couples living together before marriage, where do you stand?

It could very well be that religious people that AREN'T living together first HATE each other but won't get divorced due to beliefs that are skewing results whereas the one's living together first are more willing to get divorced in the first place. Basically, you have a completely uncontrollable sample and such studies are worthless.Jandurin

You really should read the articles first. They also show that people who don't live together first are more successful AND happier with their marriages.

I plan to live together with a future partner, yet I refuse to get married. What happens to me in this scenario?

T_P_O

You really should read the articles first. They also show that people who don't live together first are happier with their marriages.

Guybrush_3

[QUOTE="T_P_O"]

I plan to live together with a future partner, yet I refuse to get married. What happens to me in this scenario?

super_mario_128

I plan to live together with a future partner, yet I refuse to get married. What happens to me in this scenario?

[QUOTE="T_P_O"][QUOTE="super_mario_128"] You go to Hell. ;____;Jandurin

Yeah people definitely should live together before getting married. That's just common sense. I'd never marry someone I couldn't live with.

I don't think you should live like a Married Couple until You are in fact married. If they live together like Brother and Sister that's fine.

I don't think you should live like a Married Couple until You are in fact married. If they live together like Brother and Sister that's fine.

Snipes_2

[QUOTE="Snipes_2"]

I don't think you should live like a Married Couple until You are in fact married. If they live together like Brother and Sister that's fine.

Jandurin

my ex-friend lived with his girlfriend, she cheated on him twice and he forgave her ask her to marry him she said yes, then a couple of months later they broke up, so i'm against it

I don't think you should live like a Married Couple until You are in fact married. If they live together like Brother and Sister that's fine.

my ex-friend lived with his girlfriend, she cheated on him twice and he forgave her ask her to marry him she said yes, then a couple of months later they broke up, so i'm against it

Chris_Williams

Should be required before you're allowed to get married.Jandurin

This.

You learn so much more than you ever thought possible about the other person after living together for even a couple months.

[QUOTE="no_more_fayth"][QUOTE="Jandurin"]Should be required before you're allowed to get married.nocoolnamejim

I don't think you should live like a Married Couple until You are in fact married. If they live together like Brother and Sister that's fine.

Snipes_2

[QUOTE="Guybrush_3"]

(Science FTW)

Jandurin

(Science FTW)

[QUOTE="Snipes_2"]

I don't think you should live like a Married Couple until You are in fact married. If they live together like Brother and Sister that's fine.

Islandbeats

[QUOTE="Snipes_2"][QUOTE="Jandurin"] Marriage is unnatural.Jandurin

[QUOTE="Jandurin"][QUOTE="Snipes_2"] Errr...Ok?Snipes_2

[QUOTE="Snipes_2"][QUOTE="Jandurin"] Why are you stating it like it should be a default?Jandurin

It's fine by me. None of my business what other people do in the privacy of their home and if they're happy then more power to them.

I think it's better. People should know what it's like to live with each other before committing to a marriage.Bourbons3

I don't much plan on getting married, so if I'm going to be living with a girl, it'll be "before" marriage.

Absolutly totaly fine. How could someone have a problem with it?

why the **** WOULDN'T you do that? I mean sorry about your friends, but your friends getting an apartment together and breaking up because they can't stand living together is a good thing. What do you expect them to do, get married and go "oh crap, we can't stand living together, but oops, we're stuck together for life now, or are going to have to get an expensive divorce, lol" *wah wah wah sound effect*?. The worst outcome that can happen is that they break up, and if they can't stand living together anyway, I don't see what's so bad about that.XilePrincess

Did you ever consider that maybe many incompatible couples wouldn't have gotten married in the first place if they hadn't been living together first?

Ok, here's a question.

Who here has or knows someone who moved in together because they said they were madly in love, couldn't imagine being apart with their boyfriend/girlfriend, basically were playing house when they lived together thinking their lives are perfect, and in the end just broke everything off because they couldn't stand each other?

Did you ever consider that maybe many incompatible couples wouldn't have gotten married in the first place if they hadn't been living together first?

MrGeezer

Should be required before you're allowed to get married.Jandurin

Agreed.

I know I wouldn't wanna marry someone without first knowing what it's like to live with them.

I think it is a good idea, generally.

Personally I wouldn't mind either way. I think there are pros and cons for both living together before getting married, and not.

[QUOTE="MrGeezer"]

Did you ever consider that maybe many incompatible couples wouldn't have gotten married in the first place if they hadn't been living together first?

XilePrincess

Or you could test-drive cohabitation, and find out that there are advantages and perks to it, such as having someone else there to help out with the bills and the housework. After a few years of living together, you can just get accustomed to living together. You are staying together for the sake of convenience and familiarity. After a few years of this, some people just feel like at this point they're supposed to get married.

Whereas if they'd never bothered moving in together in the first place, they very well may have decided that they're wrong for each other, and broken up two years ago.

I have done it
You would think it would help the divorce rate, but the stats show otherwise (more likely to get divorced if you live together first)

I will be honest, it baffles me.
The only explanation I have is a religious one (less likely to live together first and less likely to get divorced for religious reasons)
-though I know many religious people that do both
-it could not possible explain the difference in numbers
...so I am 'stuck'

Perhaps it is due to the fact that those who live together first put less value on the institution of marriage…but who knows

rawsavon

[QUOTE="no_more_fayth"]

[QUOTE="Jandurin"]Should be required before you're allowed to get married.nocoolnamejim

I second this.

My stance is that its perfectly normal and reasonable.

It would be a horrible mistake not to. You should never commit to living with someone for the rest of your life if you don't know if you would be able to handle living with them. Darth-Caedus

I suspect that this attitude is also partly why "test-driven" marriages fail more often.

If you expect a few months/years of cohabitation to be indicative of what it's like to spend the rest of your life with that person, then you're in for a big disappointment once you actually do get married.

Or you could test-drive cohabitation, and find out that there are advantages and perks to it, such as having someone else there to help out with the bills and the housework. After a few years of living together, you can just get accustomed to living together. You are staying together for the sake of convenience and familiarity. After a few years of this, some people just feel like at this point they're supposed to get married.

Whereas if they'd never bothered moving in together in the first place, they very well may have decided that they're wrong for each other, and broken up two years ago.

MrGeezer

Why not? of your goona be with that special someone til' death then you should atleast know how both of them live tigether.

Sure why not? It give you the chance before marriage of seeing if you can live with your girl/boy friend for the rest of your life.

I have done it
You would think it would help the divorce rate, but the stats show otherwise (more likely to get divorced if you live together first)

I will be honest, it baffles me.
The only explanation I have is a religious one (less likely to live together first and less likely to get divorced for religious reasons)
-though I know many religious people that do both
-it could not possible explain the difference in numbers
...so I am 'stuck'

Perhaps it is due to the fact that those who live together first put less value on the institution of marriage…but who knows

rawsavon

I'm not saying spend your whole relationship living together, jumping into that before you're sure it's a solid, long term commitment isn't a good idea. And of course, not everybody who lives together does so because of familiarity or convenience, some actually enjoy it. I know a couple who have been living together since I was a little kid, and they're still not married, and I doubt ever will be. They don't need to be married to be content. I agree that some couples may stay together just because they live together, but that wasn't really my original point. My point was, that pre-engagement (a couple months before, when everything is solid and committed and long term, not at the start of the relationship), a couple should find out if they can deal with living together before getting married. That way, if they can't deal with each other's quirks, they can break it off and not have to tell people they called of an engagement or wedding or anything.XilePrincess

And see my reply to Darth-Caduedes.

The attitude that one needs to "test drive" cohabitation for a few months as a means of determining if the couple is compatible for the rest of their lives is sort of a flawed idea. That short test drive period likely isn't going to tell you much that you don't already know. Things change a lot over the course of a couple's lifespan. And if you have to do an actual test just to see if you can live with the person for a year, then there are probably already some big problems.

My point is more about the attitude of "I'll see if this relationship works", vs "I'm making a commitment to MAKE this relationship work." It's about the attilude of letting things happen, vs making things happen. That's the difference, and I'd wager that that plays a role here. If someone has to go through the effort of having a pretend-spouse in order to SEE if that person is compatable, then that's a pretty noncommittal and passive approach. And I'd wager that those people are going to be more likely to walk out on the marriage as soon as any real problems appear.

[QUOTE="rawsavon"]

I have done it
You would think it would help the divorce rate, but the stats show otherwise (more likely to get divorced if you live together first)

I will be honest, it baffles me.
The only explanation I have is a religious one (less likely to live together first and less likely to get divorced for religious reasons)
-though I know many religious people that do both
-it could not possible explain the difference in numbers
...so I am 'stuck'

Perhaps it is due to the fact that those who live together first put less value on the institution of marriage…but who knows

Teenaged

It was not asserted as one...
-why I used 'perhaps'

I am trying to come up with any explanation I can to explain the numbers (the stat that if you live together first you MORE likely to get divorced)

It's a good idea. Relationships change when you move in together, and it's better to find out if it will work out before you get married. If it doesn't, it's a lot easier to end the relationship without haing to go through fomral divorce proceedings.