.

OK... Let's get this thing over with.

But first - which of these two versions do you like best?

.

Scrubs

.

The Real Deal

.

When last we left our fair narrarator, things had really 'seemed' to have taken a turn for the worse...( ahhh, seemed - what a word we humans created with that one).

Yours truly was now a day and a half removed from the Slaughterhouse #5 that was the OR at Valley Hospital where there had been an eight-hour saw-fest in and around my bottom four lumbar and top two sternum discs. A titanium tinker-toy mesh was put in place to correct and hold the spine against further shifting and damage caused by an inattentive - but silently repentant - cab driver who made the decision to pull a 'no-lookie' U-Turn in the driveway leading out of Caesar's Palace (where I had conducted numerous Poker Tournaments over the previous couple of years).

I think I may have mentioned (can't remember) that the first two hours and forty minutes of the surgery, I was on my back with belly cut open, hara-kiri like. Then I was sewed up and spent the next five hours and something on my stomach with my back splayed open as they carved, chipped, sanded and sawed my backbone... euwww.

.

As I began to slowly come out of the ether, I had nothing but negative thoughts. I'm kind of a positive person who likes to put a fun/funny spin on things, but I couldn't find that part of me during the first 48 post-op hours. I kept hitting the 'pain-relief button' and sending myself to 'another place' just to escape what 'seemed' like a no-win situation.

That's when the
- 'hallucinatin' -
began.

.

In my hospital room was a type of hard-wired remote that had two buttons and a volume dial on it. This, along with the aforementioned pain button, was/were the only thing(s) that gave me any type of control over anything, and I clung to them like a baby-monkey clings to its mother.

The two buttons on the remote either summoned a nurse or turned the TV on and changed channels and turned it off (how/why they came up with this configuration where one button does all is beyond me). Anyway, it was my lifeline to the outside world (my computer, if you will).

As I would drift in and out of consciousness, I convinced myself that I was on line (on tv.com), leaving comments, blogging, returning PMs and generally doing what you do on this site.

I vividly remember leaving many, very specific comments / messages to many of you out there, getting feedback and even recommenting (as we so often do). I cannot now remember the contents of these comments nor to whom they were directed, but believe me they were as real as could be at the time, and when I would come to, I would look at the remote and wonder how I had managed to be so articulate with just two buttons to manipulate. In my more lucid moments, I would sadly have to admit that it was all a dream - but a few hours later I would be doing it again as I drifted off.

The strangest and most memorable hallucination involved the last blog I wrote (prior to going into the hospital) and our quest for 500 comments before I got out of the hospital. I truly imagined, on numerous occasions, that you folks had hired an expert, whose sole job it was, to copy and paste comments from other blogs and import them into my comment section. He was paid 25 cents per comment and at three or four a minute, was making a very good living at it. He was working feverishly - with three and four browsers open - as I looked over his shoulder and even recognized the source(s) from which he was exporting the comments. There were numerous comment sections that he was legally (with the user's permission) pirating but I can only truly remember two of them -LMH68 and IndianaMom. (I'm quite sure I could guess many more, but I vividly remember talking to the expert about something as he moved comments from Lin's and Mom's blogs).

I remember that the 'expert' was very peevish as he had other fish to fry (he didn't 'just' copy and paste comments - there were other services he provided that were more lucrative. This was more of a favor to those of you who had pitched in to pay him). He occasionally got angry with one or more of you because, for some reason, he felt you were slowing down his progress - don't know why or how, but he was the 'Comment King' and people needed to stay out of his way.

I would swear on a stack of bibles that I truly believed this was happening during my hospital stay on numerous occasions.

.

The other, more positive and 'Grander Illusion' that repeated itself should 'Happy' you good people up.

On several occasions, I 'dreamt' that I had gotten my settlement from the cab company and made arrangements for all of my tv.com and other, out-of-state friends to come to Vegas for a grand old, three-day weekend - all expenses paid. I had rented out two floors at the Paris Hotel and Casino (a Harrah's property - my former employer, prior to the accident) and everyone could either take part in group meals and excursions or just wander around of/on their own accord.

Wouldn't that be swell.
I even pictured many of my more 'perverted' friends here at tv.com sneaking in and out of each others rooms while I kind of floated around invisibly just shaking my head and grinning.

It all seemed so real that it would take me many minutes each time I awoke to convince myself I was only dreaming.

o

Anyway, on my fourth day (Sunday) I finally started to come around to the idea that I had put myself in a jail to which only I had the key. My competitive spirit and survival instincts (plus the fact that we had gotten my pain more under control) made me try to outdo the tasks that the doctors, nurses and therapists had set forth, and suddenly I was strolling up and down the corridors (with a walker) and doing numerous little things on my own. By Sunday afternoon, I had let myself out of jail, and the staff was amazed and very supportive (or at least 'seemed' to be - there's that word again), and I knew the worst was over.

In reality, I was
Already Gone

I spent the next two and a half days trying to dazzle the staff and pass every test with flying colors so that they would be forced to release me soonest. I was told that 10 days was the quickest that anyone should think that they could be released home (some combination of hospital and rehab facility stints - such as 6 days hosp / 4 days rehab, or 7 and 3, or 5 and 5, etc.). I was determined to beat that number, skip the rehab and get back home to my comfort zone.

And here I am - not too much the worse for wear - after a 6 1/2 day hospital stay... a near record release time for what is called an anterior-posterior spinal fusion.

Hope you enjoyed the 'Alec in Wonderland' portion of the program... it's great to be alive.

.

(Also... please check in on Mary - angelsxo - her mother just went to the emergency room).

.

...Jon

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.

.

I think I'm ready to at least start recounting my recent visit to Valley Hospital (about two miles Northwest of The Strip).

Starts out the morning of the surgery. I was supposed to be my doctor's second surgery of the day whereby I get to the hospital around 11 am for a 1:30 pm procedure. Well the first (older) lady either chickens out or does not pass the pre-op tests, so I get a call at 7:45 am telling me to get my sweet arse down to the hospital, pronto.

Fortunately, I had already showered and shaved and was doing some last minute TCBing (it should actually be TingCB) when they called, and (even though I wasn't quite ready) I drove myself to the hospital (my scheduled driver wasn't even awake yet) and was prioritized right to the front of the line (surgery rooms are like Movie sets, every minute costs the hospital money if it's not being used).

I stripped down (and put on one of THOSE gowns), laid on a gurney while they hooked me up to two IVs and did a coupla quick tests and was immediately wisked into the operating room.

.

A young Anestheologist (I think he introduced himself as 'Dr. Eric Young' but he could have said 'Dr. Who' or 'Adolf Hitler' for what I remember) explained his duties and gave me a quick synopsis of what was going to happen as he opened the valve on the beddy-bye juice. There was music playing in the background (as I mentioned picturing in a blog-comment left somewhere the night before I went in as an allusion to Scrubs). I remember the last thing I heard and said:

Rick Springfield...
99, 98, 97...9...
(I remember thinking to myself...
this might be the last song I ever hear)

The youngish doctor was amazed that an old coot like me was able to 'Name that Tune/Artist' (it was playing in the background and i didn't even make it to the end of the song) and he made mention to a couple of the nurses who were preparing the utensils, etc. that the patient had identified both 'Jesse's Girl' and Rick Springfield. I then jokingly started the countdown from 100 that they usually have you do (in this case, without prompting) and I'm not even sure if I made it to 96. This was at about 9:05 am (I had just asked for the time a few minutes earlier).

.

NO MO' FUN AND GAMES, NO MO'

Next thing I remember, I awoke in the recovery room at @5:45 pm (8 1/2 hours later), and was told that I had been in surgery for eight hours. That scared the s**t outta me as I had been told it was going to be about a four hour procedure... I assumed something had gone very wrong. I couldn't speak (couldn't form words and had had a plastic tube down my gullet for eight hours, so my throat wouldn't work) and felt like I was prob gonna die within the next 5 or 10 minutes for the next two hours.

There were about seven or eight other patients in the room with three attendings... one and a half of them were on me for the first two hours, so I assume that I was in the worst shape of any of the post-oppies. I have never ( and hope that I will never again) felt/feel that close to death. I would have bet a lot of money on me dying right there in that room (so that there would be more money to spend at my wake/party).

.
Fixin' to Die

.

At about 8:30 pm (everyone else that had been in the recovery room had long ago been wheeled to their rooms, so it was me and two attendants remaining), I was finally rolled up to my room where I continued to contemplate my imminent demise. I was sure at this point, that I would spend at least two weeks in that room (if I didn't die first) and I cursed the Cabbie who hit me, the company he worked for and the lawyers who would represent them until they finally IVed me to sleep. It was the same the next morning, and these two days are the worst two days I've ever been through (or ever hope to endure).

This is as much as I have in me today, so we'll start Part II with the amazing Hallucinations AND recovery from the depths of despair in the next installment of...

JON
Bon Jovi

p.s. the first two letters of my last name are ' V and i '...
so, you can imagine how jazzed I was when JON bon JOVI first came out and then became a big star
(and was extremely good-looking... for a guy).

.

p.s. - Don't forget to drop in on this
previous bloggie and leave a couple of
"Hi's" and "Byes"
...we're shootin for 500 and it's at 340+
as I write this...

Blog and Comments

...Jon

.

.

This is not yet THE bloggie I promised
(don't have the energy or mental accuity just yet), but...

Let's start out with a song and go from there -

PINK

o

I'm going to refer you to the penultimate bloppie on these pages and tell you that it is around 300 comments and climbing. We were shooting for 500 (and still have a chance). I got out about 3 days early - so it kind messed up the timing.

Just hit the following link and stop in and say hi (several times) in the comments...

Bloppie (with comments)

(You can also check out some of the HOUSE and JukeBox links from that blog that you may have missed).

o

I'll leave you with this while I try to get my brain (and body) workin again.

This song,

'Fresh Garbage',
was released in 1968 by a seminal band called

'Spirit'
check out thier members

Now listen to Pink's
Feel Good Time

o

Pink (and her people) ripped it off and used it in the motor cycle scene in Charlies' Angels - Full Throttle. When it was discovered to be a rip off, a lawsuit was filed and the song was eradicated from all sources that I could think of (even the YouTube scene from the movie is overdubbed with some nominal background song). I remembered that I jumped out of my seat when I heard the Pink version and told everyone around it was a rip from the 1968 Spirit song.

o

That's all I got... I promise a nice review of the crazy, drug-induced, hallucinogenic visit I made to the hospital this past week, real soon.

...Jon

.

.

.

.

We're BACK, baby (well, most of us).

'Fess up... who had 7 days
(and who had never) in the office pools?

Can't hardly sit, stand or lie down (very few options remain), so I will need a little time to get back in the groove. Just wanna thank everyone who was so kind and supportive during my absence. Gonna (see how little energy I have - kinda, wanna, gonna, etc.) put something together over the next 24-36 hours, so BARE with this space as I get my BARINGs down. Oh, and yah... it was an EIGHT-hour surgery instead of FOUR... what Was I thinking???

In the meantime, gonna spend the next day or two reading all of the ( wonderful?!? ) comments from the previous bloggie. Hope to have some things to say in the next few days. Oh, the blogs I could write about my most recent experiences.

You should know that I hallucinated writing blogs (with links etc) and making comments galore during my LESS lucid times (they seemed so real at the time) and will have some crazy stories to tell about that.

Hospital Dreamin

I'm out in nearly record time, and opted for home release rather than going to a rehab facility for the next week. The decision not to bring my lappie to the hospital was a good one - can't imagine where I would have put/kept it and how I would have used it were it there. More later on that, too.

Prob gonna edit THIS a coupla times until THEN.

Thanks to all... Later,

...Jon

.

.

Here is the YouTube Link:

ME
and the
WSOP

(post your comments below)

- o -

Did you see the Season Finale of...

Burnin down the...
" HOUSE "

**NO REAL SPOILERS**

The last line was one that we have visited here twice (with viddies) in the last four or five weeks. (Can't Believe it happened again)...
Amber says (and I quote):

YOU CAN'T ALWAYS GET
WHAT YOU WANT

Do you remember when Grissom came with the old "Coincidence, happenstance. enemy action" line a coupla weeks ago on CSI
(and I lost it........... again).

** REMINDS **
(that i said back in 1978 - three years prior
to the release of 'The Big Chill'
that this was the song I wanted played...
at my funeral...)

** And Again **

Well, imagine my ******* surprise when Amber's (I always kinda liked her... but, in other stuff) closing words on the finale were what I've been peddling to you folks for the last month...
"YOU CAN'T ALWAYS GET
WHAT YOU WANT"
so...

A little Sympathy
for the Devil - Please
_ _ _

Cue the friggin' Horns of Gabriel
(these coincidences
are makin me crazy).

...And I'm tired of writin the punch lines
for all these networks...

o

* * * * * * *

Anyway... the date for surgery was set about three weeks ago (pending further investigation) then confirmed (for the most part) last Thursday and now finalized today.

I've already done all of my pre-op stuff (today) and will offer this broken body up for a four-hour surgery THIS Thursday (May 22nd). The doctor said it will be a complex surgery where I spend the first two hours laying on my back and then the next two hours on my stomach
(kinda like sex).
.(LMFDO).

(it's the first-ever, government-funded
BRAIN TRANSPLANT...
just kiddin - they don't actually have those, yet.
I'm on the waiting list, tho.)

I should be in the hospital for 6 to 10 days (makes me wanna say Eight), during which time I will prob not have access to the internet... and, therefore you good people.
(I've written a coupla other smaller notices on a coupla other sites).

o

I'm hopin to be back in a week

o

In the meantime, please 'use me like a JukeBox' and use the comment section here like a 'CHATROOM' ...

Til U Use Me Up

(it would really be swell to come back to 500+ comments - but nuthin mushy... it's embarrassing - just stop by and say 'D'oh' ).

o

In the mean time...
Here's your first coupla Juke Box songs for free...

I Just Wanna Fly

(every mornin)
(don't let it be ever said that I never put up
a little beefcake for you girls...)

...and for you Insomniacs...

In the Middle of the Night

and, of course (still peddlin)...

It's Love

o

Just want to leave you all with...

This Kiss

o

Thanks, see you later,

...Jon

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.

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Here's the latest on how CBS intends to add some extra comedies to next Fall's schedule from...

- Variety -

This is good news for me, because (unlike most of you 'Drama Queens' out there - "no offense... none-taken... thank-you-very-much" ), I watch TV (for the most part) to get away from the problems of everyday life - not get involved in more.

(I know, I know... I like several dramas myself - in moderation. And most of them are the kind that usually include numerous snappy lines of sarcasm and irony that add a humorous touch to the proceedings).

Looks like CBS is going to add another night of comedy and keep 'The New Adventures of Old Christine' which looked like it might move to ABC. Good thinking, CBS... compared to what a coupla other Networks are doing, you don't 'totally' suck.

.

If you liked the 'Drama Queen' remark

(or if you're 'Simply Red' with anger)...
you're gonna love this next item (below). I'm guessing it's 'not' real, but...

If You Don't Know Me by Now

You should know that I like to stir things
up a little. I only do it as a way of...

- Holding Back the Years -

because that somehow keeps me young
(... at heart).

.

Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns

Dear Bob-

I hope you can help me here. The other day I set off for work, leaving my husband in the house watching TV. I hadn't gone more than a mile down the road when my engine conked out and the car shuddered to a halt. I walked back home to get my husband's help. When I got home I couldn't believe my eyes. He was in the bedroom with a neighbor lady making mad passionate love to her. I am 32, my husband is 34 and we have been married for twelve years. When I confronted him, he told me that he had gone into the back yard and heard a lady scream, had come to her rescue but found her unconscious. He'd carried the woman back to our house, laid her in bed and begun CPR. When she awoke, she immediately began thanking him and kissing him, so he was attempting to break free when I came back. But when I asked him why neither of them had any clothes on, he broke down and admitted that he'd been having an affair for the past six months.

I told him to stop or I would leave him. He was let go from his job six months ago and says he has been feeling increasingly depressed and worthless. I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum he has become increasingly distant. I don't feel I can get through to him anymore. Can you please help?

Confused.

_____________


Dear Confused:

A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the clips holding the vacuum pipes onto the inlet manifold. If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the carburetor float chamber.

I hope this helps.

Bob.

.

Jon.

.

.

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Was tryin to think of a title for this little 'blojjy' and recalled this old chestnut (remember when they were s'posed to be the 'New' Beatles)...

- Bits and Pieces -

Then I heard this on back-to-back days and saw the story (below) ...that's enough for me to include it:

- On the Radio -

- After 17 Years -
(and three kids)

.

And now...

- Back to the Future -
(c'mon Jonny... B Good)

How amazed were you at this 'performance' the first time you saw it (and in subsequent revisits). This scene (and the movie) still rate in my Top 20 (maybe 10) in both categories.

.

Speaking about travelling in time...
I see where a number of viewers really like

- The Big Bang Theory -
(this links to numerous other clips)

There are many other one and two minute clips that could be put up in this space (but I don't have what it takes - and it's copyrighted). Just figure that ANY one or two minute clip that you might pluck out of thin air (at random) is just as funny as these. I have every episode saved and there is nothing better than 'going back in time' and rewatching one of them on a slow TV night.

(It kinda makes me feel the same way I felt when I was a little kid and we'd go the movies... and the lights would dim... and the curtains would draw back... and there would be a cartoon... and some coming attractions... and I'd be eating my popcorn and junior mints, and...).

Where was I???

Oh, Yah... The End.

...Jon

.

.

.

- Won't Get Fooled Again -

Mary's version
Van Halen with Sammy and Eddie

The 'Upfronts' are coming out of New York as the Networks here are announcing what shows will be coming back next season and which ones are being cancelled.

??- New Schedule -??

I can never remember as many utterly arbitrary decisions about returning shows in all my years of television watching. If you are a big TV fan (like me), you know which shows are coming back, which ones shouldn't return and which ones are on the bubble.

- Dross -
needed something that rhymed with 'Boss'

Sorry if it seems like I'm...

- Preachin -
Wish my daddy was a Preacher

But I'm

- Under pressure -

So...good luck to the bubble shows because I'm seeing promising first-year series biting the dust left and right. The most recent victim is...

Women's Murder Club

... which premiered last fall (Fridays on ABC), and won its time slot most weeks until the writer's strike hit. During the Hiatus, a few behind-the-scenes changes were made and WMC was one of the last shows to return, post-strike. ABC brought it back on Tuesdays against a couple of established shows, and - even though it increased in viewers in each of its first three weeks - it was cancelled.

The geniuses at ABC (Disney) haven't got the common sense that we, the average viewers, have. NBC is even worse and I'm assuming the programming offices at the 'CW' look like one of those commercials where the one beleaguered middle-management type is surrounded by monkeys.

Other shows let go after a misbegotten, bastard season of slot-switching and staggered debuts include: Moonlight, Jericho, Shark, Unhitched and Welcome to the Captain. I'm guessing that there is not one among you who didn't have at least one show that you had grown fond of that will not return in the fall.

There are many reasons why a promising show doesn't get asked back, including production costs and sponsorship, but it appears as though the Networks have reached new lows in completely disregarding the opinions of their viewers.

No one seems interested in letting shows breathe and catch a rhythm. The Networks seem hell-bent on continually breaking in new material and then not giving it enough time to find its audience. Do they think the next batch of new stuff is going to do any better if it's constantly under the gun and switching days and times? Didn't they just see what happened this year?

I did.

I need a new hobby.

...Jon

.

.

.

Sittin in a bar at the three-year-old Wynn Casino the other day and one of the songs they piped in had 'Bloggie-Song' written all over it. (BTW... a coupla songs later they played the Justin Timberlake song featured in my Sunday blog - 'What goes around' - another friggin coincidence hinting at the (my) impending apocalypse).

But when I got home, Cuddy started strippin for House, and the new song went right out of my head (the big one) as the blood rushed to the other.

So I just looked up the song and found a couple of interesting versions Up-tempo and Laid Back. I am a little behind the times on the more recent music, but I thought you might find these two contrasting viddies of the same song enlightening. I think both you boys and girls wil like one or both of these:

.

- I Like the Way You Move -

and

- Part Two -

That's me in the middle of the second row (obscured)
... guess I'm a 'closet' lesbian at heart.

.

They both work for me...
but I'm a little strange (I realize).

.

Slow night here... maybe more tomorrow
- if errands don't get in the way.

.

...Jon

.

.

.

I have a new BFGF... Lisa F. Edelstein.

Hugh has a ( wet??? ) dream about Cuddy
(or maybe it was just me).
I swear she went about as far as you can go.

- This is All ...

I'm sayin - for now...
(except: Wish it was HBO -
and Lisa was a Tramp)
** takes a cold shower**

...glad I got it on DVR,
way better than the YouTube teaser

.

(scroll down for previous blog, it was s'posed to get me into and thru tomorrow, but...)

...Jon

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