Should i tell my friend to press charges because of an std?

This is a serious topic no nonsense no messing around. So i have a friend who lives in long island ny, i live in nyc myself. This did not happen recently but rather awhile ago. She's 19 right now and i'm 20. about 8 monthes ago she had unprotected intercourse with her ex in her ex's car. She has not had unprotected intercourse with anyone else. I won't lie i did kiss her on the lips a few times but that's all however i'm clean. She's telling me she is depressed she wants to suicide she cries sometimes at nights. She is a sweet good hearted quiet girl i love her. She told me she did sleep with 2 other guys but never unprotected. Furthermore, she doesn't want to tell her mother. I want to tell her mother myself and i want to solve this. I really honestly hate the guy who gave this to her. There's a small chance it wasn't her ex but i think 95% it is him because after she had unprotected intercourse with him she saw herpes symptoms in 4 days. She told me she spoke with her ex and her ex basically just denies it. Her and i were never boy friend/girl friend, we're just good friends. We live in new york i don't know what the ny laws are but can she file charges with the cops and prosecute the ex criminally possibly sending him to prison? by the way im making this thread right now cause i'm a little concerned with my health myselfi may have an ulcer in my stomach but thats a different story. So please give me some advice about what should be done, thanks in advance

umm no. he didnt force her...she was an adult who was aware of protection and you have no business telling her mother or other family members. its her health issue. All you can do is support her and help her get treatment. You need to get tested as well.

umm no. he didnt force her...she was an adult who was aware of protectionweezyfb

If the guy knows he had it then yes she can press charges. Other than that nothing she can do really.

[QUOTE="weezyfb"]umm no. he didnt force her...she was an adult who was aware of protectionShadowhawk000

i don't know if it was forced or not cause i wasn't there but she told me that first she said no, the guy pushed her to do it, and she said no about 3,4 times.

[QUOTE="Shadowhawk000"][QUOTE="weezyfb"]umm no. he didnt force her...she was an adult who was aware of protectionLegitGamer3212

i don't know if it was forced or not cause i wasn't there but she told me that first she said no, the guy pushed her to do it, and she said no about 3,4 times.

Can she prove it? His word against hers.

[QUOTE="Shadowhawk000"][QUOTE="weezyfb"]umm no. he didnt force her...she was an adult who was aware of protectionLegitGamer3212

i don't know if it was forced or not cause i wasn't there but she told me that first she said no, the guy pushed her to do it, and she said no about 3,4 times.

umm no. he didnt force her...she was an adult who was aware of protection and you have no business telling her mother or other family members. its her health issue. All you can do is support her and help her get treatment. You need to get tested as well.

weezyfb

Exactly. ^

Don't act like your friend is just an innocent victim, if she had consentual UNPROTECTED sex, she's at fault, too.

[QUOTE="weezyfb"]

umm no. he didnt force her...she was an adult who was aware of protection and you have no business telling her mother or other family members. its her health issue. All you can do is support her and help her get treatment. You need to get tested as well.

black_cat19

Exactly. ^

Don't act like your friend is just an innocent victim, if she had consentual UNPROTECTED sex, she's at fault, too.

[QUOTE="Shadowhawk000"][QUOTE="weezyfb"]umm no. he didnt force her...she was an adult who was aware of protectionLegitGamer3212

i don't know if it was forced or not cause i wasn't there but she told me that first she said no, the guy pushed her to do it, and she said no about 3,4 times.

That doesn't prove anything other than she might have been reluctant at first but agreed to it in the end, that statement alone could not be construed as rape by any stretch of the imagination.

That's a very light case to work on. Not really any evidence, and the sex (I'm assuming) was consesual. No offense to you or your friend but having unprotected sex is really just a bad judgment call, and that's probably how the court will see it too.

[QUOTE="black_cat19"]

[QUOTE="weezyfb"]

umm no. he didnt force her...she was an adult who was aware of protection and you have no business telling her mother or other family members. its her health issue. All you can do is support her and help her get treatment. You need to get tested as well.

tester962

Exactly. ^

Don't act like your friend is just an innocent victim, if she had consentual UNPROTECTED sex, she's at fault, too.

it's better to tell a grown up then to just keep it to yourself. She's the really quiet really nice type of girl. I'd rather tell someone and hopefully have something done then to just let it slide and pretend nothing happened. This is really serious she has cried to me on the phone, she thought about suicide.

[QUOTE="weezyfb"]

umm no. he didnt force her...she was an adult who was aware of protection and you have no business telling her mother or other family members. its her health issue. All you can do is support her and help her get treatment. You need to get tested as well.

black_cat19

Exactly. ^

Don't act like your friend is just an innocent victim, if she had consentual UNPROTECTED sex, she's at fault, too.

what about those cases where if someone knows they have hiv/aids and has intercourse with someone spreading it, it's a felony.

[QUOTE="tester962"][QUOTE="black_cat19"]

Exactly. ^

Don't act like your friend is just an innocent victim, if she had consentual UNPROTECTED sex, she's at fault, too.

LegitGamer3212

it's better to tell a grown up then to just keep it to yourself. She's the really quiet really nice type of girl. I'd rather tell someone and hopefully have something done then to just let it slide and pretend nothing happened. This is really serious she has cried to me on the phone, she thought about suicide.

I'd listen to tester if I were you. It's not about pretending nothing happened, no one said that, it's just about letting her come out to her parents on her own time, when she's ready. It really seems quite disrespectful and a blatant violation of her trust to just go around telling people about your friend's std (even her mother), and I have a feeling she will hate you for it if you do.

[QUOTE="LegitGamer3212"]

[QUOTE="tester962"] Wow I can not believe I missed the part where he said he wants to tell her mother. If you go behind her back and tell her mom before she is able to she will hate you. I don't know your relationship but I am telling you from having experience in a near identical situation a few years ago. Telling anyone about her STD is completely disrespecting her and violating any trust you 2 have. If you violate that you will have alot of hate coming your way especially dealing with something so sensitive. It is very messed up of you to even consider to go around her back and tell her mom. Where do you think you have the right to tell her own family about her STD. It has nothing to do with you. That really pisses me off that you would think to do that... bleh im done. Personal experience really got me heated about that sorry for going offblack_cat19

it's better to tell a grown up then to just keep it to yourself. She's the really quiet really nice type of girl. I'd rather tell someone and hopefully have something done then to just let it slide and pretend nothing happened. This is really serious she has cried to me on the phone, she thought about suicide.

I'd listen to tester if I were you. It's not about pretending nothing happened, no one said that, it's just about letting her come out to her parents on her own time, when she's ready. It really seems quite disrespectful and a blatant violation of her trust to just go around telling people about your friend's std (even her mother), and I have a feeling she will hate you for it if you do.

you cant do anything to him. rather than holding a grudge on the guy, try and cure the girl, its only herpes.GazaAli

[QUOTE="black_cat19"]

[QUOTE="weezyfb"]

umm no. he didnt force her...she was an adult who was aware of protection and you have no business telling her mother or other family members. its her health issue. All you can do is support her and help her get treatment. You need to get tested as well.

LegitGamer3212

Exactly. ^

Don't act like your friend is just an innocent victim, if she had consentual UNPROTECTED sex, she's at fault, too.

what about those cases where if someone knows they have hiv/aids and has intercourse with someone spreading it, it's a felony.

Maybe, but she's still at fault for having unprotected sex, and it just might be the case that the guy didn't know he had it at that point, either, which would be a rock-solid defense after such a long time if he said that.

[QUOTE="black_cat19"]

[QUOTE="weezyfb"]

umm no. he didnt force her...she was an adult who was aware of protection and you have no business telling her mother or other family members. its her health issue. All you can do is support her and help her get treatment. You need to get tested as well.

LegitGamer3212

Exactly. ^

Don't act like your friend is just an innocent victim, if she had consentual UNPROTECTED sex, she's at fault, too.

what about those cases where if someone knows they have hiv/aids and has intercourse with someone spreading it, it's a felony.

Those are still small iffy cases

-you would have to prove he knew of his std and planned on giving it to her

- that she got it from him( which is difficult in of itself unless he had a mega new strain which is doubtful)...she has been sexually active and not told the other guys after she got the std so her character can be challenged as she is doing what he did to her..even with protection.

- and a bunch of other things( check your state law)

You said there is a chance she hasnt told you everything....she may have gotten it elsewhere.

i say try but it wont get rid of the std and she has almost no case as well. Plus what a yr has gone by?

When someone's talking about suicide, that's when you go behind his/her back and talk to their parents. I would if these suicide threats sound serious.TheDonFanucci

Yeah, you do have a point there... Depends on how well he knows her, then.

Condoms don't protect too well against herpes. F1_2004

True that.

[QUOTE="GazaAli"]you cant do anything to him. rather than holding a grudge on the guy, try and cure the girl, its only herpes.F1_2004

[QUOTE="F1_2004"][QUOTE="GazaAli"]you cant do anything to him. rather than holding a grudge on the guy, try and cure the girl, its only herpes.jimmyjammer69

[QUOTE="Shadowhawk000"][QUOTE="weezyfb"]umm no. he didnt force her...she was an adult who was aware of protectionLegitGamer3212

i don't know if it was forced or not cause i wasn't there but she told me that first she said no, the guy pushed her to do it, and she said no about 3,4 times.

sometimes, NO means YES

Those are still small iffy cases

-you would have to prove he knew of his std and planned on giving it to her

- that she got it from him( which is difficult in of itself unless he had a mega new strain which is doubtful)...she has been sexually active and not told the other guys after she got the std so her character can be challenged as she is doing what he did to her..even with protection.

- and a bunch of other things( check your state law)

You said there is a chance she hasnt told you everything....she may have gotten it elsewhere.

i say try but it wont get rid of the std and she has almost no case as well. Plus what a yr has gone by?

weezyfb

I'm being very serious here, don't even bother with a lawsuit on this one. I'm not trying to be insensitive, but realistically you don't have any evidence to prove that this guy knowingly gave your friend an STD. Even if you did prove the case, I hate to break it to you, but the court is probably not going to feel that much sympathy for your friend. At this point in time everyone is pretty educated about STDs and how they can be transmitted and practicing safe sex is something that is basically brain washed into people. A judge would look at this as a lack of judgment. Pursuing a legal case against this guy would be a big waste of time and money, and it's just not worth it.

That suicide issue is really the most concerning thing hear, not herpes.

[QUOTE="LegitGamer3212"]

[QUOTE="Shadowhawk000"] This.. Unless it was forced nothing really much she can do.._R34LiTY_

i don't know if it was forced or not cause i wasn't there but she told me that first she said no, the guy pushed her to do it, and she said no about 3,4 times.

sometimes, NO means YES

Wait... I'm reading this right am i? A lawsuit for Herpes? She wanna kill herself because she had unprotected sex with her ex and got herpes?

Facepalm picture anyone please.

If you are telling us she got raped, then she should charge for being raped, not getting a very common std that is practically almost harmless. It's not exactly life threatening you know.

[QUOTE="jimmyjammer69"][QUOTE="F1_2004"] lol, time for a biology lesson: there's no cure for herpes. Anyways, the chick really had it coming if she slept with that many dudes that close together that she can't tell who she got it from. Maybe she should stop before she racks up a list of STDs. Condoms don't protect too well against herpes. F1_2004

[QUOTE="F1_2004"][QUOTE="GazaAli"]you cant do anything to him. rather than holding a grudge on the guy, try and cure the girl, its only herpes.jimmyjammer69

Sounds to me like her promiscuity is symptomatic of a much larger underlying problem which is what's causing her to consider suicide.

For some reason I don't trust your friends story

[QUOTE="Shadowhawk000"][QUOTE="weezyfb"]umm no. he didnt force her...she was an adult who was aware of protectionLegitGamer3212

i don't know if it was forced or not cause i wasn't there but she told me that first she said no, the guy pushed her to do it, and she said no about 3,4 times.

The law should not be manipulated to use for revenge. If he broke no laws then you can do nothing. The law isn't to be used for personal revenge.

All this over herpes? Herpes is treatable (but not curable I don't think). At first I thought you were talking about "The Monster" (HIV)

wow, since when did herpes become something everyone just shrugs their shoulders over?bebop013

You do realize that approximately 80% of the US population has contracted some form of the Herpes virus, right? (Herpes Simplex aka HSV-1) That's what causes cold sores. In fact, a lot of people don't even show the symptoms and those that do, they get less frequent with time. It's hardly the life shattering type of thing his friend is making it out to be. Chances are you probably have some form of herpes.

P.S. My 80% remark wasn't just some made up internet statistic. I read it in a Med-Journal. Gimme a sec to get a link, shouldn't be too hard...Here found one. Not where I read it, but the link supports my claim nonetheless. CLICK ME

Yes, tell her to go for the death sentence... Sweet zombie Jesus.. This world.

ahahahahahahahah your 95% sure??? havnt u ever watched the Maury show ahahahahahhaah

[QUOTE="bebop013"]wow, since when did herpes become something everyone just shrugs their shoulders over?II_Seraphim_II

You do realize that approximately 80% of the US population has contracted some form of the Herpes virus, right? (Herpes Simplex aka HSV-1) That's what causes cold sores. In fact, a lot of people don't even show the symptoms and those that do, they get less frequent with time. It's hardly the life shattering type of thing his friend is making it out to be. Chances are you probably have some form of herpes.

P.S. My 80% remark wasn't just some made up internet statistic. I read it in a Med-Journal. Gimme a sec to get a link, shouldn't be too hard...Here found one. Not where I read it, but the link supports my claim nonetheless. CLICK ME

i do know that, but that statistic is flawed by the cold sore form of herpes, i'm talking about HERPES herpes, as in STDs

Firstly, i dont think you friend is giving you the true story. Much like most womens oppinions, they normally are biased and twisted (no offense to any girls here :P)

2ndly, she was fully aware of doing it in her "ex's" car. Unless he raped her and beat the living daylights out of her and has scars to prove it, you dont have a case. You can try, but you will be alot less richer when you actually lose the court case.

Im no expert in herpes or STD and lack alot of knowledge about it but a doctor maybe able to presribe something?

Ill be more concerned about her way of thinking (suicidal?), there are more people out there who have gone through alot worse and still breathing happily. Maybe she requires a good time (excluding sex) to show her lifes not all bad.

Also, telling her parents? a big fat no no.

[QUOTE="II_Seraphim_II"]

[QUOTE="bebop013"]wow, since when did herpes become something everyone just shrugs their shoulders over?bebop013

You do realize that approximately 80% of the US population has contracted some form of the Herpes virus, right? (Herpes Simplex aka HSV-1) That's what causes cold sores. In fact, a lot of people don't even show the symptoms and those that do, they get less frequent with time. It's hardly the life shattering type of thing his friend is making it out to be. Chances are you probably have some form of herpes.

P.S. My 80% remark wasn't just some made up internet statistic. I read it in a Med-Journal. Gimme a sec to get a link, shouldn't be too hard...Here found one. Not where I read it, but the link supports my claim nonetheless. CLICK ME

i do know that, but that statistic is flawed by the cold sore form of herpes, i'm talking about HERPES herpes, as in STDs

[QUOTE="_R34LiTY_"]

[QUOTE="LegitGamer3212"]

i don't know if it was forced or not cause i wasn't there but she told me that first she said no, the guy pushed her to do it, and she said no about 3,4 times.

F1_2004

sometimes, NO means YES

But it's true isn't it?

Sometimes a girl likes to play the role because it's that much more of a turn on for them, and for guys like me who take NO as a challenge, it's more fun to seduce the woman.

Of course tho you should be able to tell when NO does mean NO

This is a serious topic no nonsense no messing around. So i have a friend who lives in long island ny, i live in nyc myself. This did not happen recently but rather awhile ago. She's 19 right now and i'm 20. about 8 monthes ago she had unprotected intercourse with her ex in her ex's car. She has not had unprotected intercourse with anyone else. I won't lie i did kiss her on the lips a few times but that's all however i'm clean. She's telling me she is depressed she wants to suicide she cries sometimes at nights. She is a sweet good hearted quiet girl i love her. She told me she did sleep with 2 other guys but never unprotected. Furthermore, she doesn't want to tell her mother. I want to tell her mother myself and i want to solve this. I really honestly hate the guy who gave this to her. There's a small chance it wasn't her ex but i think 95% it is him because after she had unprotected intercourse with him she saw herpes symptoms in 4 days. She told me she spoke with her ex and her ex basically just denies it. Her and i were never boy friend/girl friend, we're just good friends. We live in new york i don't know what the ny laws are but can she file charges with the cops and prosecute the ex criminally possibly sending him to prison? by the way im making this thread right now cause i'm a little concerned with my health myselfi may have an ulcer in my stomach but thats a different story. So please give me some advice about what should be done, thanks in advance

LegitGamer3212

That's what happens when you do things like that...when will people learn...

And on what grounds could she press charges?..

She had sex with a guy who's been sleeping around...she consented and all so...?

In fact, you know..she shouldn't have been sleeping around either...

-500 faith in humanity...-_-..

Going purely off of my knowledge of British criminal law. As set out by R v Dica, you can commit a criminal offence even if the intercourse was consensual if you do not tell the girl you have an STD. If she knew about it and still consented, then no crime. Though this is mainly GBH cases, things like HIV and Hepatitis, it'd be a stretch to prosecute for a herpes infection.

As for NY laws, look it up on google. You shouldn't try and press charges without knowing the law that you think has been broken.