So my babies are tough--Stubby hatched in a paper bag, Neil Neil was a slow grower despite being fed plenty when she was a nestling, and now Pumpkin was carrying on the Campbell tradition of overcoming adversity. Pumpkin grew into a beautiful lutino cockatiel who is a strong flyer and elegant lander and great climber. And a pest. So don't give up on those eggs until two months have passed--we have living proof.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Every night, Harold would go down to the liquor store, get a six pack, bring it home, and drink it while he watched TV. One night, as he finished his last beer, the doorbell rang. He stumbled to the door and found a six-foot cockroach standing there. The bug grabbed him by the collar and threw him across the room, and left. The next night, after he finished his 3th beer, the doorbell rang. He walked slowly to the door and found the same six-foot cockroach standing there. The big bug punched him in the stomach, then left. The next night, after he finished his 1st beer, the doorbell rang again. The same six-foot cockroach was standing there. This time he was kneed in the groin and hit behind the ear as he doubled over in pain. Then the big bug left. The fourth night Harold didn't drink at all. The doorbell rang. The cockroach was standing there. The bug beat the snot out of Harold and left him in a heap on the living room floor. The following day, Harold went to see his doctor. He explained events of the preceding four nights. " What can I do? " he pleaded. " Not much " the doctor replied. " There's just a nasty bug going around.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- They have been married for two years. He loves literature and often posts his work on the net, but nobody ever reads them. He is also into photography and he handles their wedding photos. He loves her very much. Likewise with her. She has a quick temper and always bullies him. He is a gentleman and always gives in to her. Today, she's being willful again. Her: "Why can't you be the photographer for my friend's wedding? She promised she'd pay." Him: "I don't have time that day." Her: "Humph!" Him: "Huh?" Her: "Don't have time? Write less of those novels, and you will have all the time you need." Him: "I... someone will definitely recognize my work some day." Her: "Humph! I don't care, you'll have to do it for her!" Him: "No." Her: "Just this once?" Him: "No." Negotiation's broken. So, she gave the final warning: "Give me a Yes within three days, or else..." First day, she "withheld" the kitchen, bathroom, computer, refrigerator, television, hi-fi... Except the double bed, to show her "benevolence". Of course, she has to sleep on it too. He didn't mind, as he still has some cash in his pockets. Second day, she conducted a raid and removed everything from his pockets and warned, "Seek any external help, and you bear the consequences." He's nervous now. That night, on the bed, he begs for mercy, hoping that she'll end this state. She doesn't give a damn. No way am I giving in, whatever he says. Until he agrees. Third day, night. On the bed. He's lying on the bed, looking to one side. She's lying on the bed, looking to the other side. Him: "We need to talk." Her: "Unless it's about the wedding, forget it." Him: "It's something very important." She remains silent. Him:"Let's get a divorce." She did not believe her ears. Him: "I got to know a girl." She's totally angry, and wanted to hit him. But she held it down, wanting to let him finish. But her eyes already felt wet. He took a photo out from his chest. Probably from his undershirt pocket, that's the only place she didn't go through yesterday. How careless. Him: "She's a nice girl." Her tears fell. Him: "She has a good personality too." She's heartbroken because he puts a photo of some other girl close to his heart. Him: "She says that she'll support me fully in my pursue for literature after we got married." She's very jealous because she said the same thing in the past. Him: "She loves me truly." She wishes to sit up and scream at him "Don't I?" Him: "So, I think she won't force me to do something that I don't want to do." She's thinking, but the rage won't subside. Him: "Want to take a look at the photo I took for her?" Her: "...!" He brings the photo before her eyes. She's in a total rage, hits his hand away and leaves a burning slap on his face. He sighs. She cries. He puts the photo back to his pocket. She pulls her hand back under the blanket. He turns off the light, and sleeps. She turns on the light, and sits up. He's asleep. She lost sleep. She regrets treating him the way she treated him. She cried again, and thought about a lot of things. She wants to wake him up. She wants to have a intimate talk with him. She doesn't want to push him anymore. She stares at his chest. She wants to see how the girl looks. She slips the photo out. She wanted to cry and she wanted to laugh. It's a nicely taken photo. A photo he took for her. She bends down, and kissed him on his cheek. He smiled. He was just pretending to be asleep. "You learn to love, not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly."