How should I tell my Mom I'm an Atheist over lunch, OT?

So....I've set up a lunch with my mom and have already made it clear that I want to discuss religion with her. I plan on telling her for the first time that I'm an atheist. About a month or so ago over lunch she asked me if I was agnostic, which shocked me because I never told her anything of the such (must have been careless somewhere on fb with a post). She didn't seem too devestated about that, just a bit upset perhaps a little more. The only thing she said to me was "I think you think that God judges people, and he doesn't judge people". One of her colleagues that's above her in ranking walked into the resturaunt at that moment and sat at the table next to us, and they began to have a conversation. I didn't want to talk about such a thing around her colleague not knowing how he may react so the conversation ended there. So now I've decided to set up lunch again and I plan on telling her this time. How exactly should I construct this conversatin OT?

Oh and she's Christian btw, my whole family is and I'm 20 yrs old and going to college (which she pays for) if that's at all relevant.

Eat your food, have a nice conversation.

Then when it's over, and all your garbage is left say This is what I think of religion and then go throw it in the garbage

be open and upfront it is your MOTHER after all.

I am sure she will be upset but will understand

Why make it an event? It's not a big deal. If she ever asks, tell the truth. Simple as that. Go on with your life.

I don't see the point of going through the theatrics. It's not like you're announcing a baby or engagement...

Eat your food, have a nice conversation.

Then when it's over, and all your garbage is left say This is what I think of religion and then go throw it in the garbage

Colin1192

Hahahahaha
I don't see the need for the conversation in the first place.

Why make it an event? It's not a big deal. If she ever asks, tell the truth. Simple as that. Go on with your life.

I don't see the point of going through the theatrics. It's not like you're announcing a baby or engagement...

Blue-Sky

Did you try reading the scriptures and praying with faith, sincerity, and intent that these things are not true?wiifan001

Did you try reading the scriptures and praying with faith, sincerity, and intent that these things are not true?wiifan001

"So, how 'bout that God fella?

Pretty stupid, huh?"

[QUOTE="wiifan001"]Did you try reading the scriptures and praying with faith, sincerity, and intent that these things are not true?KeitekeTokage

Let me break it down. Did you read the scriptures? The Bible? Any other scriptures outside the Bible?

If so, did you pray to The Lord if the words of the Lord / The Bible (or other sciptures), with a sincere heart and with real intent, are not true?

She's your mom. I think her world would not be over when she finds out her son is an atheist. And your 20 so I think you can decide what you want or don't want to believe...Unless....she's super christian and would flip out. My friend told his mom that he's atheist and they are still happy as ever and he doesn't have to go to church on sunday.

Why are you making such a huge deal about it? Just drop it passing whenever the topic of God comes up during normal conversation, ideally when someone is telling you to do something with regards to religion.gameguy6700

Maybe you never really believed in the first place. Maybe you need to do some soul searching. One of those days, you're going to wonder why you exist, and I really don't think Atheism has the answer to this.hiphops_savior

Um..don't?

Seriously, you're making this sound like you're trying to come out of the closet or something.

Most people know that religion is crap anyway. I don't think she'll care.

Darkwanderer000

Cook her some spaghetti letters, then spell out 'I'm an atheist' when you pop the plate in front of her. Keep quiet and just let the spaghetti do the talking. Just don't be surprised if when you collect the plate it reads 'get out of my house', or - more poignantly - just the shape of a cross in tomato sauce

When you're finishing up, just kind of throw in a quick "Oh, mom btw God doesn't exist and I'm an athiest" then walk away and deal with it later.

I feel so sorry for people like this where telling your family you don't share their beliefs is akin to telling them you're a rapist or something dreadful that will tear tyhe family apart.

Then I think about it a little and I find it kind of funny. It's just religion, geez. If she's a mature, responsible, open minded adult then she'll understand, and if she's not then she has no right or place to judge and lecture you on your beliefs.

So....I've set up a lunch with my mom and have already made it clear that I want to discuss religion with her. I plan on telling her for the first time that I'm an atheist. About a month or so ago over lunch she asked me if I was agnostic, which shocked me because I never told her anything of the such (must have been careless somewhere on fb with a post). She didn't seem too devestated about that, just a bit upset perhaps a little more. The only thing she said to me was "I think you think that God judges people, and he doesn't judge people". One of her colleagues that's above her in ranking walked into the resturaunt at that moment and sat at the table next to us, and they began to have a conversation. I didn't want to talk about such a thing around her colleague not knowing how he may react so the conversation ended there. So now I've decided to set up lunch again and I plan on telling her this time. How exactly should I construct this conversatin OT?

Oh and she's Christian btw, my whole family is and I'm 20 yrs old and going to college (which she pays for) if that's at all relevant.

KeitekeTokage

Well...how do you think she'll react? Do you think she's gonna freak out and cut off your college money because you're an atheist? If so, then what the hell are you thinking by announcing that you're an atheist? If she's paying for your college education and your atheism is likely to stop the money, then suck it up for a few more years and pretend like you're a Christian. Hell...even if you're not comfortable lying, you still don't have to go out of your way to ANNOUNCE that you're an atheist.

Assuming that your mother isn't going to disown you and cut off your college money, then you're making too much of a big deal out of this. You're actually scheduling a date in order to announce that you're an atheist? Really?! That almost reeks of hubris, as if you think that being an atheist is such a huge ****ing deal. It isn't. If your mom isn't going to cut off the money because you're an atheist, then setting a date to announce that you're an atheist is sort of like setting a date to announce that you got a tattoo. Sure...your parents might disapprove. But if you don't think they care enough to cut you off financially, then making a big planned announcement is just sort of going too far in the opposite direction. Now it's not them forcing you to be a Christian, now it's you forcing them to deal with you being an atheist.

And...WHY even do that? Unless she specifically ASKED if you're an atheist, then you don't even have to mention it at all. If it's not a big enough concern for her to ask about it, then there's probably not any need to tell her. And if it is such a big deal that you have to formally plan how you're going to say it, then you're probably going overboard. If she cared THAT much, then she probably would have taken far more drastic measures when she suspected that you were an agnostic. If she didn't cut off your money (or only continue to give you money on the contingency that you would be a Christian), then she probably isn't gonna be too damn shocked when you tell her that you're an atheist. The thing is...YOU are sort of making a bigger deal out of it than she is.

[QUOTE="KeitekeTokage"]

So....I've set up a lunch with my mom and have already made it clear that I want to discuss religion with her. I plan on telling her for the first time that I'm an atheist. About a month or so ago over lunch she asked me if I was agnostic, which shocked me because I never told her anything of the such (must have been careless somewhere on fb with a post). She didn't seem too devestated about that, just a bit upset perhaps a little more. The only thing she said to me was "I think you think that God judges people, and he doesn't judge people". One of her colleagues that's above her in ranking walked into the resturaunt at that moment and sat at the table next to us, and they began to have a conversation. I didn't want to talk about such a thing around her colleague not knowing how he may react so the conversation ended there. So now I've decided to set up lunch again and I plan on telling her this time. How exactly should I construct this conversatin OT?

Oh and she's Christian btw, my whole family is and I'm 20 yrs old and going to college (which she pays for) if that's at all relevant.

MrGeezer

Well...how do you think she'll react? Do you think she's gonna freak out and cut off your college money because you're an atheist? If so, then what the hell are you thinking by announcing that you're an atheist? If she's paying for your college education and your atheism is likely to stop the money, then suck it up for a few more years and pretend like you're a Christian. Hell...even if you're not comfortable lying, you still don't have to go out of your way to ANNOUNCE that you're an atheist.

Assuming that your mother isn't going to disown you and cut off your college money, then you're making too much of a big deal out of this. You're actually scheduling a date in order to announce that you're an atheist? Really?! That almost reeks of hubris, as if you think that being an atheist is such a huge ****ing deal. It isn't. If your mom isn't going to cut off the money because you're an atheist, then setting a date to announce that you're an atheist is sort of like setting a date to announce that you got a tattoo. Sure...your parents might disapprove. But if you don't think they care enough to cut you off financially, then making a big planned announcement is just sort of going too far in the opposite direction. Now it's not them forcing you to be a Christian, now it's you forcing them to deal with you being an atheist.

And...WHY even do that? Unless she specifically ASKED if you're an atheist, then you don't even have to mention it at all. If it's not a big enough concern for her to ask about it, then there's probably not any need to tell her. And if it is such a big deal that you have to formally plan how you're going to say it, then you're probably going overboard. If she cared THAT much, then she probably would have taken far more drastic measures when she suspected that you were an agnostic. If she didn't cut off your money (or only continue to give you money on the contingency that you would be a Christian), then she probably isn't gonna be too damn shocked when you tell her that you're an atheist. The thing is...YOU are sort of making a bigger deal out of it than she is.

That's true. Maybe you should just leave a note on the fridge or something.

This is a big deal? Just tell her?

I'd understand how you'd feel bro, you're afraid she'll get disappointed and you don't want her to cuz she's your all loving Christian mom. I wouldn't want to disappoint either, I did things the easy way and just became a Christian, bam now I don't have to worry about stuff like this :P

I remember when my parents first learned that my brother and I were atheists. At the time they actually told us that we were just trying to be rebellious and different. A decade or so later, we're still atheists and have actually caused my mother to privately abandon her former religion. My impulsive and frankly irrational father is the only holdout in the family.

ok. im going to side with the rest of OT with this stuff. why are you making such a huge event out of it?

when i was 3 years old. THREE! i asked my dad "what religion are we" he responded "the religion of just being a good person". now if a 3 year old can talk relgion with their parents im sure a 20 year old should have no trouble with it. next time it comes up in convo just say youre atheist.

otherwise save the lunch for something better like getting engaged. or your having a baby or something, you know things that actually matter

Is this really that important TC? This will be the convo You: Mom...I'm atheist Mom: Thats nice son...MgamerBD

Why make it an event? It's not a big deal. If she ever asks, tell the truth. Simple as that. Go on with your life.

I don't see the point of going through the theatrics. It's not like you're announcing a baby or engagement...

Blue-Sky

This.

It's like a dude inviting his dad to dinner in order to announce that he's gay.

Dude invites dad to dinner for a big announcement, and all the dad gets is "hey dad, I'm gay deal with it".

Dad is then like, "WTF? You brought me out here to tell me THAT? You had to make a big theatrical production just in order to tell me something that I was already about 90% sure about? I already suspected that you were gay for a LONG time, and I became even more sure after I tried to give you advice on how to be more popular with women and then you simply used that advice to bring home attractive men. You making a big theatrical production to announce that you're gay is like me making a big theatrical production to tell you that the sky is blue. I'm frankly insulted that you had to even make such a big deal out of this, instead of just caually telling me when the topic came up in casual discussion. I live with you for 20 years, boy...you think I didn't suspect as much? Do you think I'm so stupid that I didn't pick up the hints after living with you for 20 years? If you're worried about me cutting off the money, then don't be silly. If I was gonna disown you because you're gay then I probably would have taken MUCH more extreme measures to turn you straight during the entire time when I suspected that you MIGHT be gay You're making this out to be a big deal a hell of a lot more than I ever did. I'm not a total ****ing idiot, of course I always suspected that you might be gay I didn't make a huge production out of it then, I didn't cut off your money then, and I didn't give you ultimatums then. So why are you making a huge deal about this, as if you being gay is some huge revelation to me? What, do you think that I'm stupid?"

Again...not all parents are like that. Some parents absolutely WILL cut you off if you don't follow their religion. But...your mom was a Christian and apparently didn't cut you off/force ultimatms/try to convert you to Christianity when she found out/suspected that you were agnostic, so I think that she's PROBABLY going to accept and love you when she finds out that you're an atheist.

Hell...she's probably not stupid, and she probably already suspects as much. She might not approve. But if she was going to cut you off for that, then she probably would've acted alot more extreme long before now. So...no reason to add insult to injury, and make a huge ****ing production out of your atheism, as if she couldn't sort of tell. That's not only telling her that you're doing something that she disapproves of, that's formally making a huge deal out of it and implying that she was so stupid as to not really be able to tell.

[QUOTE="MgamerBD"]Is this really that important TC? This will be the convo You: Mom...I'm atheist Mom: Thats nice son...Wilfred_Owen

I think her anger would probably manifest itself in motherly ways, perhaps a baked cake with an effergy of her son placed atop a bed of red icing representing the firey depths of hell - summat like that. Or maybe just the icecream who knows. I think my mother would serve me chocolate fingers arranged in the sign of a pentogram.

The same way I told my mum that I'm gay Subtly so she slowly figures it out for her self which eases the shock.

Inform her at the outset of the meal that you've got something important to tell her later.

While you're eating and her mind is still boggling, hold your fork limply, repeatedly enthuse that the meal is 'exquisite' or 'divine', raise your voice an octave at unexpected moments and give her a playful slap on the arm from time to time. After you've built up the suspense for an hour or two, look her firmly in the eye and say "I knew this was never going to be easy, but the time has come, and I can't live a lie anymore. Mum,.... I'm an atheist." Then down your coffee and pick up the bill.

The relief will be palpable.

[QUOTE="hiphops_savior"]Maybe you never really believed in the first place. Maybe you need to do some soul searching. One of those days, you're going to wonder why you exist, and I really don't think Atheism has the answer to this.wis3boi

You can't live your life without someone telling you why you exist?

So being an atheist is like the cool thing to do now a days eh?Bloodseeker23

Maybe you never really believed in the first place. Maybe you need to do some soul searching. One of those days, you're going to wonder why you exist, and I really don't think Atheism has the answer to this.hiphops_savior

[QUOTE="MgamerBD"]Is this really that important TC? This will be the convo You: Mom...I'm atheist Mom: Thats nice son...Wilfred_Owen

[QUOTE="Wilfred_Owen"][QUOTE="MgamerBD"]Is this really that important TC? This will be the convo You: Mom...I'm atheist Mom: Thats nice son...MgamerBD

I hope that is sarcasm.MgamerBD