Post ur best jokes here!

What is the difference between the real jesus and a picture of jesus?

It only takes one nail to hang the picture of jesus.

What is the difference between the real jesus and a picture of jesus?

It only takes one nail to hang the picture of jesus.

Batman_Begins

I got a better one.

Why does Jesus not like hockey?

He was sick of getting nailed into the boards.

What is the difference between the real jesus and a picture of jesus?

It only takes one nail to hang the picture of jesus.

Batman_Begins

[QUOTE="Batman_Begins"]

What is the difference between the real jesus and a picture of jesus?

It only takes one nail to hang the picture of jesus.

Fortier

I got a better one.

Why does Jesus not like hockey?

He was sick of getting nailed into the boards.

Nice!  People wince a little when I tell that joke but laugh after.

This ones a blonde joke...

3 moms are sitting on a couch together talking about their daughters, a redhead, a brunette, and a blonde. The Redhead starts by saying to the other three, "I found a pack of cigarettes in my daughters closet, and I didn't even know she smoked!" The Brunette says, "Well I found a pack of beer in my daughters closet and I didn't even know she drank!" The blonde says to the others, "Well that's nothing, I found a pack of condoms in my daughters closet and I didn't even know she had a penis!"

This is a good one but a long one, I also tried to clean it up as best as i could, the original version uses rather more colorful language.

So these two guys are out golfing and this third guy comes over and asks if he could join them because his buddy didn't show up. So they say ok. So they play golf for a while and get to know each other. So one of the guys asks the new guy what he does for a living. The new guys says "Im a hitman"

"Really?" the two guys asked obviously surprised. "

"Yeah, in fact i got my sniper rifle right here if you wanna see it." So he pulls it out and shows the other two guys.

 One of the guys takes the rifle and aims through it just to see what its like. So he aims it at his house, which isn't to far away, and looks through his bedroom window and sees his wife doing his neighbor. He gets pissed off and asks the hitman "Hey buddy, you want a job righ this second?"

"Sure" the hitman replies.

"You see that window and that house overthere? Thats my house and you can see my wife cheating on me with my next door neighbor through that window. I want you to shoot my wife in the mouth because she always tells me lies and my neighbor... well hes a nice guy, i dont wanna kill him so just shoot him in the ****(male reproductive organ) to make him suffer."

"Ok, i agree but i have to tell you that each shot is gonna cost $1000." The hitman takes his rifle and starts aiming. He stands there for quite a while. Finally the angry husband asks "Common, whats taking you so long?!!" The hitman replies " Just be patient, im trying to save you a thousand bucks here."

Custodian405

:lol: best one so far

Three men who were lost in the forest were captured by cannibals. The cannibal king told the prisoners that they could live if they pass a trial. The first step of the trial was to go to the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So all three men went separate ways to gather fruits. The first one came back and said to the king, "I brought ten apples." The king then explained the trial to him. "You have to shove the fruits up your butt without any expression on your face or you'll be eaten." The first apple went in... but on the second one he winced out in pain, so he was killed. The second one arrived and showed the king ten berries. When the king explained the trial to him he thought to himself that this should be easy. 1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8... and on the ninth berry he burst out in laughter and was killed. The first guy and the second guy met in heaven. The first one asked, "Why did you laugh, you almost got away with it?" The second one replied, "I couldn't help it, I saw the third guy coming with pineapples." LA_lakers_4life

[QUOTE="Chuman231"]lets see some more side splitting jokes!xArKKAAaEX

Old, but I'm gonna tell it anyway

 

 Two muffins are sittin in an oven, one muffin says to the other, "Man! it's hot in here!"  The other replies, "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!! A TALKING MUFFIN!"

superbradleyo77

Ok, this one maybe cutting the thin red line a little close but just like the last one its damn funny and i edited it as best as i could. A new state of the art hospital opens in London, Engalnd and the Queen her self is invited to take a tour of the facility. So, there she is walking around the hospital with all these top doctors and surgeons. They walk down a halway and the Queen looks into one of the rooms and shreiks in hooror when she sees a man sitting on a bed with a porno mag "spanking the monkey". The doctors let her calm down and tell her that this man is sick with a very rare illness and that if he doesn't do what he is doing at least 10 times a day he will die. So the tour continues and they walk past another room and this time the Queen almost faints because she sees a nurse on her knees giving a *******(use you imagination here) to a man. When the Queen finally feels better one of the doctors says "Same problem, better health plan" Custodian405

What is the difference between the real jesus and a picture of jesus?

It only takes one nail to hang the picture of jesus.

Batman_Begins

Blonde: I'll have a cheese burger and fries please:

Lady: This is the Library!

Blond: Whisper*I'll have a cheese burger and fries please*Whisper

Why did the jews wander in the desert for 40 years?

 Someone dropped a quarter.

What did the jew father say when his son asked him for twenty dollars?

"Fifteen dollars? What do you need ten dollars for?"

How many Dragon ball Z characters does ittake to screw in a lightbulb?

Just one, but it takes 3 episodes.

How many Dragon ball Z characters does ittake to screw in a lightbulb?

Just one, but it takes 3 episodes.

Fortier

[QUOTE="Fortier"]

How many Dragon ball Z characters does ittake to screw in a lightbulb?

Just one, but it takes 3 episodes.

Custodian405

[QUOTE="badaboom187"][QUOTE="xArKKAAaEX"]how come black people only have nightmares?
Because we killed the only one who had a dream.
Jagg3d

Whats the difference between snowmen and snowomen?

snowballs!
Chuman231

[QUOTE="aeminjnb2006"][QUOTE="LA_lakers_4life"]Three men who were lost in the forest were captured by cannibals. The cannibal king told the prisoners that they could live if they pass a trial. The first step of the trial was to go to the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So all three men went separate ways to gather fruits. The first one came back and said to the king, "I brought ten apples." The king then explained the trial to him. "You have to shove the fruits up your butt without any expression on your face or you'll be eaten." The first apple went in... but on the second one he winced out in pain, so he was killed. The second one arrived and showed the king ten berries. When the king explained the trial to him he thought to himself that this should be easy. 1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8... and on the ninth berry he burst out in laughter and was killed. The first guy and the second guy met in heaven. The first one asked, "Why did you laugh, you almost got away with it?" The second one replied, "I couldn't help it, I saw the third guy coming with pineapples." djzootie

Lol thats a good one

[QUOTE="Custodian405"][QUOTE="Fortier"]

How many Dragon ball Z characters does ittake to screw in a lightbulb?

Just one, but it takes 3 episodes.

lone_wolf911

Agreed :lol: