I made a new banner and avatar for the new year, but somehow without realising, I've already fallen into "going through the motions" mode.

Very gradually little things on here, little things within me, little pointers in my life have made me realise that I do not need to be here - and perhaps no longer wish to be. It's a sad realisation to have come to.

I guess my last Soapbox was an indirect goodbye to Gamespot, and this is an attempt to say goodbye to friends.

I will try to determine a more fitting way to thank each of you before I go.

To a very special group of Monkeys, I am not abandoning you, we will talk for at least a while in the tree.

I'd typically write an Elle epic here, but when youunderstand, words are rarely enough.

Please take care, of you and of each other.

Amicitiae nostrae memoriam spero sempiternam fore :)

V

When the final instalment of Nintendo's FANTASTIC FOUR OF UNBRIDLED GLORY, aka Wii Music, flopped, I dare say it was deservedly. I say that with a view of gaming in general, paramount to my personal fondness of company and console.

Its commercial underperformance wasn't solely owing to the fact that this game was the first that hadn't come bundled with hardware. No amount of embossed coloured glitter on the cover, or happy people on the trailers, could disguise the fact that the game was actually pretty shallow. We all knew how a trumpet worked. We knew how the Wii remote worked. It was plain to see and understand how the people in the trailer were simulating playing the trumpet using said Wii remote. And that was that. The novelty would have been short-lived, because neither trumpets nor button-pushing are particularly novel at all. The compatibility for me was obvious, and nifty, but basically unnecessary. And thus people spoke with their wallets.

The tooting, crashing and trilling of the virtual orchestra, though momentarily impressive, eventually sounded a twisted death knell of my enthusiasm for the direction the Wii was going. And what the Wii, widely lauded as an innovative, groundbreaking console for the industry, represents for wider gaming.

These days to stand out from the pack, companies are looking toward gaining some kind of technological "edge" over their competitors. For the most part, it's proved an effective plan of attack. Products such as the iPod Touch are unique, accessible and impressive - even the first generation iPod Click Wheel was a fresh way to interact with your music, leaving rival mp3 players in the dust - and the Wii needless to say shifted a hell of a lot of units worldwide with its groundbreaking control scheme. Both made it a priority to develop the user hardware in accessible ways for the future. This, coupled with a visible trend thus far in video game development, toward an increasing sense of immersion and realism in many ways, make willing suspension of disbelief in video game adventures easier than ever.

And the gaming industry is more accessible than any other to the field of virtual reality. We've got the realistic graphics, the interactivity, communication systems (voice, text, onscreen doodles, messages), the fully-rendered worlds to play in. With new controller hardware, we'd be pretty much there. I've been keeping my eye on a couple in particular:

Some shiny new toys

Now it's not just your thumbs that control your character.

For your brain:

A headset that responds to your thoughts and emotions with actions that translate onscreen world. Various facial gymnastics - I mean, expressions - will instantly create the appropriate smiley. You can wink to cast a spell, focus enough and you can will a boulder to move. The background music and colours can even change if you're sad or angry or excited as you play. It's based on the latest developments in neurotechnology, and has applications beyond video games as well, but before I start shamelessly plugging an Aussie idea and getting carried away with the science I'll just point you to emotiv.com.

For your body:

The 3rdSpace vest that will give you physical warnings of damage sustained by your character in the game, as well as potentially allowing things like a shoulder tap to be felt in a horror game. Which is pretty cool. Though I'm not sure I particularly want to feel like I'm being kicked. Or shot. Or blasted. "FULL IMPACT" might be a tiring day at the PC!

No longer is it good enough just showing up to the party: come dressed up too, in EEG headset and pneumatic vest, and equipped with balance board, microphone and motion/acceleration-sensing controllers at the ready. Now - oh, feel the power! - the gamer is complete and ready to commence the most realistic gaming experience yet. Guffaw.

Technical, not creative genius

Now I'm all for new technology. And these two pieces of hardware show some genuinely intriguing potential. But I just want to put something out there, and it's not terribly profound: despite the technological smarts necessary to make said hardware, it's just not very creative. Imitating reality is - inherently - unoriginal. We are increasingly groomed for a more realistic experience - but why? Why indeed, when realism itself does not equate to better game play? What is it we are looking for in a game? Perhaps it is as much escapism as fun. Only, we're kind of escaping to something increasingly similar to normal life possibilities.

Complete with witty mock advertising

Is this what it takes for us to believe in a world created in a game? Do they do all the imagining for us, and we simply subject ourselves to the sensory experience?

A spoonful of sugar makes the realism go down

Emulating reality is pretty shallow (unless it's a conscious parody like GTAIV) . Such games do deserve applause for best graphics and sounds, etc, for rendering detailed, experiential campaigns. It is very impressive.

But ideas that make the gaming world unique are those born of inspired creativity and fun randomness. Headbutting bricks for mushrooms, portals to jump through that introduce a different type of physics, Pokeballs that open to unleash monsters. Inventing and imagining delivers the fresh oh snap moments, when you're really impressed with how intelligently creative a package the developers have put together, from ideas from their own brains. Inspired by, rather than literally translating, real-world experiences. We need a bit of fantasy in the mix (and I rather enjoy my delusions of adequacy at shooting/free running/driving).

Excuse me while I go pour a very realistic glass of water. And drink it, with real water level tilt! And put it down, with real glass-on-table sound effects. (I know. Pretty awesome huh. We should hang out.)

Show ponies

The increasing realism seems like an inevitable direction for the industry to take, with such a small gap to leap from gaming to VR. To stop and think is to realise that this isn't an "oh snap!" moment, this isn't a "didn't-see-that-coming!" moment, this isn't utterly unexpected innovation, when you take stock of the increasing level of immersion current games, such as GTAIV, are achieving. Even simple things like a limit to ammunition and how much air a character has underwater are an important way to make the game more challenging, like life. And in Link's case, utterly deprived of life's comforts like sleep and food. And generally, there are fewer onscreen reminders that you are playing a game, with a general trimming back of invasive and overt indications such as countdown timers, high scores, level/stage numbers in the screen corner - a subtle but not insignificant shift.

On a big screen you could almost believe this is happening.

This sophisticated technology is easily applicable to the video game world even as it currently stands. 3rdSpace is moulding itself around great existing games, such as Mass Effect, World of Warcraft and Call of Duty, as a facilitator of a more visceral game experience. And I would hope that it does not begin to be the inverse. But what if we do build our games around the hardware in the future? Does it not matter how poor the goods in the cart, as long as the horse is a very impressive pony?

Truth be told, I don't see the vest becoming a widespread bit of hardware (but who really knows). What is more interesting will be the effects of someday all consoles having an additional facet of technology similarly oriented around more sensory gaming experiences, so as not to appear behind the times with its competitors. But frankly we can't afford to lose sight of what's important amidst such development. Slick technology is not what makes a good game. It will merely facilitate a new type of gameplay.

The controls certainly open up new possibilities for better simulations and literal immersion, but let's not allow realism to become the new "which console has better graphics" debate. I hope games will be developed with a deeper view.

The D-pads and buttons of yore!

Like the world of film, literature, music, old does not necessarily equal inferior in the gaming world. There is nostalgia and indeed reverence for some of the c|assics which I hope will continue. I hope that rather than deriding the simple graphics and music, we appreciate what they did with lesser technology, and still successfully sucked us in to imaginary worlds and quests that began the enjoyment that has lasted many of us years.

I'm more impressed now, with how games of the past have managed to immerse me with just a few buttons with which to tackle the challenge. They showed us that simple controls still kick ass if used creatively - and challenge the player with limited but versatile resources with which to solve problems.

How fun does this look!

To this day, one of the most memorable games I've ever played was the original Legend of Zelda on the NES, mostly because it still haunts me as one of the most taxing quests I ever embarked on. In retrospect, I am a little surprised at how hard that game actually was, as in fact were many of the older c|assics like Super Mario Bros. No smart camera. No Lock-on feature. No array of special modes and handicaps and easy levels of difficulty afforded. Your only resources: TWO BUTTONS and A D-PAD. That limit is a challenge in itself to you, from Nintendo. They didn't deliver realism, but they did deliver where it counted, and they were absolutely original.

Use it wisely

Of course, this challenge is possible too with VR-esque controls, which is partly why they are so exciting. But in order to be impressive, and demanding of players to invent their own strategies and respond as naturally as one can to ridiculous situations like homicidal alien invasions, the controls need creative implementation. No more using the Wii remote to act like a trumpet, please, just because it's capable of being like it is in real life. Why not think outside the box.

A lot of people noted last year's Game of the Year, Super Mario Galaxy, as displaying "what the Wii is actually capable of" in reference to the graphical performance of the hardware. And though it was indeed nice for the Wii to show us some detailed textures and nice lighting, ultimately for me it was peripheral to its perfect and inventive use of controls in a myriad of ways in the amazingly varied world of the game. Doing the most outlandish things like using stars as catapults, rolling on a star ball and getting sucked by the gravity of planetoids - somehow - felt intuitive. The game was a beautiful success of controllers of great potential being utilised in several different manners - how you held it, moved it, pushed buttons, manoeuvred joystick - without too much thinking. It impressed me with how well they had thought out my gaming experience.

Only properly utilised will controllers execute pure fun. Other current games, like Mirror's Edge, Ninja Gaiden, De Blob, etc. all show an impressive level of resourcefulness when considering the control scheme. Some games are visually rich and fantastical, and then you face appalling AI. Yes, it's a stunningly fugly alien, such good graphics, ooh aah, but once you've killed it, it is replaced by an equally stupid, well-rendered and lit alien. But, why did he do that? I'll just shoot it ag- Shut up. Enjoy the view. Or so it seems we're implicitly told. But we should know that quality gameplay is where it's at, and I'd gladly sacrifice realism for it any day.

Final Thoughts

The control scheme itself should not be the fundamentals of the experience, nor the main way you are engaged with a game. Enjoyment and less literal immersion by engaging the intellect, emotion, sense of humour, is more impressive on the part of the developer. Unoriginal and shallow ideas do not deserve to be lauded, no matter how swanky the control system.

The development of a control scheme that will deliver an increasingly realistic experience to the viewer seems inevitable with the growth of technology. But although there is room enough in the market for it to churn out a bunch of driving, flying, shooting, sport or guitar simulators simply to maximise the capacity of controls in the most obvious sense, we must make sure that creativity and inspired originality is at least one of the other driving forces, and at least one of the most appreciated aspects of future games.

Navigating the world of meeting and dating women can be a perilous journey, one which is often learned through brutal personal experience, sometimes aided by the advice of other men or female friends.

Well we never really bothered to consider the relationship advice of children. And yet a pre-pubescent boy has now figured it all out - and made a bestselling publication of his insights - into how to win over the ladies, and specifically, one special lady friend who will actually treat you well.

Alec Greven's 46-page book How to Talk to Girls has hit stores across the US and the 9-year-old schoolboy is wowing crowds on a national promotional tour, according to Colorado broadcaster 9NEWS.

In the book, Alec compares pretty girls to "cars that need a lot of oil."

"The best choice for most boys is a regular girl. Remember, some pretty girls are coldhearted when it comes to boys. Don't let them get to you," he wrote.

How to Talk to Girls began life as part of a creative writing project inGreven's 3rd grade c|ass. The resulting handwritten pamphlet was sold for $5 at the Soaring Hawk Elementary School book fair in Castle Rock, Colorado.

Described by the school's principal as "entertaining" and "timeless", Alec's work was a bestseller among students and parents before making the 9News bulletin.

Ellen Degeneres then interviewed the young author on her talk show and introduced him to HarperCollins Publishers.

"I never expected people to buy it like a regular book in a bookstore," Alec was quoted as saying in New York Post.

The reworked version, which also features his drawings, hints that being the smartest boy in the c|ass will have girls "prowling at your feet".

Other suggestions include "don't be a show off", "Control your hyperness (cut down on the sugar if you have to)", "go easy on the compliments to avoid looking desperate" and "comb your hair" while the best way to get noticed without drawing too much attention is approaching a girl with a simple "hi". "If I say hi and you say hi back, we're probably off to a good start," he said.

As for his own love life,he's singleat the moment. "I'm a little too young," he said.He says don't fall in love "until at least middle school".

He also offered this gem: dating (ie going out to dinner without your parents) is for "kind of old" people, who are 15 or 16.

He attributes his worldly knowledge to observation in the playground while his mother Erin says her son's wisdom comes from his love of reading.

Chapter One

The Facts of Life

Sometimes, you get a girl to like you, then she ditches you.

Life is hard, move on!

Tip: About 73 percent of regular girls ditch boys; 98 percent of pretty girls ditch boys.

Or sometimes it just doesn't work out.

I had a crush on a girl in preschool.

Then my family had to move, so I had to let her wash out of my mind.

You also have to be aware that girls win most of the arguments and have most of the power. If you know that now, things might be easier.

Finally, if you try for too many girls, you will have jealousy issues and might end up with nobody. It is really best to go for just one.

If you do get a girl to like you, that is victory.

Winning victory is a dream for most boys, but it is very rare.

What does it take to win victory?

Read on and find out!

I wonder what things will be like when he's all growed up.

I think the older we get, the more we realise we don't know. When we're young we think we know everything. Still, clever and cute!

I have just come back from a most disturbing place.

I didn't actually spend all 5 months of my Gamespot absence there, thank goodness. If I had I wouldn't have lasted long. But for this moment I am merely savouring my gladness of being out of that dizzying place of noxious colours and nostril-collapsing, ammonium-saturated odour, which the haplessly dissatisfied may enter like a lamb to the slaughter, but very few leave quite the same as they were before.

I am, of course, referring to the hairdresser's. You see, I discovered something rather distressing the other day. I was braiding my hair when my fingers froze at the sight of something very, very wrong.

*deep breath*

I had found a white hair.

Not even having reached the big two-oh, I figured I was hallucinating, or that it was a mere trick of the light. But then, I found another. And another. And- oh! - it's too painful to continue. Now don't get me wrong! I'm young and beautiful and I know it! I'm not afraid of the 7 signs of aging and the onslaught of senility! I honestly look forward to someday having slight wrinkles when I'm an older woman. But I'll tell you what I AM afraid of. What anyone who DOES discover a grey/white hair should be afraid of.

Looking like Sephiroth.

So I panicked. I shuddered. I covered the mirror with a movie poster so that I wouldn't have to face this new and sudden reality. I was relieved until I noticed it was a poster of Dumbledore. Alas!

In truth, it was the OCD in me that was most rattled. Unless you know what it's like to have the urge to wash your hands 3478 times a day, you don't know how distressing it actually is to have this happen to you. It's as comfortable as being swarmed over with bull ants. I can handle a full brunette set of tresses, and maybe even white, but something in between is just plain inconsistent and unjustifiable for a young woman unless it's a deliberate Goth look. Now if I were blonde, I figure that would have been okay. I could blame it on being salt-bleached from being a surfer girl. But I'm a very dark brunette. White strands are as conspicuous as, ...as Patronuses in the night! Patroni? Great, curse you Harry Potter, for invading my mind. They were beacons of incongruity, that I grimly decided must be smited, and smited swiftly.

And so I went to the land of middle-aged women reading magazines as their heads boiled like eggs as they received a perm. The land of the spinning swirly pole that tells you you're at ye olde barber shop, even if it's now electronically powered and lit in neon lights. The land of slick, well dressed stylists with their viciously pointy shoes and spiky hair. I dare say, the first time I learned how a bloke actually gets his hair that spiky with blonde tips and highlights, I couldn't stop laughing. But I digress.

So I went and had some colour and a trim, to settle my poor heart palpitations, and I flicked through ye olde booke of available hairstyles that frankly, nobody chooses. Like the Mohawk-esque rays of sunshine that come out of a French twist on top of a mullet with a kink out the bottom. Or messy braids surmounting  a bun the size of Australia, stabbed more viciously with bobby pins than the Japanese harpoon the whales. Or the side-swept fringe accompanied by an afro with the Chinese character for "dragon" shaved into your scalp. No-one chooses that. Or the Sarah Palin up-do.

And even if you didn't give a damn, even if you were avoiding her, Posh Beckham's new, exciting pixie hairdo made in-your-face headlines around the world, had columnists raving and paparazzi snapping as it usurped the hairstyle affectionately known as the "Pob". And like its predecessor, was being emulated by hairdressers around the world. Even on the little five year old boy beside me named Thomas, who I was afraid to tell was clearly not going to be a hit with the ladies upon his return to kindergarten.

I picked up a magazine and was assaulted with melodramatic hairstyle woes, and I quote directly -

For women: FRIZZ FROM HELL? SPLIT ENDS RUINING YOUR LIFE? CRISIS: Is your hair seriously lacking volume? Check how these celebrity styles EVOLVED! Is your hair more damaged than Michael Jackson? Hair colour fading faster than Nicole Richie? Which SUNSILK style are YOU?

For men: Are you going bald?

Such clever marketing. Such distorted media. And Thomas's fringe was a victim.

So as I choked for breath and staggered out of the salon of melodrama, traumatised and troubled, I announced, in the sage words of Captain Jack Sparrow, to the innocent Labrador leashed to the bus stop pole outside, "I wash my hands of this weirdness".

And then I wash them again, on an obsessive impulse.

Firstly, I have no idea why this blog is pink. Just think pink marshmallows and it might not be so irritating. Though easily rectified, I decided to leave the blog as is because I actually rather like it. Feel free to panic if I make it habit.

I'm a day late but I just noticed that I have now been Gamespotting for one year. Yes, I joined last Independence Day. Heh, we're not celebrating now that we know that, are we? Muahaha. I realise blogs that mark such a milestone tend to be of the "read that title, 'nuff said" persuasion, but I was actually really stunned to realise that I'd spent a year regularly hanging out here.

So, to be unnecessarily pensive and reflective and deep and all that heartbreaking stuff, I decided to think about whether or not this year on Gamespot has been worth it.

The cold hard statistics of this stand as follows, annotated:

veni-vidi-vici

Level: 24 (80.51%) Rank: I Feel Asleep!!

(Think that's a little fast for one year myself.)

Total Posts: 3563
Total Messages Read: 135433

(Hear that? That's Elle's eyeballs screaming on their indignant high horse that yes, at last, they have statistical proof that I have abused them with too many messages from the crazies that reside here. I have for some random reason been called superwoman several times over the course of my stay here. Sadly superwoman never existed so I lack a frame of reference as to whether that's a compliment. However I can confirm that eyeballs that talk to me are my coolest superpower. They ride high horses too often though. Though I believe Shetland ponies are also in their repertoire. )

Personal

Profile views: 34777

(That's um...kinda creepy.)

Friends: 109

(That's you good people. This number sort of bounces around randomly as I track and untrack people. I'm happy to say I have some good memories of interesting conversations with many if not all of you. Thank you. Very, very much.)

People Tracking Me: 274

(That's you good people plus others who for various reasons I did not track back. Usually just because you got the impression that the roamed cyberland tracking silently sans personality.)

Games in Collection: 80

(It's actually much more than that, but I'm so terribly lazy at completing the rigmarole that is the game homepage> add this to my games> add to my collection> oh I've interest already > mm, chocolate)

Community

Forum Posts: 3563

(Mostly these days invested at the Monkeys Writing Shakespeare Union founded with some good friends. Leading the union has been a really interesting learning experience too. Thank you to all the monkeys, you're actually ridiculously awesome.)

Comments: 0

(Ah, a reminder that this is glitchspot. On the contrary, I have greatly enjoyed reading all your blogs and having conversations with you in the comments box. It's been fun.)

My Blog Posts: 100

(Nice, round number. 101 with this post now.)

Union Blog Posts: 25

Contributions

Written Reviews: 3

(Will get round to writing more)

Rated Games: 13

Videos Uploaded: 0

Images Uploaded: 0

(I DID at one point try to upload a picture, but my artistic enthusiasm stupidly blinded me to the fact that it was perhaps not appropriate for the innocent eyes of pubescent gamers and would be censored. I can innocently tell you that it was a picture of a tree. Conversely, I can not-so-innocently declare that this tree looked awfully like a beautiful naked woman. Haha.

I suppose I should re-upload some of my art instead of just giving you glimpses from photobucket.)

Digg Referrals: 1

(An accidental click on the shovel icon you know you nothing about and you get this little statistic)

Tags: 88

(Yes, I wasted a portion of my early days performing this mundane act of altruism in a supposedly Flirtatious manner.)

Other things I'd like to note:

Most longstanding active commenter and friend: Orkhammer007 I do believe. And every single one of them made me laugh. :) Thank you Orky!

Favourite comment, taken out of context for extra laughs, also my first encounter with fionnbharr:

That was one of the best blogs I've read in a long time - you should have PMS more often!! (my emphasis) Erudite, witty and profound; what more could one ask for in a blog?
And I have to pay respect to anyone named veni-vidi-vici.

Start every day off with a smile and get it over with. W. C. Fields (1880 - 1946)

The real man smiles in trouble, gathers strength from distress, and grows brave by reflection. Thomas Paine (1737 - 1809)

Most gratuitous blog: The S Saga

Consistent favourite blogs: 31160618, GabuEx

Banner and avatar changes: 5 each

I joined just to read game news, then to write reviews, then somehow I started blogging and reading other's blogs and... here we are. I didn't understand half the weird acronyms on here and to date I still don't think I've ever used the word that starts with l and ends in l and has an o in the middle, except maybe in quotation. Before joining I actually had no idea how to blog or even to post on forums, as I mostly used the internet for school research. Yet somehow during this time I've learned the meaning of the verb "soapbox", and how to complete said verb, and stumbled into the leadership role of a union full of people I respect. So I've learned lots, laughed LOTS, and become surprisingly good friends with people from tracking and being tracked, and so a big THANK YOU to each and every one of you for being part of my GS experience. My anal-retentive memory with forget none of you. That is possibly a threat. Or really sentimental. Or something. :P

Hope I squeezed a smile out of you at least once. Come on! Come on! :D :D :D

Fine, I'll bake muffins for you all too! :)It's genuinely been a pleasure knowing you. *gives you a moment to hurl at the saccharinity. And I promise it's not the muffins*

Thank you!

-Elle

Hey hey everyone. How do all ye goode folke fare? I gotta come round to all your blogs and stuff to chat, it's been too long kids, just too long. :P

Thanks for the pms, very kind. To speak of my absence and silence: well, I can honestly not remember the last time I had a solid month working with that intensity. From the moment I woke up to the moment I fell into a nightly trauma of sleep (that seemed to last .5 nanoseconds before the daily grind does that darn, y'know, grinding thing - again) I worked myself ridiculously hard and now I'm kinda blinking in the sunlightwondering what just happened.

Actually so much bizarre stuff has happened that I'm unsure where to begin or how to tell it. Just yesterday I woke up with a massive headache in a tiny bunk on a Navy submarine that thankfully is no longer in active service. I actually wish I was kidding. I also wish I was not wearing stilettos going down the steep ladders backwards. Or stepping over the bulkheads through teensy circular doorways and wondering what voodoo ensured the 6'5" captain never smashed his head on anything.

Back on dry land I finally got round to sussing out the new dedicated Apple store that cropped up in Sydney. The hyperbolic bragging around this place absurd. I mean the architecture is sexy as hell but the media harps on pointlessly:

"The Apple fans on the pavement are separated from the store proper by a window of glass slabs, 15 metres high. That makes them the largest plates of laminated glass in the world, Apple's head of retail, Ron Johnson, says...."

Bow down children, to the powers of commercialism that be!

Because once you've got big slabs of laminated glass, you're set, right? That's what really matters, right?

Furthermore (we know you've been holding your breath for this): "The glass slabs come from Germany,the stone floor from Italy, the brushed stainless steel walls are from Japan, and the wooden tables are made from maple trees grown in Pennsylvania."

Like, no way.

We all act like we've never seen Macs before...

We climb and descend the super pretty stairs in a trance with emptied pockets...

So we're trying to pull a Gruen transfer and dazzle our customers with the gorgeous store without saying a word about the products and why they need a massive block of our CBD ("the second largest Apple Store in the world after the one in Regent Street, London.") There's a virtual tour here, narrated by some American guy. :P

A sucker for irony, I was digging this little snippet however: ""They form "one giant window" to Apple's products," Johnson told a throng of journalists invited to inspect the new store - seemingly unaware of the Microsoft brand name used in his analogy."

Well anyway, enough of artificial beauty, I'm taking off to surf the gorgeous Sydney waters I've been pining for and take some time to soak the calmness in.

One final, gratuitous picture.

Talk to you soon!

So just completely out of the blue, and perhaps my most trivial blog yet -

*what's your favourite type of pizza?

*And how much pizza can you eat in one sitting?

Oh and I'm not referring to the gorgeous gourmet Italian stuff, but the American fast food varieties a la Pizza Hut, Domino's etc., assuming you have those franchises in your countries.

So are you a vegetarian? Cheese lover? Meat lover? Pedantic about your own custom-selected toppings?

I bring it up because the other day a group of us ordered pizza, and we'd all just met so we didn't know much about one another and apparently the guys in the group found it completely mind-boggling that I ordered a Meatlover's pizza.

The heck? It's like the best pizza there (I think) so why couldn't I order it perfectly socially acceptably?

They said it was weird because I was a girl, and they normally opt out of pizza or get chicken or vegetarian (rather savvy people, got the opposite sex's pizza preferences all profiled it seems). So I'm apparently not supposed to be carnivorous because I'm a woman or something. But they quickly added that "that's cool" to I dunno, apparently appease my sudden sense of freakishness. Okaaaay.

I can also manage to eat one whole pizza on my own. That's Aussie serving sizes though. I remember going to a Pizza Hut in Malaysia and being appalled by their small "Large" pizzas from Pizza Hut, so it probably varies from country to country I guess.

I'm curious how much you eat? :P

From the guys at improveverywhere (who are occasionally lame, but it's all good natured fun) renowned for making crowds of ordinary civilians to weird-as-hell things, so I can't help but like them :P. This one's right on the money though.

Love to do this instead of my next rushing, stressful, gotta-go-somewhere commute.

Frozen Grand Central Station

Not sure if you could get Australians to do that but I dunno.

Surprisingly often I find often myself more attached to the villains in a lot of TV shows, movies and games. And really awesome villains have some shades of grey to them. Constructing villains who are just pure evil solely for the sake of making a convenient dichotomy with a pure and wholesome hero is a pretty shallow and boring premise, methinks.

A friend and I were just discussing Looney Tunes the other day. Bit random, I know. But we agreed we invariably rooted for the bad guys, and probably hated those animations because (1) we hate slapstick and (2) the guys we actually liked kept getting flattened/blown up with dynamite/burned and beaten, only to somehow resurrect to suffer another day at the hands/paws/claws of some disgustingly cute thing like Tweety or Roadrunner and his repulsive meep-meeping. And I officially hate Bugs Bunny and his nasal twang. In fact I can't remember liking any of the "good guys". Despite the pretty face they seemed pretty cruel/sadistic.

Manipulative little swine!

In games the villains are also often pretty cool. And there are some "enemies" I just outright regret killing.

Goombas (Super Mario Bros)

On my second run through the Galaxy as Luigi, every time I saw one of these animated mushrooms squidgy-bounce up to me I melted and evaded him, unless I really had to thump him into oblivion. No, it's not ridiculous, I smashed them all the first time through with Mario, and then in mourning decided I would see how few I could kill the second time through. Proved an interesting challenge. Why must I massacre these things? They do hurt if they run into you but that's true of cars and you don't womp them for money. They're not even vaguely ugly. It's CUTE that they're angry, it's understandable that they dislike the random fat plumber wreaking havoc through the land just so he can make some silly princess happy. I am terribly fond of Goombas and have been since the NES. If only we could hold hands and be friends! Oh wait, no hands. Fine: if only we could be friends!

Zant (Legend of Zelda:Twilight Princess, Wii)

Zant was a squawking, incompetent freak. He danced around like a total pansy, and pirouetted like...who knows what that was. Poor wounded, little, usurper king who looked badass but was really a betrayed...oh, it's awful! And I stubbed his toe with my ball and chain of steel. Link, you are such a bully. :P Leave the kooky Japanes cosplay villain alone, Just because he's different and in need of a tan doesn't mean he should be persecuted.

Teeny Pokemon just out of Diapers (Pokemon, Gameboy)

There's no honour in smashing the living daylights out of a level 2 Pidgey with the level 73 mother-of-all-monsters that you personally reared and beefed up from day one, plus an entourage of death for back-up. I'm not actually terribly fond of turn based and being interrupted by random, spontaneous battles as I walk through the grass originally, but making me pick on someone a squillionth my size just makes the feeling more sour. BAM. It goes down on the first blow (with ten times as much force as necessary) and the game lamely says "It isn't very effective". Apparently the poor little baby only "fainted" Nintendo-euphemism-sty|e. But really, we know when we're being told a white lie. There's no more pixels where he used to stand. *cries*

Big Daddies (Bioshock, X360)

A moment of tenderness before a violent murder.

Whhhyyyyy, whhhyyyy did you make me kill the Big Daddies? Why did you have to pluck my heartstrings and CALL them Big Daddies? And use the power-up to make them turn on each other?

Please, wake up Mr Bubbles!

GLADOS (Portal, PC)

Atmospheric lighting, no?

My favourite enemy in my favourite game. Bit by bit. While she talks.

Agonising.

Any cool villains you personally thought were a shame to kill?

(Some of my other friends insist The Boss from Metal Gear Solid is worse. But I can't vouch for that as I haven't played that franchise yet myself).

[spoiler] Randomly: the guy I wanted to win took out So You Think You Can Dance! Go Jack! Oh and those tapdogs...mmm. And Leona Lewis was freakishly flawless live. Almost perfect enough to be lipsyncing. Good finale, entertaining dancing. :)) [/spoiler]

After her novel The Gathering won last year's Booker Prize, Irish writer Anne Enright said, "When people pick up a book, they may want something to cheer them up. In that case, they shouldn't really pick up my book...My book is the intellectual equivalent of a Hollywood weepie." Reviewers have described the novel as "harrowing", "devastating", and (my favourites) "horribly skilfull" and exhibiting "exhilarating bleakness".

Sounds like fun.

I have read Enright's work and yes, it's brilliant. But I'd hesitate to recommend it. I'd like to champion the other side. The not so dark side, that doesn't have cookies.

I am writing in support of the chortle! The giggle! The guffaw! I know that guy laughs like a jackal, and has this really vicious eye twitch that kinda freaks me out, but let him!

When was the last time you finished a novel with your spirit absolutely soaring? Anyone? The last time a book made you read with a stupid grin and sore abs? Remember sitting on the train watching the person opposite chuckle as they turn the pages? Seriously, me neither.

More likely it was a charming cannibalising, child dismembering, man-castrating, forensic chop-shop thriller, or a torturous story of sacrifice and loss, losing love, struggling with injustice and grieving. And at least one character will die. More likely the person opposite was reading with a furrowed brow.

In the past few years we've come to understand that what you eat and drink will show up in the lovely form of love handles and choking arteries. We comprehend that junk food in excess plays its part in obesity. Without counteraction with exercise your body will suffer the consequences.

Less immediately obvious is the potential to make the same link with our minds. What we put into it - books, films, and yeah, blogs - does not leave our thinking unaffected if truly engaged with. How negative is my writing? How often do I write something with a smile? How often do I read something with a smile? It's something worth thinking about. Every day we lose good people who see the world as too hopeless, devastating and bleak to go on. A recommendation of a novel that speaks of betrayal, hate and suffering probably isn't the most tactful offering one could give them as a friend.

I'm not advocating literature full of happy-clappy sunshine bunnies, where bluebirds and rainbows guide friends into each other's arms, and cheery characters dance in the streets in picturesque 1950s gee-whiz endings. That fake, fixed-grin type of story lacks the heart and sincerity a truly good story has, and is more likely to induce book-tossing rage and boredom than a warm afterglow.

But equally, the world is not just a collection of tragedies. There is beauty here too, and humour, and silliness, and fun and not a small amount of love.

Nobel-prize-winning author Andre Gide asked, "What would there be in a story of happiness? Only what prepares, only what destroys it can be told." Tell that to Shakespeare, Zadie Smith, DBC Pierre and other damn rare and funny buggers. A story of happiness is Much ado About Nothing. Cannot Nothing have its place, have its right to make us smile? For every Othello or Macbeth, let there be A Midsummer Night's Dream and Much Ado About Nothing.

Truth is, a happy story takes real skill to write. It's an easy cop-out to kill your protagonists, it's easy to make them suffer. It can be done with skilful, praise-worthy sty|e but it's even harder to warm your reader's heart.

I recently had two pieces of writing short listed in a project, one happy, one tragic. It was judged by a panel of published writers, and they gave me their critique. They all grinned at the first title. "Young lady, this writing had a beautiful smile, you made our Monday morning." But it was the second, a brutal rollercoaster of misfortune that took the win, because, it "left us feeling mercilessly manipulated." Basically, "congratulations on excellent sadism". (But in truth, the happy was more demanding. I left thinking - "My gosh! It made that whole panel smile on a Monday morning! How does that happen?").

Are authors afraid? Afraid of writing a joke no-one will laugh at, when they can so easily write about pain we can all relate to? Is a depressing read a well-written read because it succeeded in making you depressed? Are we envisioning the world we'd like to live in? Why is a silly and fun comic book considered too crass beside a morbid graphic novel? Is the frown valued more than the laugh?

I defend the odd literary giggle. Dark and gloomy books are all well and good but wouldn't a humorous and happy read be novel?

Heh, lame puns rule.

Happy reading to you! :)

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This is an editorial for the Monkeys Writing Shakespeare. But seeing as there's no Soapbox category I can't mark this Editorial. *eye twitch*. Ah well, check out the monkeys. They're some cool kids.