Bubbles and Barbie, two blonde sisters had promised their Uncle Bill, who had been a seafaring gentleman all his life, to bury him at sea when he died. Of course, in due time, he did pass away and the two blondes kept their promise.

They set off from Clearwater Beach with their uncle all stitched up in a burial bag and loaded onto their rowboat.

After a while Bubbles says, 'Do you think we're out far enough, Barbie?"

Barbie slipped over the side and finding the water only knee deep said, "Nope, not yet Bubbles."

So they row a little farther.... Again Bubbles asks Barbie, "Do you think we're out far enough now?"

Once again Barbie slips over the side and almost immediately says, "No, this will never do. The water is only up to my chest."

So on they row and row and row, and finally Barbie slips over the side and disappears. Quite a bit of time goes by and poor Bubbles is really getting worried when suddenly Barbie breaks the surface, gasping for breath she says,

"OK, it's finally deep enough. Hand me the shovel."

There are two statues in a park; one of a nude man and one of a nude
woman.
They had been facing each other across a pathway for a hundred years,
when
one day an angel comes down from the sky and, with a single gesture,
brings the two to life.

The angel tells them, 'As a reward for being so patient through a
hundred
blazing summers and dismal winters, you have been given life for thirty
minutes to do what you've wished to do the most.'

He looks at her, she looks at him, and they go running behind the
shrubbery.

The angel waits patiently as the bushes rustle and giggling ensues.
After
fifteen minutes, the two return, out of breath and laughing.


The angel tells them, 'Um, you have fifteen minutes left, would you
care to do it again?'

He asks her 'Shall we?'

She eagerly replies, 'Oh, yes, let's! But let's change positions. This
time,

I'll hold the pigeon down and you poop on its head.'

:D :D :D :D :D

A stranger was seated next to a little girl on the airplane when the stranger turned to her and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."

The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to the stranger, "What would you like to talk about?"

"Oh, I don't know," said the stranger. "How about nuclear power?" and he smiles. "OK, she said. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?"

The stranger, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says, "Hmmmm, I have no idea." To which the little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know sh!t?"

(I wonder if she was a blonde or a brunette?)

A maid asked for a pay increase.

The wife was very upset about this and asked: "Maria, times are tough. I must make do on what my husband gives me. I'm not getting a raise. Tell me three reasons why you deserve one."

Maria says, "Well Senora, The first is that I iron better than you."

Wife: "Who said you iron better than me?"

Maria: "Your husband said so."

Wife: "I see."

Maria: "The second reason is that I am a better cook than you."

Wife: "Nonsense, who said you were a better cook than me?"

Maria: "Your husband did."

Wife: "Oh."

Maria: "My third reason is that I am a better lover than you."

Wife: "Did my husband say that as well?!"

Maria: "No Senora, the gardener did."

She got the raise.

:D :D :D

Had a chance to watch the first two eps of Swingtown tonight. Dunno if I think it will have what it takes to go the distance, but I was 16 in 1976, so I am enjoying the music!

Sitting on the side of the road waiting to catch speeding drivers, a state trooper sees a car puttering along at 22 mph. He thinks to himself, "This driver is as dangerous as a speeder!" So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over. Approaching the car, he notices that there are five elderly ladies - two in the front seat and three in the back, wide-eyed and white as ghosts. The driver, obviously confused, says to him, "Officer, I don't understand. I was going the exact speed limit. What seems to be the problem?"

The trooper, trying to contain a chuckle, explains to her that 22 was the route number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error. "But before you go, Ma'am, I have to ask, is everyone in this car OK? "These women seem awfully shaken."

"Oh, they'll be all right in a minute, officer. We just got off Route 127."

:lol:

Ok, so here I sit in the middle of an early and brutal heat wave...the last several days the tem have wavered between 91 and 99 degrees, and my heat pump has died. So, it seems, has everyone else's, so I might see a service person by tomorrow.

It has to be over 100 degrees in this house, and I am concerned about my computer overheating, so until I get the AC restored, I'll be around intermittantly. I am having to unplug the computer, cable boxes, etc. completely so I don't end up having to replace those items too.

Meanwhile, I did hear a funny joke...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

DON'T MESS WITH FARM KIDS

A young boy comes down for breakfast. Since they live on a farm, his mother asks if he has done his chores.

'Not yet,' said the little boy.

His mother tells him no breakfast until he does his chores.

Well, he's a little ticked off so when he feeds the chickens,
he kicks a chicken. When he feeds the cows, he kicks a cow.

When he feeds the pigs, he kicks a pig.

He goes back in for breakfast and his mother
gives him a bowl of dry cereal.

'How come I don't get any eggs and bacon,
and why don't I have any milk in my cereal? ' he asks.

'Well,' his mother says, 'I saw you kick a chicken,
so you don't get any eggs for a week.

I saw you kick the pig, so you don't get any bacon for a week either. I saw you kick the cow so for a week
you aren't getting any milk.'

Just then, his father comes down for breakfast and
kicks the cat halfway across the kitchen.


The little boy looks up at his mother with a smile, and says,

"You gonna tell him, or should I?"

Can hardly wait till tonight for Season 2 to begin, it feels like I've waited for this show to return forever!

Watched the pilot ep of In Plain Sight last week, will give it one or two more eps before making a decision...kinda on the fence about it.

Missed the pilot of Swingtown, did anybody catch it? Let me know what you thought...

Also I am looking forward to the return of The Closer, Burn Notice and Saving Grace later this summer.

Been a while since I blogged, so here's a brief update: My mom died in November, finally losing her fight with cancer. My son and daughter have both moved out, so it's blissfully quiet here. As an added bonus, whenever I decide to go to the kitchen to get a snack, I am delighted to find that the item I had in mind IS RIGHT WHERE I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE!!! (Laugh if you like, but it's been over 21 years since I last experienced this phenomenon.)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A middle aged woman had a heart attack
and was taken to the hospital.

While on the operating table, she had a
near death experience.

Seeing God, she asked,
' Is my time up?'

God said, 'No, you have another
43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live.'

Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the
hospital and have a face-lift, brow lift, lip enhancement,
boob job, lipo-suction, and a tummy tuck.

After her last operation, she was released from the
hospital. While crossing the street on her way
home, she was hit and killed by a car.

Arriving in front of God, she demanded,
'I thought you said I had another 40 years?
Why didn't you pull me out of the path of the car?

God replied,
"Girlllllll, I didn't even recognize you!"

A mother is driving a little girl to her friend's house for a play date.

"Mommy," the little girl asks, "how old are you?"

"Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age," the mother replied.

"It's not polite."

"OK", the little girl says, "How much do you weigh?"

"Now really," the mother says, "those are personal questions and are really none of your business."

Undaunted, the little girl asks, "Why did you and Daddy get a divorce?"

"That is enough questions, young lady, honestly!"

The exasperated mother walks away as the two friends begin to play.

"My Mom won't tell me anything about her," the little girl says to her friend.

"Well," says the friend, "all you need to do is look at her drivers license. It is like a report card, it has everything on it."

Later that night the little girl says to her mother, "I know how old you are, you are 32."

The mother is surprised and asks, "How did you find that out?

"I also know that you weigh 140 pounds."

The mother is past surprised and shocked now.
"How in heaven's name did you find that out?"

"And," the little girl says triumphantly,"I know why you and daddy got a divorce."

"Oh really?" the mother asks. "Why?"




"Because you got an F in sex."

:D:D:D:D:D:D:D

(Have a great Weekend!)

Collard Greens

An old black man lived alone in the country. He wanted to dig his yearly

collard green garden, but it was always very hard work for him because

the ground was hard. His only son, Junebug Jankins III, who used to help

him was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:

Dear Junebugg Jankins the III,

I am feeling pretty bad because it look like I won't be able to plant my

Collard green garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up

a garden plot. If you were here my troubles would be over. I know you

would dig the plot for me.

Love Dad

A few days later he received a letter from his son....

Dear Daddy Jankins,

Whatever you do, don't dig up that garden. That's where I buried the BODIES.

Love Junebugg Jankins III

At 4AM the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up

the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man

and left. That same day the old man received another letter from his son.

Dear Daddy Jankins,

You can go ahead and plant the collard greens now. That's the best I could

do under the circumstances.

Love Junebugg III

:D:D:D:D:D

The Request: If you believe in prayer, or simply feel motivated to think of another with sympathy, please be thinking of my best friend. Her fatherdisappeared last April. It took a long time to get the police interested in looking for a 50-something year old man who 'could' have just decided to leave home, and the family has been waiting for news of any kind. The news arrived late last week, as power line workers found his body buried under an artificial Christmas tree. We had been expecting news of this kind, but I suppose you are never really prepared. The funeral is Tuesday at 2.

Rick was in trouble.

He forgot his wedding anniversary.

His wife was really angry. She told him 'Tomorrow morning, I expect to find
a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in less than 6 seconds AND IT
BETTER BE THERE!!

The next morning Rick got up early and left for work.

When his wife woke up she looked out the window and sure enough there was a
box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on
her robe and ran out to the driveway, and brought the box back into the
house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Rick has been missing since Friday.

Please pray for him :D :D :D :D :D

Speaking of anniversaries, I just realized that today is my tv.com anniversary!!