[QUOTE="ReddestSkies"][QUOTE="TriangleHard"]Kid like that... should've been diciplined more during childhood. enough to fear eye contact from his father. It looks like his daddy was too much of a nice guy.CarnageHeart
No, just no. The idea is to have your kids trust you, not fear you.
If anything, his parents were probably way too strict, in a stupid manner. His father was a minister, and from what I'm seeing, he was probably banning all sorts of content from his house. The type of guy who would burn books. The kid is 17, his entertainment shouldn't be monitored. And that's just what we know about what seems to be some really idiotic parenting. Kids are sheep and they build a ton of frustration when they can't be "normal", especially when they are not provided actual reasons to avoid certain things (let's face it: there's no reasoning behind forbidding a 17 year old to play "violent" games).
I agree with your first sentence, but I strong disagree with the rest.
I worked with troubled kids for three years and many of the kids I saw were those with permissive parents. A well grounded 17 year old would be able to handle Halo 3, but a well grounded 17 year old wouldn't murder his mother if she said he couldn't play Halo 3. With all due respect to the ESRB and the MPAA the ones best positioned to judge what is appropriate for individuals kids are their parents. I've known people whose parents didn't allow them to play videogames or watch violent movies (some of them really went wild in college but a few of them internalized their parent's values and led less colorful lives).
Also, I don't go by the 'everyone else is doing it' thing. 'You want to go out the door dressed like a hooker to go to a party where they are serving alcohol? You say all your friends are doing it? Well, who am I to argue? Enjoy!' should not be a conversation that a parent ever has with their child
Of course, its quite likely mistakes were made when raising the kid but I've seen really messed up people with normal siblings so I don't think its fair to say that behind every messed up kid is an incompetent parent.
Last but not least, someone living under their parent's roof should expect complete freedom no matter how old they are. When I was in college I did less binge drinking and random hooking up than I did while I was at university. I don't know this for a fact, but I suspect the same is true of most students.
I certainly agree that the kid probably would have ended up sick anyway, but it doesn't seem like his parents helped. Contrarily to what you implied in your first paragraph, I really, really don't think that his parents had the slightest clue about what was right for him. The most likely scenario here is that they frustrated him a lot by being insanely strict and never providing answers when he asked why they were so strict.
There's a huge difference between the party example and smaller things like Halo 3. You can actually explain a thing why you think dressing up like a hooker and getting drunk at a party is bad. Kids are sheep. When everyone else can do something, and they can't, they'll build frustration, and it will be even worse when the ban makes little sense. There's no reasoning behind banning a 17 year old to get violent (but not even gruesome) entertainment. Unless you know that he's sick, that is, but even then, letting him build frustration is really stupid, and you should get help for him instead. Also, parties don't happen all that often. Entertainment is a daily thing. That kid was reminding himself, daily, that his parents controlled every aspect of his life in a seemingly random manner.
And I obviously don't expect the entertainment strictness to be the only thing that they got wrong as parents. How many friends did they ban from his life? Would they let him choose his career?
Drinking leads to unacceptable behavior. Again, limiting its use is not the same as monitoring entertainment (which has no effect on reasonable people after a certain age).
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