A Suicide Letter....

I would like to thank the TC for posting this, because I doubt I would of stumbled across this on my own. There are not many times that I've done some serious thinking about life in general after reading a thread in OT and I thank you for that.

Blu_Falcon37

Hmm can't say I know the feeling, sorry for him. He didn't try to go to any counselling at all?

Espada12

[QUOTE="Blu_Falcon37"]

I would like to thank the TC for posting this, because I doubt I would of stumbled across this on my own. There are not many times that I've done some serious thinking about life in general after reading a thread in OT and I thank you for that.

Tauruslink

Yea, thanks.

If there was a medically safe procedure to cause intentional memory loss, I think that would be a better option than suicide. That letter was pretty sad, made me think about how I have such a good situation in life.

Sorry if I missed something, but exactly who was he raped by? Anyways very sad story and may he RIP.

Wow. Usually I'd say suicide was a coward's way out, but after reading the letter I feel he had the right to end his life. I just wonder what would have happened if he tried getting help. And this truly shows that people are mcuh, much worse off than you, so appreciate what you have.

That letter really brought me to tears. I just couldn't believe what happen to this guy.

As someone who was once suicidal and whose close friend has attempted suicide before, this was a really incredible read.

It is kind of frightening how much what he said reminds me of my depression, and I didn't experience anything CLOSE to the horrow of the abuse he went through.

I know exactly how he feels with his being removed from the world. I was that way for a good few years. From about the age of 14-20 I really just got caught up in my head. I have had serious trust and anxiety issues all my life, and the repeated bullying I experienced throughout school didn't help. Then when my dad went BACK to jail when I was 14 it kind of just pushed me over the edge. I am STILL trying to work my way around to dealing with the emotions. So much easier to hide than it is to face what you feel inside (I haven't said a word to him since he went in and I am 22 now).

The whole thing about the darkness is so true. Obviously his darkness was much worse, but I know to a degree exactly what he is talking about. I have randomly been brought to almost tears and wanted to kill myself out of nowhere at work. The reasoning has varied from me feeling I have no future (despite having gotten a pretty good job for my age and having every opportunity to go to college) to stupid regret for dumping the only girl I have ever dated.

Depression is completely illogical yet incredibly powerful and when it hits it just feels like the world is over. Nevermind how much opportunity you have. Things will never get better and you will always feel terrible, which in a way is somewhat true.

Where I think he did fail is to not completely understand the situation. Depression, anxiety, and trust issues don't go away. I have accepted this and realize that they will always be a part of me. The darkness does not leave, however it does fade. It CAN be controlled, granted it is freaking tough and relapses happen. I still go through bad spells every now and then where I just want to die.

He MIGHT have been able to live a pretty good life if he had been open about his problems and I can say this from experience. Had I not had someone to talk to about how I felt I am pretty sure I would have killed myself (granted I can't be COMPLETELY sure being that at certain points the only thing that kept me from killing myself was the responsibility I felt towards my my and now 6 year-old little sister). Talking about and keeping it from being your dirty little secret is key.

He should have screamed his problems at the top of his lungs. It feels so good not having to hide who you are. You would be surprised just how common mental illness is and how understanding people are (and quite frankly if someone can't accept you for being troubled they aren't worth a damn). I know opening up is hard. My mom STILL has NO IDEA I am even the least bit troubled. Even in the face of her talking about anxiety problems of her own (she takes freaking meds I found out) I couldn't get the courage up to tell her what I have dealt with.

I just hope that some people out there might be able to learn something from this letter. It really is a great look into the depressed mind and also a great example of how badly sexual abuse can screw someone up (and exactly why I feel rapists deserve nothing less than the death penalty). I also think it is a great example of just how easy it is to hide this sort of thing. I bet he is one who you could find laughing hysterically from time to time and you would never realized he felt so dead inside.

I feel for the guy and hope he can R.I.P.

Sorry if I missed something, but exactly who was he raped by? Anyways very sad story and may he RIP.

ferrari_102

That is terrible. I feel so sad for what he had to go through throughout his life.

wow, that's an intense letter. i guess if i was in his situation i might consider doing the same thing.

Wow, that letter is incredibly deep. I feel very sorry for him, he tried to get help, but he couldn't trust anyone, good lord, that letter is the definition of someone who is trapped and has no way out. Wow.

So sad. No one deserves to go though such a thing.

He shouldn't have taken his life though.

It was incredibly hard to read that. Very chilling. Shame on the people in this thread who are making light of this.

i feel for him but i think he could have gotten help. he was a progammer you say? could have afforded a shrink

zoraluv

I really shouldn't have read that in my current state......

But thank you very much for posting this.

I wonder if the man who violated him had himself been sexually abused as a child.

That's another truly depressing thought: That one grotesquely selfish act can echo throughout decades---or even centuries---leaving scars on one generation after another.

:x

My dad just walked out on me and my family tonight.. And this puts things into perspective for me. I feel better now, But I cant even express how sorry I feel for him. I don't know what to say other than he has greatly influenced my thoughts on suicide and life in general.

[QUOTE="-Big_Red-"][QUOTE="Jandurin"]glad i've never been raped or molested he's like dexterrolo107

So...he never made an effort to talk to anybody about the awful experience from his childhood, because he "knows it wouldn't help."

This is, of course, a logical contradiction. Such is the mind of a suicidal individual, despite all of the intellectual rhetoric in that letter.

i feel for him but i think he could have gotten help. he was a progammer you say? could have afforded a shrinkzoraluv

You may wonder why I didn't just talk to a professional about this. I've seen a number of doctors since I was a teenager to talk about other issues and I'm positive that another doctor would not have helped. I was never given one piece of actionable advice, ever. More than a few spent a large part of the session reading their notes to remember who I was. And I have no interest in talking about being raped as a child, both because I know it wouldn't help and because I have no confidence it would remain secret. I know the legal and practical limits of doctor/patient confidentiality, growing up in a house where we'd hear stories about the various mental illnesses of famous people, stories that were passed down through generations. All it takes is one doctor who thinks my story is interesting enough to share or a doctor who thinks it's her right or responsibility to contact the authorities and have me identify the molestor (justifying her decision by telling herself that someone else might be in danger). All it takes is a single doctor who violates my trust, just like the "friends" who I told I was gay did, and everything would be made public and I'd be forced to live in a world where people would know how ****ed up I am. And yes, I realize this indicates that I have severe trust issues, but they're based on a large number of experiences with people who have shown a profound disrepect for their word and the privacy of others.

So...he never made an effort to talk to anybody about the awful experience from his childhood, because he "knows it wouldn't help."

This is, of course, a logical contradiction. Such is the mind of a suicidal individual, despite all of the intellectual rhetoric in that letter.

Communistik

[QUOTE="Communistik"]

So...he never made an effort to talk to anybody about the awful experience from his childhood, because he "knows it wouldn't help."

This is, of course, a logical contradiction. Such is the mind of a suicidal individual, despite all of the intellectual rhetoric in that letter.

XilePrincess

There are many people who have suffered similar experiences and who do know what he feels like. Don't get me wrong. I feel sorry for the guy, and I hate to crash the pity party here, but his reasoning throughout the entire letter was essentially based on the premise of "nobody knows or understands, and nobody can know or understand." First, he had no way of knowing that nobody could know or understand, because he never told anyone. Second, the only reason he was correct in believing that nobody did know or understand was because he never told anyone.

He wrote the letter in an attempt to justify his actions to himself and explain to other people that he had exhausted all options apparent, when in fact he unwittingly admitted throughout the entirety of the letter that he had willfully chosen not to exhaust an option that might have helped him. Many people in this thread have already talked not about the horrors of sexual abuse, but about how their view of suicide has changed because of this letter, perhaps because of the communication skills of the author. My view has not changed. I don't want to give credence to an attempt at justifying suicide, which is what this letter appears to be in some sense. Suicide is a result of an ill and extremely irrational thought process. It is never justified, no matter how intelligent or analytical the suicidal person appears to be with regard to his situation. This man was, like all people who commit suicide, mentally deficient in a serious way. He was out of his mind, and logic went out the window, as you said. That should not be forgotten.

sad. religion could have helped him

sad. religion could have helped him

Harisemo

Here you are, sir. You will need it.

That's terrible. RIP.

But reading this article has made me feel twice as worried for a friend of mine, now.

sad. religion could have helped him

Harisemo

His first memories were of being raped repeatedly, no wonder it consumed him. I think it's incredible he got through his teenage years with something like that on his back. Hope he found some peace.

sad. religion could have helped him

Harisemo

[QUOTE="Harisemo"]

sad. religion could have helped him

Nude_Dude

ehh trolling? i seriously believe religion could have helped him

[QUOTE="Harisemo"]

sad. religion could have helped him

Nude_Dude

[QUOTE="Nude_Dude"][QUOTE="Harisemo"]

sad. religion could have helped him

jeremiah06

[QUOTE="BluRayHiDef"]

[QUOTE="zoraluv"]

my head is going to explode :(

i understand his situation and i'm the first to say "there's always hope" and i do think there copuld have been other ways but i do not personally know him. but this? i stopped reading after "if"

cybrcatter

Suicide is never the answer. Heck, if I were him, I would have gotten revenge. That would have set things straight.

I would like to understand how Blu some how thinks suicide is never the answer.. But MURDER is.. Blu your out of your element, you have no clue what your talking about.. Because you have neither been raped nor it seems you have known a rape victim let alone one that was a child, unable to defend them selves completely..

[QUOTE="jeremiah06"][QUOTE="Nude_Dude"] I think you need some better trolling skills, if you consider that trolling. Religion screwed his life up even more. Also, stories like these is why I never found pedobear to be funny. Nude_Dude

nope im not trolling at all. just saying maybe he should have given some time to the "crap" that was being shoved down his throat and maybe he should have tried other religions "crap" too.

[QUOTE="Nude_Dude"][QUOTE="jeremiah06"] Religion = trolling?Harisemo

nope im not trolling at all. just saying maybe he should have given some time to the "crap" that was being shoved down his throat and maybe he should have tried other religions "crap" too.

[QUOTE="Harisemo"]

[QUOTE="Nude_Dude"] Considering you have READ the letter and the passage of him talking about how his family treated him and tried to shove this "christianity-will-save-you" crap down his throat, yes he's trolling. Nude_Dude

nope im not trolling at all. just saying maybe he should have given some time to the "crap" that was being shoved down his throat and maybe he should have tried other religions "crap" too.

no need to be butthurt. if he was not willing to give religion a chance then thats his problem but i do believe it would have helped him.

[QUOTE="Nude_Dude"][QUOTE="Harisemo"]

sad. religion could have helped him

Harisemo

ehh trolling? i seriously believe religion could have helped him